The Wrong Buy Back Program

Evidently, the mayor has it all wrong:

• Police are investigating Monday a fatal shooting that took place during a dice game in the West Side's Austin neighborhood.

  According to a report from the police First Deputy Superintendent's office, a gunman approached a group of people "playing a dice game of chance" on the street and fired a handgun multiple times. The gunman was dressed completely in black clothing, Banks said.

And in another incident:

• Two men are in stable condition early Monday after being shot while playing chess late Sunday in the Englewood neighborhood on the South Side.

From these reports, it would seem that dice and chess are the leading cause of violence on the south and west sides. The mayor is meeting with various "reverends" and community activist in order to sponsor a "buy back" of these dangerous plastic toys of death. Milton Bradley and Parker Brothers are being strong armed...we mean "requested" to provide Visa and American Express platinum cards and/or travelers checks to those communities hardest hit by the violence of board games gone bad. Initial proposals have dice being "bought back" at $25 a pair and $50 for a set of chess men. Checkers will also be accepted at certain locations, but only for $10 per complete sets of 24.

Harrah's and Trump Casinos have decried the anti-dice movement, claiming that they run legit businesses in various states of the nation and there has never been an act of violence in any of their casinos (aside from recent events in Vegas and Atlantic City where people happen to have gotten in the way of stray bullets somehow). This is widely seen as an effort to stave off threatened marches by "reverends" Jackson and Pfleger.