Friday, August 05, 2005

Award Proposals 2

Proposal #4: The "City Bought Them Off" pin. Any situation that you have been involved in as the defendant and the City paid off the plaintiffs REGARDLESS OF THE RIGHTNESS OR LEGALITY OF YOUR ACTIONS. In our opinion, nothing the City does is as demoralizing as their buying off worthless pieces of human excrement who have BS complaints of abuse or civil rights violations and they get paid to go away. There are too many people who think just because they get caught after running and resisting, someone has to pay them money for imagined wrongs. We wish the City would stick up for us instead of pissing away taxpayer money on these jackasses - because we aren't only employees of the City, we're taxpayers too! Stars for repeat awards.

Proposal #5: The "I Wrote my Salary in Tickets" pin. If at any time in your career you wrote your salary equivalent in parking fines in a calendar year, you automatically receive this award. As you see, it gets a little harder as you climb in seniority, but the City does it's part by raising the fines every so often. This will be like a physical fitness award - you can only wear it for the previous year and you have to earn it every year thereafter. Maybe we can get little pins with the years on it so you can show multiple consecutive awards or something.

Proposal #6: The "I Worked the Parade" award. No, you don't have to be gay to receive this one, but you must (A) have worked it in uniform (not riding the float) and (B) have ONE story about what you saw there that would shock your mother if she heard it - like the one about the float in the parade a few years back which involved a sheep and a giant ... um ... device inserted up it's ... um ... you get the idea. We'd be tracking down the smelling salts if mom ever heard that one. Stars for repeat awards, but we aren't sure if you'd really want to display them or remember the stories.

Proposal #7: The "2016 Olympic Games" pin. Similar to the 1996 DNC pins, all you kids lucky enough to stick around for the next 11 years might earn this one. You can reminisce about how "Middle Daley" snared the games for Chicago before he went to prison for various mail fraud and racketeering violations and tease the old timers wearing their DNC pins. Call them dinosaurs and ask what it must have been like to patrol in cars that actually rolled on wheels on the ground! I mean, no one has driven on the ground since the Chinese irradiated it in 2013 after the "Big One!" Then you can go to the oxygen bar (alcohol and taverns having been outlawed in 2009) and bitch about how Daley the Third hasn't given you a decent contract in 2 years.

Comments closed on this post - comment above in post #1 so we keep them all together


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