Ghost Hammers

A bunch of good suggestions in the comment regarding the unregistered purchases of hammers by the mentally ill:

• Hammers should have serial numbers and be controlled
• You should need three forms of ID to buy a hammer
• you really should have a background check before you are allowed to buy a hammer. Fingerprints and a DNA sample should go to the Feds for every hammer sale
• What Illinois needs to do is create an H.O.I.D. card so that we know when people buy a hammer they have been trained and the hammer is registered

All good suggestions....but they don't address the most concerning aspect of this entire class of weapons:

• Ghost Hammers

Did you know that you can actually build your own hammer? Without any sort of government oversight? And then you can sell these blunt instruments on the street....for profit....and without any sort of background checks? 

Look at some of these we found on-line:

You can tell some of them were recovered at crime scenes because there's a evidentiary ruler in the picture so as to document the barrel, handle length and caliber of the hammer. 

And according to fbi statistics, hammers are used in far more homicides that "assault rifles"

Are they 3D printing hammers yet? There ought to be a law about that. 

Whoops

Suburban school "oops:"

• A person of interest is in custody after a resource officer misplaced his gun while using the bathroom at a northwest suburban school Monday afternoon, leading to the cancellation of classes on Tuesday.

  According to Arlington Heights police, the incident unfolded just prior to school dismissal at Forest View Educational Center, located in the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road in Arlington Heights.

  Police say the school resource officer removed his firearm from his duty holster while using the restroom, but realized the gun was missing shortly after students were dismissed for the day.

  The resource officer searched the restroom for the gun, but did not locate it and contacted authorities to help in the search.

The gun wasn't located that day, but a review of security footage has led to an arrest of a "person of interest."

Any bets if Porkulous and Kwame will insist on more gun restrictions because Indiana has looser laws that enable gun running over the border?

Cocaine Coho

A side effect of blowing up drug boats?

• Salmon exposed to cocaine in the water swim longer distances than those that go without, according to a study released this week.

  Cocaine use is on the rise worldwide, with the U.N. reporting an estimated 25 million people used the stimulant in 2023 and the drug being increasingly found in waterways.

  Joint research released Monday by scientists at Australia's Griffith University and the Swedish University of Agricultural Sciences studied how the drug affected the movements of wild fish in their natural habitats.

"Joint research." 

We had a salmon filet the other night and didn't sleep for two days and lost five pounds. 

Not much happening in town today. 

UPDATE: commentator remembered that Frank Trigg could have used a fish dinner as an excuse when he pissed hot. 

 

Budget Woes

That unpaid balance owed to the City in fines and fees keeps getting larger:

• Chicago residents, businesses, and city employees altogether owe the city more than $8.1 billion in overdue debt, some of it dating back to the 1990s, according to a report from the city's inspector general.

  Inspector General Deborah Witzburg's report notes the bigger problem is that amount is most likely even larger, but the city can't properly account for all of the money it is owed.

  The report revealed antiquated systems and policies dating back decades that prevent the city's Department of Finance from tracking and collecting all of the money owed.

As we said a short time ago, Officers are regularly the subject of internal investigations when their name appears on any debt record, starting with a SPAR, upgraded to a CR, culminating with wage garnishment and suspension should it not be paid.

Why this isn't a regular thing with other city departments, we don't know. 

Why it isn't rigorously enforced on assorted companies, contractors or other government entities is a mystery as they're ripping off not just Chicago, but all Chicagoans who end up paying higher taxes to cover the constant shortfalls - $8 billion and counting.

Start cutting off services. Then go to Springfield and change the State Law about how much you can garnish. Make it painful to not pay bills. Illinois is a one-party state constantly abusing its power....why not now?

Not the Smartest Criminal

A virtual confession on-line:

• Prosecutors say a Chicago man Googled how to kill someone with a hammer before using one to beat to death a transgender woman he had been in a relationship with.

  Deandre Bell, 24, is charged with first-degree murder in the death of Davonta Curtis, 31, whose body was found by family members inside her apartment in the 2400 block of West Lake Street on April 8. Prosecutors said she had been in an on-again-off-again relationship with Bell.

