Crime of the Century
This is why you never leave personal property anywhere unattended - especially in police stations (click for larger version):
Must have been really good coffee.
Labels: we got nothing
posted by SCC at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2025
Must have been really good coffee.
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160 Comments:
What kind of idiot leaves something in a communal cabinet thinking it will be there 3 weeks later.
What a colossal waste of everyone’s time. Mope.
Pull the detectives off of their homicide cases and get them on this immediately!
25 years on the job
Heard the tin of coffee was in a drawer
A PO or civilian left a $20 bag of coffee in a common area and went on furlo?? Now that the bag is gone he/ she/him/her/they wants a theft report? There is no theft here. It was drunk by people who had access to the area. That coffee was abandoned and there was not an expectation that it was private property. "Victim" here is soft as wet poop and must have been very insistent to have a report done. Victim should have left it in their locker or better, take it home for furlo.
If that report was brought to my sergeant in 007 20 years ago, he would have gotten a CR on the alleged victim for leaving personal property in a common area and another CR for filling a false theft report.
If this makes national news, it would show what a laughingstock this department has become.
If that report was brought to my sergeant in 007 20 years ago, he would have gotten a CR on the alleged victim for leaving personal property in a common area and another CR for filling a false theft report.
If this makes national news, it would show what a laughingstock this department has become.
How is it a theft? There's no indication in the report that the coffee was marked "Property of 1st Watch Idiot." Anyone in any district will tell you that anything left in a "1st watch filing cabinet" is free for anyone to take. More than likely that cabinet is for official CPD property, not personal property.
2 words.....Fair game....
Your on mids....2 in the morning.....it's gone..
Perhaps victim might not be a team player?
Plus you take anything you want to keep...
Personal property belongs in your personal locker.
I can tell right away who the victim is.
A "Softball".
That’s 014 for you. Probably all the Sgts that never leave the station.
What a POS officer forcing the Sgt. to do 3hrs of paperwork because this idiot is mad that the desk crew drank the shit out of that coffee while he was on furlough! Man up Beotch!
It sounds like some crap a Sgt would do. I guess the Officer had to find out the hard way. The Officer is working with dishonest people.
That coffee is free game. Anything not in your locker is community property, Trust me, i havent brought in water, drinks or snacks once in my career and have managed to survive quite nicely gaining 60 lbs in my 25 years of lackluster service
This must have been magical coffee beans.
I left a pack of gum in the squad car one day and when I returned a few days later the gum was gone. Retail value? $1.99. It was a few years ago, is it too late to file a report?
I’ll notify IAD and COPA first thing in the morning. May have to notify the feds, DOG FBI homeland security, dea.
Sure hope I get this resolved.
Miss my Bubble Yum
I could probably pick this copper out of a 6pack line up. You can just tell by their appearance they would make a beef like this. I can only blame retention and recruitment…….who was the head of that dept a year ago?!?!?
That’s what they’re worried about in 014? Must be nice.
Call the crime lab and bring in k9.
Satire…? Please be satire.
#1. See who come to work smelling like coffee. (From the special agents' handbook, under clues.)
Of all the knits to pick, pimples to pop and boogers to blow, a cheapskate bag of beans?
Just how tight of a puckerhole does it take to do this?
Typical house mouse behavior upset there coffee disappeared smh.
This has to be an article from The Onion! 😂 it can’t be real!
That is some petty shit right there
Shame on that Sgt for taking that report.. here is 10 bucks go buy some more you crybaby & take him off the desk (unless he’s bid-they are stuck with him/her). Be the change
It’s probably the timekeeper in 014s coffee that guy beefs on other po’s so he can stay on managements good graces because he’s scared of the streets
Two points…
1). Coppers are the worst when it comes to property that isn’t theirs
2). The victim “copper” who insisted this bullshit be memorialized as it was is a straight up PUSSY
$20? Call it a favor !
There were no grounds for a formal complaint.
Most likely it was drank unintentionally over the officers furlough. What idiot would make a report over nonsense.
a personal filing cabinet? toss it in the trash, this isn't Hoarders's TV show !!
