Friday, August 05, 2005

Award proposals

Everyone knows what this is, right? Even if you never served anywhere near the United Center in 1996, as long as you were on the job, you got a pin. At a glance, coppers can tell who has at least 9 years on. As we approach the 9 year anniversary of the 96 DNC, we are proposing some additional awards be instituted so that everyone can see what kind of time everyone else has just by looking at a uniform.

Proposal #1: The Chicago Bulls Championship pin. To be eligible, you must have (A) actually served in a District that saw rioting, (B) worked the night of the riots (no RDO's, no day watch, no housemice), and (C) have at least one hilarious story of that night. Bonus points if you actually got to use your baton. Oak Leaf clusters if Special Operations gassed you and the "revelers" with OC/CS. Repeat stars for every riot you served in.

Proposal #2: The Taste of Chicago Turkey Leg pin. If you were ever required to wander around the Taste on any day EXCEPT the 3rd of July, in full uniform, hat and vest, you qualify. Repeat stars for every Taste you attended. Oak Leaf clusters if you appeared on television carrying or eating an actual turkey leg in uniform.

Proposal #3: The Tie-Dye pin. Only officers hired before 1985 are eligible. You must have documented proof that you (A) touched a real live hippie, (B) smacked a real live hippie or (C) arrested a real live hippie. Officers hired after 1985 are ineligible because by that time, all the real live hippies were in their 40's and couldn't run as fast, spit as far, or were too damn involved in seeing how their mutual funds were doing to cause real mayhem. Sorry. No repeat awards for multiple arrests - once is enough. However, Oak Leaf clusters for any vets who served in 1968 - you set an example that the rest of us can only HOPE to live up to.

Comments will be open on this thread only. Anyone wishing to comment on the entire set of awards should do so here.

27 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

THE BEST!!! BRAVO

8/05/2005 09:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the DNC pin, somewhere. I have never worn it. I refuse to wear it. I have the CAPS pin. I refuse to wear it too. Everybody who worked the first five CAPS Districts got the pin. I donated money to the police memorial but won’t wear the pin. Any award that everybody gets or you can buy waters down the awards I’m proud of. It is sad to see a PO with 15+ years wearing only the DNC, CAPS and now the memorial pins. I know that in most cases those receiving a Dept Com or higher were just plain lucky: right place, right time, lucky their Sgt wrote them up or lucky to survive the incident. But that’s what police work is 30 years of boredom with five to ten minutes of terror mixed in. The Hon Men pin is the best indicator of a PO’s career. Even a housecat cannot kiss into those many arrests. Of course I’m not talking about “unit” awards.

8/05/2005 10:34:00 PM  
Blogger formerhousemouse said...

Woo hoo! Or not.

Mine was the voice on zone 10 in 1998 from immediately after the game ended (I still remember the humorous high-pitched call of "HERE THEY COME, HERE THEY COME") until 4 or so hours later. Easily the most stressful 4 hours ever for me.

I'll shut up now before I get subpoenaed.

8/05/2005 11:45:00 PM  
Blogger formerhousemouse said...

and regarding proposal #2, if anything like that happens between 2008 and 2016, it'll only be because Hillary extends an invitation to her Chinese handlers.

Sorry, too much wine tonight.

8/05/2005 11:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The goal of everybody is to get out of the uniform. No suit, no awards, no shame.

8/06/2005 12:15:00 AM  
Anonymous leftisthebest said...

Hey, what's with the hippie crack?

8/06/2005 05:55:00 AM  
Anonymous NotAHouseMouse said...

I thought the last one was for working a Greatful Dead concert? Wouldn't that be dealing with hippies?

8/06/2005 08:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there one for Bud Bilikin Parade...most lost children recovered?One year we had over 200...what a disaster...

8/06/2005 09:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Retired Sgt. Northern still has the pin he got for his work during the Chicago Fire.

8/06/2005 09:57:00 AM  
Anonymous John Northen said...

Ribbons???

Don't get me started, Mr./Ms. Moderator. Since they implemented the pretty star and stripes ribbon for being on the job for an uneventful DNC (not 1968 when the shit was literally flying), what's next? Have they yet to come out with a ribbon for issuing parking citations with clusters for each additional 5,000 tickets? I'd be ashamed of wearing such ribbons.

Mind you, I have total respect for officers that earned ribbons like the Award of Valor, Dept. Commendations, even Honorable Mentions, etc. issued according to comparable city-wide standards. How about a ribbon for felony arrest INCIDENTS , particulary "on view", flash message, etc. situations.

Years ago, I had a mutual respect for STREET officers that had the left shoulder insert with a 2, 3, 7, 10 or 11 in the circle. Under analysis, that would not be fair. Those districts also included desk personnel, empty-holstered lock-up keepers as well as worthless "dogs" that would hit the hole right after roll call and rarely respond to a 10-1.

If there is any justice in the CPD in honoring "the REAL PO-leese", there should be a ribbon awarded to officers with X number of FELONY arrests INCIDENTS. The number of occupants/arrestees in ONE stolen auto arrest incident would be irrelevant. Also, I'm not including incidents where officers respond to a radio assignment of a homicide only to find the perp crying as he surrenders for fatally shooting his "friend" over a turkey drumstick, etc.

Brief written recommendations for REAL police work could be screened from any officer(s), including the arresting officer(s). Uniform screening would apply to all 25 districts. If an officer wants to enhance his opportunities, bid into Fillmo'.
This would also give all officers, regardless of ethnicity or gender, the opportunity to become "da REAL PO-leese".

