The Dumbest Excuses Ever
Instead of defining acronyms, let's hear some war stories. What are some of the dumbest excuses you've ever heard? And just to make it extra humorous, excuses from anyone. PPOs about why they forgot their gun, arrestees about why they ran, domestics about why they domesticated, you get the idea. Try to keep the stories generic - no names, no ethnic slurring, etc. At least make the effort to be civil.
posted by SCC at 9:20 AM
79 Comments:
1631
1631 yes squad?
burlary in progress on the beat...
Oh sorry squad tvb from cicero/Belmont then getting lunch and then getting gas.....
10-4 ill give job to rapid if I can find one.....
what about the two coppers that got into it in front of J Patrick's on Erie and Noble-- the one where one of them unsnaps....
This was mentioned this a few months back but it bears repeating. They were giving an armed robbery just occurred at 103rd and Western. There were a string of armed robberies on west end of 22.
The car that gets the assignment says, "I was just going to ask you for a lunch in the station." It gest reassigned. Literally, 10 minutes later he comes back on air and says, "change that to a personal, I'll head over there."
THATS BULLSHIT!
EVERY CRIMMINAL ON THE SOUTH SIDE KNOWS YOU DONT FUCK OFF NEAR THE WHITE HEN AT 103rd AND ARTESIAN. THAT WOULD BE LIKE ROBBING THE STATION ITSELF.
Way to keep the Thread under the topic you idiots.
Dumbest Excuse-
Ummm, I'm from 25....
"Squad, give that a 19P, the offender does not want to be arrested at this time."
The worse excuse I've ever heard after having to force a 2 year wonder to respond to a csa in progress was that "it's not in are sector". On a better note, I was driving through 016 around 0930 and saw 1613 responding to domestic on addsion with his lights/siren on and his back up arrived very shortly after him. I also heard somebody in 016 chasing a burglary offender. The one thing I did notice was that the officers were seasoned vetearns. I would just like to that those guys for their hard work. Conerning the previous posts about "the dogs" it's all comes down to a lack of supervision.
Sorry I was in a rush."thanks" and "it" are what I should have typed.
I'm a filmore ranger.....
DUMB!
SCC....block 10:19....nothing good to contribute.
SCC-Sorry to get off thread. Check out the following link:
http://www.suntimes.com/output/letters/cst-edt-vox27a.html
How about, "I trained in 001 and stayed there."
domestic in 016, f/2/30 complainant says "I CALLED THE POLICE, SO YOU WILL MAKE MY HUSBAND SIT AT THE TABLE AND LISTEN TO ME"
Midnights in the old 006:
From a Sgt. in the 10 Sector at about 04:20 A.M. ( Nicknamed "Mercury" for his swift mental capacity )
610
Go ahead 610
"Where am I squad?"
You can't arrest me I called the police
Answer to why the man stabbed the friend with the bar-b-que fork:
"He took the last pork chop and it's MY que man"
"and he didn't bring nothing"
Im the real police!!!!!
SIR DONK said...
Dumbest Excuse-
Ummm, I'm from 25....
*******************
I think we have a winner. If this ain't the truth, i don't know what is.
1st guy)hey ..how come you dont make traffic stops?
2nd guy)because of the liberals
to 12:43:01
I think every copper has been given this one during their career.
5 star choice
The city doesn't even attempt to give excuses.
Retirees send in authorization forms to the Retirement Board to qualify for HR218. Weeks later, they send back a reply that you now have to submit a form to 35th St. You do as told. No response.
Why the unexplained DALEY, I mean DELAY?
"It ain't my (rock,gun,etc.), these be my cousins pants." Heard thousands of times on the south and west side after discovering contraband in a pocket.
"But I'm the one that called y'all!" or "I want a peace bond on him."
"Those rocks ain't none o' mines!"
You BOGUS office.
"You can't write me a ticket office, I dont have a drivers license"
Joe, I swear for god thems aint mines.
my personal favorite- which I reiterated in open court:
"You must have put that rock on me. I swallowed mine before you pulled me over..."
"That's my gym shoe money, office!"
Gun ???
I fount it...
in the alley
Hot car ???
I paid a dope dealer for it...
huh ???
I paid 20 dolla fo da day
Hot car ???
my friend was driving it can't be hot
officer:Where is your ID?
slug:"I just came out the house office."
officer:OK but where is your ID
slug:"I was just going to the store."
Why didn't I call the police when the murder was going down ???
