Saturday, March 11, 2006

SCC's Favorite Seiser Facts

We were heartily amused at the Seiser-isms in "Shake out Time" while we took a break from the street sign controversy. We like to keep them in one area so as to not distract from other thread issues (the old "stay on topic" routine). We thought we'd share a few of our favorite Seiser-isms with the board. Please ensure all spewable beverages are far from your computer as neither SCC nor Seiser can be held responsible for damage to computers, monitors or keyboards:
  • Seiser plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
  • The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game and it was vs. Seiser and three seven year old girls as his offensive line
  • "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Seiser calls the pile of dead fools in his front yard who pissed him off.
  • In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Seiser, because Seiser killed that man.
Run with it. If we can't have fun, what's the purpose?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like this seiser is like boogie.

3/11/2006 10:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NICE; A SEISER THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/11/2006 10:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol..sure thing...boogie is to the south side like seiser is to the north side

3/11/2006 10:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There once was a man from Nantucket,

until SEISER killed him.

3/11/2006 10:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHO IS BOOGIE????? WHO IS SEISER????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3/11/2006 10:46:00 AM  
Anonymous desk girl said...

you don't know boogie? i won't say his name but he works on the area 2 gun team. and he smells just so good all the time.

3/11/2006 10:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, how about we all get "Seiser" name tags to wear at the St. Jude parade? It can be our way of letting the bosses know how we feel and not disrespect the Gold Star families.

3/11/2006 10:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DESK that a puddle or what between your legs on your seat?

3/11/2006 10:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


3/11/2006 10:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Question: What does Superman wear to bed at night?

Answer: His Seiser pajamas!

Question: What does Hitney wear to bed at night?

Answer: Nothing!

3/11/2006 10:58:00 AM  
Anonymous SGT. UNKNOWN said...

boogie will do that to desk girls. lol

3/11/2006 11:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are members of the pension board or FOP board related to Seiser? The FOP recently solicited pension fund managers for the upcoming state convention. They backed off when they were called on the solicitation. They are returning the money they received. How did the FOP get the names of the individuals managing pension funds? It sounds like Offical Misconduct - Pay to play for who ever gave the names up. The story will continue.

3/11/2006 11:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boogie does "that " to me and i've only known him for under a year.

3/11/2006 11:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser, a jew and a color guy walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says.........

3/11/2006 11:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What color was the guy? White is a color too, isn't it?

3/11/2006 11:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser goes to the South Side Irish Parade. After numerous beers Seiser has to go to the washroom. Seiser walks into the Cork and Kerry bar and enters the bathroom. Upon entering hs sees a 3 foot tall man dressed in green clothing. Seiser asks the man who are you and the 3 foot green cloth man responds, "I am a Leprechaun."

Seiser goes, "Wow, my lucky day!" Seiser asks the Leprechaun if he gets three wishes and the Leprechaun responds by saying, "Why a course young lad you can have three wishes for anything you want granted to you but first you must give me a blow job!"

Seiser thinks about it and says. "SURE!" Seiser starts to blow the little green Leprechaun shouts, "WOW, Unbelievable!" Seiser asks the Leprechaun, "Its my first time blowing a man, is it that good?" And the Leprechaun responds by saying, "What I meant was WOW, Unbelievable that you still believe in Leprechaun!"


3/11/2006 12:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This Seiser stuff is realy boring now. Sorry

3/11/2006 12:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Seiser stuff is really boring now. Is it out of your system yet?

3/11/2006 12:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who is 1414 3rd watch?

3/11/2006 01:40:00 PM  
Anonymous i love hitney said...

I want more Chris Hitney stuff!

3/11/2006 01:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The BOOGIE man is the guy who rapes your wife, little girl and sister while your at work!

3/11/2006 01:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you Google search "SEISER getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen!

3/11/2006 01:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And SEISER."

3/11/2006 02:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and SEISER.

3/11/2006 02:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SEISER sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

3/11/2006 02:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For undercover police work, SEISER pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

3/11/2006 02:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


3/11/2006 03:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seiser is as seiser does...

3/11/2006 03:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

two new summer blockbuster movies this summer...



... pick a side

3/11/2006 03:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seiser "IS" the terminator

..." i'll be back... after my on view TVB squad!"

I give it 5 * * * * * stars!!

Ebert & Roper

3/11/2006 03:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

from the director that brought you "BrokeDown Ho!"

and the executive producers that brought you " In Cold Beer"

comes a movie for the ages...



" KING DONG "!!!!


3/11/2006 03:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SEISER doesn't teabag the ladaies, he potatosacks them!

3/11/2006 03:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OPS doesn't investigate SEISER. SEISER does not leave witnesses.

3/11/2006 03:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unbeknownest to the Bush Administration, SEISER casually walked into Iraq in February of 2003, found all of the WMD's and hurled them into space before the start of the invasion.

Months later, when asked about the controversey, he simply stated, "fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."

3/11/2006 03:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The boogie man checks his closet for seiser before he goes to bed every night.

3/11/2006 03:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like this seiser is like boogie.

3/11/2006 10:32:28 AM

Except that every night before he goes to sleep, Boogie checks under his bed for SEISER!

3/11/2006 03:37:00 PM  
Blogger CPDSpicoli said...

SEISER, the MAN, the MYTH, the LEGEND!

3/11/2006 03:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its a known fact that Seiser's tears cure cancer.Unfortunately he has never cried.

3/11/2006 03:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The boogie man checks his closet for seiser before he goes to bed every night.

3/11/2006 03:36:56 PM



Bad timing on that one...great minds think a like.

Until SEISER kills them...

3/11/2006 03:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SCC should sell shirts with the SCC logo on the front and "SEISER Runs It" on the back!

