Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

And once again, this is SATIRE for our slower readers and any lawyers reading (note to the lawyers: we added you to our spam filter, so we won't be getting any more of your e-mail - it goes straight to the garbage):

SATIRE: tends to invent a fictitious situation (though possibly with elements that actually occurred) for the purpose of ridiculing someone or even some idea. (note: this was posted Friday morning aroud 0745 hours - but we wanted to keep the "We're Getting Sued?" post up top)

The Mayor Wants a Present

From the Tribune:

• A memorandum sent out last month on city stationery asks department heads and senior staffers to give a "$35 voluntary donation (no checks please)" toward a gift for the mayor and his wife, Maggie.
• When the Tribune asked what the present would be, mayoral spokeswoman Jodi Kawada revealed Wednesday that a $2,300 charitable donation will be made in the Daleys' names. The money will go to After School Matters, a program overseen by Maggie Daley that offers activities for city teenagers.

John Kass of the Tribune speculates that the money for the gift was hastily re-directed when the story hit:

• Once they called City Hall, I figure there was much desperate damage control and scrambling. It turns out Daley's people won't buy him a toy but will donate the cash to charity in Daley's name instead.
  
  How wimpy has City Hall become? If it weren't for Lighty and Cohen, Daley surely would receive a special toy, like he did last year and the year before. Now he'll be in a foul mood and toyless.

Kass doesn't speculate on it, but we will - if the donation of $2,300 in cash is made in the Daley's name, do they take the tax write off on it?

And what's with the "cash - no checks" thing? Does anyone else get the idea that someone somewhere is skimming something off the top? $2,300 divided by the $35 suggested donation works out to about 65.71 people. Surely there are more than 65.71 people who owe their jobs to the 5th floor?

Law? What Law?

This is just hubris - arrogance gone wild. From the Sun Times:

• City Hall has raked in more than $200,000 in fines from trucking companies over the last five months by having compliance officers in the Department of Consumer Services pull over trucks that appear to be overweight.
• Civilian compliance officers have no authority to make traffic stops using city vans with yellow lights, according to Tom Stellman, president of Geneva-based Catom Trucking, and retired Master Sgt. Charlie Hamilton, a former State Police official specializing in truck enforcement.
• The Illinois Vehicle Code talks about failure to yield or stop for "authorized police vehicles" and requires them to be marked with blue lights, Hamilton said. Consumer Services vans with yellow lights do not fit that description, he said.

Once again, a police function being carried out by civilians. First of all, this is a violation of State Statute - a rather LARGE violation. It certainly looks like someone from City Hall decided to get cute with compliance violations and tried to get away with what they could until they got caught at it. Secondly, this would appear to be a violation along the lines of the recent grievance won by the FOP when the City attempted to "civilianize" the security around Soldier Field for large events.

It is this type of arrogance coming out of City Hall that led the administration to thinking they could tear up runways in the dead of night just because they thought they could get away with it. That decision cost a half a million dollar fine, the return of millions in Federal grant money and untold lawyers fees - all paid for by the taxpayers.

"Merit" Overhaul

Excuse us while we laugh out loud here. Hahahahaha. From the Sun Times:

• "Complainants allege that some individuals are promoted -- not based on ability, but due to their relationship with the superintendent's office, the mayor or an alderman. One retired commander reported that he received phone calls from an alderman requesting that he nominate someone for a merit promotion," Brennan wrote in her annual report to the federal judge who appointed her.
• Chief of staff Ron Huberman embraced Brennan's recommendations on merit promotions after outlining the many changes City Hall has already made to reform its scandal-scarred hiring system.

Someone forgot to list "certain fraternal organizations" alongside the Supe, mayor and aldercreatures. As pointed out in our comment sections, every reader can point out half a dozen examples of "merit" being based solely on who you know.

Either everyone has been scared into silence by this administration or Brennan is out of her depth - she only has ONE retired commander on the record? We guess every other retired commander is worried that they were unqualified for the positions they held and won't rock the boat.

A Message That Needs Airing

Bill Cosby came to town. And he said a lot of things.

