CPD Marine Unit Applications
The Department is accepting applications to be a Marine Officer according to a Department Notice we spotted. Not much publicity on this one for some reason. It's almost like they don't want everyone to apply.
As we have the buoyancy properties of a large boulder and never actually learned to swim, don't expect us to apply. That and the fact that each time a Marine Officer dives in the river or the lake they have to fill out an "Exposure to Communicable Disease" report kind of kills the desire for us.
But good luck to everyone who tries out.
As we have the buoyancy properties of a large boulder and never actually learned to swim, don't expect us to apply. That and the fact that each time a Marine Officer dives in the river or the lake they have to fill out an "Exposure to Communicable Disease" report kind of kills the desire for us.
But good luck to everyone who tries out.
Labels: tests
posted by SCC at 7:09 AM
68 Comments:
I'm DEPLOYED DO I GET A SHOT?
Bouyancy Properties are likely to be the SOLE criteria needed to become a member of the Marine Unit.
The heavier you are (ie less bouyant!), the more likely you are to be successfully added to the unit ! ! !
For those who do try out and succeed, it will probably be a waste of time anyway.
The Marine Unit filed a grievance last year about not getting Sgt’s pay for dead body removal from the water to land and it is currently under review by an arbitrator. If the arbitrator decides in favor of the marine unit, this wonderful city will strip the unit down to bare bones crews and have the CFD divers do the dead body removals. When that happens, their duties will be reduced which, in turn, means that the unit will have to reduce in size. So, if anyone makes it to the marine unit from this test and is in training when this happens; guess what, you will go back to your unit of assignment thus ending your short stint in the marine unit. If you don’t believe me grab the order and look at the section that has the title of TRAINING. I think it is the last item and says to the effect: If at any time there is a reduction in manpower within the unit, members which are training will have their details cancelled and will return back to their unit of assignment.
I hate this fucking city.
I do hope they take only people that actually can swim! Should cut down on at least half of the CPD and any relatives of Beavers.
Is there a power test to?
There isn't much publicity because the Department has decided to not even try to fool the vast majority of POs with no clout; because that's all matters to get this type of gig. An out-of-shape house-mouse pencil pusher with juice has a better chance of making the marine unit than an ex-navy seal with combat experience.
Off topic: Could you please address the 10-year old boy's death at Oakton School? It seems unbelievable that such a young child would suddenly decide to kill himself after a dispute with a teacher, and equally unbelievable that he would know how to hook himself on a toilet stall coathook. The extremely fast determination that it was "suicide" seems improbable, particularly given the circumstances of his young age, reported well-adjusted nature, and lack of prior DCFS involvement with family.
I find it equally reprehensible that a teacher has now stepped forward to say the boy said he would "kill himself" during a dispute with this teacher, and that the teacher chose to ignore that supposed threat. SCC, this sounds like a quick cover-up. Would appreciate more comments.
It was supposed to be read at roll call for 5 consecutive days.
Going in to that river filled with crap...NO THANK YOU!
You mean it is legit? I believe in santa claus!!
With the change in commanding officer effective today, expect a lot of young females to apply and to get accepted.
Do I have a chance?
I can't even swim but I'll get in the CPD Marine Unit. It's da Chicago Way!
why waste your time filling one of these out. they already know who's going just like they already know who the merit promotions are before they even do the interviews.
Took the test once, scored in the top on the swim, guy who scored the lowest(a relative of a boss) was chosen. What's the point?? Fuck this department. Until we start placing the best person for the job in tnat job, we're going to continue to be the laughing stock of the world. Open testing with open results and justification for merit spots....
may be they can actually hire officers that were in the navy!
BUT I GUESS IF U GO FISHING A COUPLE OF TIMES A YEAR THAT SHOULD COVER IT.
FISHING W/ J-FED ON THE S.S. HERCULES
got to swim 500 yards in 15 min without grabbing on to anything. high school swimming was a long time ago!
going to give it a try. good excuse to get back in the pool.
will let you know how it goes.
I don't know, SCC, you may be as qualified as anyone else in that unit. They've passed over plenty of guys with diving experience in order to pick more clout-a-licious cops.
Do you have to know how to swim?
I used to apply all the time. Can't swim for shit but what the hey.
I filled out the application.
I plan on relaxing in a deck chair with my favorite Jimmy Buffet shirt drinking my specially made white wine spritzers, while staring and all the hard bodies on the other boats.
It's kind of like what I do now, but add the boat.
Now, kees me you fool!!!!
Good luck is right! No call you're not getting in the unit. Plain and simple brother!
