Tuesday, October 18, 2016

With a What Now?

  • A CTA bus passenger went on a frozen chicken-swinging rampage last week, first attacking a woman with a bag of chicken and then savagely beating the bus driver, prosecutors said.

    Caleb Russell, 27, became enraged when a woman wouldn't flirt with him Wednesday — so he attacked the woman with the chicken before setting his sights on the driver, according to authorities.

    The 52-year-old driver was beaten so badly that he lost a tooth, will need corrective gum surgery. He suffered a broken nose and jaw as well, Assistant State's Attorney Erin Antonietti said during a bond hearing Friday.
Anyone want to tell this lady and the bus driver a package of frozen poultry isn't capable of causing Great Bodily Harm, maybe even death if he had kept beating the driver?

Deadly Force authorized? Not under the proposed new order. You have to hope you can (A) coax him out using the least amount of force or threats of force, (B) the chicken thaws out enough where it isn't doing quite the amount of damage it does when frozen, or (C) hope Colonel Sanders shows up and offers him a straight up trade - the frozen stuff for a three-piece-meal with his choice of side orders...and then jump him when he isn't looking.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a no-brainer, you bring BBQ sauce to a chicken fight. McDonald's individual packets offer the perfect less than lethal force needed to subdue the offender. Maybe Vanecko & Co. could start supplying the city just in case.

10/18/2016 12:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But no CCW on mass transit cuz it wouldn't be safe. Safe for who? The citizens or the POS?

10/18/2016 12:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When chickens are outlawed only outlaws will have chickens...

Anyone remember Svengoolie and his rubber chicken.


10/18/2016 12:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Admiral Bird said...

His seduction seemed to be going well until he asked her to choke it.

10/18/2016 12:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

More people are killed with feet and fists than all those "dreaded assault weapons."

The driver is lucky he isn't worse off or dead.

10/18/2016 12:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's their fault. They didn't de-escalate.

10/18/2016 12:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If this goes to trial, I would love to see the prosecutor attorney slap someone upside the head with a frozen chicken.
See? This is a dangerous weapon!

(Hopefully it will be the thug defendant getting slapped.)

10/18/2016 01:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wouldn't the frozen chicken in question qualify
as a "slung-shot" class of bludgeon?

"You do you, brah..."

A one-time district station custodian admitted
to having a gym sock loaded with three golf
balls for hard-head m/fers who didn't understand
"no" and "not interested..."

Gawd... Just the thought hurts like a mofo.
There's an outfit named D3 that custom
makes blackjacks, saps and "slappers"/
palm saps...

We feel the urge for a double-stuffed
Texas sap with a beaver tail as a
retirement gift to self.

In keeping with our very strong belief that
decent men (and women) should be able
to freely move about on the public way
unmolested by Rahm's, Obama's and
Shrillary's ugly children...

Too young to die.
Too old to take an ass-beating.
Too sick and tired to have to run from any
m/fer who shits between two shoes.

Time to look into a "Forced To Shoot/Kill A M/Fer"
policy too since the m/o is to financially ruin decent
people forced into taking such action by disposable,
mind-locked m/fers.

10/18/2016 01:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nope - no violence on the CTA - no need for CCW, nothing to see here...

Maybe we just need to ban those assault chickens, have background checks at the grocery store, limit people to one chicken a month, implement training before sales, require insurance before being allowed to purchase frozen chickens, and oh yeah - add a confiscatory level tax of $1000 per chicken to lower crime!

10/18/2016 01:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least the new way of doing things will save lives and lessen many injuries. That is a good thing. Better a frozen chicken than a nine millimeter.

10/18/2016 03:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Not Barney Fife said...

The Use of Deadly Force Act - Stupidity at Its Finest.

Wake up! People on drugs do NOT respond logically.

Sorry, but if you cannot function in society, take mind-altering drugs and do NOT want to comply with civilization - FINE.

As soon as you violate someone else's space, YOU LOSE.

Whether it be gun carrying, knife wielding, or even Frozen Chicken whacking -any attempt to violate someone else, YOU LOSE.

If you cannot comprehend STOP or DROP IT, you're at RISK.

