Thursday, January 19, 2012

I Tripped

This will go down in history as one of the worst excuses ever, along with "Those ain't my pants" and "I just came outta the house"
  • The captain of the Italian cruise ship gave a slapstick explanation of how he ended up safely in a lifeboat instead of going down with his ship, saying he tripped and fell into the boat as it was being lowered into the sea, Italian media reported today.

    "I had no intention of escaping," Francesco Schettino, 52, said during his first court hearing Tuesday, according to Italy's Corriere della Sera newspaper.

    "I was helping some passengers put the life boat to sea. At a certain point the mechanism for lowering it, blocked. We had to force it. Suddenly the system unblocked itself and I tripped and I found myself inside the life boat with a number of passengers."

This goof is so screwed.

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73 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Soon to be a CPD Exempt!!!

1/19/2012 12:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He must have been being escorted by detectives in the old area 3 building.

1/19/2012 12:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How times have changed from the days of the Titanic. The captain always went down with his ship. This is the new 2012 Italian version. I have to think this captain was on drugs or drunk. Maybe both. What a dope.

1/19/2012 12:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This said account reminds me of our department. Putting someone in change who has no business being there. I would like who ever put him in charge brought up on some charges, maybe this would stop the incompetence. This guy has let down every person who got on that ship and placed their lives in his hands. I'll let everyone make the reference with crime, department command staff and need less victims.

1/19/2012 12:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My ex wife tripped and got pregnant. So it is possible. Not!

1/19/2012 12:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Today "The Blanket" which covered the captains head while he cowered in a lifeboat as innocent passengers lost their lives was interviewed by the foreign press. Blanket stated "I was dragged from a cabin by a passenger then accidentally tripped over a pillow into a lifeboat on the side of the ship and fell, exhausted, over the captain."

1/19/2012 12:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the captain said "Whaddya want? It's not like I hadda take a test or nuthin' to get this flippin gig. Get off my ass.

1/19/2012 12:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That Italian ship captain had his honey in one of the state rooms.

1/19/2012 01:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could see this clown landing up on Celebrity Rehab or some other reality show after his time in the slammer. He sounds perfect for American television audiences with all the crap that spews out of his mouth.

1/19/2012 01:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He must have been a graduate of the Chicago Police Leadership Academy that all our exempt members must attend after pulling their heads out of the asses of hack politicians.

They might just hire him and put him in charge of the Marine Unit before letting him head up the summit planning.

1/19/2012 01:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

they are dropping the hammer on this guy in italy... if this happened in chicago he would of just been issued a few anovs

1/19/2012 01:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hehas to be from the west Side!

1/19/2012 02:06:00 AM  
Anonymous J-FLED said...

Francesco Schettino, the captain of the Costa Concordia, is a COWARD.

GOTTA RUN!

1/19/2012 02:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Schettino is full of schett.

1/19/2012 02:16:00 AM  
Anonymous cfd medic said...

Reminds me of...
"I gotta go!"

1/19/2012 02:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The captain of the ship had to get to Giglio Island so he could "pick up his gear".

1/19/2012 02:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Italian Coast Guard officer who was reading ths goof out over the two-ways has become a national hero.

CG -- "Whatta you a do, Captain? Where the hell are you?"

C -- "I'ma inna da lifeboat, coordinating."

CG -- "Lifeboat! Madre Mia! You getta you ass back on board you ship and you do you "coordinating" from there, you son-of-a-bitch!"

C -- "It's dark and we can't see well."

CG -- "So! Itsa dark. So whatta you do now, go home?"

...and other words to that effect.

Italian is such a marvelous language for really giving someone hell.

God bless all there; the dead, the injured, the families reunited safely, and the first responders -- the divers doing primary search in those dark, debris-choked, dangerous passageways.

Those God-damned Carnival boats are 14 stories high. 3,700 pax and 1100 crew -- none of whom speak a common language.

The vessel sits on her beam ends in 25 m. of water on a rock shelf -- could slide off into 75 m. depth, they have suspended work and are watching sensors closely for any movement.

If this had happened in the open sea -- like Andria Doria/Stockholm collision -- and the Carnival ship had had almost all of its watertight compartments similarly breached, there could have been thousands of fatalities.

These things are TOO BIG.

1/19/2012 03:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that excuse would be an acquittal in Cook County....and a ticket to an exempt promotion on the CPD

1/19/2012 05:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I was helping some passengers put the life boat to sea. At a certain point the mechanism for lowering it, blocked. We had to force it. Suddenly the system unblocked itself and I tripped and I found myself inside the life boat with a number of passengers."

