Thursday, May 17, 2007

Essay Question #1

The first essay question on the application to become Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department:
  • Describe and discuss the three most significant accomplishments in your professional
    career that you believe make you well-qualified to serve as superintendent of the Chicago Police Department.
We answer thus:
  • We run a reasonably well known blog that provides officers with timely gossip and information necessary to fill the 8 hours spent in a squad car with a partner who might not be in a position to fulfill the otherwise painful gaps in conversation;
  • We put up with the garbage dished out by this City and political administration on a daily/Daley basis, served countless tours in surroundings that would make the EPA blush, in buildings that would overly excite an OSHA inspector, in vehicles often touted as having failed just about every Federal safety standard in existence, often with co-workers who would give the Psychiatric Association an attack of the vapors. Running the asylum would be a welcome break.
  • We haven't pissed off Seiser that we know of - and he truly runs it anyway.
Sarcasm AND Silliness people. You know we appreciate every single one of you. But what makes YOU qualified to run the circus?

Labels:

58 Comments:

Anonymous stash susmarski said...

ABOUT THE TOP JOB: I spit when I talk, but I dont "stutter". I've seen mob guys , ganglords/dealers around, but they're not my friends.
I've taken "good money" but never "bad"(a good FTO would have taught u the difference).
Last but not least, in over 20 years, I've never worked straight days w/weekends off, therefore I dont owe shit to anyone.
I hang out in "Emmits", if you want
to talk!(I have gold eyetooth)

5/17/2007 12:47:00 AM  
Anonymous sir donkey, esq said...

I could be the hardest working, smartest, and efficient member of the department, with ten doctorates and a JD/LLM.
I still wouldn't pass the most important question: Who is your sponsor?

5/17/2007 12:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have participated in billions and billions of seat belt missions at all hours of the the day and night, and I'm proud to say the mortality rates for being launched through the windshield (as the law abiding citizens drive to the store to get a gallon of milk or pick up their kids), has dropped dramatically.

I've mastered the art of sending smoke signals to OEMC in order to communicate since our radio batteries last about half way through the shift. Also I now welcome that cute little chirping sound the battery gives off as it's dying that I'm almost done with the nonsense of the day.

I and my 2 other fellow officers have sharpened our tactical response skills and have been asked to train our troops in defensive maneuvers because of our ability to thwart the multitude of gangs that take to the streets at school dismissals.

I have mastered the art of genuflection. I use this skill as I greet the hordes of officers who arrive during the week to work their inside jobs. I say during the week because they have weekends off.

5/17/2007 05:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Essay Question #2

Have you ever taken the 5th Amendment?
I would love to see "Fat Phil's" response to that question!

5/17/2007 06:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My child raising skills are second to none, since I have been given the task of raising the children of everyone in the public school system.

5/17/2007 06:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Laugh to keep from crying said...

Site seen: Inside the Dominick's at Devon/Milwaukee, men's washroom, on one of the walls in large writing, "SEISER RUNS IT"!

I shit you not.

5/17/2007 07:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I show up on time, have no clout (opps that disqualifies me right there sorry)!

5/17/2007 07:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has anyone from the airport figured out what's the connection between Donny And Jimmy?

5/17/2007 07:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see, um , I am on the foot team in 001, on a bike that is, I avoid confrontation with everyone, citizens and subordinates alike, I have no balls, I pretend to be a Sgt., I lie my ass off, I take off at least 2 days a week and expect the Lt. to carry me or burn my slip, um, well, that's all I can think of right now. When do I start? Should I call Ginger?
Love,
Bill

5/17/2007 08:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel that I should be superintendent because I have been preparing the kool aid everyday at headquarters for the last 5 years.

5/17/2007 08:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Question #2: Do you know Ginger?

5/17/2007 08:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have taken part in one of the most effective city clean ups in recent history. Being on a tactical team, I have personally been part of the DOPW and SUB/ contact card missions just so the city can have numbers for the exempt meetings that make the exempts feel like something is happening in their districts.

5/17/2007 09:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I prefer yesterday's commentary regarding "Wacky Gene" Karczewski's wig!

5/17/2007 09:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a top hat, red coat and whip.

5/17/2007 09:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because of my recent order of making districts pick up and deliver their own mail, I decided to improve this cost cutting idea even more by implementing the Homing Pigeon system to do this task. Each unit will be issued one pigeon in order to complete this task. This will free up at least one additional officer for an inside job and/or a department sponsored field trip for the seniors and kids of the community.

