Monday, December 12, 2016

Oldie, but a Goodie

Timely, not just for the weather, but the homicide totals:
  • The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times. “Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.” At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s South Side.
The Onion sure has had Rahm's number for a while now.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

With the sub-zero temps on the way, Rahm is hoping for The Mother of All Polar Vorticies!

12/12/2016 12:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We all have had rhams number for awhile. Except for the judges. Their hiding out in his back pocket.

12/12/2016 12:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Onion might be "Fake News," but it has more truth than the Chicago Tribune.

12/12/2016 12:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perfect !

12/12/2016 12:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Does anyone think that Monday and Tuesday won't be a bloody sh-tshow?
All the thugs been dissing each other on Facebook all weekend while they were holed up?

12/12/2016 01:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol this was pretty funny!
Thanks for the laugh

12/12/2016 01:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Over 800 by the end of the year

12/12/2016 06:23:00 AM  
Blogger The Keesing Bandit said...

Love it!

12/12/2016 06:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love the Onion. If you're a military vet check out the "Duffle Blog." It's satire like the Onion but written by veterans about military and political topics.

12/12/2016 07:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gold Jerry Gold!!!!

12/12/2016 07:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The Onion might be "Fake News," but it has more truth than the Chicago Tribune."
yes we have the Slum Times and the Fib une both on par with the National Enquirer

12/12/2016 11:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(OT)Now what happens atheist crashes his plane and is dead guess his worries are done bet he don't see Jesus:

12/12/2016 11:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell keesing bandit to be cautious:

12/12/2016 01:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Less than twenty killing days left until New Years.

Good News! It doesn't look like we will break 800 dead this year.

12/12/2016 06:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

another oldie / goodie

12/12/2016 06:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(OT) Wisconsin completes recount and Trump gains more votes:

Wonder if all the illegal invaders who rahm just gave 1 million of taxpayers rebate money to, would of not been allowed to cheat the vote how much Trump would of won here? rahm is toast he needs to resign immediately if not sooner!

12/12/2016 07:16:00 PM  

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