Monday, October 24, 2005

Time for a Little Reader Participation

We saw this suggestion in one of the comments sections and thought it'd make a decent post for today. Without naming names (to protect the innocent), what is the funniest Recruit/PPO story you've ever heard? Not veterans - recruits or PPOs

We'll begin with one we heard quite a few years back: seems a PPO completely unnerved his Patrol Specialist (Patrol Specialist, not FTO) one evening. You know that "swooshing" noise you hear as you drive past bridge supports? Well our Patrol Specialist and PPO were riding along under Lake Street and the veteran thought the "swooshing" noise was a little too loud. He looked over at the kid and the kid was watching the bridge supports flying past, turning his head and making the "swooshing" sound every time they passed one. The Patrol Specialist failed him shortly thereafter and we heard the kid went to the rubber gun squad afterwards until they could process him out. What the hell happened to the Psych test?

STAY ON TOPIC PLEASE - We want recruit stories. And no names.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the 018th District about 10 years ago..

They were doing a "sweep" at Cabrini Green. This recruit was detailed to it and was working the wagon. Well.. nature called and he had to use the bathroom. He has to go "number 2". Maybe he should go to the firehouse over at Larrabee and Division? That would make sense right? NO.. he goes into the back of the wagon and takes a shit right there. Just then, a lieutenant opens the back door and catches him. He was fired within a few months. Rumor has it he worked for OPS before he got on the job. The shitting recruit.

10/23/2005 11:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who are the police broads in this picture? Anyone know? Checkout...

10/24/2005 12:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a recruit we had traffic detail "Stevenson Construction Project" Most of the 100 or so PPO's from my class were on a post everyday from 1500-1800, directing traffic on Archer Ave and various other streets that were the alternate to the Stevenson. We monitored CW1 everyday, during the middle of the summer ComED has a brownout that effects downtown. We had to pack our gear and hump it downtown to direct traffic because all the lights were out downtown. Every one was there except one....the moron who stayed behind and directed traffic at the intersection of Ashland/Blue Island. Not only did he stay there he was considered MIA because he wasn't around for check-off. No cell phone, 3 hours later they finally figured to check his usual post there he was waving his arms like a jack-ass....still makes me LMAO

10/24/2005 12:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Acting FTO tells his 3 day old PPO that during the tour of duty was helmet inspection day. So the hole tour the PPO drove around and answered calls with his blue shinny helmet on, waiting for an inspector to show up on a job to inspect his helmet. Its been a couple years now but i still can't look the guy in the face without cracking a smile.

10/24/2005 01:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have heard some really funny stories about a certain fto from the 9th district but I wouldn't dare repeat them on a public forum.

10/24/2005 01:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

10/24/2005 01:13:01 AM:


10/24/2005 01:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who are the police broads in this picture? Anyone know? Checkout...

10/24/2005 12:06:21 AM


10/24/2005 01:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This story is actually about what a PPO in 024 did to her FTO.

About 10 years ago, after our Christmas party, we went to a bar to continue to drink. Her FTO was on crutches at the time.

He had a bad habit of messing with people, trying to show them how well versed in the martial arts he was. Well, he had been messing with her all night, playing like he was Jackie Chan and throwing peanuts at her (real mature).

Well, he went to far and dumped a whole bowl full of peanuts on her head. She hauled off and knocked him on his ass! The whole bar went dead silent...and them we all craked up! It was priceless to see him laying on the floor like a gump. Needless to say, he never messed with her again or anyone else in the district for that matter.

10/24/2005 02:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Roughly ten years ago, in 025 there was a recruit who had gone to a "watch" party until about 0500hrs along with his FTO. They had court at BR.23 at 0900hrs, and the FTO swore he'd be there. Well the recruit showed up for his first ever court appearance, but the FTO didn't. So when the recruit's first case gets called, he walks up to the front, and being horribly hung-over and incredibly nervous, he passes out right in front of the bench and breaks his forehead open on the brick wall of the bench area. Just as that happens, the FTO is walking into the court room. The recruit wakes up and the sheriff/baliff is trying to undo his belt to "help him breathe better" and he's like, " WTF"? He got a couple stitches and was otherwise fine. After having the stitches out and returning to duty, during roll call, the recruit was presented with a full caged hockey helmet that said "COURT HELMET" across the front of it.

10/24/2005 04:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Who are the police broads in this picture? Anyone know? Checkout..."

