How Many Years?

There's definitely a memo floating around about judicial sentencing in Cook County:

• A 68-year-old Chicago man has been sentenced to 76 years in federal prison for robbing or attempting to rob four downtown banks over two months in 2023 while he was on supervised release for previous bank robbery convictions. Prosecutors had asked for “only” 20 years.

  Joseph Donelson Jr. committed the four crimes just months after being released from prison for an earlier series of bank robberies, prosecutors said, adding that during the 2023 spree, Donelson jumped onto a teller counter during one attempted robbery, pointed a “gun-like object” at a teller during another robbery and struck a teller in the face with the object during a fourth incident.

So pretty much a life sentence for this old fart.

Glad to see it, but this kind of sentencing probably won't last past the elections. 

Vigilante Time!

More please:

• We don’t want to tell anyone to limit themselves, but if you’re a 60-year-old, 15-time convicted felon, maybe robbing a house full of construction workers half your age isn’t the best career move. But William Garrett didn’t ask for our career advice, and prosecutors say that’s exactly what he did in West Pullman last weekend.

  Chicago cops responding to a call about a person with a gun got the first indication that Garrett was having a bad day when they arrived in an alley behind the 11800 block of South Wentworth and found him lying in a backyard with cuts on his face and head, according to a CPD report.

  Five men standing nearby told officers that Garrett had just robbed them inside the nearby home where they were working. One of the men handed officers a Glock .177-caliber air pistol that the workers said Garrett had brandished during the holdup.

Fifteen felony convictions and still out there plying his "trade."

Ever wonder why a "three strikes" law was never in effect in this blue state $hithole? Ask a democrat. 

Sixty-One Years?

There's obviously some word coming down through the Courts to apply maximum sentences on criminals, especially if the crime was committed on the CTA:

• For nearly a year, Isaac Anderson worked as a security guard at some of the city’s biggest annual events. That career, and whatever Anderson hoped to achieve with the rest of his life, derailed on an October morning in 2022 when he murdered a man aboard a Red Line train, a killing prosecutors said was sparked by Anderson’s desire to have the victim’s Pepsi.

  Jurors needed just three hours in June to find Isaac Anderson, 30, guilty of the slaying. On Thursday, Judge Angela Munari-Petrone handed down his sentences: 55 years for murder plus a consecutive five years for robbery. By law, he will have to serve all of the murder term plus half of the robbery sentence before being eligible for release.

After the President made it a point to mention the out the out-of-control CTA crime numbers and threaten to withhold Federal monies since Conehead wasn't actually spending anything on security measures to deter crime, there's been an upsurge in sentences.

We can't recall the last time we saw a sixty year sentence handed down. 

Release the Demons!

Another non-demonized yute, out on bail despite numerous charges, once again commits a murder:

• A judge this week sentenced a man to 40 years in prison for murdering a beloved Hyde Park bartender while he had three felony cases pending in juvenile court, two involving illegal gun possession and one involving armed carjacking.

  But Keante McShan, 23, may have even more prison time ahead of him. Court records show he is preparing to enter a plea next week in an unrelated kidnapping case.

  Surveillance video allegedly showed McShan checking parked car doors in the area of the 4900 block of South Greenwood Avenue to see if they were unlocked before he spotted Diego Damis, 41, who was walking home after his shift at The Cove Lounge around 5 a.m. on February 25, 2022.

  Prosecutors said McShan approached Damis, stabbed him repeatedly, and took his wallet, cash, and bank card. Video showed Damis kneeling on the grass next to the sidewalk as the attacker ran away. He then fell backward and remained there for more than an hour until a passerby discovered him and called for help.

Just tossing this out there, but you know where criminals can't (usually) get guns?

• in jail, awaiting trial

But this turd had two UUW charges AND a carjacking charge, but still managed to end up on the street with an additional gun. Funny how that works. 

It's Cyclical

Is crime down? Yes, by raw numbers, crime has dropped this year among the more violent types of crimes. Property and non-violent crimes maintain their rates though.

Will it last? No one knows, but politicians are running on numbers that aren't as bad as they used to be:

• Despite historically low levels of violent crime in Chicago this year, candidates trying to replace Mayor Brandon Johnson are sweeping aside the numbers in favor of anecdotes and are depicting the city as reeling in a “crisis” of gun violence and lawlessness.

  Chicago had 122 murders in June, July and August, according to city and police data posted through Tuesday evening.

  That’s the lowest summer total since 1965. Overall violent crime hit its lowest level last year in more than four decades. City data shows the downward trend has continued this year.

