Humorous Narrative; Big Fallout
Post Altered:
- Read update below
The narrative progresses mightily from there, touching on a 16 bag weed arrest, cooking school, and a #2 Church's chicken meal. It is a humorous case report, but supposedly led to a mass dumping in the district of occurrence. You have to be careful about what goes on official reports.
UPDATE: At the request of the involved officers, we've removed the narrative. If you haven't seen it at a District near you, it's out there. Look around. We may have more to say later.
UPDATE: At the request of the involved officers, we've removed the narrative. If you haven't seen it at a District near you, it's out there. Look around. We may have more to say later.
Labels: silly people
posted by SCC at 12:03 AM
62 Comments:
its a shame because these guys are great coppers and great guys. They wrote a report that was accurate with a little humor.. I guess humor on this job is completly dead. Ive read the report and I think it is absolutly hilarious. its a shame if these guys got dumped. just another nail in the morale coffin. let these guys go, we need to laugh a little bit.. but with jfled and company there is no laughing... just robotic workers... who ever the bosses were that decided to dump these guys shame on you
"progresses mightily?"
It's juvenile.
I'm sorry, but I have 25 years of service and didn't find the report funny. This is part of the problem with our job nowadays. Too many immature asshats.
Welcome to midnight LT Chambers!
This is the perfect excuse for newly respected Commander Carothers and Chief Downtown Brown to dump you immediately and race has no bearing. Carothers ha a horseshoe up his ass!
Thank God you have been kissing Bea's and Brust's ass for the last year to get back to Mass Transit. Maybe I you cry they will feel real sorry for you!
You and Carothers can share stories why you were both merit selections!
1) Why would you want to be on a tact team to begin with
2) It is funny as shit
"Wrought" with danger? Methinks R/O meant "fraught" with danger!
He has been doing it for years and good reading. Complete BS.
Fucking epic. They still had there probable cause in the report. Great writing
It is not the aggressive officers who go out and make arrests fault that an offender such as the one referenced in the report consider it a joke to be arrested for cannabis knowing that it will be No PC'd (no matter how many ways PC is established) or NOLLE'd. Why shouldn't we enjoy the joke too? The report appears to be a factual account - no perjury issues - so what is the problem? Perhaps that the bosses don't realize the joke that is Branch Court. The writer demonstrates a command of the language not often seen on this Dept. Instead of trying to break young aggressive officers with apparent potential, a leader would mentor as needed to guide his proteges toward success.
I read that today and I have to say it was priceless! So funny, but of course some ogre can't let one of us lowly patrolmen have a sliver of creativity or fun. If any of these guys takes a day, I'd gladly buy the first ticket to their benefit. The sad part is, I don't even have that much time on and I can say I remember when this job was fun. J-FLED and his cronies can cram it.
fukn hilarious
In this day and age of this Department,(Free Bill Cozzi)you will be thrown under the bus. With the struggles we are facing to do the right thing,(because they don't have our backs). The Reporting Officer is plan stupid. Stupidity on all levels the P.O. the Sergeant and the Watch Commander (probably) both meritorious. What were you thinking asshat! Hope you enjoy the watch,no one to blame but yourself.
Funny? If you are a nitwit. As a person who has been on this department for over 15 years, I think this is an embarrassment. A mockery of those of us who believe that most of us on this job are professionals and would like to project that image.
If this guy had a serious case in court, he would make all of us look like fools. Leave the writing to J. K. Rowling. If you want to be a writer, pursue that career! Don't make a mockery of mine!
Who is the Tact LT?
I read the entire report. It's Funny, but asinine. Why would any Sgt. approve such sillyness? The report is much worse than what is posted. In today's climate why would anyone try to be funny with an actual arrest of someone? I can only imagine the field day a lawyer would have, criminal or civil, with what they wrote. There's a whole lot that could be attacked by a lawyer. All just to get a laugh? Not worth it anymore. Who ever approved it should get the same time.
i read that case a few days ago and laughed my ass off go sgt h your old man would be proud!!!!
