Monday, July 10, 2006

Why Does Anyone Live in Florida?

Hurricanes, humidity, no-driving fools, no-driving old folks, alligators, the list goes on and on. Now we have even more reasons to avoid Florida:
  • I can't believe it's possible to make money selling animals most people want to kill with a hoe. I wonder if it's time for me to open a business, selling loathsome creatures I want to get rid of.

    GIANT FLORIDA COCKROACHES, $5 each, shipped to your door. No charge for eggs laid in transit. They fly and smack you in the mouth and eyes, they eat your food, they poop in your cabinets, and when they mistake you for food while you're sleeping, they even bite. Order now; at these prices they won't last long.

    FRISKY, BRIGHT-EYED NORWAY RATS, trapped in the cemetery down the street. Do-gooders cleaned up the cemetery, and the rats now have no place to live, so adopt one today and I'll mail it to you in map tube. These rats are very friendly, having lost all fear of man due to advanced rabies.

    ANNOYING CENTRAL AMERICAN MILLIPEDES, two dollars a gallon. They climb up your walls. They climb across the ceiling. They fall in your drink. Walk across your living room at night and listen to them crunch. They secrete hallucinogenic compounds, but I am not sure how many you have to eat to get a decent buzz. I would start with a generous handful and work from there.

And it only gets funnier from there. We wonder if the "whiz-quiz" tests for hallucinogenic millipede extracts? Someone let us know. All of the above posted at


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Genuine chicago housing project Roaches! Eat everything, live in shit pick one up in a project now.
Even your kids can't kill them!

7/09/2006 11:04:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Floridinans call them palmetto bugs. Just a nicer name for a giant cock roach. I hear they grab you by the leg drag you into the swamp and eat you.

7/10/2006 12:08:00 AM  
Anonymous fillmo said...

Yo! Check it out!

Florida ain't got shit on our cockroaches on steroids and cat-sized vermin, even two-legged rats.

Napalm please!

7/10/2006 08:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Det. Tom LoConte (37) passed away this week from a year long battle with non Hodgkins Lymphoma. He leaves behind a wife 2 young children Brigid (5) and Edward (2). The wake is Monday at Olson Funeral Home 6471 N NW Hwy 2-9pm. Show your support for our fallen brother taken too soon.

7/10/2006 08:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Florida lets retired Chicago cops carry firearms with no bullshit like Daley dishes out in Chicago.

7/10/2006 09:22:00 AM  
Anonymous 18 USC, Ch. 44, 926C said...

Fuck that crooked hypocrite Daley!

All CPD retirees, check

7/10/2006 11:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

R.I.P. Detective

7/10/2006 01:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the question should be why does anyone live in chicago ?

7/10/2006 08:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the question should be why does anyone live in chicago ?



7/11/2006 12:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait to leave this pisshole Chicago and move to Florida!

7/11/2006 02:57:00 AM  

<< Home

Newer Posts.......................... ..........................Older Posts