As for "grieving parents" waiting for a Ghetto Lottery check cause Junior, who was HIGH on PCP and would not comply, died: Start teaching your kids to comply with the law.

Start worrying more about victims' rights, instead of people who have total disregard and disrespect for society and complying with social norms in general.

10/18/2016 03:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, we not supposed to inventory perishable items hahaha no weapon, crime?

10/18/2016 03:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A taser would (likely) have sufficed. Would YOU want to deal with a hostile media after shooting a man flailing a frozen chicken at you, or the passengers/driver of that bus? I didn't think so.

10/18/2016 04:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To be fair, SCC, it WAS a "semi-automatic" "assault" chicken.

10/18/2016 05:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw his mug shot on WLS7 site yesterday. Usual suspect, I wouldn't flirt with that son of a bitch either. He looks like some little puke who needs to go back to prison all you judges. He violated his parole. Get it?

But it is always a special treat getting around on the CTA is it not? You meet the most interesting people even if you do not want to.

10/18/2016 06:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you imagine the number of items that will need to have stickers printed and a line drawn through?? The CTA buses will look like the outside of an ice cream truck.

10/18/2016 06:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If someone died would they ban chicken sales in Chicago?

10/18/2016 06:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uganda by the lake!

10/18/2016 06:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Must have been Chick-A-Fil frozen chicken. Rahm says they do not possess "Chicago values"

10/18/2016 06:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So much criticism of the proposed order, yet so few have actually been bothered to submit comments.

10/18/2016 06:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that last part was too funny! Thanks SCC

10/18/2016 08:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey a frozen chicken wing can take out an eye! Just keeping it real, chicken lives matter..

10/18/2016 08:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fast forward to court. The chicken will be thawed out, gently roasted and served with a sprig of parsley.
Now come on, I ask you who would convict then?

10/18/2016 08:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heard the woman was merely winged by the assailant...you so fowl girl!

10/18/2016 08:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

A chicken in every pot.

Chickens coming home to roost.

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

Chicken-shit Rahm. Cluck, cluck, cluck.

10/18/2016 08:26:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. SouthSide said...

The Colonel would not have helped. He hated frozen chicken. His restaurants never used them.

10/18/2016 08:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
So much criticism of the proposed order, yet so few have actually been bothered to submit comments.

10/18/2016 06:39:00 AM

What's the point? I believe the Clealand Police Department did the same thing. Created a public posting of sorts asked for comments and they too were under a Consent Decree. We are just ahead of the formal Consent Decree. Read their use of force, I think ours will be very similar, it's pretty darn close.

10/18/2016 08:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is why I don't take the CTA or Blue Line, too many asshole men from the "community" trying to hit on women. Not interested in talking to any of them.

10/18/2016 09:06:00 AM  
Blogger Cuthbert J. Twillie said...

That was obviously a 'Frozen Assault Chicken' the guy used.

Which begs the question; Where was this guy able to buy such a dangerous 'weapon'? Or more to the point, WHY? Why does anyone 'need' something as dangerous as that! I understand we have 'Rights' but nobody 'needs' to own something as dangerous as Frozen Assault Chickens!

So help stop the madness. DEMAND that common sense 'Frozen Assault Chicken Control Laws' be enacted asap! DEMAND that we become free of the grip of those uncaring bastards at the National Frozen Chicken Association!!

If we don't stop this insanity now, the next time it will be a School Bus full of kids and a madman wielding a Frozen Assault Turkey. So please, think of the children.

Thank you.
(sniffle, weep, sniffle)

10/18/2016 09:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I swear using that CTA is a real trip in observing some dangerous people. I'm not the police, but have a concealed to carry and bring a gun every time I use the bus or train. I don't care about their rules of no guns on the CTA or the Metra, they can suck my dick. I'm agreeing with that guy who wrote on this blog a few months back, who said, if he was involved in a shooting on the CTA he would if possible just walk-way. What makes that idea even more inviting is the Chicago Homicide clear-up rate, it's at only 20%. You walk after shooting someone in self defense, theres a 80% or better change you will not be identified.

