Pigeon Solution = Crime Solution?
This deserves some deep thought. It begins with a simple idea:
- Chicago’s great pigeon problem may have eased slightly, but it also has some residents crying foul over the fowl removal.
Social worker Steffeny Smith was disturbed by what she saw last Friday in the 4700 block of North Broadway Avenue from an office window. As she describes it, two men shot a large net over 60 to 70 pigeons, trapping them.
The birds reacted with great distress, thrashing violently.
But don't worry. These pigeons are being taken to Indiana...alive. For what purpose we don't know. Maybe someone needs live bait for eagles or something. Channel 2 has video up of catapult net in Spain. Here's the full video from YouTube:
Now we need some ideas on how to expand this into crime fighting ideas. We're sure the Department can get their hands on some super-strong netting. Maybe "Vanecko Nets and Fencing" can supply us with something.
Now we just need some bait. Air Jordans, cases of Modelo, bottles of Wild Turkey and 6-packs of Miller Lite, bundles of unsigned city contracts? We just have to find locations where the undesirables congregate, trigger the trap and then work on a disposal method. Shipping everything to Indiana might work for a little while, but there's no telling what Indiana might ship back at some point.
Now we just need some bait. Air Jordans, cases of Modelo, bottles of Wild Turkey and 6-packs of Miller Lite, bundles of unsigned city contracts? We just have to find locations where the undesirables congregate, trigger the trap and then work on a disposal method. Shipping everything to Indiana might work for a little while, but there's no telling what Indiana might ship back at some point.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:05 AM
77 Comments:
Will this work on alderthieves?
I've been thinking for along time about netting a whole bunch of illegal aliens and taking them home.
Mexico, you ask?
No...to Chicago!
Viva Chicago!
We shipped them out!
Look at where they went after the Projects were torn down.
They didnt ALL land up in the Gardens or in Englwood...
We moved them out to the suburbs!
That video was awesome
wild turkey? I think you'll get bettter results with a little "bumpy face"...
True story. One summer job I had was working at a railroad roundhouse. One machinist used to pick up the dead pigeons (croaked from breathing diesel fumes and drinking oily water), take them home and have his wife make squab sandwiches. After suffering muscle aches and digestive problems, his doctor strongly suggested a dietary change. I would avoid chicken salad and the like in Indiana restaurants in the foreseeable future.
Do they taste like chicken?
Not a bad idea to expand the net idea to remove other animals from the neighborhoods. Sorry to offend your "social worker" sensibilities, or lack thereof, Steffeny Smith, but pigeons are nothing more than rats with wings. By the way "Steffeny," your name is spelled incorrectly.
"Social worker Steffeny Smith was disturbed by what she saw..."
Look up "histoplasmosis."
Pigeon is good eatin
Can't pigeons find their way home? But then again, Chicago is a sanctuary city.
It's a better idea than anything we've heard come out of MickeyMack's mouth.
Nets, snares, traps,trot-lines. We'd could call it green policing maybe?
Add a few I-stuff gadgets. for the bait.... It would be a bit like Spiderman when you shoot out the nets so I think we should do it for "the children".
Don't bother with the nets. Just let Indiana annex the south and west sides. Solve our crime problem right there.
Right out if a 70's Batman episode, netting the criminals! Love it!
that needs to be used in 007
I say start at City Hall. just bring the biggest net you can find.
Start at the next City Council meeting and ship them all to Terre Haute, IN.
how about nickel bags or for the big flock... iphones???
how about flamin' red hots???
I love running over those flying rats!! Steffany get a life..guess your against hunting too you ignorant sheep!!!
Once they are in the net, they should just be clubbed. They serve no useful purpose and are just hosts for spreading disease. I am not talking about the pigeons.
Old timers will remember the two coppers who baited Uptown pigeons with popcorn and slaughtered them with a speeding Dodge Monaco squad car at that very spot, circa 1980.
The phones were jammed with Uptown clay people bitching about that one!
Ah, the good old days.......
