Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Coyotes in the City

River North to be precise, near 84 brand new townhomes, filled with children and pets - well, one less cat now. From Channel 2 News:
  • CHICAGO A pack of city-dwelling coyotes has a Chicago family worried about the safety of their children and pets. The coyotes were spotted in vacant lot behind townhomes on North Ogden in the River West neighborhood. CBS 2'¬ís Suzanne LeMignot reports the family fears the worst for its missing cat, which has been gone for about two weeks.
We're still pushing for the release of larger predators (lions, tigers and bears oh my) in various neighborhoods to keep down on the surplus of dope dealers, attorneys, college professors and other liberal types.


Anonymous marlin perkins said...

Feral cats are alright. No PANTHERS please.

4/12/2006 07:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we should have more coyotes in this city, to keep small dogs and cats from breeding.

4/12/2006 07:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These people never cease to amaze me. The assholes don't think twice about putting their families at risk for harm when they move into townhomes next to the most dangerous animals, er, criminals, in the city. Remember the urban pioneer who was carjacked with her young daughter coming out of the Dominicks on Clybourn in 018? Yet they're piddling about the coyote's. Pussies. My thorough, thoughtful investigation failed to reveal any ME case where cause of death resulted from attack by a coyote, anywhere. can't same the same for their new neighbors in 011...

4/12/2006 09:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the pack of wild possums thats been attacking my dog?

4/12/2006 10:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the pack of wild monkeys selling narcotics thoughout the city?

4/12/2006 11:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if ya all use ya brains, ya can get the area two gun team to use all the guns they get off all the grandmas and grandpapas' in chicagooo and have them shoot at all them possums and x-terminate em all with all them guns they got. do you know they even got the balls to keep a tally on all the guns they get off all of the old people. chumps if ya ask me. smooch,smooch...lookee here boss i got a musket from grandpa elmo. lookee here boss its still got the black powder in it. ohhh boss...smooch ...smooch. outstanding job little suckass....smooch..smooch...crawl under my desk for your reward.....gulp.

4/12/2006 11:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


4/12/2006 11:31:00 AM  
Anonymous female a/2 det. said...

the view under the desk is always a pleasent one!

4/12/2006 11:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did a/2 gun team hit an apt in A/3 and it turned out to be a legit citizen's condo? We hear big big ooopsy.

i smell a lawsuit

4/12/2006 12:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get Sgt Brownstein's team out there!

4/12/2006 12:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Fedup said...

Hello Chicago Police,

I would like to request and order (2) Pachyderm to snuff out the drug dealers that reside in my small apartment building S/W Side. It's a good neighborhood and they're ruining it for the rest of us.

Could they please just stomp on some of my neighbors who use and deal at all hours of the day/night. Perhaps just flatten them out so I could use them as hubcaps on my car?

Thank you so very much.


P.s. I will also supply the peanuts

4/12/2006 01:24:00 PM  
Anonymous the elephants said...

Too many ivory poachers in Englewood.

As far as the West Side goes, keep your fucking peanuts for the squirrels in Garfield Park.

4/12/2006 01:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we dont work fo peanuts, numbnutz

4/12/2006 01:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jeez. nobody wants my nutz. man.

4/12/2006 02:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They wont take your nutz because were all on our unpaid lunch hour. Permantly! Dont fault us, fault the rabid coyotes pols and exempts.

By the way keep pets indoors and on leashes, watch your small kids like a good parent would. DUH!!!!
Your all afraid of the wrong beast. A coyote give me a break!!!

4/12/2006 03:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

11:23 u be funny...makes me laff

4/12/2006 09:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The missing cat mystery has been solved.
The Medical Examiner has ruled it to be a homicide.
The cold cat squad determined that the RATS ate him!

4/13/2006 12:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

release the feral "SEISER BASTARD CHILDREN" to deal with the coyote threat...

4/13/2006 01:32:00 AM  

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