Zombie Combat
- Iowa City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie, then punched him twice. Police said the assault occurred at 1:17 a.m. Sunday at an Iowa City restaurant south of the University of Iowa campus.
A man was ordering food when he was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then hit him in the eye. When the victim tried to call police on his cell phone, the man punched him again, breaking his nose.
The man then ran out a back door.
If we remember our zombie history, punching a zombie in the face is never a good idea and seldom works in terms of defeating the zombie. Preferred methods of defeating a zombie include machetes, halberds, pikes, axes, shotguns, rifles and fire. Remember, doors and windows, even walls are no obstacle to a zombie. One surefire way to eliminate the zombie threat is removal of the head from the body.
We hope this was helpful.
We hope this was helpful.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:01 AM
35 Comments:
Isn't J-Fraud's think tank made up of a bunch of zombies? I heard that they pass around an orangutans brain, kept in a glass jar, asking it questions about what can be done to make us more productive and to keep us in line.
In my favorite movie Cobra, Sylvester Stallone works in the zombie squad unit, a team that specializes in catching psychos. This unit was likely a 1980's precursor to MSF and TRU.
Dear SSC,
Thank God you're ready for this. Always good to have a plan.
Okay if I pass this on to my hometown's police officers? There's a ton of people that seem like they're going through the motions here in D.C. And yeah, they're invading my home . . ..
Sincerely,
Ann T.
They're dead, they're all messed up.
Wha chew talkin bout, Willis?
duely noted.
I hate Nazi Zombies.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEQwEmeWnyI
He may not have been a zombie but he may be brain dead. If an offender is standing in front of you and just punched you maybe you should take some defensive action such as leaving the scene or, god forbid, fighting back. Probably not the best time to whip out the cell phone.
Is that Gothard drunk now a reveler for the undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes?
Wait until November 14th when THE Ohio State Buckeyes make all the Hawkeyes into "zombies" at the Horseshoe in Columbus.
Before anyone asks:
weapon consisting of an ax blade balanced by a pick with an elongated pike head at the end of the staff. It was usually about 1.5 to 1.8 metres (5 to 6 feet) long. The halberd was an important weapon in middle Europe from the 14th through the 16th century. It enabled a foot soldier to contend with an armoured man on horseback; the pike head was used to keep the horseman at a distance, and the ax blade could strike a heavy cleaving blow to finish the opponent.
Encyclopedia Britannica.
i hope the zombie didn't defend himself. apparently, that's a felony in iowa.
We'll meet at the Winchester...!!!!
It is also a well know fact that Zombies are very poor at climbing. Roof tops are great places to hold off Zombies and take them out with long range weapons. Also allows for easy rescue and evacuation by helicopters. For more information see THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE by MAX BROOKS.
George Romero could make a zombie epic in Chicago. He could use the city council along w/the stuttering prick's staff as the dead(beats). Im sure many cops would play the zombie killers on their days off. Remember: HEAD SHOTS!!
Dude, I believe the Patrol Carbine operators/instructors are certified zombie hunters!!!
Be careful when punching a zombie (or anyone else) in the face while in Iowa. Has everyone forgotten that a subsequent conviction could get you a 5-year prison sentence?
I enjoy the sarcasm, real or unintended, of your two posts today and their obvious connections:
1 - WAR! about fighting the Aldermen and
2 - Zombie Combat about fighting zombies
I'M PISSED!!!
Since the CPD Ranges are closed, I haven't been able to qualify for my Zombie Extinguisher certification card.
Anybody have info where we can go to get certified? County? State?
You are making jokes about this but as someone who lives right by the Iowa border & sees many Iowa drivers, I can assure you there are a lot of zombies in Iowa
This is a good field handbook for the situation.
http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Survival-Guide-Complete-Protection/dp/1400049628
Written by Mel Brooks kid. Very funny.
SHOT THEM IN THE HEAD- THEN THEY'LL STAY DEAD.
Rule #1: Cardio
Rule #2: Double-tap
You have got to see Zombieland with Woody Harrelson--it's ROFLMAO funny.
I see someone else reads fark.com....
ooooohhhh, lawdy, lawdy...dem zombeez be's from drankin' dat purple drank...mmmm hhmmmm....and dat ain't no hibbity jibbity!!!!! mmmm hhmmmm, doncha know
Just go to 63rd and cottage or 63rd and King on any given day at any given time...it's like a scene out of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. They jus' be staggerin' all aroun...mmmm hhmmmm....chock full o' da hibbity jibbity
Paranoid schizophrenics are invariably medicated with Thorazine. When they walk around doing "the Thorazine shuffle", they appear to be ZOMBIES. Also note the catatonic (lack of) expression on their faces and the "dead" eyes of a Great White shark or Jody Weis.
Guy must have ordered BRAINS...more
BRAINS...
Rule #1: Cardio
Rule #2: Double-tap
Crap, someone beat me to it.
Our Illustrious Think Tank is bringing in Rob Zombie to be leader of the Z-force.
Zombies= brainless shit suckers that drain the life out of anything they touch. Sounds like Chicago to me...
Zombies= brainless shit suckers that drain the life out of anything they touch. Sounds like Chicago to me...
Yes it does...large zombie populations on the upper floors at 35th and Michigan, City Hall 5th Floor, County Building...Thompson Center (I still call it the State of Illinois building...am I dating myself?)
Don't forget to use your Bat-Anti-Zombie repellant too.
Zombie's? Try parking for a while at 16th and Keeler, or 16th and Trumbull-it's like a scene from "The Serpent and the Rainbow", or "Night of the Living Dead" and would easily debunk any merit to the fuckhead argument to legalize drugs.
IOWA=
I-DDIOTS
O-UT
W-ALKING
A-ROUND
Hegewish is full of Zombies, just look at people who live there, a bunch of weird-o's...
Doink the Clown said...
Isn't J-Fraud's think tank made up of a bunch of zombies? I heard that they pass around an orangutans brain, kept in a glass jar, asking it questions about what can be done to make us more productive and to keep us in line.
In my favorite movie Cobra, Sylvester Stallone works in the zombie squad unit, a team that specializes in catching psychos. This unit was likely a 1980's precursor to MSF and TRU.
IF HE SPECIALIZED IN CATCHING PSYCHOS, THEN HOW DID HE MISS YOU, PUD-BOY ????
The City Council consists of zombies. Lets take them out
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