The report itself is laughable. "Won't you please think of the PIGEONS?!" comes to mind. Honestly. If the anchor/reporter could have cried, I think he would have. "A lone pigeon feather..." Really?
I guess we'll have news coverage of water-skiing sewer rats next.
how about a smart net system to rid society of disturbed people like Steffeny Smith?
They use them to train bird dogs. NYPD here we have pigeon poachers in nyc that bring them out to PA. You spin them around a little bit to get tjem dizzy plant them in some brush and let the dogs flush them out. Stay sage
People are getting killed by the hundreds in Chicago and the media is worried about god dam birds?
Let's start at city hall.
But don't worry. These pigeons are being taken to Indiana...alive.
Yeah right, to live happily ever after. Free range pigeon....soup is more like it. It was a farm in Chinatown.
I am outraged at this abuse! We are a Sanctuary City, and as such we should welcome all types, including shit birds, stool pigeons and domestic ghetto pigeons.
Cases of Modelo??? SCC how DARE YOU SAY THAT?!?! Everyone knows elotes and churros would work better.
Watch the video and when it is over, there are a selection of other videos to choose from. Click on pigeon apocalypse. Unbelievable.
Rock Pigeons, English House Sparrows and European Starlings are all invasive species introduced into the United States over one hundred years ago. They compete with native birds. Any time you get a chance to plug one, do it.
Dont yuppies call them pheasants!
People do eat those dirty beast
Looking at the image reminded me of an old Det. Shaved caption..." Supporters gather and await the unveiling of the new Obama statue".
Hey, I like Modelo...
"One machinist used to pick up the dead pigeons (croaked from breathing diesel fumes and drinking oily water), take them home and have his wife make squab sandwiches."
1/17/2013 12:36:00 AM
Holy God.
All covered with that brake-shoe dust and stuff too...
Easily the equal of (pre-Asian, regular but still huge) carp from the Jackson Park Harbor. Diet of garbage and used motor oil off boats. Get 'em on dough balls around a treble hook and a sixty-pound line, no fooling around.
Guys barely able to lift up the stringer, drunk, no shirt, offering these to passing motorists.
"I got red fish! I got blue fish!"
We avoided the fish soup in our nearby Chinese restaurant.
Chihuahua al pastor...
Hmmm. I used to go to live pigeon shoots in Indiana...
If you had the same arrangement for your other undesirables...
ECS
hey, those pigeon are smarter than the voters in uptown...and look both ways when crossing the street!
Soylent Grey?
I bet there are some Indiana shooting clubs that would be willing to take them off your hands.
The birds, not the felons.
(And what did they expect wild animals caught in a net to do? Sing 'Camptown Races'?!)
KFC Bucket.
A sign saying "wiretap free zone"
I like the pigeons much better than all the thugs.
Why we coddle these disease-carrying crap all over the place flying rats is beyond me.
Then again, maybe they promised to vote Democrat.
At least 10 years ago, there was a group trapping the pigeons under the expressway and bringing them to a game farm down south. Once there, they were gainfully employed as hand-eye coordination trainers. I recall they had hundreds of them on their truck.
I hope "Indiana" is code, kinda like telling the kids the dead dog went to a farm.
You're slipping SCC... :^)
The R.B.A.Ms. (Red Blooded American Males) take issue with the inclusion of Wild Turkey as part of the bait package! XD XD XD
Reputable bourbon is the drink of men and heroes... Not the toast of fools, layabouts and chronic non-contributors...
A party bottle of "ol' bumpy-face," "erk & jerk" or for that smooth muthafuckah takin' a pause for his cause, a bottle of Mumms VSOP... Ask 'em at Rothschild's...
>Snicker!<
Dey be callin' dey mayor out but he don't see it. Too busy going to campaign fundraisers to run the city.
Ex: "A"
Riley, the DEA agent, said he was saddened by the arrests, but they were the "right thing to do." "Quite frankly, it makes me sick to my stomach," he said. "From my point of view, I'm battling the Mexican cartels (and) 100,000 street gang members in Chicago — and now I've got to worry about this."
