Fingers, Tiger Urine, Readiness, Viking jobs

Four things we never thought we'd see together in a Quick Hits headline!

• Remember the finger in the Wendy's chili story? Looks like the perps are pleading guilty to Conspiracy and Attempted Grand Theft. No word on how Wendy's civil suit is proceeding against these two brainiacs. We don't think Wendy's will realize countless millions in damages, but you never know.
• Mmmmm, nothing like tiger meat stir fry to get the juices flowing! What was that? How do you say "carne de burro" in chinese? Marinated in ... ooookay. Now we know where those stories get started.
• The mayor says Chicago is prepared for a terrorist attack or natural disaster should it occur on his watch. No word on man made scandals currently rocking city government, but insiders are said to have standing orders that should a breach "unexpectedly" occur in the tunnel system again on or about October 1st, they are to empty EVERY SINGLE SCRAP OF PAPER from their offices into nearby "Hired Trucks" which will dump the load into the river to plug the hole.
• The mayor also said in the same interview that perhaps the Federal government should hire displaced New Orleans residents in a WPA type job where they could earn money cleaning up the city. "I don't think these people want public aid. These people want a job" Other job offers are pouring in from the Scandinavian government, which is looking to reestablish a presence on the Atlantic seaboard and are looking for "looters and pillagers. Experience a must. Pointy hats provided to applicants"