Conehead is sprinting to take credit for all of this, conveniently ignoring the deportation numbers that took an entire segment of the population out of the crime business, along with the choking off of funding for any number of groups that funneled cash to those promoting disorder.

Some of the other "drop-offs" in crimes though are people who aren't reporting them because they know or have come to expect that there are zero consequences being handed out, so why bother? That's even after CTA attacks were up 150% according to CWB reporting.

Stats are funny things - you can twist them to show almost anything. 

"...somewhat targeted..."

So the Slum Times is attempting to turn the single fatality at this weekend's mass shooting into some sort of well loved martyr:

• On Saturday night, a celebration in Washington Park ended in tragedy when masked gunmen reportedly opened fire, killing the 35-year-old Guterz and wounding 14 others in the largest mass shooting in Chicago this year.

  Donna Guterz is now planning her youngest sibling’s funeral — a somber event that will likely bring some of the same people back together.

  “It’s been terrible, just knowing the type of person he was,” she said. “The outpouring on social media has been amazing. I didn’t know my brother was that loved.”

  Local Ald. Jeanette Taylor (20th) said the attack had nothing to do with the reunion, which was wrapping up when the gunfire erupted. She called on those who know anything about the gunmen to step forward.

Sure, that'll happen.

In the meantime, Waller had a presser:

• Chicago’s acting top cop told reporters Tuesday that police think a mass shooting at a gathering in Washington Park over the weekend was “somewhat targeted” and likely involved multiple shooters and an exchange of gunfire.

  As city officials announced the opening of a resource center for those affected by violence, interim Chicago Police Supt. Fred Waller also alluded to the potential use of a “switch,” a small device that turns a semiautomatic pistol into a machine gun.

  “It happens in a matter of seconds, but we also know that there probably was some return fire also, so some people in the crowd [were] probably armed,” Waller said, standing alongside Mayor Brandon Johnson and other city leaders at the Washington Park Refectory.

"...somewhat targeted...." That's a new one.

According to a few e-mailers who were on the scene, the deceased wasn't shot once or twice. He wasn't even shot five or six times. Of the thirty-six shell casing that were recovered, it looks like half or more were expended into the dead guy, i.e. he was the target. 

The other fourteen people were just collateral damage.

But whatever floats your boat there Fred. 

Eighteen Years?

That's actually a significant sentence should he serve the majority of it:

• A Chicago man accused of shooting two Venezuelan migrants outside a police station before leading officers on a high-speed chase that ended when he crashed into a CPD squad car has been sentenced to 18 years in prison.

  Anthony Evans, 28, pleaded guilty to aggravated battery by discharging a firearm and aggravated DUI in exchange for concurrent sentences of 18 years and five years, respectively, according to court records. Judge Shelley Sutker-Dermer handled the case and sentenced Evans.

  The incident unfolded on an afternoon in October 2023 outside the Grand Crossing (3rd) District police station at 7040 South Cottage Grove Avenue. Prosecutors said Evans opened fire outside the station, striking a 28-year-old woman in the buttocks and a 24-year-old man in the right thigh. Both victims were migrants from Venezuela who listed the Grand Crossing station as their home address, according to Evans’ arrest report.

  Moments later, officers spotted a Jeep Cherokee matching the description of the vehicle wanted in connection with the shooting, the report said. Evans sped away northbound on State Street before eventually swerving into the southbound lanes, according to police. He crashed into a Chicago police tactical unit squad car in the 5400 block of South State Street.

While we aren't about to tell people to vote FOR a judge (because the rot goes so deep), it's good to see one of them actually handing out some substantial years. Maybe the word has gone out to stop being so lenient?

Probably not, but hope springs eternal. 

Nice Weekend Conehead

From the CWB website:

• Chicago recorded 42 shooting victims from Friday through Monday morning, including three people killed and 39 wounded, making it the city’s second-worst shooting weekend of the year, according to HeyJackass, which independently tracks Chicago crime statistics using official and open-source data.

  The weekend’s total trails only Father’s Day weekend, when 44 people were shot, for most victims in 2026. Both weekends topped Memorial Day and Independence Day weekends, which are typically among Chicago’s most violent holiday periods, the website found. Longer-term comparisons for the just-ended weekend are difficult because the weekend sometimes includes the three-day Labor Day holiday, which can skew the numbers.

And guess who's demanding accountability? The community "activists:"

• Saturday began peacefully in Washington Park, where former residents of the Robert Taylor Homes gathered for a reunion. By the end of the night, the event descended into violence.