I haven’t worked in 014 for 10 years, but “come on man” you are a house mouse and your house mouse coffee was used up by another house mouse. Fire everyone of the house mice unless they go back on the street. Especially the complainant that showcases the shame.
This is ridiculous, the Sergeant is an idiot and so is the cop.
Seems ridiculous in that those areas are not for personal property but for communal usage. And who makes a report for coffee? I hope this person is ostracized for being a fool.
really? waa waa waa
What a dummy. Dummy for making the report. Dummy for thinking a common area is for personal items. Dummy for spending twenty bucks on a coffee bag. Desk “officers” are the worst kind of officers. No work but collect full pay. Some even do OT on the desk.
This has to be a new hire! Geeze, you learn from grade school how to secure your property. Wasting everyone’s time! Wha Wha Wha someone took my coffee. They don’t make them like they make them like they used too!
as the good Sgt. set his cup of coffee down on the desk to generate the report
Hopefully the CR Sgt remembers that complaint when someone complains about not getting a report at the desk.
Really? All this over coffee??? These new cops are such p*ssies, I'm glad I retired
If it’s in an unlocked drawer marked 1st Watch safe to say anyone could have used it without repercussions. Unlocked drawer is not properly safeguarding your property. Fricken moron. This department is so unprofessional is sick. Bunch of high school acting idiots.
How much would you want to bet that the P.O. has less than 5 years on and is working the desk.
Loser
This doesn’t surprise me. About 15 years ago, I escorted my prisoner in lock up and stay until given the “all clear” by the lock up keeper. While the lock up guys were asking the prisoner the common intake questions, the PO lockup keeper went to their fridge to retrieve his bbq sauce. He went ape shit and demanded to know who used his bbq sauce, that was in a common fridge for everybody working lockup. The younger guest PO apologized and said he squeezed one use of bbq sauce on his chicken and offered to buy him a new bottle. This lockup keeper went on a screaming frenzy about it’s his bbq sauce and went on and on and I’m standing there in disbelief. The lockup keeper was a well-known former range instructor jagoff with a walrus mustache. So much for “brothers in blue” …yea right!
If it says first watch then wouldn’t that mean it’s for anyone on 1st watch? How can it be theft if it is open for an entire watch to use?
We have a major case brewing here.
I identify as a 2.5 pound bag of coffee
Everyone without a desk bid position ought to be banned from that task. Out to the mean streets you go. Have fun.
To quote Sgt Hartman. If it wasn't for dickheads like you there would be no thievery in this world.
Then you get a retaliation beef. A person who would make a complain like this is a person who will claim they’re being discriminated against for their race, face, age, religion, orientation, anything they can think of to get something for themselves. Clearly not a team player if they bring coffee only for themselves. This person has to be ostracized but not too ostracized that they can make a complaint. They’re clearly a desk worker so just leave them on the desk and don’t talk to them ever. Make sure people know who they are though, at least warn others.
Surprised he didnt request an E.T. for prints! The stupid sgt that made the report probably is the one who drank the coffee. One P.O. that I know for sure didn't drink or take it was Old Mary that worked the desk and always did radios...she had her own whisky bottle!!
It’s either 3 years or 25 year old timer who’s been on the desk for 20 years.
Either that or a millennial!!!! WAAAAA someone stole my coffee!!! I'M Telling!!!
Waited a week for the coffee to return. I guess sometimes hope is all you get, because the only change you get is for the worse ...
In every district there's a coffee maker and every watch desk crew throws in for coffee. Are we to assume that this ding dong would buy coffee for himself? Did he have his own coffee maker as well? Hopefully this is a fake report.
I see what you did there.
Wtf is going on to this once great department?? The desk crew on all 3 watches drank the coffee, thanks for your contribution officer, period end of story. CR#., grow some balls and common sense.
What a tool … colossal waste of time … and even in your personal locker its not necessarily “safe” the lockers are CPD property and can be searched at any time for any reason … they put the note on the locker about the lock being cut in x number of days as a courtesy but they can cut the lock on the spot … you do not own your locker … wasting everybody’s time with this stupid bullshit … clearly never worked a day on the street
If this would have been reported 35 yrs ago when I came on the job in the 14th District the officer would have been dumped off the watch and left in limbo forever probably stuck on 1st watch indefinitely. Would not get a steady car assignment, would get their DOG changed every period and would be chased out of the district as a crying rat. If you leave stuff that’s accessible to other people then don’t be surprised when it’s gone.
