Thursday, April 11, 2024

Swimming Where?

This used to be guaranteed hospital visit:

  • Despite promotion for a swimming event in the Chicago River, it turns out the city has not yet approved it. The swim, which would be the first open water swim in the river in nearly a century, is scheduled for September 22, and registration is already open. Money raised has been designated to go to ALS research.

    But at Wednesday's city council meeting, 34th Ward Ald. William Conway, whose ward covers part of downtown, said he was never notified of the event. He questioned officials with the Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events about it. They said the event announcement came out "without any permits or approval from the city of Chicago."

Back when we were young, we remember CPD and CFD divers having to have a battery of tests and more than a few shots after searching for bridge jumpers or vehicles that drove into the river. Even those who were rescued from falling in had to be tested for diphtheria and god knows what else lest they die from the pathogens in the raw sewage headed downstream.

We're even old enough to remember old man Daley wanting to clean the river in the 1970s so kids could fish in it and members of the City Council and media laughing at his words.

It's taken nearly our lifetimes to get the Chicago River to the point that someone could even think about swimming in it and we have to say, good for them. We'd never eat a fish pulled out of the river and we'd probably laugh at someone doing the river swim and ending up with a months-long case of diarrhea, but at least your skin isn't dissolving.

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31 Comments:

Blogger JustHereForThePaycheck said...

“I’ve been swimming in raw sewage, and I love it”!

Name the movie, Gen Z’ers…

4/11/2024 12:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember about 20 years ago a downtown businessman jumped in the river to rescue a suicide jumper. When the businessman got to the shore, the guys suit was so discolored from the raw sewage that it was now a different color. Good times.

4/11/2024 03:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like swimming in a giant toilet bowl amongst the floating turds and condoms that can be seen regularly from the streets above

4/11/2024 05:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And in the very, very old day, Lane Tech graduate Johnny Weissmuller (Tarzan) used to practice his swimming in the Chicago River. None the worse for wear.

4/11/2024 05:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful place to swim, as the suburbanites come in and do it, we can laugh as they surface with a mouthful of shit,just like the Hudson river!The city needs to approve it charge a fee put money in police pension coffers!

4/11/2024 07:40:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. SouthSide said...

Mr. Right Hand meet Mr. Left Hand.

4/11/2024 07:57:00 AM  
Blogger Former Illinois resident said...

Thought people who accidentally fall into Chicago River, when recreationally rowing or sculling, that they are whisked to hospital for a biocontamination shower. That's what St Ignatius rowing team, which rows in south branch of river, was told would happen if they ever capsized into water.

4/11/2024 08:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even Steve Dahl made fun of Old Man Daley on that one. “…and we know there is nothing more wholesome than a fish…”

4/11/2024 08:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw an article about people pulling Walleye out of the river up near Foster. I wouldn’t eat them but it’s nice to see that it might be getting a little bit better.

4/11/2024 08:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mayor Richard J. Daley's vision for the Chicago River: "You know, enjoy a nice bottle a beer an go fishin'. Der's nuttin' as wholesome as a fish"

4/11/2024 08:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever seen the river after a long night of rain where the City’s sewage system overflows and dumps into the river and then they have to open up the Locks and it all dumps into the lake? I sure have. Stopped swimming in the lake too after seeing that and reading about all the E Coli beach closures throughout the summer. Sounds like an amazing fun activity for liberals though!

4/11/2024 08:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Retied CFD that spent a few years on Air Sea Rescue.

Had a few dive jobs in the river, luckily near the locks at Navy pier. The flow of the river over the years has caused Lake Michigan sand to flow into the river. It's surprisingly clear now with pretty good vis. Like your marine unit we had VIKING dry suits when donned properly prevented contact with the water. Always had an engine on every response that would provide a wash down while in our gear.

Would I swim there? No way.

4/11/2024 09:35:00 AM  
Blogger Just a guy said...

I can see the promotional posters now:

"2024 Chicago River ALS swim- It's the Shit!!"
* Free concert for survivors provided by the Dave Matthews Band!!!

4/11/2024 09:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fishing in the river with a nice bottle of beer
Is I believe the old man said

4/11/2024 10:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Several of the older buildings along the river use river water in their cooling systems. I won't explain the workings, but they do. One is the Merchandise Mart.

There are strainers in the system that need to be cleaned weekly or sooner. The largest culprit clogging the filters are condoms.

Enjoy the swim.

4/11/2024 10:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"There's nothing as wholesome as a fish."

Mayor Richard J. Daley

4/11/2024 10:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! Old man Daley's speech on that was freakin' priceless!

"Dere's nuttin better den a fish for a kid. Dey can catch 'em and cook 'em right dere by da river."

Sure, then save money on electricity by glowing at night.

4/11/2024 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger I Voted For Kamala said...

Tarzan was racist.

4/11/2024 11:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

setting aside whether swimming in the river is a good idea...

a) why would you need a permit - is this group using city property? (beach or pier)
b) who is the alderturd potentate "why haven't I been asked for permission"
c) from the article "to get a permit you have to show that you have already managed a 500 person open water swim..." so if I haven't done it somewhere else, I can't do it here.

4/11/2024 12:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like Kosmo Kramer swimming in the East River…

4/11/2024 12:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will FAMOUS White Wine Spritzers be sufficiently strong to wipe off the ( whatever) that will be on the swimmers’s skin?

4/11/2024 02:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To 4/11/2024 12:42:00 AM:
I think that was Kramer, not a movie.

4/11/2024 03:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The rivers in DC are just as bad, maybe worse. Heavy metal contamination. Government agencies won’t dive there, but the DC PD dive team dove there regularly looking for guns. You may just feel fine after a dive like that, but years down the road……….

4/11/2024 03:57:00 PM  
Blogger TimC said...

I think the raw sewage was headed upstream, not downstream? Is it still that way?

4/11/2024 07:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogger JustHereForThePaycheck said...
“I’ve been swimming in raw sewage, and I love it”!

Name the movie, Gen Z’ers…


Was Lt. Frank Drebin in Naked Gun 2 1/2

4/11/2024 07:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the raw sewage was headed upstream, not downstream? Is it still that way?

4/11/2024 07:20:00 PM


Not when a huge downpour thunderstorm or extended stretch of heavy rains causes the sewers to fill and raw sewer waters flow onto the streets and into basements.

And that event lingers in those slow moving waters.


The layers of raw sewage debri on the bottom of the river would be a goldmine to dredge, if shit residue were worth it's weight in gold.


4/12/2024 02:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Rubber River...

4/12/2024 06:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Retired cpd 2023. As an avid canoeist, I've paddled the chicago river twice. Both times I saw multiple turds floating with plants growing out of them. Paddled from just behind lane tech going south past Armitage. The water always fails for fecal occult test every year. Just wanted to try it. NEVER again.

4/13/2024 06:13:00 AM  
Anonymous CrookCountyJustice said...

Early 90s there was some charity event where you raced across the river on floats, many capsized and most everyone wet. Probably a 20 oercent long term mortality rate.

4/13/2024 11:44:00 AM  
Blogger I Voted For Kamala said...

Canadians make the best canoeists because they don't tip, eh?

4/13/2024 03:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The undersea world is a different place before and after Navy Dive School. No way in hell would any graduate hit the water without a hazmat level dry suit, with a nice bleach rinse upon surfacing. Swimming????? No Freaking Way. Much better ways to die than with whatever exposure could be lurking in the muck of a city full of crack addicts.

4/14/2024 05:22:00 AM  

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