I REMEMBER ONE GOCR WRITTEN BY TACT GUYS IN MASS TRANSIT THAT RESULTED IN A UUW ARREST QUOTE " IN SUMMARY , R/O'S WHILE ON A WELL DESERVED COFFEE BREAK AT ABOVE LOCATION ( AU BON CAFE )OBSERVED TO M/1'S APPROACH THE FRONT COUNTER-CASHIER AND OBSERVED THE OUTLINE OF HANDGUNS PROTRUDING FROM UNDER THEIR SHIRTS". WHICH PROBABLY STOPPED AN ARMED ROBBERY OR SHOOTING AND NO THEY ( M/1'S ) WEREN'T THE POLICE
Anonymous said...
Funny? If you are a nitwit. As a person who has been on this department for over 15 years, I think this is an embarrassment. A mockery of those of us who believe that most of us on this job are professionals and would like to project that image.
If this guy had a serious case in court, he would make all of us look like fools. Leave the writing to J. K. Rowling. If you want to be a writer, pursue that career! Don't make a mockery of mine!
8/27/2010 02:44:00 AM
old timer, what are you doing reading Harry Potter?
The downfall of this department can be traced directly to the popularization of the word "asshat."
Once that occurred, the downward death spiral began.
One use of "asshat" begat another and on and on like cockroaches it multiplied. Now it is out of control.
The use of "asshat" must be stamped out and a return to proper manly insults carefully conceived and articulated must begin at once or else all is surely lost!
Who on gods green earth would ever want to be on anybodys tact team!!!!
These guys know this job is a joke, their arrests don't mean shit because the judges let offenders go,the promotion system is even more hilarious than their report "He ain't heavy he's my driver.", there will be no pension when they are finally done,all of them probably have 20 CR #'s and lawsuits looming over their heads, all their aspirations and good intentions of being the police went out the window with Mara georges and J-Joke and IPRA and the crooked police board, nobody has their backs,the storefront revs run the police dept,severely undermanned,they are in 07 so they can be killed because of J-Jag's policies at any moment, the mayor is a crook, their supervisors are bumbling idiots,,, this is a scathing example of a clinicaly depressed organization that is FORCED to laugh or they might just have to cry. Let's just be happy they didn't take out their carbines to do a "Columbine" on the HQ 5th floor instead of trying to keep their sanity this way.
This report is more of an indictment on J-Fled's tenure here than the Andrews article.
Lighten up people. This department is a mockery and a sham. The courts are a disgrace. When was the last time you put someone in jail for 16 bags of devil's cabbage? If it has PC on the report why not write it in none police speak. Since most ASA can't comprehend police work. It's better than the mockery of the EB memo sent out on how to eliminate crime. Hibity jibity perfunctory.
just because the cook county courts treat offenses like a joke does not mean we can, double standard YES-, should be use to it by now.
Hilarious.
A more appropriate venue (so he doesn't get in trouble) might be a blog. He/she is certainly talented!
Thank you for staring my day with a laugh before I head out to the hell hole.
---not a cop
There are those of us at call back that shouldnt be here at all for bs allegations. These guys should be happy that they didnt end up at 376!
A dumping is kind compared to what we have to put up with for years !
Couldn't they just let em do a cancellation? Seriously...they are in 007 and the branch court will toss it immediately based solely on the weight....if ANYTHING...THAT is the unprofessional part of this whole thing...branch courts automatically quash a night's work. No harm no foul..
From one working police to another your humor and efforts are appreciated. However with things being the way they are... Im sure it will be an excellent 10-1 party.
Who is the Tact LT?
8/27/2010 03:00:00 AM
The tact Lt was was on furlough when this happened.
Fuckem if they cant take a joke!
I seen this a while ago and you are my new hero! I really wish this didnt get posted to the blog tho:( lets hope the media dont get a hold of this now and ruin some of the support we are gaining.
Stupid move on the officers part to get this on paper with a RD#. Funny report though. BUT use the brains first boys!
Was this really on purpose? I'm thinking it was intended as a joke for the Sgt but he never fully read it because it was only weed and trusted his guys.
One of the phrases that they used for cannabis was "devil's cabbage." That is so much funnier than weed, grass, or mary jane.
not a mass dumping. just one p.o. and his sgt.