  In a detention filing, prosecutors said the two spent part of Easter Sunday together and video showed them returning to Curtis’ apartment building that evening. Sometime between 11:40 p.m. that night and early the next morning, Bell struck Curtis repeatedly in the head with a hammer, prosecutors alleged. Surveillance video then shows Bell leaving the apartment building alone at 1 a.m. on the morning after Easter.

This is why our closest friends have instructions in the event of our untimely passing:

• clear our browser history ASAP - phone, computer, everything

Lord knows we don't want the Keesing Bandit going through our internet searches.

San Fran "Solved" Crime

Well, not really solved, but they put a sizeable dent in the crime numbers via a very simple solution that no one ever thought of before:

• In just two years, car break-ins are down 85% from their previous highs. Robbery is down 30%. Burglary is down 33%. And most impressive of all, homicides haven't been this low since 1954. To give you an idea of how long ago 1954 was in San Francisco terms, the city was on its fourth in a string of five consecutive Republican mayors.

  All of these figures are courtesy of Austin Justice, an X account that tracks "Austin’s rogue criminals, prosecutors, and politicians." I suspect "Justice" looks at San Francisco with Texas-sized envy — and who saw that coming?

  The real question, though, is, "In two years since what?"

  In 2022, voters finally had it up to here [hold hand six inches above head for visual effect] with the city's soft-on-crime/George-Soros-sponsored district attorney, Chesa Boudin, and recalled him with a solid 55% majority. Mayor London Breed appointed Brooke Jenkins to the job as Boudin's interim D.A., and she was elected to a full term in 2024.

  Jenkins has her own troubles, including committing two acts of prosecutorial misconduct, resulting in her placement in a mandatory diversion program to teach her the errors of her ways.

  But there's one thing Jenkins does exactly right, and it's that one weird trick that works so well against crime: She actually prosecutes criminals. 

First, they got rid of the Soros-backed commie prosecutor.

Second, the new DA actually started jailing and prosecuting crimes as written by the legislature.

Who would have thought that YOU CAN actually prosecute your way out of crime? Why had no one ever thought of this before??

Next thing you know, deporting actual criminals might drive the numbers down ever further. 

Someone want to tell Fata$$? Conehead? O'Neil-Burke - though she might have a tiny inkling.

Proof of What Now?

The Sparklefart Grift is set to continue:

• You'll soon be able to purchase tickets to visit the museum at the Obama Presidential Center. Tickets for Founding Members go on sale starting April 21. Ticket sales open to the general public on May 6. You'll be able to book a date to visit, starting June 19 through November 30.

  Admission is $30 for adults, and $23 for children ages three through eleven.

So they've stopped calling it a "library."

But this part amused us:

• The museum is also free on Tuesdays with proof of Illinois residency.

How is one supposed to prove Illinois residency? The party of Sparklefart has been telling us for years that black and brown people are either: 

• systemically denied being able to get ID, 
• economically unable to afford ID
• or too dumb to get an ID

Remember, you need ID to shovel snow in New York, buy liquor, fly on a plane, recycle metal, pawn anything, and now go visit the Sparklefart Center.

It's so confusing. 

Skynet Stumbles

Robots are the future, doing jobs ILLEGAL ALIENS won't do:

• A rogue delivery robot was caught on camera in Chicago - a city President Trump once slammed as 'the most dangerous in the world' - as it smashed through a glass bus stop.

  Bizarre footage captured the aftermath of the delivery robot rampage in Chicago, where one of many machines roaming the city destroyed a glass bus shelter on Tuesday.

  The clip, viewed millions of times on X in just hours, shows the glass-covered robot twitching violently as it crushes the shattered shelter beneath its four wheels. 

  It eventually rolled away, blinking occasionally, as a stunned passerby filmed the debris scattered across the pavement.  

Good thing there wasn't a homeless person living in the shelter - that robot would have ground him into the pavement. 

