Monday, May 15, 2006

Upsurge in Alligator Attacks?

THREE fatal alligator attacks in a week down Florida way. Just another reason to avoid that place like the plague - old folks that can't drive, oppressive humidity and hurricanes, alligators eating people on the streets.

Once upon a time, animals KNEW their place in the world. They were food, plain and simple. Sometimes they were clothes, but most of the time, they were food. Then came political correctness and an aversion to actual hunting by the more sensitive members of society (pansies and candyasses). They claim that animals had "rights" and "feelings" and other such nonsense. What the hell do we care if a fish has feelings? Or a pheasant? Or if a deer is anything more than tasty? Nowadays, deer are like rats with antlers, starving to death in the forest preserves because there are just too damn many of them. Wisconsin kills something like a quarter million deer a year and they still out number the cheeseheads something like 2 to 1. Michigan is even worse. Things are so bad that if the deer ever develop opposable thumbs and a capacity to manufacture firearms, the whole human race would be hard pressed to hold it's own. And along with the deer come the predators. We've referenced many reports on coyotes in the city - bears (not football Bears) are making a huge comeback in Wisconsin. New Jersey killed a bear last week that was wandering around Trenton. And mountain lions are drifting east into Iowa every day.

Animals are getting the feeling that they can just push us humans around and the alligators are just the latest symptom. Time to reestablish nature's pecking order before it's too late.

30 Comments:

Anonymous Cheesehead Copper said...

Don't feel bad for Bambi. I shot and ate him last season.

5/15/2006 12:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh for the good old days when you only had to worry about the two legged ANIMALS!!!! LIFT THE RESIDENCY!!!!!!!!!IMPEACH THE F.O.P. LEADERSHIP!!!!!!!!!

5/15/2006 12:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let a couple giant gators loose at 39th king drive. it's munch time!!

5/15/2006 12:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Throw a star on those gator's. When were done with them I will take a pair of boots.

5/15/2006 12:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Mr. Perfect said...

M. Seiser should go down to Florida and roundhouse kick those alligators into luggage! All hail Reptile King Seiser!

5/15/2006 12:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, look, the scarey deer are going to take over the earth. Get real. Now you want us to worry about animals wandering around? Whatever.

5/15/2006 12:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever? LOL, Talk ta the hand. R U cryin to be bait?

5/15/2006 12:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing like a female jogger just sitting on a Florida bridge and dangling her scrawny legs above a gator laden canal. Kinda like those slim, tiny nosed blondes in Prada athletic wear pushing strollers down Chicago Avenue at Hudson. Fucking gator bait. When did white people get so stupid?

5/15/2006 01:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Life is nothing but a big food chain, and we're on top. Well....most of the time we're on top. It appears we're slipping once in a while.

Alligators were endangered 40 years ago, but now they're back more than ever. Alligator shoes anyone?

5/15/2006 01:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of alligator attacks. . .

Word on the street is that a certain sergeant was nearly attacked by one while golfing down in gator country. Apparently he thought alligator sunning himself on the fairway was a lawn decoration. Not being sure, he decided to walk up and poke it with his club. When he got within striking distance, the "lawn decoration" blinked. He then wisely got the hell out of Dodge

Since I'm not at liberty to name names, heres a clue. . . This same sergeant also has a problem with horses. In particular, he does not get along well with Mustangs. :)

5/15/2006 01:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know alligators, sir, and you are no alligator!

5/15/2006 02:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SCC: "Time to reestablish nature's pecking order before it's too late."

Before you start buying hunting licenses, can we bring a few hundred gators here for the summer and "thin out the herd" a little? Darwin was right, become smarter or faster that the thing that’s going to eat you, and you might have a chance!

5/15/2006 02:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And while we're at it, how about all them f*ckin possums? Ya'all remember the ones that attacked my dog?

5/15/2006 02:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Had a very small scotty that killed ole possum on the spot, happened so fast I was in shock. Hell, I didn't even know the damn thing was right next to me an hidden behind a panel of wood. Blammm right for the throat. Their known for being vermin killers. New`found respect for the lil dustmop.

5/15/2006 04:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This has got to be the dumbest thread I've seen on here!

5/15/2006 07:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the problem of the North American Silverback? These animals have been thriving in our major cities for years!!!! When will the season open up on them?

5/15/2006 07:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

they have been dispersed far and wide to be used as law enforcement training aids.

5/15/2006 07:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn them all to hell...

5/15/2006 08:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unleash some of those gators on the usless sub-humans in the ghetto's of New Orleans. They need food to propagate the species.

5/15/2006 09:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was actually an IQ test to see if anyone remembered "Sarcasm and Silliniess." I can see half a dozen failures right in the first 20 comments. Unfortunately, those half a dozen failures will be our new command staff in 5 years. We're DOOMED

5/15/2006 09:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those Gators down there are like housecats up here. When they get old, they make women's purses and mens boots out of them.

And when housecats get old in the districts, they go to Operation Market (hide the statistics) Garden!

5/15/2006 01:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When are these animals going to learn? Who do they think they are? Send them all back where they came from! The nerve. Next thing you know they will try to open gambling casinos or something on their native lands

5/15/2006 03:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Headline from the Onion dated 11-17May 2006:

Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are

Here is the link to the online version: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/48203

5/15/2006 04:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

RE: 5/15 4:18
Scottish terriers rule! They are tough little dogs that will go after anything. Very loyal to family. My parents always had scotties.

My beagle got the best out of a racoon in my yard, blood everywhere, dog won. Racoon lived, but never came back for a visit.

5/15/2006 04:06:00 PM  
Blogger kaptain koolaid said...

WE AT FT KOOLAID LOVE THE FOP.
THEY FEED US WITH SECRET INFO AND GO ALONG WITH WHATEVER WE TELL THEM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

5/15/2006 07:04:00 PM  
Blogger happyjoyjoyjoy said...

SCC said:
Once upon a time, animals KNEW their place in the world.

Oh brother tell me. Damn monkey makes me cook and clean for him all day long. I should just tell him...shazbot here he comes. i gots to runs.

5/15/2006 08:25:00 PM  
Blogger leomemorial said...

Snorkeling (ha!) in Ocala is the equivalent of throwing bloody raw meat into a pool of sharks!!

Land developers keep pushing wildlife into residential areas. Keep building on that marsh land. Yeah...

5/15/2006 09:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe the alligators have been inspired by that 023rd District Watch Commander's roll calls.

5/16/2006 01:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

we should take the homeless to florida and feed them to the hunry gators..2-problems solved at once...

5/17/2006 05:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again"urban sprawl".We as humans keep encroching on THEIR land.The gators,deer,and other wildlife were in those areas before us. Native wildlife has fewer and fewer places to habitate or relocate. But it's only a mild inconvience. By building over their habitat we'll just starve them into extinction.Those that come into areas inhabited by us we'll simply kill.the balance of nature is tilted heavilly in our favor(for now.)At least until the next great cataclysmic event.(Asteroids,floods from global warming,earthquakes,tsunamis,worldwide pandemic,take your pick. Before you say it,I'm not a "tree hugger"per se,But I do believe in the "balance of nature". And when that balance is upset,Mother Nature has a way of rebalancing the scales.We and the dinosaurs have way more in common than you might think.

5/21/2006 04:37:00 AM  

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