New innovative computer programs will be added to the CLEAR system. Yes, we've finally created the "self arrest" and "self inventory" applications. Soon, you'll be able to log onto a computer, from the comfort of your home and arrest yourself and inventory your guns and drugs. You will also have access to the handy preprinted complaint form of your choosing.

Still in the development stage are the "Bondyourself", and "Yourthejudge" applications. Yes, soon citizens will be able to choose an affordable payment plan for the posting of their bond and choose a sentencing of their choice to make their repayment to society more convenient to their lifestyle

5/17/2007 10:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can walk, talk, and chew gum at the same time.

I can be silly, just silly.

I have made the media my friend.

I have made a major bucks campaign contribution to Da Mayor.

I practice the professional, moral, and ethical philosophy of its who you know, not what you know.

I do not care who runs the Department. I just want the title.

I do not use hair gel.

I have my resignation already prepared and signed.

5/17/2007 10:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can arrest a drinker and process that individual in a matter of minutes! I can find Reckless "at risk gangmembers" and process them in a matter of minutes! I can disperse narcotic selling "graduates" from corners as I drive my car(and from the station lot). I can never leave the station and yet write a 5 page crack hotline, as well as solve the problem location! I will buy a home in the DOC , eat in the DOC and have sex in the DOC only. I will find a spouse from the DOC and a side action girlfriend from the DOC! I will name my first born mixed bred child....Doc! Vote for me... I am a product of you!

The above skills are needed to run this department right! I'll even get new darts for the guy at the DOC that trows them blindfolded at the map.

5/17/2007 10:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you please repeat the question in spanish?

5/17/2007 10:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have the ability to code out 80% of radio assingments , generate very few case reports, misdirect the general public on a regular basis/// am able to hide my self and my 3000 lbs. squad car all day long and am never ready available. finally i am not a team player, afraid to make decisions,ask every one around me what would they do.? this is done to insulate my ass . i have no clue what the doc zone means, can't work weekends cause in get drunk on those two days, cannot be trusted with confidential information,like to tell others, hey guess what i know.i go for coffee out of the district ,take station assigments ,run all over the city to get my errands done , on company time. i know the mayor is on the 5th floor will be there on a regular basis to suck up to him and only promote the dumbest fucks around, lie about stats , claim all our squad cars are less than six months old , buy any types of communication devices . ie. computers, radios ,blackberry and what not from companies who donate big cash to the democratic machine..finally require every blue shirt to adopt a family who has no job no futher no cash and force the po. to sleep in the basement of there homes while the riff raff occupies the rest of the home aka crib... this is done to insure that they vote for daley...

5/17/2007 11:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear iad's calling down everyone who ever worked with those two gun guys, p.j. and n.m, stay away from those two, rangers!!!

5/17/2007 11:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a tireless worker and have a great ethical standard. I take very little time off and rarely use the medical. I work well with others and have a good sense of right and wrong. I understand the concept of leadership, and....Oh! none of that counts anyways.
Nevermind.......

5/17/2007 11:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1)I graduated from A Chicago Public High School and obtained a cracker-jack degree from Lewis University.
2)I was promoted meritoriously without ever doing any police work.
3)I went to blackberry familiarization training and can operate that while talking on my bluetooth!
Extra Credit: I'm not white.

5/17/2007 12:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Has anyone from the airport figured out what's the connection between Donny And Jimmy?

5/17/2007 07:54:00 AM

how about donny jimmy and BOFFO? say bye bye!

5/17/2007 12:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Off Topic but newsworthy:

NEWS ALERT
from The Wall Street Journal

May 17, 2007
Key senators and the White House reached agreement on an immigration overhaul that would grant quick legal status to millions of illegal immigrants already in the U.S. and fortify the border. The breakthrough came when negotiators struck a bargain on a "point system" that would for the first time prioritize immigrants' education and skill level over family connections.

5/17/2007 01:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Donny and Jimmy are joined at the waist.

5/17/2007 01:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Describe and discuss the three most significant accomplishments in your professional
career that you believe make you well-qualified to serve as superintendent of the Chicago Police Department

#1 I have successfully beaten all charges of corruption.

#2 I know how to make video surviellance tapes disappear.

#3 I suck the Mayors Shamrock and it tastes good.

5/17/2007 01:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet morale is just as good for our brothers in LAPD:

LOS ANGELES -- Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez are among those expected to join immigrant-rights activists Thursday for a march and rally to denounce the actions of Los Angeles riot police at a May Day rally at MacArthur Park.