Nial Fuchion is the best swimmer on the CPD, probably the best in the city. He swam the English Channel multiple times but he had to sue to get into the Marine Unit because all the "clout babies" got there before him with phone calls and they wouldn't let him in the unit, despite his accomplishments and stellar ability.
Same goes for the Canine Unit...call your Chinaman!!!
This department is a friggin' joke. Then they wonder why the troops are so demoralized when the most qualified people are constantly fucked over so that those with clout can leap over the best candidates for these positions.
If you're seriously thinking about going for one of these units, don't bother unless you have a phone call, otherwise, you're just wasting your time. The people testing you already know who the winners are before the tests even begin.
yeah ok it's a fair process right? what a joke
So an assignment to the CPD Marine Unit isn't necessarily considered a form of banishment, as it is depicted in "The Wire" for Baltimore PD?
They already know who's going there. Why bother?
Someone should shoe J-Fed, Weis-el the sacrete suit that he is suppose to wear when he gives his Marine Unit Annual News confrence.
J-Fed swims where the fish used to swim....
SCC, Leno should hire you. You're seriously funnier than any other writer out there. Keep up the great work. AND your defense of animals (the four-legged kind, I mean)...keeps me coming back!
As if they don't already have those spots filled. Give me a break.
SCC, Don't forget that no matter what they say in the application, you need to be SCUBA certified, (they claim they will train you...NOT), and more importantly, you need a phone call.
I just want a prime seat for firework displays.
I can fix the "soda" machine.
If at any time there is a reduction in manpower within the unit, members which are training will have their details cancelled and will return back to their unit of assignment.
That is just a ploy so people don't sign for the test, so they can get their cronies in. so sign up for everything.
I was just thinking about Nyls Function and how hard it was for him to get to the Marine Unit after swimming the English channel twice
And how hard it was for me to get in the bicycle unit (I never got there even though I finished second on the day I tried out)
Glad Im retired
YARRRRRR THE KEESING BANDIT'LL BE GIVING YE LANDLUBBERS A BROADSIDE AFTER HE KEELHAULS YE!
If you listen to these knuckleheads and don't try you are bigger fools than the knuckleheads.
Could it be people are trying to lower the number of the applicants?
Just like the K9 test...Still have not heard anything about the yard inspection or oral interview... I'm just a P.O. with no phone call hoping to make it in the unit. I know its a longshot but who knows right??
"I do hope they take only people that actually can swim! Should cut down on at least half of the CPD and any relatives of Beavers.
2/05/2009 07:43:00 AM"
You mean there are beavers that can't swim?
Anonymous said...
Nial Fuchion is the best swimmer on the CPD, probably the best in the city. He swam the English Channel multiple times but he had to sue to get into the Marine Unit because all the "clout babies" got there before him with phone calls and they wouldn't let him in the unit, despite his accomplishments and stellar ability.
Same goes for the Canine Unit...call your Chinaman!!!
This department is a friggin' joke. Then they wonder why the troops are so demoralized when the most qualified people are constantly fucked over so that those with clout can leap over the best candidates for these positions.
If you're seriously thinking about going for one of these units, don't bother unless you have a phone call, otherwise, you're just wasting your time. The people testing you already know who the winners are before the tests even begin.
2/05/2009 01:57:00 PM
True enough, the results are skewed. Look at the overweight clout kids who score high on the test and the true swimmers and rescue divers who have to work many times as hard.
There should be federal oversight on all promotional tests.
I have to go back to watch my clock now. when the clock strikes 2330 I am out of here.
"With the change in commanding officer effective today, expect a lot of young females to apply and to get accepted.
2/05/2009 08:47:00 AM"
This sounds promising.
Padre Tomasino said...
As if they don't already have those spots filled. Give me a break.
2/05/2009 07:59:00 PM
Hell - You can't even get CTA Special anymore without clout
To the "Off topic: Could you please address the 10-year old boy's death at Oakton School?"
We got our own problems. Go talk to Evanston.
Marine Unit?....you became a patrolman in the Chicago Police Dept. not the BOY SCOUTS...NONE of this above the initial rank of PO (or maybe PPO now) has been or ever will be LEGIT!! Get over it and carry on...or join the navy or jesse white's tumblers or the flying Wallenda's...that is all..
The Keesing Bandit said...
I filled out the application.
I plan on relaxing in a deck chair with my favorite Jimmy Buffet shirt drinking my specially made white wine spritzers, while staring and all the hard bodies on the other boats.