Exactly
Is his eyeliner, blush, and lipstick also missing.
Test every single officer’s poop and urine for traces of the exact coffee beans used. We are going to get to the bottom of this.
Things must be different on the North side
Don't take shit that ain't yours. But that copper is a pussy and so is the Sgt who wrote that nonsense report
Exactly- dump the bitch off the desk
Finders keepers? Sounds like abandoned property….
Sergeant should have pulled a Trailer Park Boys. "I'm gonna pay you $20 to fuck off." No report generated.
I've never understood the mentality behind desk people setting up shop in common/shared areas like a fucking hobo. Keeping department supplies in a locked drawer with a label for your watch only. Their not your staples, Karen. Welcome to CPD kid, where some coppers steal the pettiest of things.
Detective Supplemental Report:
UNFOUNDED
It’s already made it to cops on the west coast, cuz my buddy over there sent it to the group chat this am. SCC is worldwide!
Hey AssMan009 what would you do if someone stole your $20 bag of coffee from cook county when you went on furlough?
All you have to do is replace that coffee with some cheap ass Folgers… and Voila coffee was just misplaced, not stolen…
👍🏻👍🏻
Not a rookie. Just an old dog with time on the job. Never did shit. Never will.
Judas Priest, Man up!
I see what you did there…
Thank you for your service!
I see what you did there.
Somehow I think this copper has watched the ‘Cain Mutiny’ one too many times.
Rumor has it that it was replaced by a bright green dildo.
Has the victim been offered counseling after this traumatizing event?
once again you can't fix stupid it's forever teeeeeeee heeeeeee now back to my morning coffee break thanks
I hope he isn't a bid, because he would be on a car the next day.
CR numbers on the sergeant and lieutenant for taking this report.
Rule No. 11. Incompetence in the performance of duty.
If this officer goes back on a car, trauma like this can be avoided.
Everything mentioned is correct. The officer is a pussy, bitch and asshole all rolled into one. Nothing will become of this except fellow officers hopefully urinating in this piece of shit's coffee. I hope many citizens flood the desk and task this officer with completing useless reports. If the reports are refused, get multiple CR's on this idiot.
The coffee is gone. You are never getting it back. Deal with it…
Amen Gunny, RIP.
The one who appears the most jittery took the coffee.
Despise those people. They have a cushy job on the desk and keep personal items in the station.
Some people live for drama.
Its a property crime moron.. not a homicide hahaha
Shame on the sergeant? So he’s supposed to take 10 days for not doing it? The only one that should be ashamed is the crybaby bitch crying about the bag of coffee
Detective Supplemental Report:
UNFOUNDED: Wrong classification it should read: CLOSED NON-CRIMINAL Lost Property
Gunny Hartman says, if it wasn't for dickheads like you there would be no thievery in the world! You ladies owe me for one bag of coffee.
Consider this a lesson Sgt. Starbucks, next time take your French vanilla home with you on furlough. ☕️
I love the comments. You're all amazing and creative. Everyone in an office knows, anything unmarked is fair game. What a loser and now global laughingstock
Idiot come here I'll give you the $20
Someone clearly does not get sarcasm...
The coffee was supposed to be used at midnight basketball
Bring back Officer Friendly! And I nominate THIS guy. He’s my idol.
A good investigation will filter out the usual suspects.
hey at least who ever did this wasnt stealing money from the pollacks just like the old 016 midnight crew did
“Good god man! This was coffee, not mere strawberries!” Humphrey Bogart.
I never post. But this is worth recognizing. Kudos my friend.
Yes he was a J.O. on the range he screw with people for a laugh
This is systematic. This is the blue code of silence. This goes deeper than anyone can possibly think. There’s crime afoot in 014. We have sworn police officers stealing from communal drawers. And the commander is clearly complicit, probably the leader of this thieving syndicate. I already emailed the alderman and they’re very interested in this.
I’m perking up reading these comments
Do they still have the mini fridge with the huge lock on it behind the desk on 014?