It wasn't none of my binness
Burglary ??
no office, I just came in to get warm
No sir, I am NOT stopping you because you are black.
Hey Malcolm Y,
I'm not writing this because you come off as a master at race baiting. I'm writing this because you're a masturbater. Go home and study the dictionary you small minded bigot.
That jacket ain't mine.
These pants? I just borrowed them.
A 18th District officer makes a traffic stop on and older pink caddie for violation of NO TURN sign at North & Wells. Inside the car is a Black guy with some blond trashbag. Officer: May I see your driver's license please? Mope: You just be stopping me cause I be with a White girl. The mope hands over the license to the officer. Officer: That's just not true Mr. Cottle, I'm like you, I don't like Niggers either... Officer hands him back his license. Officer: You turned in violation of the posted sign, please be more careful Mr. Cottle. Have a nice evening.
Old WWII vet traffic man on Stae street is approached by a limo loaded with Jap businessmen. The stop and roll doe=wn the window. Officer: Crud U tell us where the Japoneeese Counselrate is? Officer: Why are you asking me, you found Pearl Harbor okay...
That cost the officer three days. Today they'd have fired him.
P.O.:What's your name?
OFF.:Timothy Jones
P.O.: Spell it for me.
OFF.:L-E-N-A-R-D J-O-N-E-S
P.O.: So your name is Lenard Jones?
Off.: How you know?
Why did you have that gun in your pocket?
"I picked it off the seat and put it in my pocket because if you saw it next to me you would've put in on me anyways." Later on I asked him again and he said same reply but that he figured I wouldn't search him. Maybe he wasn't lying???
Did you steal this guys car keys?
"No, I took the car and the keys was inside."
726?
726 squad.
726, check out the prostitute at 71 and Winchester please.
squad I'm married.
I was working with a recruit who was no longer on her cycles but hadn't gotten off probation yet. Its 4 hours into the shift, we've coded numerous domestics, had an arrest, and gone on several other jobs being a 10-4 unit on a mostly 99 watch. hoping to stop for some lunch when a call comes out for a missing 14 year old habitual in another sector. Unit assigned hasn't been heard on the radio all day, she says, "Squad, beat 931's got a recruit maybe they can handle it to get some practice." Maybe I can handle you to get some practice!
About 11 yrs. ago, while working in 010, a call came out in 011 asking if anyone had a car opening device for a citizen somewhere on Harrison. An 011th dist. car answers up and the zone tells him that a cable guy locked his keys in his van. He tells the dispatcher to tell the guy he'll be there some time between 0800 and 1400. The radio errupted with laughter and kudos to this guy for the rest of the day.
what about those assholes on 1431
your crazy everyone knows 14 is where the real cops go, from the po's to the brass
7:47
just remember shit like you comes from assholes.
"Its OK, I go home now."
"i didn't put that old lady in the trunk!"..
check out CBS web, Sgt Rock got recognized by the city council..
Thanks Uncle Dick
It's ok, Ok? I only had two beers, ok? Ees no problem, ok?
Too bad slurred, Mexican accents don't come across in the typed media!
Lt to the prostitute:
Youre under arrest
Prostitute: "C'mon Crowley, I jest took my pants off"
Another one was "I havent even broke luck yet"
I love this job
Lenard Jones is the funniest thing Ive seeen in a loong time
good one
Once about 30 years ago i was walking on State St during Christmas season
A middle aged woman was about to get on a N/B Bus when the pick pocket detail swarmed in on a young man who had just placed his hand in her purse.
The coppers pulled the offenders hand out of the purse, still clutching the ladie's wallet.
( sort of like Jack Horner pulling out the plum from his Christnmas pie)
The offender's words? " I didn't take that lady purse!"
"My assists are other peoples 10-1's" - what a traffic tool.
Yo Yo Yo what's up office? Aw Y'all jest aint right man I's just headin to da crib to kick it with my baby momma. What'd I do wrong?
...You mean other than murder the English Language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those of you not on the street
the translation is "Hello officer,
I was just heading home with my girlfriend did I do something wrong?
Respond to a west side domestic. While there I notice shit just oozing from a babies diaper. So I ask babies momma, " why you aint changed them pampers?"
"Why office",comes the reply "the bag
done says capacity, 20 pounds."
Does LEfty count as an excuse for a human being?
True Story... New detective at his first death investigation which was a child, occurred at St. Bernard's Hospital
Old Dick:
We need to check the body for any signs of injury.