  Bamani Obadele, a former resident of the Robert Taylor Homes, said the community cannot accept such incidents as routine.

  "This is not something we should embrace as a norm. This is unacceptable and we need to do better as a community to get out in front of these incidents," said Obadele of community health organization Acclivus.

As one of our regular commentators asked a couple times, "Where are the 'violence interrupters'?"

Didn't they get a million dollars or some outrageous total? What are the citizens of Chicago getting in return for this tremendous expenditure? Because we're not seeing a great return on this investment.

Who do they think they are - Chicago Teacher Union members or something? 

"Presence" no Longer Deters Crime

Libtards are always outraged that regular people would want to defend themselves or loved ones against savages and demonized people (or folks). And then this happens and they start up again with the anti-gun stuff, ignoring the fact that this WASN'T regular law abiding citizens and it certainly WASN'T any sort of defensive use of a gun.:

• A shootout inside Washington Park left one man dead and 13 others injured Saturday night, according to Chicago police, putting it in a tie as the city’s worst shooting of the year.

  Chicago police officers were already in the area monitoring a planned gathering in the park near the 5400 block of South Cottage Grove Avenue when multiple gunmen began shooting around 11:37 p.m., police said. Officers immediately reported “nonstop” gunfire over their radios as people ran for cover.

The police were already on scene and it deterred exactly nothing, because the demonized know exactly what we were warning about and we've been telling readers for decades.

Back in Custody

This guy tried to light a Molotov cocktail full of paint thinner at a crowded CTA stop during rush hour:

• The man accused of trying to ignite a Molotov cocktail at a CTA bus stop, then going missing for weeks after a Cook County judge denied prosecutors’ request to keep him in jail, is back in custody. Court records show the Cook County Sheriff’s Office arrested Marshun Kimber, the subject of three outstanding warrants, shortly after CWB Chicago profiled him in a report Wednesday morning.

  In case you missed our report, Judge Kelly McCarthy released Kimber on electronic monitoring on July 30 despite an assistant state’s attorney’s warning that he posed a danger to the public and could be a flight risk, according to a transcript of the detention hearing.

They'll hold him....but....:

• Not long after CWB Chicago published its story Wednesday morning, the Cook County Sheriff’s Office located Kimber and brought him before Judge Barbara Dawkins, court records show. She heard the state’s motion for pretrial release sanctions based on Kimber’s alleged failures to appear and imposed the maximum penalty under the SAFE-T Act: 30 days in jail.

That's it?

Maybe next time, he'll try to light a Molotov cocktail in the courtroom. 

Weren't These Illegal?

This is what happens when you stop effective traffic enforcement:

• A 42-year-old man was killed Friday afternoon when his ATV struck a Nissan Rogue in a collision in Ashburn, Chicago police said.

  The crash took place along the 8400 block of South Pulaski Road at about 2:08 p.m, police said.

  The unidentified man had been taken to Christ Hospital, where he was pronounced dead, according to police.

  The Major Accidents Investigation Unit is investigating.

Should be a quick investigation, seeing as how the ATV was likely 100% being operated illegally and unsafely.

A while back, a reader sent us a social media video of someone driving an ATV down the street, speeding and popping wheelies....while driving directly beside a CPD squad car. It appeared to be a female and there was zero enforcement. She wiped out at an intersection, so we don't know if anything happened after that. Maybe someone has the clip?

But CPD hasn't been allowed to chase motorcycles or similar vehicles for decades now, because it's "too dangerous" to the asshole riding the bike. After all, they might crash, kill themselves or someone else, and then the City gets sued, so it's easier to just forbid the Police from enforcing the Law. That expanded greatly over the years to where any fleeing person isn't pursued lest the ghetto-lottery pays out millions. That expanded to foot chases, too, as we were getting ready to retire. 

Does anyone know if the Stop Stick Unit has ever deployed a single tire deflation device? 

Gun Collector Arrested

This guy must have a heck of a well-paying job to afford not one, but TWO "machine guns":

• Deral Willis made a splash on CWBChicago in 2023 when he tried to elude Chicago police by tossing a machine gun into the Chicago River from the State Street Bridge. Unfortunately for him, a Chicago Police Marine Unit diver recovered the weapon. Willis was ultimately sentenced to four years in prison in October, but he was paroled in May.

  Now, in a case of déjà vu, the 33-year-old is back in custody on a parole violation after prosecutors say he ran from police with a machine gun and tried to get rid of it by tossing it into a dumpster, just two blocks from the State Street Bridge. At least the cops didn’t need dive gear this time.