They gonna use forties for that!!!
or was it the 025 crew? or both?
Lawrence talks to his coffee. I think he is a section 8.
No. But his tampons and maxipads seem to have vanished.
Civit Cat Coffee....
Stan: The Java Man
I am a retired District Sector Sergeant who retired in 1998. Back in the day I was fortunate to have, in my opinion, the best sector in not only the district I was assigned to, but I would put the men and woman against any sector in the city. As a prize to these people when we were on days and it was a Sunday, I would give one of my Officers a day off. They had to come into the station for roll call, leave me a slip, and go home. If someone had a party on a Saturday night, same thing: come to roll call, leave a slip, and go home. I would only do this for the PO"s that were in my sector. One day a PO who only worked 4-12's wanted a Saturday Night off. This particular PO was denied time due. So, as the dog ass in which he was, went on the medical. One Saturday night, one of my PO's wanted the night off to attend a family function. This Officer reported for duty but left after roll call. Dog ass noticed the Officer missing and obtained a CR# on me. The Watch Commander, who was new to the district learned of the complaint. This WC called me into the station and questioned me about it. I took out the time due slip and said the particular Officer gave me a slip. The WC knew I was lying thru my teeth but he did not press the issue. I filled in the time and turned in the slip. I was called into the Commander's Office and got a ass chewing. I was told no more days off. I called a sector meeting after work one day and told them my gift to them had to end. I told them who the Officer was who got me the number. The end result was he never worked our watch again because the PO's "fucked" with him every way they could. The other thing was I was exonerated but everyone knew I was guilty as hell. The Officer who got the number on me got fired for an off duty incident which occurred several months later. THIS GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT THERE WERE, ARE, AND WILL BE DOG ASS WHO COME ON THE JOB
Yo, that Jamaican Blue!!!!
This sounds like a report that Sgt. JC in 18th District would take.
Call Tampon Tim!!!
A 2.5lb can of Folgers costs $21 at Target. This guy is complaining about garbage coffee??!!!!
Allow me to retort. If the sergeant doesn't get a CR he/she takes even more time for not getting the CR. This isn't 1990 this is softball city where every mush is a victim and can't handle things themselves.
The detectives are filtering out suspects.
Guy sounds like a real bag of shit.
Stop it already....014 was also on it. The Milwaukee Ave corridor was alive and well in all three districts.
Stupid complaint and CR
Yeah magical coffee beans it grows balls and turns cops into heros. Someone should serve it during compstat meetings
Ricky Rivera put a stop to this bs
No proof it was “lost”.
OT: Juicy just will not go away, will he?
"Smollett posed the conspiracy that Emanuel and the police framed him..."
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/articles/jussie-smollett-claims-chicago-police-173000074.html
Let’s never let this one stop. Keep it percolating.
Only a house mouse behave like that.
required . learn the rules this way you'll pass a test
Of course you would! You sound like the ass-clown who improperly stored his bag of coffee. Blame, blame, blame! All you 3-year wonders sound alike.
Call news affairs
Oh ER… you idiot.
If something was stolen from the 014 kitchen, odds are it was DT from 009 midnights desk crew.
You were standing there and didn't say shit. Just like 99% of poocccc police
What's next, condiments?
Nothing has changed. I'm a sector sergeant and its hard to take care of people because there is ALWAYS some dog ass loser who complains they didn't get sent home early. Its hard to send a dog ass home, a dog ass who shows up late for roll call and is in the station 30 minutes early for checkoff. Then when he's written up he starts with a beef on the sergeant. I hate these fat fucking old time dog asses. Whats worse, he's an FTO.
Story is, nothing changes. There will always be a loser to ruin it for everyone.
About a decade ago, I was stuck working the midnight desk in a d-unit while the other guy was on furlo. Being on desk - you are stuck - no taking the squad for lunch or a nap in a quiet corner. Sometimes the phone never stopped ringing. I knew there was a candy stash in the adjacent office and nightly I needed a pick me up. I'd dip in - just 1 or 2 mini bars every night. Before I knew it - I had polished the entire bag at the end of my time. I felt so bad - I thought about buying a new bag.
Can we get some initials at least? I have way too many possibilities running through my head.
