This Just In!

A wind-whipped 17,000-acre wildfire raced across hills and canyons along the northwestern edge of Los Angeles Thursday, threatening homes and forcing hundreds of people to evacuate. The fire was burning Thursday evening toward Thousand Oaks, Simi Valley, Calabasas and Agoura.

Residents were advised to evacuate their homes, but hundreds have stayed behind to try to save their homes with garden hoses and bucket brigades. "Where's Bush?" asked Calabasas resident Thurston Howell III. "Where's the military? Where's FEMA? Why didn't the government stop us from building our million dollar homes in this tinderbox?"

Mumford Nelson Rockafelter XIV accosted reporters and camera crews in the neighborhood demanding answers. "We expected a flyover of Air Force One at the very least. Why are we paying such high taxes if we aren't going to at least get the impression that the president cares? Sure, my wife Miffy and I voted for the other guy - you know, that French dude, but if those people in New Orleans can get a flyover and two visits, we should be getting at least that much."

Some were understanding. "We know the president has a lot on his plate recently, what with two hurricanes and the war and all." But far more people in this bluest of the blue states were much less charitable. "It seems obvious what this is all about," said Pierre Johann Twillifutter IV. "George Bush isn't out here with a shovel and a hose alongside my mexican gardeners. He hates rich white people."