Imagine being that rich you can afford a "machine gun.".

And being able to get a second "machine gun" after being a convicted felon. 

This guy must be the ghetto Elon Musk or something. 

Another EM Failure

Anyone not see this coming? Again?

• A man accused of trying to ignite a Molotov cocktail at a CTA bus stop has been missing for weeks after a Cook County judge denied prosecutors’ request to keep him in jail, court records show. Three other judges have now signed arrest warrants for 27-year-old Marshun Kimber, who remains at large.

  Judge Kelly McCarthy released Kimber on an ankle monitor on July 30 despite a warning from an assistant state’s attorney that he posed a danger to the public and could be a flight risk, according to a transcript of the detention hearing. Within days, on August 4, prosecutors filed a motion alleging a violation of his electronic monitoring conditions, records show, but Kimber never showed in court for a judge to consider the matter.

But don't worry - there are THREE separate warrants out for his arrest:

• On August 4, prosecutors filed a motion alleging that Kimber had, in fact, violated the terms of his electronic monitoring. McCarthy entered their motion and scheduled it for consideration on August 7. Judge Pablo DeCastro heard it that day and signed an arrest warrant, according to court records. Judge Martin Moltz signed another warrant on August 10. And Judge Barbara Dawkins issued another warrant on Monday, according to court records.

Someone tell Bailey no one want to hear about abortion, they want to hear what politicians are doing about repeat criminals being released into the communities to continue robbing, pillaging and terrorizing victims.

Because democrats ain't doing shit. 

And Speaking of Airports....

We gotta ask....how much is getting through that isn't found?

• Two men accused of smuggling over 750 pounds of the illegal stimulant “khat” into the United States by packing the stimulant into a dozen checked suitcases and bringing them on a flight from Africa to O’Hare International Airport, according to a state criminal complaint. Prosecutors said the substance cathinone, commonly known as khat, has “no acceptable medical use” and presents “a high degree of addiction.”

Golly, sounds dangerous. They're in custody, right?

• Mustapha Fisuru, 24, and Tiekoro Diawara, 25, are each charged with manufacture-delivery of a controlled substance and controlled substance trafficking. Judge James Costello denied the state’s request to detain both men.

So passports confiscated? Restrictions placed upon the drug runners? Or are the Courts just making them "pinky promise" to show up for their next appearance and not flying back to Asia?

Brandon Body and Conehead Corpse

A two-fer!

• Two gunshot victims experienced delayed emergency responses on Sunday because people who heard the gunfire could give police only general locations, making it harder for officers to quickly find them. One victim, whose 911 call disconnected, appears to have waited 17 minutes for help to arrive.

  Both shootings occurred in areas that were previously covered by the city’s ShotSpotter gunfire detection network, which Mayor Brandon Johnson disconnected in September 2024. Despite Johnson’s assurances that a new and better system would be identified and deployed, the city has not announced a replacement, much less installed one.

First, the dead one:

• The first shooting occurred around 3:37 a.m. Sunday in the Altgeld Gardens housing complex. Chicago police officers stationed in the area reported hearing gunfire and began searching for its source. No other calls reporting gunfire came in, and nobody called 911 to report a person who had been shot. About five minutes after hearing the shots, the officers found a man lying in the 13100 block of South Lankley Avenue and immediately called for an ambulance.

  Devon Jones, 25, who lived on the same block, was pronounced dead at the University of Chicago Hospital, according to CPD and Cook County Medical Examiner records.

Then the wounded one:

• At about 5:16 a.m., a woman called 911 and reported hearing gunshots in the 8400 block of South Vincennes Avenue. She told dispatchers she believed the gunfire came from a nearby lot.

  About seven minutes later, a man called 911 and said he had been shot near 82nd Street and South Emerald Avenue, almost directly across a relatively open area from where the woman had heard the gunfire. The man’s call disconnected before he could provide an exact address.

  Ten minutes after his call, and 17 minutes after the woman’s initial call, CPD officers found the man on a porch in the 8200 block of South Emerald Avenue. They immediately summoned an ambulance and began lifesaving measures. CPD said the man was taken to Christ Hospital in serious condition.

At this point, Conehead might as well take a page from the BabylonBee (see post down a few spots from this one) and legalize shootings.

One Way to Solve Crime

Legalize it:

• In what officials have hailed as a historic first, California has become the first state to achieve a crime rate of zero after passing legislation to make all crimes completely legal.

