Wednesday, November 23, 2016

The Truth Comes Out

From the e-mail basket:

  • Breaking news on the recent attack by squirrel. The Squirrel in question has been identified as Snappy D. Squirrel, age 13, of the local elm lofts. The family has provided as usual the traditional post incident picture of his 8th grade graduation. When interviewed, Mrs. Squirrel was only able to state 'my baby, my baby be dead". please find enclosed the picture as provided by the grieving family. Protests can be expected as SLM (Squirrel Lives Matter) held a vigil on the bike path halting bicycle traffic yesterday for several hours, calling for the end of bicycles and aldermen. A lawsuit was also filed yesterday in Cook County court against Specialized Bicycles for wrongful death.

Labels:

74 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My deepest condolences to his family and any future offspring, he obviously would have a had a bright future his senseless murder will not be forgotten...

11/23/2016 12:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now there's a protest movement I can get behind!!!

11/23/2016 12:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He was on the verge of turning his life around,

11/23/2016 12:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't wait to see his real Facebook page; wearing colors and holding a pistol!

11/23/2016 12:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three wrong ideas about squirrels:
#1 They are really not that hard to skin
#2 They are meatier than they look
#3 Are rather tasty.

11/23/2016 12:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was that bicycle speeding beyond a safe speed? I bet it was. Someone should pay.

11/23/2016 12:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Huh?
No pictures while wearing a cocked ball cap,
gold fronts and brandishing a brace of upside-down
pistols with crippled by "juvenile arthritis" hands?

This be some bullshit yo...


11/23/2016 12:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please leave your thoughts on this tragic senseless killing of our boy Snappy D for Alderman Brookins.

@Ald_Brookins21 on twitter

Please include the pic of Snappy D! Let our boy's face be forever etched in his mind.

11/23/2016 12:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love live Snappy.He was murdered by the big 50 racists, anti-squirrel Chicago Alderman.SLM!

11/23/2016 12:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Cal-Sag canal doesn't even run near the city limits. Didn't the city spend plenty of pension money on bike trails in the city proper. Why was the alderman out in the suburbs? Sight seeing, seeing a "friend" in Blue Island, Robbins, or Crestwood? Maybe all the investigative journalists could start asking questions. If he stayed in the city that poor squirrel would still be alive and possibly preparing for his planned mission for NASA to the space shuttle.

11/23/2016 01:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fucking awesome SCC

11/23/2016 02:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My baby didndunuffin! He was out collectin' nuts so he could go to Nut School and be a Nutter! He was just turnin his life around - ya'll didn' have to spoke him and shit!

11/23/2016 02:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lol never commented this is funny! Thanks for the laugh!!!!!!!!

11/23/2016 02:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wheres the Reverends on this matter? And can we get Mike Madigan a bike also?

11/23/2016 02:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too fuckin funny!

11/23/2016 04:00:00 AM  
Blogger The Keesing Bandit said...

You da best!!!!

11/23/2016 05:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there a GoFundMyNuts page up yet for the widow and children?

11/23/2016 05:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Put a smile on my face. ROTFLMAO!

11/23/2016 06:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is a Specialized bike like a specialized unit? Clout required? Does anything good come from specialized things?

11/23/2016 06:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Something about dimmycrats and rodents. Reminiscent of Jimmy Carter being attacked by a giant rabbit in the late '70s.

11/23/2016 06:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet he was trying to turn his life around too!

11/23/2016 07:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AWESOME!!!

11/23/2016 07:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It has come to light that the police were chashing the alderman down the bike path on Segways at the time of the incident. Special Ed has stripped both officers and Segways will now be equipped with GPS and cameras. Protests are planned at the Segway tour companies in the loop this Friday

11/23/2016 07:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonder if the squirrels over in Brighton park lives matter! Lived in Brighton park years ago an "immigrant community" was great European mostly loving this country all citizens very low crime lots of shops but wait what is going on 3 shot there in a car last night:

http://www.fox32chicago.com/news/crime/219361324-story

Could this be more of the type of crime Trump is talking about? He wants to remove illegal criminals but out elected here is refusing federal laws! What kind of insane mind wants bloodshed to continue? This is totally insane! God bless the police and taxpayers citizens here we really need prayer and law and order immediately!

11/23/2016 07:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMFG! That is hilarious! You made my day! Stay safe.

11/23/2016 07:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is he flashing gang signs?!?!

11/23/2016 07:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cute little guy. Cut down by a uncaring Alderman while trying to turn his life around. He was hit while his back was turned and had his hands up.
Obama has call his mother and will be attending the funeral along with Special ED if they get back in time.
A brass plaque will be placed in the bike path in a attempt to placate the other squirrels and stop the riots and destruction of there trees. Animal control to stand down and give them room to riot.
CPD not involved but will be blamed anyway!

11/23/2016 07:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy shit is that funny. I wonder if any media trolls see this post and see how ficking silly they are for posting the same shit. Thanks for the laugh.

11/23/2016 08:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor Squirrel, was trying so hard to change it's life around. Hence the fact it's been a THIEF it's whole life. Stealing food from open or closed garbage cans nuts & other foods, invading other squirrels nests... Crazy Funny! Just funning around! Lmao

11/23/2016 08:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HIL-AR I-OUS,SCC....but some how I don't think some of the PEEPLES will get it....

11/23/2016 08:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There goes the coffee................

11/23/2016 08:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stopped him a few times and he was a total jag each time. They won't show that side of him on TV, I bet. He was always stealing and running in and out of traffic. Bad acorn from the start. Oh well.

11/23/2016 08:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely priceless. Made my day!

11/23/2016 08:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Robert Ford said...

I see the family photo-shopped out the handgun he was holding in his right paw

11/23/2016 08:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why not show the REAL Snappy D, from his Facebook page?