This goof is so screwed.

*********************************
This excuse resembles what our current, and past mayor would say to the media in a similar situation.

DOH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1/19/2012 05:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He must have heard about jfled!

1/19/2012 05:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Compare this guy to 'Sully', the pilot of the plane that went down on the Hudson--he made several passes through the cabin to make sure everyone was out before he went out on the wing.

1/19/2012 05:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If they'd been in open sea, there wouldn't have been rocks for Captain Fabuloso to hit.

1/19/2012 05:51:00 AM  
Blogger Frank Drebin said...

From this day forward, forever known as "Chicken of the Sea."

1/19/2012 05:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't weis use an similiar excuse while giving a press conf in 007 when a person was shot?
"I tripped and fell into my truck as it was already heading back to my office"

1/19/2012 06:00:00 AM  
Anonymous "For the Record" said...

2:21 AM ("CFD Medic")

While your "gotta GO" (sic) comment is well taken, check www.YouTube.com and search with WEIS and "gotta RUN". Watch and listen.

With earlier gunfire and later sirens audible on the televised video, the COWARD told Channel 2 reporter Kristyn Hartman "I gotta RUN" as he abandoned his troops who were en route to a still unsolved MURDER less than 45 seconds away. With Zone 6 in a RAP, OEMC audio tapes prove the first (one man) unit (007) didn't arrive on the scene for almost 5 minutes after the shooting.

1/19/2012 06:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you heard about Italy's greatest contribution to WWII ?

Reverse lights on the tanks

1/19/2012 07:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Office I swear, when I left out the house there was a ham sandwich in that bag.

1/19/2012 07:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were they able to salvage his gold star, or did it float away?

1/19/2012 08:00:00 AM  
Anonymous My Guccis !! said...

He didn't want to get his Gucci loafers wet !

1/19/2012 08:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Joey said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

the captain said "Whaddya want? It's not like I hadda take a test or nuthin' to get this flippin gig. Get off my ass.

Fagedaboudit!!!

1/19/2012 08:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He probably works in 011 30 sector.

1/19/2012 08:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Francesco Shettino is Italian for Ernie Brown.

1/19/2012 08:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, just like Obama tripped and fell right into the White House.

1/19/2012 08:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Capt. Arevadirchi madre Mia

1/19/2012 08:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The captain was on his way to see the Wizard of Oz. He heard he could get some courage from him.

1/19/2012 09:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what's really funny ?
Many of the people running our government, are of the same cut.
Problem is, there are no life boats aboard this ship, and its way too far to ship to shore.
PS: Have A Nice Day ?

1/19/2012 09:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe SNL will bring back Jon Lovitz to portray him.

1/19/2012 09:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lying, stinking sack of shit....

1/19/2012 09:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That ship weigh 114,000 Tons. For a little perspective, The USS
Those God-damned Carnival boats are 14 stories high. 3,700 pax and 1100 crew -- none of whom speak a common language.'

The USS Nimitz (and her sisters) weigh 102,000 tons. So it is 12,000 tons heavier than the Nimitz Class Supercarrier. The average WWII Heavy Cruiser weighed 10,000 tons and a Fletcher Class Destroyer weighed 2,000 tons.
You have a Nimitz carrier with a St. Paul Class Heavy Cruiser and a Fletcher class destroyer sitting on the deck!

What could possibly go wrong?

1/19/2012 11:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rahm will be saying "I slipped" after the May protests!

1/19/2012 01:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Capt. Schettino's charges will be dropped, it turns out he's a Daley nephew...

1/19/2012 01:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perfect candidate for the Job of Superintendent of Chicago Police!

Send this man an application!

Da Pelon

1/19/2012 02:51:00 PM  
Anonymous GOOGLE "Search" said...

Enter the word COWARD with:

Schettino = 29,500 hits

Weis = 10,600,000 hits.

RUN, J-FLED, RUN!

1/19/2012 03:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just like Sully, you train for events like landing your plane on a river. Since none of us have gotten training for events in May, have you thought about what you are going to do?

By cowardice I do not mean fear. Cowardice...is a label we reserve for something a man does. What passes through his mind is his own affair. - Lord Moran, The Anatomy of Courage

1/19/2012 04:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also what is not being said is the owner of this cruise line also owns Carnival and he also owns the Miami Heat. Needless to say the vultures are at his doorstep with pending lawsuits and rightfully so. Poor training and even worse hiring practices.

