Thursday, April 22, 2010

Funniest Readers in the World

Looking back at the shambles of the Department's past and seeing the looming disaster ahead, it's amazing our readers can still come up with humor like this regarding J-Fled's summer initiative:
  • This might work IF...

    #1. These teams were split up into two man cars and assigned to focus on particular beats in districts.

    #2. They were to answer all calls for service in that particular beat so that they would become familiar with the people and the long term problems of that small area.

    #3. They would be responsible for case reporting and all enforcement activities during their tour of duty.

    #4. They would be responsible to a chain of command through the district in which they were assigned.

    Hey, Wait a Minute....

    That describes a DISTRICT BEAT CAR!

    What a Brilliant Idea!

    Why didn't anyone think of this before?!?!?
Sarcastic, hilarious, and directly on point. All this BS being spewed out of downtown, trying to re-invent the wheel, gutting the "backbone" of the Department, and they still can't kill the keen observations of real coppers.

And our readers even offer alternative strategies to J-Fled's policy group crap that might work wonders:
  • I still think a ragtag bunch of guys from callback dressed as clowns running through the ghetto beating gangbangers with 2 foot rubber dongs would reduce crime. They could call it the Insane Dong-Wielding Clown Force.
Morale might be in the toilet, but the spirit of the working cop lives on.

Labels:

23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still think a ragtag bunch of guys from callback dressed as clowns running through the ghetto beating gangbangers with 2 foot rubber dongs would reduce crime. They could call it the Insane Dong-Wielding Clown Force.

Or they can just call it the brain trust, or policy group...

4/22/2010 12:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forget the yellow ribbon protest at St, Jude. Lets hire a clown to hand out 2 foot long blue bslloons. A silent clown, except maybe a squeeky horn. I'd chip in $20.

Anybody know a professional clown? (Exempts excluded)

4/22/2010 12:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They still won't do reports....

4/22/2010 01:08:00 AM  
Blogger Commander Borat said...

2 foot rubber dongs?! I like! High- five!!!!!

4/22/2010 01:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your right about one thing... the policy group. they just keep coming up with stuff when they havent even been on the street long enough to know how to do police work or reduce crime. I know three people on this police group. one is a female with almost zero time from 012.. another is a guy who never even grew up in chicago, knows nothing about the city and has less than 5 years on the street. he hit the medical for a year..yes, he has 5 years on.. hit the medical for a year, 6 months in the academy means 3 1/2 years one the street and a female from 024 who has about 4 years on the street and rotated on the desk for a day or two a week... what do you know about police work when youve worked for less than 4 years on the street working in fantasy land in 024 and a few of those days are on the desk.. that policy group is a joke. if your on the policy group stop making nonsense bullshit policies.. you dont know what you are doing and you need more experience on the street.

4/22/2010 02:30:00 AM  
Blogger Spartan said...

Insane Dong-Wielding Clown Force. That is the funniest shit I have heard in months.. Man, I love coppers!!! What an amazing breed of people......

4/22/2010 03:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We're going to need an acronym for the clown unit. No special enforcement without an acronym. Any takers?

4/22/2010 08:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I still think a ragtag bunch of guys from callback dressed as clowns running through the ghetto beating gangbangers with 2 foot rubber dongs would reduce crime. They could call it the Insane Dong-Wielding Clown Force."

I've been retired for 10 years. I miss the cop humor.

LOL

4/22/2010 08:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Squad...can I get an event number for DONG PATROL in the DOC"

4/22/2010 09:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Insane Dong-Wielding Clown Force"...the "Smoke and Mirrors Tour"...."We Serve and Protect, 2 percent of the time"....man, that is some funny stuff. T-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, would be great (proceeds to the Gold Star families, of course)...

4/22/2010 09:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was so funny I had tears when I could not stop laughing.

4/22/2010 09:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I still think a ragtag bunch of guys from callback dressed as clowns running through the ghetto beating gangbangers with 2 foot rubber dongs would reduce crime. They could call it the Insane Dong-Wielding Clown Force."



just watch out for those roaming bands of trannies, they'll wipe the smiles off of your clown faces in a tranny town minute.

4/22/2010 03:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im not at callback but id love to partake in that crew....only one thing Can I get a side car attached to a WW II motorcycle...kind of like the one Barney Fife droe around in.......?

4/22/2010 03:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am one of the unfortunate cloutless Hetersexual M/2's who gets oversupervised and overworked and I don't find any of this funny anymore. I along with similar others are ready to snap and it hasn't even gotten hot yet. How much more can a normal person take,even the Dali Lama would snap under our circumstances.

4/22/2010 05:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The policy group. Seriously, how did these kids get selected? Who recommended them as the experts?

It is absolutely mind boggling to believe this is happening to us. Don't you find that you can't even talk about this department anymore to anyone because you're embarrassed?

4/23/2010 02:46:00 AM  
Anonymous bright red 1958 plymouth fury said...

Per S.O. 10-69, all current CPD personnel must sign up for mandatory dong training in person at the new CPD Alternative Training Site at 1349 N. Wells. First come, first served.

4/23/2010 03:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the guy who doesn't find anything funny: If you need counseling, call EAP @ 13127430378. No joke. I don't want you to snap.

4/23/2010 06:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How many remember having to wear your hat while driving?

4/23/2010 04:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey SCC, this is off topic but how long does it take to fix a shower?

The showers @ Homan Square Gym have been down for two months. How does J-Fled expect us to keep in shape if you can't even shower when your done working out!

WTF already fix the freakin showers!

4/23/2010 05:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funniest Readers in the World


-----


Well if you are gonna post all our funniness shouldn't you call us "writers?"

4/24/2010 12:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey SCC, this is off topic but how long does it take to fix a shower?

The showers @ Homan Square Gym have been down for two months. How does J-Fled expect us to keep in shape if you can't even shower when your done working out!

WTF already fix the freakin showers!

------

Ya they were working fine too - why did they just go and cap them up ? They aren't even really working on anything ? Maybe the McCormick Place plumbers are in charge?

4/24/2010 12:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bright red 1958 plymouth fury said...
Per S.O. 10-69, all current CPD personnel must sign up for mandatory dong training in person at the new CPD Alternative Training Site at 1349 N. Wells. First come, first served.

4/23/2010 03:22:00 AM


-----

Back Sir!

Back Sir!

Squad - I'd like to report a
Dong Discharge - and I ain't clownin '

please send a supervisor ...

4/24/2010 06:43:00 AM  
Anonymous g.g. said...

bright red 1958 plymouth fury said...
Per S.O. 10-69, all current CPD personnel must sign up for mandatory dong training in person at the new CPD Alternative Training Site at 1349 N. Wells. First come, first served.

4/23/2010 03:22:00 AM


-----

Back Sir!

Back Sir!

Squad - I'd like to report a
Dong Discharge - and I ain't clownin '

please send a supervisor ...

4/24/2010 06:43:00 AM

NOW THIS IS SOME FUNNY SHIT!!!!

4/24/2010 12:05:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Newer Posts.......................... ..........................Older Posts