  "This is a great moment for our state," Governor Gavin Newsom said. "No other state in the nation's history has successfully brought the crime rate down to nothing. California is once again leading the way! Now, please, for the safety of your loved ones, don't venture out of your homes at night. Or at least carry an air horn. Whatever. I don't care."

  Analysts point to the state's legalization of all criminal acts as the catalyst for reaching a zero crime rate. "It was a bold but revolutionary move," said Professor Kyle Ray of the California Crime Institute. "California has effectively eliminated all crime from existence simply by making every unlawful or despicable act completely acceptable. Murder, assault, robbery — these are yesterday's terms. Californians are now truly free to express themselves however they choose. Zero crime!"

Yes, it's the BabylonBee. But essentially, this was what New York, California, Washington, Oregon, Minnesota and Illinois (via Crimesha) had been doing for years.

Trying to Fill Some Big Shoes

This time, it's SeeBS:

• At least four people were killed, and 16 more were injured, in weekend shootings across Chicago as of Sunday, according to police.

  The ages of the victims range from 15 to 62.

Their hearts aren't in it it seems, seeing as how HeyJackass.com set the bar so high.

How accurate or inaccurate are these stats? 

These Aren't My Pants

Or my suitcase?

• A 25-year-old Salem, Oregon, man is facing cannabis trafficking charges after federal agents allegedly found nearly 32 pounds of raw cannabis inside a suitcase he was carrying onto a London-bound flight at O’Hare International Airport. And the accused man says it’s all a big misunderstanding stemming from a job he found on Instagram.

  According to a detention filing, Samuel Stahl’s legal adventures began last Friday evening, August 14, when a U.S. Customs and Border Protection agent inspecting an outbound American Airlines flight zeroed in on a black SWISSGEAR suitcase. The bag allegedly belonged to Stahl, who was promptly stopped by agents as he stepped onto the jet bridge. They seized his iPhone and walkie-talkie and escorted him to a secure area for a border search, officials said.

And then it got humorous

• Inside the suitcase, agents allegedly discovered 29 packets of vacuum-sealed raw cannabis. Stahl, however, had an explanation ready. He told agents he was merely “the courier” and that he had no idea what was inside the bag because he had signed a non-disclosure agreement. When agents asked whether he took ownership of the bag given that it was in his possession, Stahl allegedly replied that he had been instructed to state that he did not understand. Presented with a luggage tag bearing his own name, Stahl allegedly claimed he could not read.

  About an hour into his encounter with Uncle Sam, Stahl’s story expanded when he allegedly confided that earlier this summer he had answered a job listing on Instagram advertising work as an international luggage courier. A week later, he allegedly claimed, he was offered $1,000 cash plus all expenses paid to deliver a suitcase to Thailand. Stahl told agents that he signed a non-disclosure agreement promising never to look inside the bag, though he later admitted to violating that agreement and peeking in to find files and clothing, the detention filing said. Once in Thailand, an unknown person collected the suitcase and took him to his hotel.

This guy is lucky he wasn't headed to Singapore. Nice pinch though.

CTA Shooting Video Released

This is someone's phone video. We don't have all the specifics (and don't worry, you don't need a social media account to see it), but someone literally pulled a gun out of his pants and shot two people while running directly past a couple officers....and got away.

• video link here

We can get it to play sometimes, and sometimes it freezes up.

Who has the specifics? 

UPDATE: it appears to be video from a few months ago that social media sites aren't censoring? 

Criminal Geniuses

We're surprised this hasn't happened here:

• A massive street takeover in California led to a family-run business being overrun by looters over the weekend. During the alleged takeover, A-Z Market convenience store in Bellflower was broken into. The city is in southeast Los Angeles.

  A fundraiser for the family said, "A group of individuals used power tools to break through our front window and security gate." Surveillance video showed three suspects using tools to break the window's glass and cut a security gate lock, allowing up to 40 additional suspects to enter and ransack the business for two minutes before blending back into the takeover crowd, the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department said.  

So they didn't just block the streets - they blocked them strategically, knowing police couldn't (or wouldn't) enforce anything without plenty of warnings and public announcements via loudspeakers. Then they used power tools and the absence of any law enforcement to systematically loot the business, all while dozens of getaway cars were just doing their street takeover crap before fading away into the crowd.

Of course, if the business doesn't re-open in short order, they'll complain about a "food desert" or something similar.

But knowing that CPD isn't permitted to take enforcement action AND isn't allowed to chase, and after years of non-prosecution and a SAFE-T Act that frees criminals even before the Arresting Officers' shift is over, this ought to be a regular occurrence the way that driving stolen cars into storefronts was a thing just a few years ago.