1/19/2012 04:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The captain's next gig will be as host of the ever popular "Telebingo" show in Italia. Hot chicks, plenty of flirting and double entendres, he'll be as effective there as he was on board ship.

1/19/2012 04:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not even from here ... I jus stay over here.

Huh? Who me?

I jus came out the house.

On my momma.

Good day office.

1/19/2012 05:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not even from here ... I jus stay over here.

Huh? Who me?

I jus came out the house.

On my momma.

Good day office.

1/19/2012 05:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Italian Coast Guard officer who was reading ths goof out over the two-ways has become a national hero.

CG -- "Whatta you a do, Captain? Where the hell are you?"

C -- "I'ma inna da lifeboat, coordinating."

CG -- "Lifeboat! Madre Mia! You getta you ass back on board you ship and you do you "coordinating" from there, you son-of-a-bitch!"

C -- "It's dark and we can't see well."

CG -- "So! Itsa dark. So whatta you do now, go home?"

...and other words to that effect.

Italian is such a marvelous language for really giving someone hell.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Too goddam funny!!!!

1/19/2012 05:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT: Hey if I'm only a P.O. and I do the A&A's and hand out car keys and assignments, shouldn't I get SGT's pay? Just wondering.

1/19/2012 06:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let See!

1) Never made MayDay call
2) Claimed rock was not on his chart. The depth alarms must have been blaring so loud he couldn't think straight.
3) Denied any problems.
4) Said he could better assess situation form the comfort of a lifeboat with a drink in hand
5) Tripped and landed on the lifeboat.

His excuses are as deep as the ocean. This qualifies him for a job in Chicago.

Captain "Chicken of the Sea"

Darling could you fix me "A Francesco on the Rocks"

The teacher

1/19/2012 06:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love youse guys...thanks I needed a good laugh today

1/19/2012 08:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Capt. Schettino's charges will be dropped, it turns out he's a Daley nephew...

1/19/2012 01:24:00 PM


That's because Schettino means Vanecko in Italian.

1/19/2012 09:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have the trial in Florida or California and he will be Not Guilty by reason of IDIOT JURYS.

1/19/2012 09:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

........forever more known as Chicken of the Sea.......GREAT ONE!!!!!! I'm still laughing.

1/19/2012 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger SweetRedWines said...

chicken of the sea!

1/19/2012 10:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IF he was a CPD white shirt exempt he would have been exonerated on TV by the supe.
move along.

1/19/2012 11:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jokes aside, pray that they find the senior couple from MN and pray for those who lost their loved ones. RIP

1/19/2012 11:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How times have changed from the days of the Titanic.

In more ways than you can imagine.

Back in the Titanic and other ocean liners' days, there was a thriving trade in ocean liner traffic. Ships crews were largely professional career sailors. Ships also ran on finicky coal-fired steam engines that required large crews to service. Plus ships also handled cargo, so there were people that handled that.

So if something happened at sea, the captain had a fairly large, somewhat professional and competent crew to manage the emergency. Equipment was not as reliable so jury-rigging underway was sometimes necessary.

But modern cruise ships (different from ocean liners) are highly automated, computer monitored and controlled diesel-electric drive machines that need very small technical crews.

So when the ship ran aground and the lower machine areas flooded, all the instruments shorted out, leaving the captain clueless as to what the situation was.

These ships are basically floating hotel/casinos. They are crewed and staffed like that, with a collection of 3rd worlders. Speaking who known how many languages. How can you command people that you cant talk to?

Bottom line: That rock has been there 10,000+ years. He knew. He hit it. His fault.

1/19/2012 11:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only thing this captain fell into was a job that far exceeded his qualifications. Hopefully his next job will be a bit better suited for his abilities, like shoveling shit out of a barn. At least then, if he falls into something it will affect only himself.

1/20/2012 12:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"That's because Schettino means Vanecko in Italian."

--1/19/2012 09:35:00 PM

"When da moon hitsa you eye

Like a big pizza pie

Dat's amore!"

1/20/2012 12:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You have a Nimitz carrier with a St. Paul Class Heavy Cruiser and a Fletcher class destroyer sitting on the deck!"

"What could possibly go wrong?"

--1/19/2012 11:35:00 AM

You mean like on the Eastland? "Excessive metacentric height;" i.e. one listing, tippy son-of-a-bitch from the get-go.

1/20/2012 02:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Compare this guy to 'Sully', the pilot of the plane that went down on the Hudson--he made several passes through the cabin to make sure everyone was out before he went out on the wing."