Yep get out now before the real estate tax increases come and you end up in a Zombie Mortgage Trick Bag.
======================================
By Bill Mayeroff
Zack and Mia Schultz are thinking about leaving Chicago.
The Ukranian Village couple cites crime and a lack of decent schools to send their five-year-old daughter and (eventually) their other, two-year-old daughter to as the reasons. They've not yet decided to leave, they said Wednesday evening, but they're leaning towards it.
And not even reassuring words about the state of Chicago schools from Mayor Rahm Emanuel could convince them they should stay.
***
The conversation was generally cordial, though it became a bit heated when Dold pointed out that while Emanuel supports banning assault weapons, very few weapons confiscated by within city limits last year were, in fact, assault weapons.
"Fewer than five percent of weapons being confiscated were assault weapons," Dold said.
Emanuel stood by his support for a ban, though he acknowledged that other factors were in play when it came to reducing violence in Chicago.
"Gun control is part of an overall strategy," he said
***
Emily Metz, a 28-year-old from Ukranian Village, said she thinks Emanuel should consider focusing his efforts on fixing problems that affect residents at the ward level.
"I still feel like Rahm is sometimes operating on a national stage," Metz said. "I want to see the focus on a local level."
Emily Barry said after the discussion that she had been hoping to hear Emanuel talk more about development citywide.
"I wanted to hear more about what the development issues are," she said, adding that the mayor seems to focus talk of development on major business districts. "What about development in the Howard area? What about development in Bronzeville or Pilsen?"
http://gapersblock.com/mechanics/2013/01/17/mayor-grilled-at-trib-event/
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AMEN!!
Well hey. if you're worried about gangs just don't go in the alleys where Rahm told the gangs to play. That's all.
And Rahm has given you a $55 million dollar Maggie park stop your whining about the neighborhoods, right?
Get your azz on the damn bus and pay the inflated fares, inflated so that the airlines can get a tax break, or drive and pay the inflated parking meter prices so that the investors in Abu Dahbi can make a higher profit and sit in the new $55 million dollar park. That's all.
BTW everyone should take notice of the: " it's part of an overall strategy" response when you get called out on something.
I think we can all use that line.
Why didn't you write your quota of contact cards, AMOV's, parkers...etc..
"Well yes I know. But those things are just a part of our overall strategy"....heh.
Better be careful about netting the pigeons.In Armoue Sq and Brdeport at around 26th st,they did this some time ago and found out one the the pigeons they netted turned out to be a stool pigeon and sang.You get the picture.BE CAREFUL
Drinking Idea,get some hot air balloons in the high crime area and give free passes to all.Light up the torch in the balloon and let that mother fly Robin fly.
This is a beer idea but a idea at that.
This is gonna be a sad day for all those coyotes that have been moving in isn't it?
"Indiana" is Liberalese. Just like we are taking the animals to Animal Welfare where people are waiting to adoipt them. TRANSLATED
"Put them in the gas room, we will shovel them out tonight.
Pigeons=flying rats. Exterminate as many as possible.
I've lived here about fifteen years and have come to the conclusion that City Hall just doesn't give a damn about the gang crime in this city. I have yet to see any real action taken against certain neighborhoods.
No blocks getting fenced in with controlled ingress/egress points. No webcams in the neighborhoods. No apparent gang infiltration, etc. It's a damn warzone, but we won't treat it as such and so it goes on.
"Free-range urban poultry"
Don't care for squirrels (tree rats) either... they fuck your veggie garden up.
In Southern Indiana we take the smaller pigeons, tie a braided line hook on them, break one wing and throw them in the lake. It drives vthe Tiger Muskie crazy when they flop around.
Anonymous said...
Soylent Grey?
1/17/2013 11:29:00 AM
You're good. Very, very good.