It's kind of like what I do now, but add the boat.
Now, kees me you fool!!!!
2/05/2009 12:07:00 PM
++++++++++
Spank....
You are a HOOT! (do you EVER run down??)
"Could you please address the 10-year old boy's death at Oakton School...Would appreciate more comments."
--2/05/2009 08:03:00 AM
The last time I was visiting someone at St. Francis Hospital, right across the street, I got to see this menagerie let out. Shrieking gangs scooping up mud and hurling it at passing cars and pedestrians, fights rolling around on the ground, kids laying down in the middle of Ridge Boulevard to stop traffic -- really something, and that had to be twenty years ago. The school is not exactly genteel.
It surprises me how much Evanston is able to keep a lot of their problems out of the papers; the town strikes me as the Oak Park From Hell, even further down the path of dissolution while the liberals continue to stand their theoretical ground.
Saw the kid's mom on TV tonight, claiming that he had been in a good mood when he left home, would not do this, etc. OK. I'd be looking for any indications that the kid "had help;" anything indicating that maybe a couple of others were on the legs pulling downwards...do the forensics and listen to the buzz around the place, something often comes up.
Kids never can keep quiet for long, and these days the ones who do things like this will pose with the body and put up cell-phone videos of the whole thing on Myspace...
The utterly stupid part was the meaningless -- and by now standard -- statement that "This was an isolated incident."
"I hate this fucking city."
Sounds to me like it's the fault of the Marine Unit guys who weren't content with having a good job.
"SCC, this sounds like a quick cover-up. Would appreciate more comments.
2/05/2009 08:03:00 AM"
This sounds like a member of the news media. The spelling and grammar are too good.
The majority of the people assigned to the Unit can and do swim regularly, and they perform a variety of duties. The older members who obviously can't do it anymore perform adminstrative functions. The real concern should be what having Piazza taking the helm will do to the unit.
I'm 14 & I can tread water, would I qualify?
FUGGEDABOUDIT!
You could be an Olympic gold medal winning swimmer. Unless you've got that phone call, you're pissin' into the wind.
Actual ability means nothing on this job.
Could you please address the 10-year old boy's death at Oakton School?
-------
Why would we "address" such an issue from the suburbs here? This is SecondCityCopper.com, not SuburbanSchoolSecondguessing.com
It has been posted. Cry all you want, take the challenge.
Maybe you pass, maybe you do not.
Cry after you were cheated, fat ass.....
The Keesing Bandit said...
I filled out the application.
I plan on relaxing in a deck chair with my favorite Jimmy Buffet shirt drinking my specially made white wine spritzers, while staring and all the hard bodies on the other boats.
It's kind of like what I do now, but add the boat.
Now, kees me you fool!!!!
HEY KISSING BANDIT, AGAIN, YOU ARE NOT FUNNY NOR AMUSING. YOUR SHAVED BACK COMMENT UNDER THE ST.BALDRICKS THREAD PROVED YOUR NOTHING BUT AN ASSHAT. MANY FAMILIES INCLUDING MINE HAVE A CHILD WITH CANCER AND YOU DECIDE THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR YOUR "NOT FUNNY" COMMENT?
Off topic: Could you please address the 10-year old boy's death at Oakton School? It seems unbelievable that such a young child would suddenly decide to kill himself after a dispute with a teacher, and equally unbelievable that he would know how to hook himself on a toilet stall coathook. The extremely fast determination that it was "suicide" seems improbable, particularly given the circumstances of his young age, reported well-adjusted nature, and lack of prior DCFS involvement with family.
I find it equally reprehensible that a teacher has now stepped forward to say the boy said he would "kill himself" during a dispute with this teacher, and that the teacher chose to ignore that supposed threat. SCC, this sounds like a quick cover-up. Would appreciate more comments.
2/05/2009 08:03:00 AM
I knew of at least one kid who hung himself in grade school. I think he did it in a closet with a belt. A ten year old killing himself is not unheard of. I really don't think accusing the teacher of fowl play is fair, Im sure that teacher feels terrible. I think adults such as yourself need to realize that young kids are not stupid and capable of committing heinous acts to others and themselves. If anything the teacher needs more training and has to be disciplined or fired.
Took that test twice, even made a list once. Much to my amazement they didn't call people from the list.
boy's death at Oakton School? It seems unbelievable that such a young child would suddenly decide to kill himself after a dispute with a teacher, and equally unbelievable that he would know how to hook himself on a toilet stall coathook. The extremely fast determination that it was "suicide" seems improbable, particularly given the circumstances of his young age, reported well-adjusted nature, and lack of prior DCFS involvement with family.
xxxxxxxxxx
I agree-the story just doesn't sit right with me. I think someone hung him up there, lets hope it is investigated for foul play.
