Homicide Drive Off To Great Start
- Having tallied a “very promising” 41 murders so far in 2013, police officials confirmed Tuesday that the annual Chicago Homicide Drive was off to its fastest start in more than a decade and was already well on its way to reaching this year’s goal for violent slayings.
“It’s still January, but we’ve already seen an astounding number of contributions to this year’s murder drive,” Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy told reporters as he raised the red progress line on the Homicide Drive’s Murdometer, a 15-foot plywood silhouette of a gunned-down body that stands outside City Hall.
“I don’t think anyone dreamed it would be possible to break last year’s staggering total of 506 murders, but with so many people chipping in all across the city, we may just do it. There’s a tremendous community-wide level of interest and participation in this yearly event, which is quickly becoming a treasured part of Chicago culture.”
While McCarthy said he remained confident that Chicagoans would set a new Homicide Drive record this year, he cautioned that the city was beginning to face a shortage of potential victims in many of its highest-contributing neighborhoods.
The only way you could tell this was satire is the claim in the last line - "shortage of potential victims..." That was the giveaway.
Labels: silly people
posted by SCC at 12:03 AM
21 Comments:
Heard a talking head on radio today saying Chi had the highest gun turn in of any city. She almost creamed in her pants about the weekly gun layouts by the CPD.......
These people will believe in anything.
41 in January with two days left, and this is a slow month. Can't wait to see what kind of numbers June-August put up.
Great Onion article!
The Onion fights Rahm's propaganda machine and sounds more truthful!
If Daley was Shortshanks, who is Rahm? Prince Humperdink? The Six-Fingered-Mayor? The 9-Fingered-Man?
Skinnyshanks? How about naming Rahm after Longshanks's son, the Prince of Wails, for all the crying and whining done by all victims of crime in chicago while cutting police services, or the Prince of Whales, for the lies as big as whales that he tells us (yes, we increased police officers by reassigning them to new units while they do the same job, and while thousands who are retiring are not being replaced).
I can hear him now . . . (a la Longshanks in Braveheart) . . .
"The only problem with our murder rate is the people being murdered and the people murdering them. If we can't bleed them out, we will let them bleed themselves out."
If eric holder think's for one minute the American people won't fight for this country and not for his Barry, his lord and savior he's wrong.
I would like to thank all the people that made this a great month for me.
Chalkie.
That's awesome!
It's the"Chicago way",our "Chicago values" says Rahmmy.
Garry loves the limelight. He should be thrilled at this article.
The Onion kicks ass. Did you see the one about the Hot New Murder Trend in Chicago? Brilliant.
506? where did he learn to count or did some rise from the dead?( not unheard of during election season) everyone has had Chalkie at 534 and the rate he's going he could hit 551
not only is garry hitting the Kool-Aid hard as we see but he's must be drinking "doubles"
Is 41 a new winter homicide record
chicago broke a weather record this year . Chalkie must strike again and make a record high for chicago .
God Bless The Onion!!
Did you see the link on the bottom to this story?
http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20130124/chicago/most-shooters-chicago-dont-face-charges
Chalkie is doing an outstanding job!
Wouldn't just love to a "reporter" ask him to comment on that article.... Hell if they could spoof North Korea how had could Shitcago be ...
You can barely tell this is sarcasm.
The most factual reporting by a Chicago newspaper...I still believe it's a real article.
Never seen more sock puppets and media shills in one place.
No confidence march is needed!!!!!!
No confidence march is needed!!!!!!
1/30/2013 07:08:00 PM
Agreed!!
You can barely tell this is sarcasm.
1/30/2013 02:52:00 PM
that's because it's based on facts.
Post a Comment
<< Home