More Vigilantes Please

We're enjoying this more than you can imagine:

• Chicago police say a man sexually assaulted a woman as she walked through the Loop on Friday afternoon, but the attack took an unexpected turn when another woman allegedly stabbed the assailant in the eye before officers arrived. A second man who intervened in the confrontation was also cut during the chaos, according to police.

  Crime scene tape surrounded the entrance to theWit Hotel at 201 North State Street, where the attack unfolded shortly after 4 p.m., according to witnesses.

  Police said a 24-year-old woman was walking on the sidewalk when a 31-year-old man sexually assaulted her. The suspect then became involved in a physical altercation with a 25-year-old man who intervened, CPD said. As the two men fought, a 36-year-old woman at the scene allegedly pulled out a knife and stabbed the suspected assailant in his right eye. She also cut the other man on his left wrist, according to police.

We're going to go out on a limb here and say the guy who got cut across the wrist was probably a Good Samaritan who got in the way of the woman wielding the knife. If true, maybe he'll refuse to cooperate and everyone can just agree the shitbag who got stabbed in the eye is the only offender.

Hopefully, the first of many instances for the Summer of 2026 - the year Chicagoans just got fed up.