5/17/2007 01:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I CHOICE IS TOM TANCREDO. REP, FROM COLORADO FOR SUP. AND SEISER FOR FIEST DEPUTY.

5/17/2007 02:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw Seiser running it in court! The usually unflappable judge was in awe of his mere presence and was all loving of his court testimony. Seiser even makes "Crack pipe" arrests so buzz about pimpy arrests. The papparazzi was waiting outside for him and women were throwing their bras in his direction!

5/17/2007 02:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you guys kill me. i know i can get a good laugh from this blog

5/17/2007 02:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bobby Selvie, 22, is charged with attempted first-degree murder of a police officer in connection with the shooting of the 33-year-old detective early Monday morning, said Cook County state's attorney's office spokesman Andy Conklin.

Authorities said Bobby Selvie is related to Michael Selvie, the man charged in the death of the bodyguard of Chicago Bears lineman Terry "Tank" Johnson, although it was not clear if the men are brothers or cousins.
__________________________________

Grandma/Momma/Auntie should be so proud.

5/17/2007 03:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because I went and paid for the superintendant baseball hat with my last uniform allowance!!!

5/17/2007 04:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
I prefer yesterday's commentary regarding "Wacky Gene" Karczewski's wig!

5/17/2007 09:13:00 AM

Is he any relation to Mike who worked in 001 before he made Sgt?

5/17/2007 04:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My condolences go out to the family of the Kenosha Deputy who was gunned down last night.

5/17/2007 04:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A: I never have , don't, & will not kowtow to PC, phony, kinky, crooked, corrupt, Honky,Ho or Pimp fucking aldercreatures, who should have absolutely nothing to do with running the CPD. FUCK THEM!!!!!
B: I never have, don't & will not buy into the long established habit of fucking over the working copper. Exactly the opposite: Exalt them! Honor them! Help them!
C. I never have, don't & will not buy into a Media-driven CPD. FUCK THEM TOO!!!!!!
D. (for extra credit) Since I am already disqualified by the previous answers: Mr. Mayor, STAY THE FUCK OUT OF CPD AFFAIRS!!! YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW FUCKED UP IT IS!!! CEASE & DESIST!!

5/17/2007 04:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes the Republicans have folded to the illegals. Here is the proposal passed today and Bush says he will sign.
I hereby inform you I will not vote Republican in the coming elections due to this.



ILLEGALS:
• Those who arrived before January 1, 2007, will be given immediate work authorization, granted a "Z" visa and put on path to permanent residence.
• Head of household must return to home country within 8 years. They will be guaranteed back in.
• Penalty: $5000, staggered

ENFORCEMENT:
• Double border patrol, new security perimeter, border fence.

GUEST/TEMP WORKERS:
• Guest worker program cannot begin until enforcement provision is in place.
• 400,000 temp workers per year enter on two-year visas, must return home for a year then re-enter for additional two years. They may come three times.
• Earn points toward merit-based green card.
• May bring families on 30-day visitor visas each year.

Source: Sen. Edward Kennedy's office

5/17/2007 04:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Keesing Bandit says---
My only qualification is that I can give you a kees when and where you need it.

Now, kees me you fool!!!

5/17/2007 04:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will buy a home in the DOC , eat in the DOC and have sex in the DOC only. I will find a spouse from the DOC and a side action girlfriend from the DOC! I will name my first born mixed bred child....Doc! Vote for me... I am a product of you!
___________________________________

This guy is serious. I vote for him. U R funny!!

5/17/2007 04:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to see "Da Mayor's head" watching "Wacky Gene's wig" go around and around as he is trying to expalin something.

Please

p.s. does the wig experience dandruff moments?

5/17/2007 04:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to hear "Wacky Gene's" defense of his investigation of Rodriguez and the leaking of same to the news media?

Look at yesterday's blog regarding the quest for Superintendent.

5/17/2007 05:06:00 PM  
Blogger leomemorial said...

off topic -

a friend of mine is the photographer on this: check out these pictures...

http://www.iraqwarheroes.org
/airport_vaughan/index.htm

5/17/2007 06:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Answer to Question #2

Yes. Ginger is my dog. From a shelter, the best dog ever. Woof.

5/17/2007 08:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bobby Selvie, 22, is charged with attempted first-degree murder of a police officer in connection with the shooting of the 33-year-old detective early Monday morning, said Cook County state's attorney's office spokesman Andy Conklin.

