Crime of the Century
This is why you never leave personal property anywhere unattended - especially in police stations (click for larger version):
Must have been really good coffee.
Labels: we got nothing
posted by SCC at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2025
Must have been really good coffee.
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93 Comments:
What kind of idiot leaves something in a communal cabinet thinking it will be there 3 weeks later.
What a colossal waste of everyone’s time. Mope.
Pull the detectives off of their homicide cases and get them on this immediately!
25 years on the job
Heard the tin of coffee was in a drawer
A PO or civilian left a $20 bag of coffee in a common area and went on furlo?? Now that the bag is gone he/ she/him/her/they wants a theft report? There is no theft here. It was drunk by people who had access to the area. That coffee was abandoned and there was not an expectation that it was private property. "Victim" here is soft as wet poop and must have been very insistent to have a report done. Victim should have left it in their locker or better, take it home for furlo.
If that report was brought to my sergeant in 007 20 years ago, he would have gotten a CR on the alleged victim for leaving personal property in a common area and another CR for filling a false theft report.
If this makes national news, it would show what a laughingstock this department has become.
If that report was brought to my sergeant in 007 20 years ago, he would have gotten a CR on the alleged victim for leaving personal property in a common area and another CR for filling a false theft report.
If this makes national news, it would show what a laughingstock this department has become.
How is it a theft? There's no indication in the report that the coffee was marked "Property of 1st Watch Idiot." Anyone in any district will tell you that anything left in a "1st watch filing cabinet" is free for anyone to take. More than likely that cabinet is for official CPD property, not personal property.
2 words.....Fair game....
Your on mids....2 in the morning.....it's gone..
Perhaps victim might not be a team player?
Plus you take anything you want to keep...
Personal property belongs in your personal locker.
I can tell right away who the victim is.
A "Softball".
That’s 014 for you. Probably all the Sgts that never leave the station.
What a POS officer forcing the Sgt. to do 3hrs of paperwork because this idiot is mad that the desk crew drank the shit out of that coffee while he was on furlough! Man up Beotch!
It sounds like some crap a Sgt would do. I guess the Officer had to find out the hard way. The Officer is working with dishonest people.
That coffee is free game. Anything not in your locker is community property, Trust me, i havent brought in water, drinks or snacks once in my career and have managed to survive quite nicely gaining 60 lbs in my 25 years of lackluster service
This must have been magical coffee beans.
I left a pack of gum in the squad car one day and when I returned a few days later the gum was gone. Retail value? $1.99. It was a few years ago, is it too late to file a report?
I’ll notify IAD and COPA first thing in the morning. May have to notify the feds, DOG FBI homeland security, dea.
Sure hope I get this resolved.
Miss my Bubble Yum
I could probably pick this copper out of a 6pack line up. You can just tell by their appearance they would make a beef like this. I can only blame retention and recruitment…….who was the head of that dept a year ago?!?!?
That’s what they’re worried about in 014? Must be nice.
Call the crime lab and bring in k9.
Satire…? Please be satire.
#1. See who come to work smelling like coffee. (From the special agents' handbook, under clues.)
Of all the knits to pick, pimples to pop and boogers to blow, a cheapskate bag of beans?
Just how tight of a puckerhole does it take to do this?
Typical house mouse behavior upset there coffee disappeared smh.
This has to be an article from The Onion! 😂 it can’t be real!
That is some petty shit right there
Shame on that Sgt for taking that report.. here is 10 bucks go buy some more you crybaby & take him off the desk (unless he’s bid-they are stuck with him/her). Be the change
It’s probably the timekeeper in 014s coffee that guy beefs on other po’s so he can stay on managements good graces because he’s scared of the streets
Two points…
1). Coppers are the worst when it comes to property that isn’t theirs
2). The victim “copper” who insisted this bullshit be memorialized as it was is a straight up PUSSY
$20? Call it a favor !
There were no grounds for a formal complaint.
Most likely it was drank unintentionally over the officers furlough. What idiot would make a report over nonsense.
a personal filing cabinet? toss it in the trash, this isn't Hoarders's TV show !!
I haven’t worked in 014 for 10 years, but “come on man” you are a house mouse and your house mouse coffee was used up by another house mouse. Fire everyone of the house mice unless they go back on the street. Especially the complainant that showcases the shame.
This is ridiculous, the Sergeant is an idiot and so is the cop.
Seems ridiculous in that those areas are not for personal property but for communal usage. And who makes a report for coffee? I hope this person is ostracized for being a fool.
really? waa waa waa
What a dummy. Dummy for making the report. Dummy for thinking a common area is for personal items. Dummy for spending twenty bucks on a coffee bag. Desk “officers” are the worst kind of officers. No work but collect full pay. Some even do OT on the desk.
This has to be a new hire! Geeze, you learn from grade school how to secure your property. Wasting everyone’s time! Wha Wha Wha someone took my coffee. They don’t make them like they make them like they used too!
as the good Sgt. set his cup of coffee down on the desk to generate the report
Hopefully the CR Sgt remembers that complaint when someone complains about not getting a report at the desk.
