Whoa Dude...Slow Down

This story is just too good (we are going to quote it at length):

• The victim said he was ordered into the front seat of the car with the driver while the others sat in the back.

  "So we're circling the block. They're talking about going back to my house, getting my flat screen. . .I'm thinking this must be a dream, nothing like this has ever happened to me. I work a 9-to-5 job at an insurance company. I just want to come home and live my life," he said.

  He said the robbers drove him to Maggie's Gyros at 349 E. 47th Street, where two of them went in with his wallet, ATM card and PIN. "I had to give them my PIN number because the driver told me if I was lying, they'd shoot me. And I believed them," he said.

  "We drove around the block, and then a third guy wants to know if I have a checking account or a savings account. So after I tell him, he gets out at the restaurant. So it's me, the person in the back, and the driver who has a .38 pointed at me the whole time, even while he's driving," the victim said.

  The car pulled into an alley near 47th and King. Halfway down, a woman in the back seat told the driver to toss her the gun because she didn't want police to see it, he said.

  "All of a sudden, by the grace of God, between these two fools, I hear boom, and then I hear her hollering and screaming, 'I shot my finger off, I shot it off.' The driver starts panicking and he goes right into a Dumpster," the victim continued.

  "That's when I knew it was my moment. But me and the driver are strapped in tight by these automatic seatbelts, and that makes it harder."

  "My adrenaline was pumping. I reach over the seat and go to get the gun. I got the driver kicking at me, and I'm fighting for the gun with the woman. One arm is fending off his kicks, the other is trying to get this gun. I finally get it and point it at the driver, about six inches away from his abdomen. I pulled the trigger and nothing happened.

  "So I'm thinking, oh man, I have to get out of here."

  He said he rolled out of the car and started running down the alley. The woman got out and chased him.

  "I don't know if she's gonna kill me or not, so I fire a warning shot," the man said. "Unfortunately it hit her. I never fired a gun in my life."

  The man, still holding the gun, said he then ran toward the gyros shop and started yelling that he needed a policeman.

  "I'm waving this gun around because I talk with my hands," he explained. "Well, all these people in the restaurant think I'm the bad guy and start ducking under their tables and screaming. So I gotta run out of there."

  He spotted a CTA truck on the street and "pleaded with the workers inside to call police."

  "They believed me. But they said, 'You better get the hell out of here. You're saying one thing, but your gun is saying another,'" he said.

  The man said he ran down the street to the store where he had been headed to buy some snacks, but it was closed. At that moment, he saw a patrol car and waved it down.

  "I put my hands on the hood, told them I had a gun in my pocket, and that (some) men tried to rob me. So they came out, cuffed me, took me back to the station so I could tell my story."

  The man said he feels badly the woman died, saying he only meant to warn her. "But my blood was pumping so fast and my adrenaline. . ."

This story has EVERYTHING! Drama, tension, humor, etc. The one idiot robber blows off her finger with a gun she's holding the victim hostage with, loses the gun during the struggle, and finally gets blasted with her own gun? Then the would-be-victim ends up running around, waving the gun, trying to find help. We couldn't wait to see what happened next. Literally!

The author is listed as Pat Curry at BreakingNews.com and this is as fine a piece of writing as any we've read lately. It perfectly captures what many coppers ride up on with the chaos and the wild story and the panic. And the laughter once the story comes out about how an armed robber came to an untimely end.

There is no way in hell the Closing Supp is going to live up to this article.