Hopefully the Terminator T-1000s are just as uncoordinated.

Oh No, Must be an Election!

How can we tell?

• A new Covid variant is spreading across the U.S. and it may be able to evade protection from current vaccines.

  The variant, known as BA.3.2, has been detected in nasal swabs taken from four American travelers and clinical samples from five patients in four unidentified states. It’s also been found in three airplane wastewater samples and 132 wastewater samples taken in more than 20 states, suggesting that its reach is actually far more widespread than what scientists see right now.

Four cases!!!!  SHUT IT DOWN!!!!

Wait, is it here?

• BA.3.2 has been found in California, Connecticut, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Nevada, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Wyoming, Louisiana, Michigan and Ohio.

AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Illinois!?!?!?!  Quick, someone evacuate the governor's family to Florida and fly the daughter's horses down on a private flight!!!

How many dead already????

• The variant was detected in hospitalized patients in December and January in three unidentified U.S. states.

  The patients included two hospitalized older adults with additional health conditions - including one who had been admitted for heart care - and a young child who received outpatient care.

  All of the patients survived and the researchers said detection in hospitalized patients does “not necessarily indicate that the variant causes more severe disease, nor does it establish any association with risk factors.”

Oh.

So 100% survivable, doesn't effect kids to the point of hospitalization and one of hte two hospitalized adults had a contributing health factor.

Just like the original virus. 

Governor Chomo?

That's how this works now, right? 

• completely unsubstantiated allegations are assumed to be fact, even in the face of blanket denials or (even more likely) exonerating evidence in existence.

We know this because Fata$$ has been doing this for any number of years now as he tries to lay the groundwork for a run at the White House and make everyone forget that there is a previous family history of a Pritzker being involved with a child sex trafficker.

Here's the testimony - seems pretty cut and dried:

• Q: With Jeffrey Epstein, you apparently took 26 flights connected to Jeffrey. Was he on every flight you were on? Was he on every flight?

  Clinton: That’s a good question… There’ll be a record of it. But I think he was, or certainly almost…

  Q: You think he was. That’s okay. Was Ghislaine Maxwell on every flight you’re on, as far as you remember?

  Clinton: The same answer. I think she was but there’ll be a record of it.

  Q: Okay, when you took these flights, you’re saying a lot of them were on behalf of your foundation, your charity organization, correct? Who did you normally bring on these flights? Employees of the foundation?…

  Clinton: I brought people who work with me, especially people who would have to follow up on the fundraising, or people who were involved in my AIDS work…

  Q: It’s like , I never go anywhere alone…

  Clinton: …And I had the Secret Service with me. And then on occasion, I had people who had volunteered to help us and wanted to see what we’re doing. For example, I think it was on one of these trips, I think that I had my first trip for the man who’s now the governor of Illinois, JB Pritzker and his wife, they gave me, they helped me get started.

This is the testimony of a former United States President - and we all know a president would never lie under oath, right? Neither would his wife. They were lawyers for goodness sake - lawyers don't lie. That would be illegal.

The Chicago media sat on this for over a full day, which is about twenty-four hours more than when Porkulous is spouting off about protecting ILLEGAL ALIENS, disobeying Federal Law, threatening to spend millions of taxpayer money to sue the Federal government, calling people fascists or nazis.

These new rules are kind of weird. 

Lieutenant Test Results Mailed

Around twenty-four hours after we asked why results were taking so long, the scores were mailed out.

Maybe we should have asked why it's taking so long to pay out the judgements against the City that are racking up interest on a daily basis. 

Sounds Like CPS

How long until some lawyers here jumps on this bandwagon?

• A Connecticut college student is suing the Hartford Board of Education and the city of Hartford for negligence.

  Nineteen-year-old Aleysha Ortiz says she graduated from high school with honors and earned a college scholarship, but she can’t read or write.

  [...] Ortiz graduated from the Hartford Public Schools system last year, but she says she is now illiterate and still doesn’t know how to read or write.