3/11/2006 03:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to try and get "SEISER RUNS IT!!!" buttons made up before the 29th and anyone who attends the City Council meeting will get one!

3/11/2006 03:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rollo runs it, not that bitch Seiser.

3/11/2006 03:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What color was the guy? White is a color too, isn't it?

3/11/2006 11:56:30 AM

Fuck you, you reactionary liberal fuck.

3/11/2006 03:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rollo runs it, not that bitch Seiser.

3/11/2006 03:47:17 PM

Ignorance is not an excuse to SEISER. I pray that he will kill you quickly for your insolence. He is brutal, yet fair...

3/11/2006 04:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to marry Seiser.



3/11/2006 05:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser does not marry , he is the master... but he will do your wife , your girlfriend, your mom, your goat, Seiser will knock you down, spat on your face, scandal your name all over the place and drink your liquor from an ol fruit jar, he'll do what he wants if wants too and step on your blue suede shoes TEX.

3/11/2006 05:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser is the author of all the sex stories in the Penthouse Forum section of Penthouse magazine... his stories are like Horeshoe Casino.... LEGENDARY

3/11/2006 05:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser is the 11th Commandment

"thou shall not get away with it..."

SESIER = The Destroyer

3/11/2006 06:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Moooo said...

Seiser actually runs it on the Oberweiss farm. Busy, day and night.

Got milk?

3/11/2006 06:18:00 PM  
Blogger Malcolm X's little brother said...

There is no truth to the rumour that Seiser and I are the same person.

Thank you

3/11/2006 06:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank Allah for that!

although Seiser is a Demi-God...

3/11/2006 07:01:00 PM  
Anonymous I love hitney said...

If Seiser's so hot how come he can not be seen as the hero of the new Bruce Wills film, 16 Blocks?

Crimefile has a great review with the trailer:

16 Blocks—The Official Crimefile Movie Review

3/11/2006 07:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Seiser's so hot how come he can not be seen as the hero of the new Bruce Wills film, 16 Blocks?

Because if SEISER was the star, he'd roundhouse kick every person in the film within the opening credits, and they'd have to rename the film "16 seconds"!!!

3/11/2006 08:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

new Detective class to go in April 3rd

3/11/2006 08:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the bunkerbuster bomb the U.S.A. will drop on Irans nuke program will be called naturally...

SEISER from above...

3/11/2006 08:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser = Lt. Frank Dribin Police Squad

3/11/2006 08:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

new shoe this fall on TNT...

Regular Joes v. Seiser



3/11/2006 08:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear that SEISER was in a porno movie a few years back, filmed while in Washington D.C. for Police Memorial Week.

It was an instant hit! Larry Flynt of Hustler Magazine fame gave it "Three Fully Erects"

Roger Ebert gave it a "thumbs up" and

Oprah Winfrey wanted to add the script to her "Reading club" list as a "MUST READ"

SEISER is said to run most everything. However, the only thing he doesn't run is the Department of Finance. That is why the CPD Paychecks are always Fucked up!!!!

3/11/2006 08:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw boogie the other day with his button up shirt undone down to his hairless navel...hes to die for

3/11/2006 10:51:00 PM  
Anonymous pussycat doll said...

i don't know about you other girls, but boogie can have my guns anyday

3/11/2006 11:59:00 PM  
Anonymous lord Seiser said...

boogie can have my cheese, too.
I have a fresh wedge of "Fromunda"

3/12/2006 12:12:00 AM  
Anonymous donkey city said...

Boogie is a twit.

3/12/2006 12:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boogie was just arrested in Rogers Park, for soliciting a transgendered prostitute to toss it's salad in exchange for $5.00 U.S.C.

Good arrest, Seiser.
impound his ford festiva, too.

3/12/2006 12:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bonus arrest....the prostitute was Huberman.

You run it, Seiser!!!

3/12/2006 12:26:00 AM  
Blogger Rue St. Michel said...

No one knows the TRUE Seiser

1. Seiser' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Seiser if his real name is "Charles". Seiser did not respond; he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Seiser instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he made his first arrest.
4. Seiser built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Seiser met all three bullets with his wavy hair, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Seiser–more than meets the eye, Seiser–robot in disguise," and starred Seiser as a StreetWise Cop who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Seiser was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "TVB". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Seiser omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse-kick related deaths.
7. Seiser once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
8. When Seiser plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Seiser can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
10. Before each tour of duty, Seiser is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the shitheads he fights.
11. Seiser does not sleep. He waits.
12. When Seiser's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Seiser said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Seiser."
13. Seiser took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
14. Seiser is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Seiser once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

...Just a hint - a mere glimmer of the true essence of Seiser...Pray that you never cross Him...

3/12/2006 01:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SEISER may look like Kramer from Seinfeld-- but will kill you for just thinking that.

3/12/2006 02:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went to a real nice benefit the other night in 025 and found out one thing "SEISER RUNS IT".... and it was good!!!!!!

3/12/2006 03:12:00 AM  
Blogger Sabian said...

Seiser ALLOWS us to speak his name....and have this thread.

Seiser allowed Roe Conn to somewhat resemble him.

Seiser sees the fine ass hoochie and her thug boyfriend in the hood and refers to them as Mr. & Mrs. ASS. Fine ass and dumb ass.

3/12/2006 02:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seiser wants W.E.T. tv show.

3/13/2006 11:26:00 PM  
Anonymous seiser asylum said...

Seiser has three bowel movements per day.

Seiser is allergic to cauliflower.

Seiser likes Louisiana hot sauce on his eggs and omelettes.

Seiser stole a Hershey bar from the store across from his school in 8th grade.

Seiser has a third nipple.


3/14/2006 07:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You wish you had a third nipple.

M. Seiser runs it!!!

and, go fuck yourself.

3/15/2006 03:11:00 AM  

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