I can name at least 6 of the people in that pic...but I'm not going to. I believe SCC firmly stated NO NAMES!!!!!

10/24/2005 04:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Rumor has it he worked for OPS before he got on the job. The shitting recruit.

10/23/2005 11:55:08 PM "

He DID work for OPS. That story is true!

10/24/2005 05:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the girls is really wired. daddy got her there. Its the chubby one with brown hair.

10/24/2005 06:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While working in a south side district, a FTO showed up on a job with his brand new recruit with his shiny new semi auto (when all of us were carrying revolvers). A Tact officer asked the recruit if that was one of those "new" guns. As proud as he could be, the recruit talked all about it. The officer asked if he could see the gun. The proud recruit handed it to the officer. Sommeone else asked if the gun works. The first officer fired a couple off, said "Yep", handed the gun back to the recruit and everyone walked away. The recuit almost shit his pants.

10/24/2005 07:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's retired (making big $ with CDOT) and she's with the Fed Taskforce now.
VERY wired.
She's not chubby.

10/24/2005 07:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's retired (making big $ with CDOT) and she's with the Fed Taskforce now.
VERY wired.
She's not chubby.

10/24/2005 07:18:45 AM

I heard she just went to IAD.

10/24/2005 07:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not IAD, FBI.

10/24/2005 07:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

His other kid is a supervisor with the TMA << the city that works.

That's a nice picture of our boys and girls in black.

10/24/2005 07:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My first night with CPD featured my dog ass FTO handing me a set of keys to a wagon, falling asleep, waking up half way through the shift asking me if I worked for IAD followed by going back to sleep.

The street runs two ways here folks!

She's a detective now...promote incompetence don't ya know.

10/24/2005 07:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TO: 10/24/2005 04:52:11 AM

thanks for your input.....really interesting.....shut-up stupid.

10/24/2005 07:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not IAD, FBI.

10/24/2005 07:31:47 AM

That's what they tell people, but I heard there are a bunch of new people in the covert section of IAD and she is allegedly one of them. A bunch of people who on paper are assigned to detached services are really the covert IAD people. I don't have any proof of that, but someone from Stark's office told me. Heard they are beefing up the secret staff big time.

10/24/2005 07:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no secret staff, no secret units and no SECRETS in this department (this blog is evident to that) << great for rumors though.

Anything coming out of Stark's office is deflection away from anything he is doing. Like the old "...when do you know a lawyer is fibbing..." routine << when his mouth is moving.

10/24/2005 08:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Crimefile said...

Hi folks! I’m looking for any pictures you can e-mail me of Chicago policewomen back when there was such a person. Anything with skirts and that little beret they used to wear. I need them for a film I’m working on about Ann Leybourne Biebel called, COME FRIDAY. If you’ve got them please e-mail them to

10/24/2005 09:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heard that a FTO in 003 was walking up a narrow stairway otw to a domestic. When he heard a "click, click" He turns to see his PPO inserting a mag into her pistol and racking a round in. When asked she said that she doesn't like to have a loaded gun at home. FTO found out that this PPO carried only 1 mag and used her mag holder to hold her juicy fruit.

10/24/2005 12:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While a bit scary, that 003rd district story has a bit too much of a human element to it to be ROFLMAO funny. Certainly I hope that the girl grew up to be a good police officer, but everyone who starts this job is innocent in some way. The innocence just disappears quicker from some than from others.

God bless the innocent, I almost want to tell them to run away from this on their first day as the things we know are often not worth knowing, and perhaps worth not knowing.

10/24/2005 12:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One day there was a recruit working a Traffic detail in the loop. The recruit declared an emergency on the Police radio. When all radio traffic stopped the recruit told the zone operator that they had to get some help out there to raise the Elevated tracks as a truck was stuck under them.

10/24/2005 03:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10/24/2005 01:42:10 AM Yes... Sice I just tapped your whore scum-bag mother!!

10/24/2005 05:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, that was brilliant. How's TRU treating you?

10/24/2005 05:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said... got to be real man or should I say IDIOT to make a post like that about a persons Mom. I bet your Mom is proud of you or do you talk like that to her face?

10/24/2005 05:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We got this PO in 023 who doubles as a cleaning lady (polish). When she got here she proclaimed that she did not like guns and preferred not to carry one. She's not even a US citizen.

10/24/2005 06:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

10/24/2005 06:45:04 PM

Poor guy. Couldn't get laid in a whore house with a pocket full of rocks. tsk tsk tsk...