Most Narcotics arrest are a joke!
I stopped doing Narcotics arrests years ago after getting tired of hearing "Finding No Probable Cause" by some asshole Liberal Judges that let these pukes walk free!
It's just as easy to do an overdose Death investigation/ Hospitalization report! At least this will be that Jagoffs last report to be named on!
Da Pelon
Just more stupid shit on this job.
To the guys who find the report an embarassment, I have one thing to say,"Lighten up, Francis." I was once told, a long time ago, that you should have a good laugh on this job, everyday. The report is merely a means of venting frustration and an attempt at having a laugh. It is harmless. We all know that the case is going to get dumped in misdemeanor court so why not have some fun with it, see who catches it and roll the dice. I would bet these guys laugh everyday they work together knowing they made a lot of people smile. They got dumped from tact, big deal. It is definitely worth it to be able to look yourself in the mirror, laugh and not want to eat your gun.
TG, FUCKING AWSOME! Screw the dorks that make it a big deal. You told the WHOLE story! Excellent case report writing and EVERYONE I know that read it, thought it was great. Glad to know there are some with some humor on the job. We're behind you guys bud.
to youz guys who didnt think it was funny enjoy your retirement and turn in your weapon on the way out dont want you to snap from being wound to tight you FKS! get A life..me? im right here in 011 days drop by Ill show you some of the west side humor.
Anyone who is pissed off at this needs to lighten up. Technically, everything in the narrative is factual-with a little humor.
This kind of humor is appreciated by the Judges, ASA's and PD's. Its a change from the usual...
"As R/O's approached, R/O's observed the offender drop from his right hand a clear plastic baggie containing a green leafy substance-suspect cannabis"
This seems to be the biggest problem with this department(and society), immaturity
Write it as a joke but dont submit the damn thing, you are supposed to be a professional
Joke,ball bust, rip on each other to each other in your own house, to the public/courts show professionalism.
Until this department isn't run by Jokes like J-Fed, Masters, Carothers officers should have fun with a little weed arrest that wont make it past 51st street.
These officers should be getting a DC for working in Englewood and for being on a tact team and making an arrest.
Dump them????? Promote Them!
And to all the "embarrassed officers" because of this little piece of humor. Take a look over your copy of the Sun Times in the mirror of your 16th district car at your self, and move to the south or west side and see how long your humor lasts. But Im sure you put your time in back when you had less than 15 or 25 years on the job.
Good luck officers. Bring back Dugan and Cline
I'm sorry, but I have 25 years of service and didn't find the report funny. This is part of the problem with our job nowadays. Too many immature asshats.
8/27/2010 12:25:00 AM
RELAX Old timer! You say these coppers are the problem nowadays but actually its disgruntled, no sense of humor coppers like yourself that are the problem. You are suppose to enjoy this job and life. Apparently you take shit way to seriously. Get a life or hobby and while you're at it, take a pill! There was nothing illegal or racist about this report. Just good, humorous writing. Remember, this is a case that will most likely be dropped at the PC hearing so who cares. I'm sure you take everything serious, including the missing person report that is being done for the 15th time on the same kid. If you can't laugh anymore, then its time to RETIRE! By the way I do have 14 years on so I'm not the hair-gel police, just someone who still enjoys a good laugh.
Its is funny
When I retired, Instead of putting " I resign for purposes of pension " I put, "After waiting 35 years for things to get better, I QUIT!"
Of course, nobody downtown noticed, so now I sit back and relax.
The author needs to get a blog. It'd be a hoot. I'd read it regularly.
Reminiscent of a case report done with some creative writing in 010 many years back. Was a Hospitalization Case (Death) in which the victim died of a heart attack. Among some of the highlights of the report: " As he fell to the floor he clutched his chest stating Elizabeth, Im coming to join you honey” ala Sanford & Son. The unsuspecting beat Sgt just signed the report without reading it, (as usual) and it went through-not before many copies were sent to units citywide.
The Sgt got (1) day for inattention to duty
As stupid as it is what rule violation did they break? I can see them getting dumped but not suspended.
You should have seen the one to OPS that two sergeants in my district wrote when they were asked to describe themselves many years ago: A hunky 6'0 with breathtaking blue eyes or some such.