Authorities said Bobby Selvie is related to Michael Selvie, the man charged in the death of the bodyguard of Chicago Bears lineman Terry "Tank" Johnson, although it was not clear if the men are brothers or cousins.
__________________________________

"My baby didn't do dat", he's an honor student!" Mrs. Selvie

5/17/2007 08:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Prayers to the family and friends of the police officer killed in kenosha.
I don't want to bring up the illegal immgrant issue but they are having trouble identifing the offender because he has several names and 5+ social security numbers.

5/17/2007 11:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

. . . We run a reasonably well known blog that provides officers with timely gossip and information necessary to fill the 8 hours spent in a squad car with a partner who might not be in a quad car with a partner who might not be in a position to fulfill the otherwise painful gaps in conversation;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"position to fulfill the otherwise painful gaps in conversation" WHAT THE FUCK?! Go in the hole and go to sleep?! It ain't rocket science. Thats how I collect my $41.00 an hour.. you think I'm going to serve the savage?

5/17/2007 11:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have participated in billions and billions of seat belt missions at all hours of the the day and night, and I'm proud to say the mortality rates for being launched through the windshield (as the law abiding citizens drive to the store to get a gallon of milk or pick up their kids), has dropped dramatically.

###################################

Obvisouly you never stopped Officer Michael Gordon or Sergeant Philip J. O'Reilly . . . how many coppers STILL don’t wear your seat belts??

5/17/2007 11:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I should be Superintendent because:

THE PO'S ARE THE PROBLEM,

YES, THE MAYOR IS RIGHT,

I HAVE TO CONSULT WITH THE REVERAND'S ON THAT.........

I WILL NOT MAKE A DECISION UNTILL TOLD WHAT IT IS,

FIRST AND FOREMOST GET A CR# ON THAT OFFICER!!!!

OUR OFFICERS HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE ECONOMIC OPPRESSION THAT EXISTS IN THE UNDERVALUED COMMUNITIES, THEREFORE I AM IMPLEMENTING 100 HRS OF SENSITIVITY TRAINING FOR ALL P.O.'S ,,,,

ILLEGAL, I MEAN UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS ARE PART OF AMERICA AND ARE WHAT AMERICA IS ALL ABOUT, IN FACT I URGE ALL ILLEGAL, I MEAN UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS TO APPLY FOR THE CHICAGO POLICE DEPT ENTRY LEVEL EXAM.......

THERE IS NO ORGANIZED CRIME, MOB, OUTFIT IN CHICAGO, JUST ASK THE MAYOR AND HIS INLAWS....

I'LL GET BACK TOO YOU ON THAT...

WERE LOOKING INTO THAT RIGHT NOW....

NO COMMENT....

I WILL IMPLEMENT NEW MISSIONS, J-WALKING MISSIONS, SMOKING IN PUBLIC MISSIONS, ILLEGAL DOG WALKING MISSIONS (NOT CURBING) FAILURE TO DRIVE WITH 2 HANDS ON THE WHEEL MISSIONS, EATING WHILE DRIVING MISSIONS, OVERCROWDED VEHICLE MISSIONS, BUT, AND I SAY BUT: I W I L L N O T CONDUCT ANY ILLEGAL, I MEAN UNDOCUMENTED PERSON DRIVING WHILE NOT LICENSED MISSION EVER, NEVER EVER, NOR WILL I EVER DIRECT OFFICERS TO REPORT AN ILLEGAL, I MEAN UNDOCUMENTED PERSON TO THE I.N.S. WHEN THEY ARE IN CUSTODY FOR ANY MISDEMEANOR OR FELONY, BECAUSE THEY HAVE RIGHTS!!!!

FURTHERMORE I HAVE WORKED 16 OUT OF THE LAST 17 YRS INSIDE AWAY FROM THE EVIL INFLUENCES OF THE CORRUPT BLUE SHIRTS ON THE STREETS.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION, AND A SPECIAL THANKS TO LAPA, HDO, THE NON-WORKING POLICE OFFICERS ORGANIZATION, ALL THE SOUTH AND WEST SIDE REVERANDS, PLEASE WISH ME LUCK.

5/18/2007 12:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...Obvisouly you never stopped Officer Michael Gordon or Sergeant Philip J. O'Reilly . . . how many coppers STILL don’t wear your seat belts?? ...

a giant FUCK YOU to that comment...