• in the Sun Times: Entertainer Bill Cosby, who has sparked controversy for biting public remarks about blacks and parenting, delivered a strong charge to parents Wednesday: Step up. "It's not the schools. It's not the streets. It's not even the church," said Cosby, speaking at a conference hosted by Chicago Public Schools. "You've got to build confidence in your child in your home."
• on the Channel 5 website: "These are people going around stealing Coca Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake. Then we all run out and are outraged, 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand? I wanted a piece of pound cake just as bad as anybody else, and I looked at it and I had no money. And something called parenting said, 'If you get caught with it you're going to embarrass your mother.' Not: 'You're going to get your butt kicked.' No. 'You're going to embarrass your mother."
• On the Channel 7 website: During his speech, Cosby challenged adults to take responsibility for the lives of their children. "But, as a parent, you have to understand, I know what I'm doing, I'm in charge," said Cosby. Two years ago Cosby surprised many people by criticizing certain lifestyle choices made by poor African Americans. Since then, he has toured the country speaking about the importance of self-empowerment and responsibility. At the conference, his focus was on education and helping children succeed. He did not mince words. "We can stay in the projects, but they can't," said Cosby. "They mustn't look for a check."

And then we troll through our comments section:

• Malcolm X's little brother said...

  You left out one thing, SCC. Just about all of those politicans [sic-SCC], be they Democrats or Republicans, were European-Americans. Just about none were Asian-Americans, a couple of Hispanic-Americans thrown in the mix, and a few African-Americans.
  
  The blame which you wish to dish out lies at the feet of (as lefty would say) YOUR people. You are part of the problem of which you proclaim. I will not even get into the social-economic factors which are attributable to the rise in crime.

Dr. Cosby preaches self reliance, personal responsibility and taking steps to make your life and the lives of your children better. And Malcolm spouting hate filled platitudes to perpetuate the victimhood of an entire people. Quite a comparison, eh?

Jail is Dangerous

Who would have thought that you could get killed in jail?

• Murder charges were filed Wednesday afternoon against a 17-year-old man who allegedly strangled his cell mate at the Cook County Jail.
  
  Andre Patterson, of 221 155th St. in the southern suburb, is charged with murder in the death of Kimani Muhammad, who was found dead in his cell at the jail on Tuesday night, according to Andy Conklin, a spokesman for the Cook County State's Attorney's office.

R. Eugene Pincham immediately issued a ruling that said the Cook County Sheriff violated Patterson's civil rights by barging into his dwelling without a search warrant or consent to search and all evidence contained within should be considered "fruit of the poisonous tree." Pincham was reminded shortly thereafter that he wasn't actually a judge anymore.

Bigger and Bigger

Now the Austin 7 can no longer be called the biggest scandal in recent memory.

According to published reports (we're tired of linking to them all - surf our media links in the right hand tool bar) , upwards of a dozen unnamed (and uncharged) officers are cooperating with the investigation, appearing before the Grand Jury and signing affidavits. This is getting insane. At what point do they call it off? At what point should they call it off?

Anyone have the Vegas line on whether or not SOS gets disbanded this year or next?

What a Bunch of Hicks!

At least we can say New York did it before our own city council could get off their asses:

• The Board of Health voted Tuesday to make New York the nation's first city to ban artery-clogging artificial trans fats at restaurants - from the corner pizzeria to high-end bakeries.

  The board, which passed the ban unanimously, did give restaurants a slight break by relaxing what had been considered a tight deadline for compliance. Restaurants will be barred from using most frying oils containing artificial trans fats by July and will have to eliminate the artificial trans fats from all of their foods by July 2008.

Banning food. In America. Where are the shrieks of "Think of the children!"? If people should be healthier, educate them to take care of themselves. Stop the spread of the nanny state! Next thing you know they'll be banning guns, making seatbelts mandatory, enacting helmet laws, ... oh, wait a minute.

Thanks to AceofSpades for the story.

Keep Electing Democrats People

We don't really care if any democrats are insulted by this title. The fact is that democrats have done more to hamstring police procedure and criminal prosecutions than any other group in history. Their touchy-feely approach to crime fighting is a proven loser and does nothing to deter crime - it encourages recidivism, early release and has cost hundreds, if not thousands, of people their lives over the decades that democrats stuffed the court systems and national legislatures with their pap.

Sun Times, Channel 2, Channel 5, Channel 7, Tribune coverage.

For much of the 1970's and 1980's, courts granted criminals so many more rights than their victims, it was a wonder anyone ever got convicted of anything. R. Eugene Pincham is hiding behind some BS about how he doesn't recall the case that appeared before him. We say bullshit - any judge who doesn't remember letting off someone who strangled 4 human beings including a 3 year old boy deserves a special place in lawyer hell.