Hey Ross, what was your score again?
Remember, it's all legit, and..... stay away from those radio waves!
HEY KISSING BANDIT, AGAIN, YOU ARE NOT FUNNY NOR AMUSING. YOUR SHAVED BACK COMMENT UNDER THE ST.BALDRICKS THREAD PROVED YOUR NOTHING BUT AN ASSHAT. MANY FAMILIES INCLUDING MINE HAVE A CHILD WITH CANCER AND YOU DECIDE THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR YOUR "NOT FUNNY" COMMENT?
-I saw that post as well. Very inappropriate. As for The Keesing Bandit's other post's...they were funny the first few posts but now aren't even worth reading. The whole gay theme when your not gay might of been funny in grade school. SCC should boot this clown.
Jesse White Tumblers.....Please! Talk about clout! I've got a better chance of buying a Deputy spot on the CPD!
Remember troops, just because it's the Marine Unit doesn't mean you necessarily have to know how to swim, be in shape, be able to think on your feet and underwater in perilous situations, etc. After all it is Chicago. Hey, how about givin some 325 lb. fat-assed Coppers a chance? Oh yeah, that is already O.K. just break out you wallets and go see your Chinaman. Don't worry, once you get in, you won't be expected to actually SWIM or anything, as long as you drop $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ to the Demo-Commie Party
There isn't much publicity because the Department has decided to not even try to fool the vast majority of POs with no clout; because that's all matters to get this type of gig. An out-of-shape house-mouse pencil pusher with juice has a better chance of making the marine unit than an ex-navy seal with combat experience.
2/05/2009 07:47:00 AM
WHAT A WHINER, QUIT CRYING AND GET IN THE POOL. I MADE IT WITH NO JUICE. THE SWIM TEST KNOCKS OUT MOST OF U OUT OF SHAPE WHINERS ANYWAY. IF U HAVE A GOOD DISCIPLINE HISTORY AND THINK U CAN HANDLE IT...GO FOR IT
A FEW YEARS BACK THERE WAS A GUY AT THE TEST GETTING READY TO SWIM. HE TALKED ABOUT DIVING ALL OVER THE WORLD, WOULDN'T SHUT UP. WHEN HE GOT IN THE POOL HE COULDN'T DO THE EIGHT LAPS.
HE DID HAVE COOL TATTOOS THOUGH
BEST WORK ON THE DEPT.
Just thinking about hiow many times Ricky Nelson/001 passed the test with flying colors and was never called. He would make a great marine copper but his chinaman couldn't get him in because Zuelke thought he was a snake and a snitch. Referred to him as crybaby. Good luck again Ricky!
deep sea divin ain't got nothin to with swimmin
HEY KISSING BANDIT, AGAIN, YOU ARE NOT FUNNY NOR AMUSING. YOUR SHAVED BACK COMMENT UNDER THE ST.BALDRICKS THREAD PROVED YOUR NOTHING BUT AN ASSHAT. MANY FAMILIES INCLUDING MINE HAVE A CHILD WITH CANCER AND YOU DECIDE THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR YOUR "NOT FUNNY" COMMENT?
If this is true? the kissing asshat needs his head kicked in. Kids with cancer are not funny no matter what. There is only one guy who's kids has a problem and this Sgt. is such a jagoff nobody likes him and even his kid is off limits.
It just goes to show you that it's buisness as usual again in the Chicago Police Department. Work hard at something and you get nothing. Loaf off at everything and they hand it right to you!
Nial Fuchion is the best swimmer on the CPD, probably the best in the city. He swam the English Channel multiple times but he had to sue to get into the Marine Unit because all the "clout babies" got there before him with phone calls and they wouldn't let him in the unit, despite his accomplishments and stellar ability.
Come on Nial, stay off the blog and get some sleep.
MASTER CHIEF SAID "SWIMMIN DON'T GOT DICK SHIT TO DO WITH DEEP SEA DIVIN!".
Just thinking about hiow many times Ricky Nelson/001 passed the test with flying colors and was never called. He would make a great marine copper but his chinaman couldn't get him in because Zuelke thought he was a snake and a snitch. Referred to him as crybaby. Good luck again Ricky!
Good luck Ricky at the Garden Party.
this test will be legit as possible they got a new lt. in the marine unit, seems to me some sgt may have to show up for work now
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