Oh, let's not forget that most of the "exempts" would not have earned the privilege of wearing such a ribbon.

How about a ribbon for dicks that solve "mystery" (versus "smoking gun") homicides weeks, months and even years after they occur?

Why should it not be mandatory that all detective supervisors up through the Chief have a outstanding history of prior accomplishments as a detective?

All of us have seen where officers receive absolutely nothing for exemplary police work while some in slow districts get a ribbon for what is commonplace in places like 011 and 007.

How about a ribbon for three or more "on view" unrelated felony arrest incidents ("the hat trick") during one tour of duty, including overtime? How many bosses would have earned "the hat trick" ribbon with clusters yet?

While I occasionally miss the challenge and satisfaction of solving a homicide mystery, the camaraderie of my peers and the gallows humor, retirement has been very, very good to me. Unless and until "da job goes legit", I highly recommend doing nothing but enjoying life.

Any other ideas for worthwhile "ribbons", guys?

Also, please do me a favor. When referring to the CPD and the word "MERIT" ("meritorious", etc.), kindly encase the word in quote marks. We don't want the media and other naive outsiders to think that CPD "merit" actually means merit.

8/06/2005 10:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ATTN: 9:57 AM "Anonymous". You are incorrect. I didn't come on da job until 1966.

By the way "anonymous", I yield to the much more accurate psychic friends network over the unreliable FBI profilers from Quantico. Madame Cleo advises me that you are a jealous exempt with a mediocre resume that spent most of his empty-holstered career shuffling paperwork. Prove me wrong and IDENTIFY yourself, wise guy!

Have a nice weekend!

8/06/2005 10:44:00 AM  
Anonymous John Northen said...

Ooops! The last post was mine, not "anonymous", like the nameless asshole with the 9:57 AM post.

8/06/2005 10:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Crimefile said...

Hey Northside, do you still have that Chicago Fire ribbon?

8/06/2005 12:43:00 PM  
Anonymous NorthSide said...

Moderator:

I apologize to all for using profanity in my last post. Please DELETE.

Message should read "4Q, Paul".

8/06/2005 01:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Crimefile said...

Hey Nothside I just wanted to get that little gem you earned up on E-Bay. It would bring in a lot of cash.

I must say that I'm really disappointed that you couldn't get Mrs. O'leary to confess to arson!

8/06/2005 05:02:00 PM  
Anonymous NorthSide said...

Ah, yes, Paul. It was the autumn of 1871 on DeKoven Street. I recall it like it was just last week. Actually, Katherine O'Leary did 'fess up. At first, she tried to blame it on the poor cow. I forgot to give her the Miranda warnings so she walked on a technicality. Live and learn.

I'm still awaiting an update on your empirical research and photo essay on the D-cup "jiggle factor" (versus silicone) from Venice Beach. What gives?

8/06/2005 07:07:00 PM  
Anonymous crimefile said...

Well John, That project is far from over. I'm still checking, examining, and of course testing knockers out here. As you know I have been on this job for a while now and the end of my research is not yet in sight.

There is something I can't seem to understand about LA. There are no flat chested women here! None, notta, zippo. Where did they all go?

8/07/2005 08:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, time for me and Sgt. Northern to end the shift.....just have to make one more pull at the callbox and we're on our way home on the streetcar

8/07/2005 11:19:00 AM  
Anonymous NorthSide said...

It was a good tour, son. We're goin' home with a little more than we came with and we didn't get wet.

We might even have time for a few cold ones behind the station house.

8/07/2005 12:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the humps who wear ribbons on their vestcovers or shirts. What are you trying to prove? Leave them on your dress uniform and bring them out at St Jude's. That's it.

9/18/2005 11:42:00 PM  
Blogger Fenian28 said...

Agreed

9/18/2005 11:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

shirt ok...vest cover. STUPID. I agree

9/19/2005 07:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about an award for...
for most double-huh's iterated in one interrogation.
for most tickets issued in one traffic stop because the driver was an ass.
most people put into a wagon on one trip.

9/20/2005 11:24:00 AM  
Anonymous 99 said...

I REALLY LIKE THE DNC RIBBON BECAUSE IT'S THE AMERICAN FLAG. I DO AGREE THAT IT MEANS NOTHING BECAUSE EVERYONE ON THE JOB GOT ONE. SINCE THE DEPT. WILL NOT GET RID OF IT, I PROPOSE THAT THE DEPT. AWARD EITHER A SILVER OR GOLD STAR OR A SILVER OR GOLD LETTER D MEANING YOU WERE ACTUALLY DEPLOYED TO THE CONVENTION AND WERE ACTUALLY TAKING PART OF THE EVENT ITSELF DURING THE PROTESTING ALBEIT SMALL SCALE. THIS WAY IT HAS JUST SOME MEANING TO IT.

10/02/2005 10:11:00 PM  
Anonymous 99 S. CONFIDENTIAL said...

SORRY I FORGOT THIS: THAT YOU THEN WOULD AFFIX THE AFOREMENTIONED LETTER OR STAR TO THE RIBBON.

10/02/2005 10:13:00 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Mertz said...

The most ridiculous one is the one most of the big bosses have....the one for "Best Dressed"! Unbelievable...

10/22/2005 02:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

little late but, there is a sgt. in 021 on afternoons that wears all of his when working the desk. big stroke

12/05/2005 04:56:00 PM  

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