You want sanctions against the police for violating certain "procedures," fine. Write the law as such. But to toss out a slam dunk conviction like this where the evidence was so overwhelming and then throw out all of the evidence is just wrong. This woman's blood is on Pincham's hands and the hands of the other two judges who freed James Ealy.

Technical Difficulties

We had a complaint that the links section got bumped down out of sight recently. This is a programming glitch in Microsoft Internet Explorer. When we put the Bear/Vikings stat table in the football post, the margins bump out farther and kick everything down. As we post more threads, the table will push past the links margin and everything will appear back where it belongs. In the meantime we're going to try to re-size it.

We recommend switching to a real internet platform like Firefox. Internet Explorer blows chunks and it's unfortunate that the Department computers all have it. But as we don't use Department computers for anything except working, we don't see when the site gets goofy.

Treat this as an open post for now.

Corruption Links so Far

This is what the current media sites have up so far. No doubt it will expand a bit before receding into the background again:

• Tribune/Channel 9
• Sun Times
• Channel 2
• Channel 5
• Channel 7
• NewsRadio 780
  

To date, we have 11 people stripped so far (7 PO's, 1 Detective and 3 Sgts). A few people have contacted us and a couple of comments have stated this is going to result in around 20 officers facing some sort of criminal or disciplinary action, ranging from the indictments so far to administrative actions - probably separations.

We have a difficult time believing that 20 people were involved in all of these incidents, so it would seem that people are being stripped for NOT taking action, NOT informing supervisors or NOT following procedures in place.

UPDATE: #12 stripped today. Now it's 8 PO's.

The Hidden Story?

Get a load of this one:

• A 22-year-old motorist was in police custody early Monday after his car struck a police squad car and he fled the scene while apparently driving under the influence late Saturday on the South Side.

  At 11:30 p.m., the man was driving a 1993, two-door Nissan Sentra east on 61st Street when he passed a Grand Crossing District police squad car traveling west on 61st Street, according to Calumet District Police Lt. Tim Bickham, who was assigned to the Grand Crossing District the night of the accident.

Did you catch it? No, we're not talking about the drunk who hit the squad car. The cops are ok and the goof is facing lots of charges. We're talking about this:

• Calumet District Police Lt. Tim Bickham, who was assigned to the Grand Crossing District the night of the accident.

A Lieutenant from 005 assigned to 003 for the night. That means 003 was short a Captain and any number of Lieutenants if they had to go recruiting across the entire Area for an Acting W/C for the night. This is not nearly as uncommon as you'd think. Would it be untoward to imagine the manpower shortages being experienced by every single district across the city is being felt by the supervisor ranks as well? At least in the Patrol Division?

Rumor Mill in Overdrive

No, not promotions. Indictments.

It's popped up in more than a few conversations here and there. Now it's making it's way into our comments sections. We would be remiss if we didn't address it. The title says "Sarcasm and Silliness," but everyone knows that crap gets flung by the bucket full on this site. We knew it'd be that way when we started. It will continue in some form or another forever.

It is being whispered that new indictments are expected as soon as this week. Also, some old names will be slapped with additional charges. If the rumors are to be believed, this is going to get very ugly very quickly. Old rules still apply - we'll post links to any stories we are directed to. Foul weather ahead boys and girls. Batten down the hatches.

UPDATE: Cool - since we posted this around 1045pm last night so we could go to bed early, we scooped the Sun Times by over 4 hours.

UPDATE: Scooped Channel 2 by almost 8 hours. We have the best readers in the world.

UPDATE: Channel 7 has the story - everyone else is still using the Sun Times early report.

Gun Thefts?

Anyone remember the warning that was circulating through the Department early this year or late last year about guns going missing from luggage? According to this Sun Times article, a CPD copper was the victim in at least one case. We thought we remembered more than that though.

In any case, someone has been arrested for stealing ammunition out of luggage. Does anyone know if they still mark the outside of the luggage with a bag tag that states "Firearm" or similar on the exterior? Either the airlines are being overly stupid about marking the bag with a bright blaze orange tag that tells everyone who bothers to read it that "Hey! Here's a free gun!" or there is some organized crime ring at the airport where the people who check the firearms are tipping off the ramp workers which bags might be worth stealing.