10/24/2005 07:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have heard that "taking a shit in the squadrol" story...probably twentieth hand....but version i heard was that some more seasoned coppers put him up to it, saying it was tradition......regardless...what a nit-wit...assuming it's true.

10/24/2005 07:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ppo working in the projects thought he knew the lingo so when he walked up to the resident dope dealers he asks "who is swinging out here? Proper terminology "slinging", or the other good one on the project domestic between brothers. Homey says to PPO "dude stole on me" PPO responds "what did he steal?"
not knowing "stole" synonym for hit from behind.

10/24/2005 09:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A new tact officer and new to the district driving thru Horner homes in winter calls an "emergency" we have a fire in the sewer! Huge heating vent for the projects steaming.

10/24/2005 09:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about the story (it's been awhile now), of a training officer working with a PPO. The PPO, while riding with the more experienced officer, asks to see how the mobile computer terminal in the car works (i.e., how to run a name check). The experienced officer says, okay, let's run your (the PPO's) name (just to see how it works)....guess what....the PPO's name check results in an active arrest warrant; the experienced officer says, let's go into the station (! what a way to get an arrest!!!!)....and another feather in the cap of our background investigators....

10/24/2005 09:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't hear the car story, but I did hear that happened at the academy in computer training.

10/24/2005 10:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How bout the 2 ppo's who decided to skip the last class at the academy and go drinking. The instructor ask is everyone here? Class commander looks says 2 missing, at the end of class they still weren't there. Found them drunk at home about 2200 hours, transported back to academy and summarily fired.

10/24/2005 10:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How much Y'all puttin in yo preferred comp?

10/24/2005 11:15:00 PM  
Anonymous crimefile said...

My own recruit story...
I was in 012 and had a mope in an alley re: The suspicious man call behind the Baptist Church on Roosevelt Road. I get there with my FTO and he tells me to take the lead. So I ask the mope what he's doing and see a small steak knife on the ground. I assume I have a UUW arrest so I get him to assume the position. I pat him down and he's got a really nasty rag in his pocket. Its sticky , gooey and I thought it might be somehow related to narcotics.

So I ask the mope, "Whats this?" He responds, "That's my do rag."
"Huh? I asked you what it this?", I ask again. He says, "My muthafuckin' do rag! It's fo my hair do!" He points to his processed hair. My FTO starts laughing at me as I'm trying to wipe the goo off my hands. The mope had a good laugh at my expense. We name checked him and sent him on his way

10/25/2005 12:38:00 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Mertz said...


FASCINATION STAGE - 1st thru 3rd year of Law Enforcement. For most, it is first time outside of their middle class bubble. Never saw a dead body. Never dealt with a family disturbance. Everything is new to them. ID them by number of weapons they carry (usually fancy stocks and grips, fancy holsters - jack-ass, leg, tie-down at thigh, and two pairs of cuffs on duty belt with an extra set in their gear bag). Went to radio shack and bought a scanner to listen to all the calls while off duty (hard to do these days). They love it. Show up early for shift. Work past end of shift and ride around on their days off. Are the first ones to volunteer for calls and can’t wait for the next one. Takes the time to write a neat and extraordinary detailed report. Believe rank within the department is based only on ability and those in the upper ranks got there by knowledge and skill in police work. Goes out once or twice a month with the “guys” for a relaxing drink. When they finally go home to the spouse, these guys tell the significant other everything they did and saw. They are wired up. Their spouses are just excited and eager to hear about their exciting day at work.

HOSTILITY STAGE - 3rd thru 5th year. Now show up for work just as role call is getting started. Are hiding out about 30 minutes before end of shift waiting to go home hoping you don’t get th at last minute call. Carries only the basic necessities and packs lightly. Quickly writing reports, which consist of only the bare basic facts, so they can just throw them in the Sgt. In-box and leave ASAP. Have to get to the extra job to earn money to pay for the divorce that is pending. Spouse no longer interested in hearing all the gore and thinks you’re an asshole cop. They get the "you spend more time with your police buddies than you ever do with me" speech. They now know how the Commander got those bars. They consider the FOP, the city and all brass to be assholes. Gripe about everything. Drink excessively and go out three to four times a week to drink and chase broads. Hate the public, politicians, media, etc. Feel they have more in common with the hookers, thieves, dopers, etc. - but also hate them too. Usually try out for SWAT in this stage.