New Dick:
I can't do that
Old Dick:
Why?
New Dick:
Because I have kids at home.
His first and last day in violent crimes.
names
I arrested a guy named Phillip Smith. When I inquired as to his surname he said "Smiff'
So I said (being a certified ebonics translator and knowing he meant SMITH) Lets see thats S-M-I...., one F or two??
He replied "no man I said SMIFF!"
Another time at an armed robbery We interviewed a possibl suspect who informed me that his name was Ronald McDonald.
My skillfull interrogation techniques revealed that he was indeed named Ronald McDonald
"I dont Smoke Rocks, I'm an Alcoholic"
###########################
Bad Guy "You sposssta Protect and serve.
Officer "Thats right and your about to get served"
Whatido, whatido?
Took am M/1 to the lie-box. His last name is SHINE. Asked him if he was related to any of the shines on the west side. He said he didn't know any shines on the west side.
Responded to a call in 005. The caller, F/1, 400lbs, bitchin at me to do my job, cuz her taxes pay my salary. My return to her: My taxes pay your welfare. No CR # ever obtained.
I had a domestic where the 80 yr old momma called on her 60 yr old son who racked up a $500 bill for porn from the cable company. She had the bill and read off all the titles of the movies to me and my partner. He kept saying " you know how it is office, you know how it is" I thought I was going to pee in my pants I was laughing so hard.
THATS BULLSHIT!
EVERY CRIMMINAL ON THE SOUTH SIDE KNOWS YOU DONT FUCK OFF NEAR THE WHITE HEN AT 103rd AND ARTESIAN. THAT WOULD BE LIKE ROBBING THE STATION ITSELF.
11/30/2005 10:19:53 AM
Yea, then why was the White Hen robbed in the past???
heres a funny---pos enter D & D upon doing so they hold the door open for a citizen--citizen responds "God be with you officers"--po's in line for coffee and hindu employee is on the phone--with who you ask? 911---instead of telling the officers that the guy that they held the door for just robbed his store at gun point the employee continues to talk to 911 and relay the story--bad guy gets away--true story
Responded to a call of "Assist the citizen". Arrived at the 3rd floor apartment in the area of 57 and Loomis. Politely, what can we do for you? CHANGE THAT LIGHTBULB!
Was with my FTO in 007, and to prove to me that they are not really listening to a word you have to say, the FTO spoke Polish and Lithuanian through the whole domestic, I never said a word. He was right, it was a quick 1Frank.
Responded to a domestic at 0230 hours in 010.
"Office, gets him outta here. I's sick and tired a his bullshit cattin' ways"
"Who is he to you?"
"Office, he ain't nothing to me but my babies daddy"
One night, asswipe sgt. says to me, "hey kid..im tired of you coming in here every night with no heads...no paper! What do you do all night?!" So I said, "ok boss, i'll bring in some activity." Hit the streets at about 1645 hrs. Come in the station with a TRR at 2345. I tell him, "ok boss, I got you a head and some paper"
Sunday morning, about 0630 hrs, I'm parked reading the Sunday paper and a M/1/20's approaches my car and urgently asks:
Citizen: "Can you assist a citizen?"
PO: What's up?
Citizen: I need a ride home real bad. I'm 5 blocks from the house and my colostomy bag is about to bust.
PO: Then you better start steppin'.
Citizen: What happened to protect and serve?
My window then rolls-up and citizen trots off holding his abdomen.
This happened twice in a span of three weeks with the same individual at the same location. He stays out all Saturday night partying and waits too long to empty his bag. He then expects a ride from the police.
I need a new location to read the paper during the last half hour of my Sunday tour.
responded to a call of wires down in 005 dist, citizen complains that her cable tv is out. citizen says to po "what you going to do about my cable wires". po responds "nothing ,you can call the cable company"..citizen asks po " what am i going to do until then" po suggests reading a book . citizen gets cr on po for calling her illiterate.
i just took care of tha t warrant yesterday
i ran because you was chasing me office, i didnt know u
we go to domestic, woman beat , we ask ,why do you stay with him if he beats you? victim responds " well,he eats me good"
true story ,. 005 dist female unit responds to a house fire. po asks supervisor over air , if she can get rd for cdtp by firemen. and if she can arrest them when they are done damaging house on fire.
YOU MEAN CYNTHIA WHITE WAS DOING PAPER ON A FIRE????????????????/
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