10/18/2016 09:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Expect the number of chicken attacks to go up! The criminals element knows you will not shoot them if they kill with frozen poultry.

10/18/2016 09:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did Col. Sanders make the arrest?

10/18/2016 10:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the best....

"So much criticism of the proposed order, yet so few have actually been bothered to submit comments.

10/18/2016 06:39:00 AM"

this dumb arse actually thinks that our comments or suggestions will actually result in this order being altered or shit-canned...

thanks for the laugh troll.

10/18/2016 10:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not as good as the "feel good story " from about 15 years ago where one family member assaulted another family member with a turkey drumstick, knuckle end 1st.

10/18/2016 10:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Hey, we not supposed to inventory perishable items hahaha no weapon, crime?

10/18/2016 03:54:00 AM

No, your supposed to inventory, then throw out perishable items.

10/18/2016 11:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I blame Svengoolie for this one.
His tv show has been promoting throwing around chickens for decades and it still continues today.
Svengoolie's reckless conduct is inspiring feral urban predators to arm themselves with poultry and terrorize public transit conveyances.
In the meanwhile, Caleb Rousell was released from custody and was credited $3.98 (via Link EBT) for his spoiled chicken by the DSS discretionary fund.
Area South Hen and Chicks are not investigating.

10/18/2016 12:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A poultry amount of force is needed to make this arrest.

10/18/2016 12:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was it one of those new-fangled semi-automatic assault chickens?

10/18/2016 02:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guy obviously has some mental issues, but please, let's close down all the mental health facilities and let LEOs play shrink with these folks.

10/18/2016 02:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You want that with cole slaw, fries or hush puppies? Aunt Becky's potato salad is just to die for!

10/18/2016 02:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When it comes to beating on people with frozen fowl, your best bet is to go with a cornish hen.

10/18/2016 03:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken I would have shot his ass old school police

10/18/2016 03:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rahm's chickens have come home to roost

10/18/2016 04:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Rahm-hole obviously will have to erect (no pun intended, Mr. Mayor!) signs stating, "Frozen Chicken-Free Zone". I hope he's not joking/choking his chicken, again...

10/18/2016 06:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But we have a truthful man barry obamas brother showing up to support Donald trump at debate tomorrow he even says Trump is much better for president:


Barry even abandoned his own blood then he stutters when he talks about trump:


Barry seems very nervous wonder why?

10/18/2016 08:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm hungry for White Fence Farm...

10/18/2016 11:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cue theme music: Funeral March for the Marionettes


Frozen chicken, no. Much too unwieldy.

If you want a blunt instrument from the butcher shop use what the Master of Suspense Alfred Hitchcock used. A frozen leg of lamb.

Synopsis of Alfred Hitchcock's, "Lamb for the Slaughter" 1958

Mary Maloney is a devoted wife and an exceptional housekeeper. One day, her husband, the police chief, announces that he wants a divorce because he has met another woman. Mary is quite angry and kills him with a blow from a frozen leg of lamb. She calls the police and provides an alibi for herself with the story that she'd been out to the store when the murder took place. The investigating officer, Lieutenant Noonan, is further frustrated when he cannot find the murder weapon. Knowing of the long and hard hours spent looking into the case, Mary invites Noonan and the other investigators for a bite to eat. They dig into Mary's leg of lamb and Noonan, still thinking about the missing murder weapon, says "For all we know, it might be right under our very noses." Written by Anonymous

10/19/2016 12:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where the hell is CLM!

10/19/2016 01:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
When it comes to beating on people with frozen fowl, your best bet is to go with a cornish hen.

10/18/2016 03:06:00 PM

Naaah.. Better a frozen DUCK.

This way you could say you warned them by shouting...


Shouting a battle cry of CORNISH HEN! just doesn't make it somehow.

10/19/2016 03:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Apparently not Mr Russell's first rodeo on the CTA....

10/20/2016 10:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Start talking, the hot air from your mouth should thaw the chicken out enough for you to take it, rub it fast enough to heat it up and then sit down and enjoy a fried chicken dinner.

10/21/2016 05:08:00 PM  

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