5/18/2007 01:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obvisouly (obviously) you never stopped Officer Michael Gordon or Sergeant Philip J. O'Reilly . . . how many coppers STILL don’t wear your (their) seat belts??

Obviously, you need a dictionary. Obviously, you didn't understand or read SCC's instruction for this post.

Actually, the comment refers to how many lives seat belt missions have saved, in a sarcastic way.

And no, I don't make it a habit of stopping the police.

Also,I don't think it was proper of you to use the names of these officers in this format.

5/18/2007 05:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some officers like Michael Gordon still do not wear seat belts. Maybe being bushwacked by a Public Housing resident with an AK 47 had something to do with the officer worrying about being able to exit his sqauad car and have access to a firearm. Maybe the desk jockies and those working in the cushy districts volunteering for Seat Belt Checkpoints for the dollars should spend one night on patrol in Filmo (Little Viet Nam) and then question why some don't wear seat belts.

5/18/2007 06:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anybody would be better than "Phat Phil" CLINE. Goodbye "Captain Crunch"!

Ps. Wont the Olympic Stadium interfere with or be in the "Doc"???

5/18/2007 09:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Obvisouly (obviously) you never stopped Officer Michael Gordon or Sergeant Philip J. O'Reilly . . . how many coppers STILL don’t wear your (their) seat belts??

----------------------------------
I hope you choke on your boyfriends dick you cowardly bastard!

5/18/2007 10:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some officers like Michael Gordon still do not wear seat belts. Maybe being bushwacked by a Public Housing resident with an AK 47 had something to do with the officer worrying about being able to exit his sqauad car and have access to a firearm. Maybe the desk jockies and those working in the cushy districts volunteering for Seat Belt Checkpoints for the dollars should spend one night on patrol in Filmo (Little Viet Nam) and then question why some don't wear seat belts.

Are you kidding me? please don't try to compare 011 with Vietnam, I worked there afew years ago, it was busier then and still not even close to a war zone. you guys in 011 are hysterical. Here's a clue, it's no big deal! Also, unless you worked at the old station at Filmore and Pulaski, don't call it filmo, it's called Harrison.....

5/18/2007 11:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Some officers like Michael Gordon still do not wear seat belts. Maybe being bushwacked by a Public Housing resident with an AK 47 had something to do with the officer worrying about being able to exit his sqauad car and have access to a firearm. Maybe the desk jockies and those working in the cushy districts volunteering for Seat Belt Checkpoints for the dollars should spend one night on patrol in Filmo (Little Viet Nam) and then question why some don't wear seat belts.

Are you kidding me? please don't try to compare 011 with Vietnam, I worked there afew years ago, it was busier then and still not even close to a war zone. you guys in 011 are hysterical. Here's a clue, it's no big deal! Also, unless you worked at the old station at Filmore and Pulaski, don't call it filmo, it's called Harrison.....

5/18/2007 11:35:
I worked there for three years in the last 10 years. 011 is no more. The busy spots are 007 and 008 hands down, too much garbage not enough dump trucks

5/18/2007 05:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe the desk jockies and those working in the cushy districts volunteering for Seat Belt Checkpoints for the dollars should spend one night on patrol in Filmo (Little Viet Nam) and then question why some don't wear seat belts.

Are you kidding me? please don't try to compare 011 with Vietnam, I worked there afew years ago, it was busier then and still not even close to a war zone. you guys in 011 are hysterical. Here's a clue, it's no big deal! Also, unless you worked at the old station at Filmore and Pulaski, don't call it filmo,



Understand something the hair jello police don't get it, the real police have left the building many years ago. TOUGH GUYS

5/18/2007 05:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In answer to the guy that has a problem with Filmo and use to work there when it was real busy, I assume you were the janitor at the old Filmore station and now you are promoted to head janitor at 35th & Michigan. You do keep those floors nice and clean, good job and keep it up.

5/18/2007 05:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh. fuck me,oh by the way i need a female just for friends, but im single

5/19/2007 12:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In answer to the guy that has a problem with Filmo and use to work there when it was real busy, I assume you were the janitor at the old Filmore station and now you are promoted to head janitor at 35th & Michigan. You do keep those floors nice and clean, good job and keep it up.

No I said I worked in 011, not the old Filmore Station, I called it 011, as I said, it was no big deal. Go spend some time in 005 or 006, that's where it is at these days kid, and no I don't work at 35th either.

5/19/2007 12:36:00 PM  

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