11/23/2016 08:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snappy D Squirrel? 'Rappin Rascal?

11/23/2016 08:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brookins will not be getting PETA's endorsement in the future!

11/23/2016 09:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loevy & Loevy has filed a motion to impounded the bicycle/weapon. The Rev./Bishop, of the Church of Jesus is Happening Now, will hold a prayer vigil and City Hall demanding that the Alderperson be fired and arrested. The Media is saying thank God it was a Gray Squirrel, rather than a Black Squirrel! No Comment from City Hall. Baby"G"

11/23/2016 09:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, SCC, you know the drill -- the "fambly spokesman" and the squirrel's "pastor" always dig out the graduation photo with the cap and gown, but then the selfies on the critter's Facebook pages look like this --

http://tinyurl.com/hy8v2hf

http://tinyurl.com/hhsja4s

The shot-caller here is actually a big-ass CAT --

http://tinyurl.com/jg7tmr3

...and a possible ISIS connection is being investigated thoroughly.

http://tinyurl.com/jdgg7c8

Arrests are being made even as we speak.

http://tinyurl.com/h3bh6t8

11/23/2016 09:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wheres his FB page with all the gats and the hundos yo?

11/23/2016 09:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dat Snappy D, yo, he allus bustin a nut.

11/23/2016 09:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

once again SCC comes thru with the undisputed truth.
lmao

11/23/2016 09:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Classic!!!!! Well Done. Very well done

11/23/2016 09:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha you made my morning... coppers should be comedians..

11/23/2016 09:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too Freaking Funny!

11/23/2016 09:48:00 AM  
Blogger FelixD said...

Did the moose get away?

11/23/2016 09:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is soooooooo sad. L'il Snappy was turning his life around. They say that he was in hot pursuit of The Cure for Cancer. Society will suffer for his murder by this killing machine on a bicycle. These vicious, vile murdering Aldercreatures must be brought to Heel at the bar of Justice. #SLM

11/23/2016 10:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait until the video is released, the true story will come out. Did someone go out of his way to hit that squirrel?

11/23/2016 10:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Go ahead make fun of the rodent....he's a ranking Vice Lord.


11/23/2016 10:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to deal with brookins a few times in relation to his ward.
he is nothing but a race-baiting piece of shit!
i feel worse for the squirrel, but it couldn't happen to a bigger beatoff!

11/23/2016 11:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The GoFundMyNuts page of the deceased, should not be confused with Eddie johnson's GoFindMyNuts page!

11/23/2016 11:33:00 AM  
Blogger BirdsnBlooms1 said...

SCC...LMBO!! Way too funny.
Thanks for the pre-Thanksgiving laugh.

Snappy's mama coo'ed, he dindo nutt'in.

BTW, SCC and all Chicago Police, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! and God Bless.

11/23/2016 11:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny stuff.
Some of you may ask, "Where's the ubiquitous rattan chair?".
Well, as you know rodents are voracious critters and the graduate gnawed it down to sawdust.
Sixteen spokes and what do you get, another dead rodent and not a protest yet.

11/23/2016 12:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard there is video of Brookins yelling, "Squirrel, you voted Trump!! Yeeeaaah!!!"

11/23/2016 12:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you look closely, you can see him flipping off the camera with his left hand! Little G.

11/23/2016 02:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He was jus a squirrel looking for some nuts.

11/23/2016 02:43:00 PM  
Blogger johnny long said...

u got snappys FB page? I would like see his posts?

11/23/2016 02:46:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

F ing po-lice threw him in front of the bike. No justice, no peace!

11/23/2016 02:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to say the squirrels family bit all of the protestors on the backside and are nor suing the police for not stopping them from attacking the protestors.

11/23/2016 03:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of peculiar stories involving aldermen, Whatever happened to the case against the transgender prostitute Ms. Profit, -
after her alleged 3am altercation with Alderman Moore and resulting FELONY charges??? Was the case resolved? Is she suspiciously missing?

11/23/2016 04:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I love it!

11/23/2016 04:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see if Brookins had his chest cam and audio on at the time of the so called assignation attempt?

11/23/2016 05:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bet Snappy used to work for the CIA, too.

11/23/2016 06:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://madworldnews.com/chicago-suicide-bomber-squirrel/

11/23/2016 08:05:00 PM  
Blogger no lepton said...

Nicely played, a hearty LOL was had!

thx!!

11/23/2016 08:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You laugh now, but you won't be laughing when Rahm and the City Council has to approve a 5 million acorn settlement to Snappy's family.

11/23/2016 09:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is too hilarious! I can picture Kathy Brock on ABC7 reading it on the 10 pm news.

Happy Thanksgiving!

11/23/2016 10:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've not been feeling well for a few days, and this provided me with a genuine, laugh-out-loud moment. Thank you, SCC!

- The Gentle Grizzly

11/23/2016 10:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That squirrel could have been thanksgiving dinner for Cooter.

11/23/2016 10:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stop it,this shit ain't funny!! Or is it?

11/23/2016 11:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey SCC you forgot to say that 13 yr old Snappy was the father of 2 chillens.

11/24/2016 04:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Some of you may ask, "Where's the ubiquitous rattan chair?"

11/23/2016 12:12:00 PM

Right here.

http://tinyurl.com/zmwhm3l

The spirits must be appeased! Bring to the throne these squirrels you speak of -- BRING THEM! -- and they will be consumed head-first, one after the other.

Skeletal remains are turning up in the area...

http://tinyurl.com/huptpzn

*

11/24/2016 06:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

16 spokes, 16 spokes, 16 spokes!!!

11/24/2016 02:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My question is who is more intelligent? Snappy D. Squirrel or Jamal Green? HUH?

11/24/2016 07:27:00 PM  

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