As police are now allowed (for the most part) to carry in all 50 states and some form of concealed carry is allowed in something like 40 different states, maybe someone ought to come up with a better system for shipping weapons cross country.

And They Still Won?

These are NOT the types of stats you want to see from a playoff bound team. Some people will say it doesn't matter how you got there. But once you get there, you have to prove you belong there because everyone is stepping it up a few notches. (table from ESPN.com)

Team Stat Comparison
1st Downs	21	6
Total Yards	348	107
Passing	156	24
Rushing	192	83
Penalties	12-69	9-65
3rd Down Conversions	4-17	2-11
4th Down Conversions	1-1	1-1
Turnovers	5	5
Possession	39:21	20:39

Bears vs. Vikings

Well, we know that the Bears will be looking to rebound from the Patriots loss. We'd like to see some of the other quarterbacks get some snaps though. Grossman isn't looking like the one to lead the Bears into the Championship.

We Have to Get This Contract

Anyone feel like pitching in with us to buy some half-assed camera company and then selling units to the City at wildly inflated prices? From Channel 7:

• The Chicago Transit Authority is testing high-tech cameras and other technology to combat terrorism, robberies and other crimes. The six-month pilot project will begin this month at rail stations and on 40 buses. The tests will be in all parts of the city.

  CTA President Frank Kruesi said the mobile security network uses fiber optics, a wireless transmitter and global positioning. It allows the CTA, Chicago's Office of Emergency Communications, and police in squad cars to monitor video from the cameras.

From everything we've heard about the current cameras in CTA buses, they're just about useless. The citizens regularly vandalize the cameras and steal the video. Or they just don't care. We can relate a number of stories of gang members dragging other bangers and dope customers off buses they took refuge in and having the daylights beaten out of them.

Cameras AREN'T stopping crime. But we'd like to make a few bucks off of the gullible taxpayers, too.

What's This?

A winning streak? A new coach?

Denis Savard took over as Head Coach of the lowly Blackhawks on Monday, and by Saturday night, they're 3 and 0 under his leadership. Of course, being 12th in the division is a helluva hole to dig yourselves out of and the season is almost a third over. A win streak is something the Blackhawks haven't done all year. But we still wish Bill Wirtz would sell the damn team.

Problems for Daley?

Not that it's going to make a lick of difference. If there was a viable alternative candidate, things like the following might actually cause the current occupant of the 5th floor some unease. But Dorothy Brown? Bill Walls?

• From Channel 5: It wasn't the kind of welcome Mayor Richard M. Daley wanted, but NBC5's Mary Ann Ahern reported that loud protesters greeted guests attending a fundraiser Thursday night. Interesting fact - Cortez Trotter, Chief Emergency Officer attended and donated $1,000. Quid pro quo? Mr. Fitzgerald?
• From the Sun Times: The Daley campaign is demanding that petition circulators sign a sworn affidavit that Democratic ward bosses call a "slap in the face" from a mayor who has ignored them. [...] "He's trying to, all of the sudden, be Mr. Clean and say, 'Look how pristine it's being run.' But people are reading this and saying, 'Why should I do anything? If I sign this paper, you guys can do nothing for me.' It's a one-way street [with Daley]. There's no two-way streets here," the committeeman said.

Is anyone really surprised it's all "one-way" with this mayor? He's been throwing people under the bus since day one. It's not just one-way, it's the only way.

South of the Border Politics

Shouldn't someone be keeping an eye on this little situation?

• Felipe Calderon has taken the oath of office as Mexico's president in a chaotic ceremony that was preceded by fistfights and chair-throwing by lawmakers.
• Calderon quickly swore to uphold the constitution amid jeers and whistles from lawmakers still divided over the nation's tight presidential election.
  
• Opposition leader Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, who calls himself Mexico's "legitimate president," led tens of thousands of his supporters on a march in Mexico City after Calderon was sworn in.

So you have someone claiming to have won holding alternate swearing in ceremonies for himself and leading marches of tens of thousands and the alleged winner being jeered and ridiculed while violence breaks out around him within the Congressional chamber.

Along with an official government policy that encourages it's citizens to violate the borders to head north and send money back home to prop up a corrupt government (a border about as porous as cheese cloth) and a government only too willing to look the other way when it suits them. We really ought to be concerned about what's happening in Mexico nowadays.