**NY Gun Law Omitts Law Enforcement exception ** or Did it?
Retirees should be concerned If Your not Active Law Enforcement
Will your 15 rd mags be illegal? and your Gat too? Careful what about what Rhamboo wants
Will FLOP Shields Capparelli stand up for you?
The filth is what is living in this city and killing each other. I would rather have a thousand of these birds than the human
shit that the police have to deal with on a daily basis.
"European Starlings...Any time you get a chance to plug one, do it."
1/17/2013 09:32:00 AM
Hundreds and hundreds of people died in airliner crashes caused by flocks of starlings, engines ingesting them. I seem to recall that it was worse in early 60s on the earlier jets, maybe they have improved engines and mitigated the flocks somewhat, but still a hazard.
Wackos feeding them en masse should be driven off -- used to see it in the Loop near the movie theaters, the feeders would get all the discarded popcorn from the theaters, lugging a heavy shopping bag in each hand barely able to carry it, and then spread all this out -- end of the world. The sky turns black. HERE THEY COME. Businesses with air conditioning intakes back there had their a/c go out from pigeon clogs -- nests, feathers, eggs, dead ones, shovel it all out and stop to heave occasionally. Nasty.
Best thing to do would be to poison-bait on rooftops w/no access to anyone but the birds. But that would make sense.
Anonymous said...
We shipped them out!
Look at where they went after the Projects were torn down.
They didnt ALL land up in the Gardens or in Englwood...
We moved them out to the suburbs!
**********************************
since we don't take kindly to those who don't use ENGLISH and have NO problem telling them so they moved back to their homeland of CHICAGO where RAHM welcomes them with open arms..
IN is going to use them for live skeet shooting..lol.. they need target practice and IN lets them shoot them..
This story pisses me off. How dare they steal our pigeons and take them to Indiana!
Now what will I shoot with my air rifle?
Hey Rham look over here....
Anonymous said...
Right out if a 70's Batman episode, netting the criminals! Love it!
1/17/2013 02:57:00 AM
Holy birdie Boy Wonder; Batman was made in the 1960's.
Luv,
Catwoman
Anonymous said...
Pigeons=flying rats. Exterminate as many as possible.
1/17/2013 04:48:00 PM
Along with the Canadian geese.
I would use erk & jerk, Budweiser, corona, okocim, Tsingtao and Belgium beer. Wait ill keep the Belgium one.
"parking meter prices so Abu Dahbi [sic]can make a higher profit and sit in the new $55 million dollar park."
1/17/2013 03:30:00 PM
Broken record.
"I think we can all use that line."
"We?"
"Why didn't you write your quota of contact cards, AMOV's, parkers...etc.."
Tell them "Not the police."
"AMOVs." Is that like the "TEC-11" you got off the street the other night?
The problem is you'd need a really, really big net.
Maybe a night at Beatrice's would give Steffeny a dose of reality. She could find a straight guy for a change and get her mind off of something stupid like a bunch of pidgeons.
I'm sure my friend who owns a Korean Restaurant, "Chop-Pup" Park, would love to get his hands on those pidgeons.
The sad part of this entire matter is the fact an elected official, an alderman, refuses to make a statement. Elected officials should , by law, cooperate and reveal information when they perform acts in their official duties. I often wonder what happens to the 10s of thousands in office equipment that each official purchases with tax money ? Do they take it home or turn it into the city ?
What do they do with birds, I would like to buy them, I run pigeon shelter for all unwanted birds, My name is Tom Fu Yun, owner of China Wok and bird sanctuary.
Why are you bringing your stupid birds over here?
Well, better your birds than your Aldermen!
nonymous said...
In Southern Indiana we take the smaller pigeons, tie a braided line hook on them, break one wing and throw them in the lake. It drives vthe Tiger Muskie crazy when they flop around.
1/17/2013 07:09:00 P
I heard the indians in northern wisconsin use chipmonks for bait?
On the westside this tactic could be used to catch groups of gang members.For bait use some wangs,rib tips,some polish& a bottle of Patron....they can't resist.
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