Spoken like someone who scored in the 3,000s on the list or didn’t take the test because it’s all “corrupt.”
Before you go spouting rules, read the order on complaints.
Don't believe the hype. This fool is laying groundwork to start a civil rights lawsuit. He'll keep beefing and laying paperwork until he gets enough to sue the department. I'm all for using the courts for redress if you've been fucked over by the bosses but this guy is truly a malcontent sack of shit. He'll constantly do this until he gets either cash payouts, a soft spot inside, or mental stress disability. You haven't heard the last of this numbskull. Total turd.
Someone should call the media and see if they can get an interview with the " victim".
I remember reading this in the fabled "The Gallows" out of the 25th district. "The Mystery of The Missing Thanksgiving Dinner". One of the finer local restaurants would set aside a full Thanksgiving Dinner with all the trimmings for the desk personnel of that district, to be picked up at an assigned time. A marked beat car showed up, an unknown officer promptly picked up the meal and then disappeared with it. When the district car got there they were told it had already been picked up. The meal was gone. No food for the desk crew. People were extremely pissed. Watch Commanders were called, Street Deputies were notified. Districts were put on alert in case anyone was seen transferring the meal into their personal vehicle. There were rumors of various desk personnel in other districts enjoying turkey wings. No one was ever apprehended nor charged. I suspect an inside job. It remains a mystery to this day. Jimmy Hoffa ain't got shit on this one...
My guess is that this cop is a cheap bastard
$20 for 2.5 lbs. makes this cheap ass coffee.
Yep ...Not surrounded by shit
You saying he is part of "the community" or something?
Come on .. What are the initials ?
I believe it was that Bat-Shit crazy female captain who took the meal and then served it to the prisoners in the lock up while she prayed with them.
She was dumped back to lieutenant before her Captain's probation was up a few months later.
I think I know who the 014th district copper is.
He was the guy who married a prostitute who worked in the district.
One day at roll call, he stood up and he was crying.
He began begging the guys in roll call to "PLEASE stop screwing my wife".
It was really pathetic. However, he never got a C.R. on the guys for that. They would have set his car on fire in the parking lot !
He went on to marry several other women just like that first one.
Wait a minute, NEVER MIND. That happened back in 1975.
RIP Ross. The poor fellow died in a 1 room apartment 3 months before he turned 63. He was STILL working in Call Back.
Many sergeants would hold slips and give ducks including myself.
Some OLD time sergeants in 025 didn't play the game.
They knew better, It would ALWAYS turn into a shit-show after a while.
After all, these guys were around in the old days when guys would go home early, then do stick ups or some other illegal crap.
A female PPO in 015 once was given a duck. She then went to the gym where she saw her boyfriend copper talking to another chick. She got pissed and started hitting him with dumb bells. All on camera by the way.
She got fired, The sergeant took 10 days.
SCREW giving anyone a play. Turn in the slip for EVERYONE. So you are a jag-off.
One day when you are an old retired sergeant, these guys will never call or see you again anyway.
We all know that goofy sergeant and his cheating brother Lt. John in Area A1, the infamous shoulder tapper who nobody takes serious. Hey Sgt, JC next time you pull a CR on someone gets all the facts straight.
it was willie the wahale (lt finnegan) 025 who stole the turkey a real stroke and cheap -ss too just like joe curtin
Yup. Crazy Elizabeth Olsen. Heavy enough to be promoted, er, appointed to the rank of “no test required” captain but not heavy enough in that she was demoted back to lieutenant with two others. One was a black guy caught in a south suburban gambling raid. I forget who the this nitwit was.
It’s not over. BIA now has to investigate. They’ll have to go down to HQ to give formal statements. Crime against a PO was alleged. Imagine this years ago.
This reminds me of an amazingly stupid sergeant back in the day. He had a case report done for criminal damage because his pen was broken and someone wrote on "his" desk. He also fled from his surveillance target after burning his second or third covert car. He injured two of his fingers by touching a belt sander to see if it was really on, because it was moving so fast that he couldn't tell. He sure was a special guy.
Mice tore open the coffee bag and made a mess. I cleaned it up and threw everything out. That’s why other companies put their coffee in cans.
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