SUPERIORITY STAGE - 6th thru 15th years. Cops at their best. Have survived change in administrations. Know how the political game is played inside the department and goes with the “flow”. Know who they can trust and who they can't. Gear bag consists of a sack lunch and one ticket book. Selects his friends from within the dept. and stays away as best he can from the nuts and ass-kissers. Knows the legal system, the judges, SA's, defense attorneys, etc. Knows how to testify and put a case together. Usually the one the brass turns to when they had some clandestine request or sensitive operation. Cop is still physically fit and can handle himself on the street. Will stay around the station when needed, but has other commitments, second job, second wife, girlfriend, etc. Paying more in child support than they contribute to taxes and pension. Has made friends outside of Law Enforcement. Decides it’s time to transfer out of SWAT to leave it to the younger more aggressive guys.

ACCEPTANCE STAGE - 15th to ?. Has single objective. Retirement and pension. Nothing is going to come between me and the monthly check. Fuck the boss. Fuck the city. Fuck the idiots around the station, and fuck the assholes on the street. They could not come between me and sitting on the beach. These guys are usually (not always) desk Sgt., ID, crime scene, - some post where they will not be endangered. They especially don't want some young stud cop getting them sued, fired, or losing their beach time, for something the young cop did. These guys are usually hard to find when the shit hits the fan. 10-6 having coffee. Hanging around the station. Looking at brochures of things they want to do in retirement. Make up bullshit stories to their kids, relatives and new recruits of things they were involved in back in the day. Some are on their third marriages because they are still too naive to realize the problem is them and not their spouse.

10/25/2005 04:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Probably a little tame for this site, but I'll 'rat' on myself. Hired in Oct. '76, hit the 014th District in '77 as a PPO. I managed to turn the radio to the wrong zone within the first 10 minutes on the street. When the Dispatcher couldn't reach us, he assigned EVERYONE district-wide to locate us and insure our safety. We were soon discovered (safely) writing parking tickets on a side street. Talk about a humbling experience. My FTO was gracious and did not kick my butt, which he should have done. And he actually let me in the car the next day (but did not allow me to carry the radio, obviously). Other than my own large degree of stupidity, the lesson I learned that first day on the street was that the CPD is the greatest. If coppers think that one of their own are in trouble, they come out of the woodwork and risk all to help out. Retired a few years ago, but still feel a large measure of pride every day of my life for having been a member of the CPD. The heck with New York and L.A., Chicago coppers are the best then and now. Thanks.

10/25/2005 10:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell me if you've heard this one before:
Right out of the academy this PPO is sent to a west side district. He is with an FTO for ONE week and then sent to loop trafic for SIX months. Back after SIX months of hell this PPO is never under the wing of an old-timer who knows the job, just surrounded by young POs who are having a good time making up the rules as they go along. The seasoned POs the PPO learns from have FOUR or less years on the job and don't realize, yet, how much there is to lose.
Over the next few years the PPO, now PO, figures out how to survive and learns the RIGHT way to do the basics. The basics that would have helped tremendously in the first critical years, the years that mold the officer's career and view of law enforcement as he knows it.
Ten or so years have passed and the PO no longer cares for the thrill of the job and counts his blessings that something higher kept him from doing something really stupid, kept him out of prison, and away from the media. And now, the PO keeps hearing of the importance of "ACCOUNTABILITY" in the department and this always puts a smile on the PO's face, because he knows that "ACCOUNTABILITY" is truly the biggest joke there is.
Now that's funny.

10/25/2005 12:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Someone asked the PPO why she became the police, her answer: I always liked Charlie's Angels.

10/25/2005 02:56:00 PM  
Blogger formerhousemouse said...

10:48, thanks for sharing the story. Similar stuff happens a few times a year.

I once (circa 1997) had the entire 7th district and a good part of 008 respond as back-ups when a beat car on a domestic didn't answer their radio. After being sent on the domestic, someone used a pay phone down the block to call it in again as a Person with a Gun, and the officers didn't answer their radios for 6 seconds. 10-1 it is. I think 300 people were praying for the 3 minutes or so it took for them to walk out of the apartment with a "what's going on?" look on their faces. Oh, sorry, the radios were down inside the house. 007 was one of my favorite districts.

Another time, we had to stop zone 10 for 45 minutes to do a roll call for the whole zone, and all citywide units who *might* be on the zone. Two of us heard "gency" come across. It showed up on the tape too. Nobody owned up for it, and everyone checked in okay.