Really? All this over coffee??? These new cops are such p*ssies, I'm glad I retired
If it’s in an unlocked drawer marked 1st Watch safe to say anyone could have used it without repercussions. Unlocked drawer is not properly safeguarding your property. Fricken moron. This department is so unprofessional is sick. Bunch of high school acting idiots.
How much would you want to bet that the P.O. has less than 5 years on and is working the desk.
Loser
If it says first watch then wouldn’t that mean it’s for anyone on 1st watch? How can it be theft if it is open for an entire watch to use?
We have a major case brewing here.
I identify as a 2.5 pound bag of coffee
Everyone without a desk bid position ought to be banned from that task. Out to the mean streets you go. Have fun.
To quote Sgt Hartman. If it wasn't for dickheads like you there would be no thievery in this world.
Then you get a retaliation beef. A person who would make a complain like this is a person who will claim they’re being discriminated against for their race, face, age, religion, orientation, anything they can think of to get something for themselves. Clearly not a team player if they bring coffee only for themselves. This person has to be ostracized but not too ostracized that they can make a complaint. They’re clearly a desk worker so just leave them on the desk and don’t talk to them ever. Make sure people know who they are though, at least warn others.
Surprised he didnt request an E.T. for prints! The stupid sgt that made the report probably is the one who drank the coffee. One P.O. that I know for sure didn't drink or take it was Old Mary that worked the desk and always did radios...she had her own whisky bottle!!
It’s either 3 years or 25 year old timer who’s been on the desk for 20 years.
Either that or a millennial!!!! WAAAAA someone stole my coffee!!! I'M Telling!!!
Waited a week for the coffee to return. I guess sometimes hope is all you get, because the only change you get is for the worse ...
In every district there's a coffee maker and every watch desk crew throws in for coffee. Are we to assume that this ding dong would buy coffee for himself? Did he have his own coffee maker as well? Hopefully this is a fake report.
I see what you did there.
Wtf is going on to this once great department?? The desk crew on all 3 watches drank the coffee, thanks for your contribution officer, period end of story. CR#., grow some balls and common sense.
What a tool … colossal waste of time … and even in your personal locker its not necessarily “safe” the lockers are CPD property and can be searched at any time for any reason … they put the note on the locker about the lock being cut in x number of days as a courtesy but they can cut the lock on the spot … you do not own your locker … wasting everybody’s time with this stupid bullshit … clearly never worked a day on the street
If this would have been reported 35 yrs ago when I came on the job in the 14th District the officer would have been dumped off the watch and left in limbo forever probably stuck on 1st watch indefinitely. Would not get a steady car assignment, would get their DOG changed every period and would be chased out of the district as a crying rat. If you leave stuff that’s accessible to other people then don’t be surprised when it’s gone.
Exactly
Is his eyeliner, blush, and lipstick also missing.
Test every single officer’s poop and urine for traces of the exact coffee beans used. We are going to get to the bottom of this.
Things must be different on the North side
Don't take shit that ain't yours. But that copper is a pussy and so is the Sgt who wrote that nonsense report
Exactly- dump the bitch off the desk
Finders keepers? Sounds like abandoned property….
Sergeant should have pulled a Trailer Park Boys. "I'm gonna pay you $20 to fuck off." No report generated.
I've never understood the mentality behind desk people setting up shop in common/shared areas like a fucking hobo. Keeping department supplies in a locked drawer with a label for your watch only. Their not your staples, Karen. Welcome to CPD kid, where some coppers steal the pettiest of things.
Detective Supplemental Report:
UNFOUNDED
It’s already made it to cops on the west coast, cuz my buddy over there sent it to the group chat this am. SCC is worldwide!
Hey AssMan009 what would you do if someone stole your $20 bag of coffee from cook county when you went on furlough?
All you have to do is replace that coffee with some cheap ass Folgers… and Voila coffee was just misplaced, not stolen…
👍🏻👍🏻
Not a rookie. Just an old dog with time on the job. Never did shit. Never will.
Judas Priest, Man up!
I see what you did there…
Thank you for your service!
I see what you did there.
Somehow I think this copper has watched the ‘Cain Mutiny’ one too many times.
Rumor has it that it was replaced by a bright green dildo.
Has the victim been offered counseling after this traumatizing event?
once again you can't fix stupid it's forever teeeeeeee heeeeeee now back to my morning coffee break thanks
I hope he isn't a bid, because he would be on a car the next day.
CR numbers on the sergeant and lieutenant for taking this report.
Rule No. 11. Incompetence in the performance of duty.
If this officer goes back on a car, trauma like this can be avoided.
Everything mentioned is correct. The officer is a pussy, bitch and asshole all rolled into one. Nothing will become of this except fellow officers hopefully urinating in this piece of shit's coffee. I hope many citizens flood the desk and task this officer with completing useless reports. If the reports are refused, get multiple CR's on this idiot.
The coffee is gone. You are never getting it back. Deal with it…
Amen Gunny, RIP.
The one who appears the most jittery took the coffee.
Despise those people. They have a cushy job on the desk and keep personal items in the station.
Some people live for drama.
Its a property crime moron.. not a homicide hahaha
Shame on the sergeant? So he’s supposed to take 10 days for not doing it? The only one that should be ashamed is the crybaby bitch crying about the bag of coffee
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