With less than half of students in CPS reading at grade level, this might be fruitful grounds for massive class action payouts....especially if Police disengage and opportunities dry up.

Another Conehead Corpse

And it was chilly outside:

• A man was found shot to death behind a Lawndale home on Saturday morning, and Chicago police have no idea when the murder occurred because no one called 911 to report the gunshots that killed him — and the neighborhood’s ShotSpotters were disconnected by the mayor in September 2024.

  Officers were dispatched to the 900 block of South Keeler Avenue around 8:21 a.m. after a 911 caller found the man’s body in a back yard. The victim, who has not yet been identified, appeared to be in his late teens or early 20s and had suffered multiple gunshot wounds.

At least it was in 011 - no one calls the police in 011 and finding dead bodies is a semi-regular occurrence.

It's a Fashion Accessory!

More proof that EM isn't even a mild deterrent to continuing criminal activity:

• A Chicago man was charged Wednesday with illegally possessing a machine gun after allegedly showing up to what he believed was a vehicle repossession job, only to find himself face-to-face with undercover federal agents, court records show.

  Edwin Moreno, 27, also known as “AK,” is accused of possessing a Glock .45-caliber pistol fitted with a machine gun conversion device (MCD) — a device that transforms a semi-automatic handgun into a fully automatic weapon capable of firing multiple rounds with a single trigger pull, according to a federal criminal complaint. Moreno and an unidentified accomplice were allegedly recruited by ATF agents posing as repo men needing armed security. Neither man knew the purported tow operators were actually federal agents, the complaint states.

  What made the encounter all the more striking, according to the complaint, was what happened when the two men were asked how long they could work: both Moreno and his buddy allegedly pulled up their pant legs to reveal electronic monitoring ankle bracelets and then made a point of saying they needed to be back at their respective homes by 9:45 p.m.

We're surprised that ankle monitors don't come with pre-printed tags that post "Hours of Operation" so that your stupider criminals can check the info against their cell phones so they don't miss the deadlines.

Hope on the Horizon!

And it only took Cleveland eleven years:

• Today, the Department of Justice (DOJ) and the City of Cleveland jointly filed a motion to terminate the 2015 police consent decree in the case of United States v. City of Cleveland, marking the parties’ recognition of more than a decade-long, successful effort to reform the Cleveland Division of Police (CDP). CDP now has resolved the DOJ’s 2014 findings about constitutional policing. CDP has implemented court-approved policies and training covering use of force, searches and seizures, misconduct investigations, community policing, and other areas — all resulting in contemporary assessments showing CDP now polices Cleveland constitutionally.

Of course, this was an actual "Consent Decree," not some cobbled-together make-work connected-democrat contractor money waster.

CPD still has twenty or so years to go. 

Wilding Season Already?

We barely got the Valentine's Day decorations down:

• A 14-year-old boy was shot Monday night after a gathering of teenagers turned violent in the Loop.

  The Chicago Police Department had already deployed a unit of officers to the area in anticipation of the gathering when a 911 caller reported teenagers fighting near Washington and Madison streets around 8:35 p.m. Officers responding to that call reported shots fired about three minutes later.

  Police quickly located the victim, a 14-year-old boy, at the corner of Washington and Wabash. According to CPD, the boy was standing in the first block of East Washington Street when someone opened fire, striking him in the left foot. Officers recovered two shell casings at the scene. The boy was transported to Lurie Children’s Hospital in fair condition.

  CPD did not release a description of the suspected gunman, and no arrests have been announced in connection with the shooting.

It seems to come earlier and earlier every year.

The Smoking Gun

An amusing website that scours public crime records for odd or dramatic crimes. This one was forwarded to us along with a comment wondering if this would be more appropriately handled by social workers rather than the police:

• Domestic disputes that require police intervention are never a laughing matter.

  Unless, of course, two siblings are threatening to kill each other over “who ate the last sticky bun.”

  Police responded Monday afternoon to a Williamsport, Pennsylvania residence to handle “a domestic in progress, no weapons, no intoxication,” according to dispatch audio.