It was hilarious, but then again, not a case report where you were trying to lock someone up.
PS: I know some honorables that went through that read like that case report too.
12:25 a.m.--Settle the fuck down Francis! As someone that personally knows all the coppers involved, you have no idea what your talking about!
For having 25 years on the job and saying that someone writing a comical case report is what's wrong with this department you ain't much of a copper.
This garbage department is swirling around the toilet bowl and these guys are working coppers from 007 who made light of an arrest--big fucking deal!
Read the papers, this blog or watch any news and i can assure you, someone writing a satirical case report is the least of our problems detective!
Have a beer, kiss a girl, wack off for christ sakes--.
I only have 10 years on and am in a nice north side dist. I remember my father telling me stories about Sgts. writting reports (responses to CR #'s) that were 10 pages long and stated how the CPD was like Nazi Germany and how one CR was going to make the whole dept. fall apart. The Sgt I am speaking of is past now, but he had a point. Make your reports spell out the facts, have some fun with it, and make people take notice of the bs that is going on. I believe that these officers did all 3!
To the Tact officers, guys while it was a little bit overboard, thank you for the laughs and the great arrest, I hope you get an Honorable Mention that reflects the report.
lighten up folks, we need to stop jumping down each others throats. the report was funny, we need a laugh now a days.we need a break from the cabal that is demoralizing us. was it right prob. not but is is funny. lets stick together not stick it to each other. just a thought.
be safe and back each other up
Any cop who lacks a sense of humor takes the fun out the job. Part of the police experience is being able to laugh at the silly shit that your coworkers do on occasion. You want to be all serious all the time, go work on an assembly line.
Fun is fun, but you don't put that shit in a report you will have to appear in court and testify on!!! WTF were they thinking? And once again, it proves what a factory we are of supervisors...no one was apparently reading that shit in a timely manner!
yeah...but someone else is gonna get the last laugh.there s a time and place for humor and sarcasm..like this blog! not on a case report.funny shit happens everyday no need to add your 2 cents to the circus.
Lighten up Francis
Before anyone criticizes these guys, you should know that they are great guys and great officers. Over 10yrs on the job and all in the ghetto. These guys been through hell on the job, shootings, shootings, shootings, etc. Over the years they have made great arrests and more important then that they have backed up some of us guys in uniform. They have never had an ego like some p.o.'s develop as soon as they work plain clothes and always back everyone else. So cut them some slack. Yeah this officer messed up, but it was all in the name of trying to have a little humor. You can call these guys immature all you want, but when shit hits the fan and you have an entire family of domesticators jumping on you and your partners back and trying to disarm you and through you out the 4th floor window, these are the guys you want backing you up!
3rd watch 007th District
I cannot believe some people found it offensive. It covered all the needs of probable cause. The rest is filler. Lawyers can say whatever they want, the crime is still covered. Those guys work tact in 007. They need some humor in their lives.
Granted I haven't read the entire report but I would think that a good supervisor would read it, share a laugh and then tell them to rewrite it. End of story. Why would it progress pass the point of the sergeant to getting dumped?
Just an old school sgt.'s thoughts.
8/27/2010 12:25:00 AM,
8/27/2010 02:17:00 AM,
8/27/2010 02:44:00 AM,
8/27/2010 03:17:00 AM,
Will you stick-up-the-ass, humorless asswipes just shut-up?! The darn thing is a hoot. Now stop saluting yourselves in the mirror, and practicing your quick draw, instead, go take your fucking leveling-off medicine and try to regain your sense of humor.
After 24 years on the job I found the report hilarious! Good for the P/O’s and the bosses who let it go through.
As for the ones who are so serious particularly the “professional” from 8/27/2010 02:44:00 AM, all I can say is “relax Francis”.
How can people speak of professionalism when it is lacking throughout the leadership. So deal with it, this job is a joke and little slices of humor are what keep officers from going nutty. So ease up Francis.
Great writing! I have seen reports written in crayon and turned in. Funny just bad timing.
I have no problem w/ that on a paper report ...
but I wouldn't do that on CHRIS
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