--1/19/2012 05:45:00 AM

Any comparison would insult Capt. Sullenberger. THERE is a pilot for you.

1/20/2012 02:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Captain "Chicken of the Sea"

Darling could you fix me "A Francesco on the Rocks"

The teacher

Hey teacher, you owe me a new shirt. I laughed so hard while I was gulping coffee and ruined the damn thing. But thanks for the laugh. And yes darling, you can make me a Francesco on the rocks with sea salt.

1/20/2012 08:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Dave in AP said...

I remember reading some years back an article by an engineer who said that modern cruise ship design is being driven by marketing rather than sound engineering, and he expected one to capsize in the near future.

Everyone wants outside cabins, big windows, pools, water slides, etc. Look at a new liner vs a classic like the Normandie or the Queen Mary. Higher decks were smaller; the ship got narrower as you went up. Now they look like hotels floating on barges. Ugly...and top heavy

1/20/2012 09:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sure this guy isnt a French general... Anyhow he can always get a job with the Dept of Transportation filling potholes with the rest of the Italian circus

1/20/2012 09:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"So when the ship ran aground and the lower machine areas flooded, all the instruments shorted out, leaving the captain clueless as to what the situation was."

--1/19/2012 11:40:00 PM

Yeah -- when he was so close to the operating, red-flashing navigation beacon at the harbor entrance that he could have walked out onto the bridge wing and almost touched it.

Lost at sea...

"These ships are basically floating hotel/casinos. They are crewed and staffed like that, with a collection of 3rd worlders. Speaking who known how many languages. How can you command people that you cant talk to?"

There have been plenty of cases of loss of "hotel power" -- electrical power -- in the tropics. No A/C, no blowers, no refrigeration, no cooking, no running water -- and then with any luck food poisoning sweeps through the passengers.

Sealed, floating shitbox.

Nightmare cruises. Furious people coming down the gangplank shouting that they'll sue and swearing they'll never leave land again...

1/20/2012 07:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Look at a new liner vs a classic like the Normandie or the Queen Mary. Higher decks were smaller; the ship got narrower as you went up. Now they look like hotels floating on barges. Ugly...and top heavy."

--1/20/2012 09:04:00 AM

Normandie was a more "modern" design -- really spectacular, beautiful -- but you will see the top-heaviness in the famous head-on photos.

She fled blacked-out to New York when WWII began. While converting her to a troop ship, the welders started a fire on board. NYFD was unfamiliar with fighting such a fire, so did the best they could and kept pouring on the water.

A small man with a roll of blueprints under his arm was at the gate to the pier, frantically trying to get in to talk to the firemen. He was Vladimir Yourkevitch, the ship's designer.

Some "civil defense volunteer" or "auxiliary policeman" decided he was just some kind of nut, and wouldn't let him in.

The water kept coming until the ship capsized in her slip. She lay there on her side ("on her beam ends"), a really massive civic embarassment.

The city built a wooden barricade so she could not be seen by passing traffic, and her upperworks were torched off piece by piece to reduce topside weight until the hulk could be refloated and hauled off by a tugboat to the scrapyard.

And there it is...

1/20/2012 07:29:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey can you blame the guy? That's a big ship going under water. ha! well, I have seen the bigger, taller run scared the most. So, God knows what anyone will really do. I hate water and refuse to go in water so, can I blame him? Hellz to the no. Anything in the ground is more controllable, but water, yeah not so much.

1/20/2012 11:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CPD will make him a boss with those qualifications!

1/21/2012 09:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And yes darling, you can make me a Francesco on the rocks with sea salt.

1/20/2012 08:12:00 AM


Sorry for ruining your shirt. I like the sea salt! What else should go into a "Francesco on the Rocks" ? It should also be yellow.

Any ideas out there?

The Teacher

1/21/2012 01:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"And yes darling, you can make me a Francesco on the rocks with sea salt."

--1/20/2012 08:12:00 AM

Make mine a Lifeboat.

They sneak up on you. You think it helps you "coordinate," but after a couple you're running around yelling "WHADDA YOU DO? WHEREA YOU GO?"

*

1/21/2012 04:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And yes darling, you can make me a Francesco on the rocks with sea salt.

1/20/2012 08:12:00 AM


Sorry for ruining your shirt. I like the sea salt! What else should go into a "Francesco on the Rocks" ? It should also be yellow.

Any ideas out there?

The Teacher

Perhaps with a twist or slice of lemon...

1/21/2012 04:28:00 PM  

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