I'm not positive, but I think one of the double murders of POs involved finding them dead in a garage. 025 maybe? 70's or 80's. That was burned into people's memories, and I suspect it might have played into the district-wide search for you guys. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong about the origins of the search and/or roll call procedure for missing POs or unidentified/unverified radio emergencies.

10/25/2005 07:09:00 PM  
Anonymous NorthSide said...

Another night I will never forget. Mother's Day night, May 13, 1990, about 2100 hrs. You are referring to the fatal shootings of two of my finest men. I was working 2520 that night. On arrival, I found both in the SE corner of the garage, called the 10-1 with two officers down. A real nightmare.


May God bless them.

10/25/2005 07:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Northside,
Your story was part of my training, but the training (and that whole life) was 11 (and 5) years ago respectively, and I developed CRS not long after starting. Was a district-wide search called for them?

There is a lesson in that story that might help some reader or another here. Care to recount the details as a lesson to the young?

10/25/2005 10:48:00 PM  
Anonymous NorthSide said...

There was a Zone 12 simulcast of "Shots Fired" at Nordica and Palmer. The dispatcher added that Beat 2524 had already been assigned to a "disturbance with the grandson" at 2158 N. Nordica. As I arrived, I saw the unoccupied squad parked next to a residential garage on the Palmer side. Inside, I found Greg and Ray mortally wounded.

I immediately called a 10-1 with two officers down, requesting ambulances and notifications to Area 5 Homicide, 025 desk, the ADS, the Supt., the Chief of Dicks, Fr. Nangle, the crime lab, etc.

Zone 12 units from 025 & 015 came swarming in, followed by interdistrict units and Elmwood Park PD.

The complainant reported that she had called the police after a quarrel with her grandson, Roman Chavez. He then went to the garage and the police arrived. She phoned again after hearing gunfire.

Elmwood Park PD came up with his photo and the dicks hit all known haunts. Meanwhile, responding units searched yard-to-yard and door-to-door while squads prowled the perimeter and the side streets and alleys within.

Within a few hours, our guys found the piece of shit cowering beneath a front porch about 2 blocks away in the 2000 block of Harlem Ave.

A great and swift response and organized teamwork by all of the responding units was critical to containing the shooter within the immediate area.

As a young homicide dick, I responded to another double in Cabrini. In both cases, I knew all four officers well. You NEVER forget those cases.

I don't know that this info would prove helpful to the young officers in the situation described in 007 other than to saturate the area with units as quickly as possible. Always know and state your precise LOCATION with the word "emergency".

Unlike the immediate vicinity of Palmer & Nordica in 025, the Englewood situation involved a possible 10-1 at an UNKNOWN location in a district almost six square miles in area, not to mention the huge size of 008.

The only other things I can add is that the Kilroy-Hauser homicides occurred in a part of the city where you'd least expect it--it can happen anywhere.

Then I recall as a rookie when I worked 011 with a street-wise brother who just transferred in from "the (old) Deuce" at 4800 Wabash. He wrote poetry. One poem included the following: "Always be careful on DISTURBANCE CALLS/So your picture does not hang on WABASH WALLS."

May God bless Greg, Ray, Jim Severin, Tony Rizzato and all our fallen comrades while Chavez, Veal, Knights and all cop-killers burn in Hell.

In both doubles, you must somehow put on your "game face" and get the job done. Then you go home to cry and cry.

10/26/2005 03:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was there to John. The dogs came right away to. It was the night from hell. Greg and Ray were big strong guys, great coppers and good guys. I don't know how they ever took that motherfucker alive.

Remember the run-in with Curtin and Wodnicki at the area.

10/26/2005 10:12:00 AM  
Anonymous northside said...

10:12 AM

eMail me at:

10/26/2005 01:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey 4:50 am you hit it right on the head, but there are some exceptions (company ass kissers)!!!!!

10/26/2005 04:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

10:48:59 pm

What does "CRS" mean?

10/27/2005 09:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't Remember Shit.

It is an inability to remember almost anything 30 seconds after they you hear or say it, due to the sheer amount of nonsense that we must hear or speak.

10/27/2005 10:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you tell us about the runin with Curtin and Wodnecki? We all know about Curtin but I thought Wodnecki was a good gut.

11/01/2005 07:40:00 AM  

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