  Officers were told the confrontation “is between siblings over who ate the last sticky bun. Now they’re threatening to kill each other.”

(Keesing Bandit warning)

Homemade sticky buns are awesome. Our grandmothers and great grandmothers had recipes that have (unfortunately) been lost to history with their passing. The sticky buns in question for this case appear to be mass produced items.

But the question posed by our emailer is legit - no weapons, no intoxication. Are police even needed for verbal threats that aren't going to be prosecuted? 

Excessive School Force

We had no idea that CPS had a Use of Force policy!

• A special education assistant at a South Side elementary school has been charged with aggravated battery of a child after prosecutors said she placed an 8-year-old student in a chokehold and threw him to the lunchroom floor, causing serious injuries.

  Tamika Odeh, 44, is charged with aggravated battery of a child younger than 13 causing great bodily harm in connection with an incident at Parker Elementary School, 6800 South Stewart Avenue in Englewood.

  In a detention petition, prosecutors said Odeh placed the 8-year-old student in a chokehold and threw him to the ground on November 3 while inside the school. The boy struck his head on a chair, suffering what prosecutors described as “serious neck injuries” that required medical treatment at a hospital.

Of course, she was released on no bail. 

Amusingly, this was revealed in the Arrest Report:

• In an unrelated note, the CPD arrest report listed a home address for Odeh in suburban Oak Lawn. With limited exceptions, all CPS employees hired on or after November 20, 1996, must live in the city of Chicago within six months of becoming school district employees. An individual familiar with the matter told CWB Chicago that Odeh lists a Chicago address in her CPS personnel file.

We'll bet the Inspector General will be all over that residency discrepancy.

Well, Golly Gee

Everyone is jumping on the "crime is falling!" bandwagon, but nobody seems to be pointing out the biggest and most obvious factor.

The Illinois Policy website touches on it:

• Violent crime in Chicago fell to more than a decade low in 2025, declining across nearly 9-in-10 neighborhoods as arrests rates continued to rise. Total crime in the city fell from 257,558 in 2024 to 235,338 in 2025, marking two consecutive years of decline, Chicago Police Department data showed. Violent crimes dropped from a peak of nearly 30,000 in 2023 to 22,760 last year – the fewest attacks reported in over a decade.

Okay....and?

• Nearly all categories of violent crime declined in 2025, with homicides, robberies and aggravated batteries falling to a decade low. Only criminal sexual assault increased, rising to a decade high. This follows a general trend seen in U.S. cities nationwide, with most cities also reporting a steep drop in homicides and other forms of violent crime compared to 2024, according to the Council on Criminal Justice.

Yes....lots of helpful charts and such at the link....but? 

• As crime fell citywide, arrests rate for total and violent crime rose. The arrest rate for total crime climbed from 13.8% to 15.8%. The arrest rate for violent crime also increased to 17.9%, the highest level since the pandemic.

And there it is!

We guess, contrary to what democrats have been telling us for years, you CAN arrest your way out of a crime situation. Increased enforcement numbers, successful prosecutions AND prison time contribute mightily to falling crime rates.

That and deporting tens of thousands of ILLEGAL ALIEN criminals, too. 

Something Odd Here

Some questions on this one:

• Two teenagers are accused of hiding in a downtown Chicago Macy's store after it closed before stealing merchandise. The two suspect have been charged with burglary, officials said.

  The Cook County Sheriff's Department says it happened Monday night at the Macy's on State Street in the Loop. Two people could be seen on surveillance video emerging from inside the store, stealing sunglasses, cologne and clothing before leaving, officials said.

  The sheriff's department says the pair had even drawn a map of the store. 

First, why is the Sheriff's office investigating a property crime on Michigan Avenue?

Second, get a load of this map: 

The scaling is off (obviously) and the spelling leads us to believe these were CPS students.

But the penmanship is actually far better than anything we've seen from CPS students. And the actual planning....with a timetable - did anyone think kids today know how to tell time? Or make a map for that matter?