20 January 1901
This article appeared in the Tribune over one-hundred-twenty years ago:
- Computations made by Chief of Police Kipley have convinced him he has the largest aggregation of fat policemen in the world. Though the Civil Service commission in passing on "eligibles" for the force attempts to regulate the corpulence of policemen, many of them have found their jobs so conducive to good health that they have become excessively obese, and the Chief has begun to wonder if the prevalence of crime has something to do with that fact. He thinks perhaps the growing bulkiness of the Officers may interfere with their agility in getting after holdup men.
The article is text protected, so we can't copy/paste the interesting and entertaining paragraphs, but included in the link up top is a breakdown of ranks - by total sworn officers AND estimated poundage of the ranks.
Just to let you know, 2,843 total policemen are estimated to weigh in at 596,991 pounds and would require 298 one-ton coal wagons to transport the entire force around town.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:05 AM
32 Comments:
Cops - 210 pound Average.
In 1900, what is the US Average weight for males? 130 pounds?
Oh, the days of the bridgeport meat yards!
When a man's girth was evaluated by poundage.
Where would the Fabulous Four fit in!
>>>>>The article is text protected, so we can't copy/paste the interesting and entertaining paragraphs
Nah, it's more of a suggestion, really.
There are several ways to get the text.
The first and easiest is "save page as..." -> text file.
For extra credit, snag the pictures, too.
CPD has never been spit and polish like LAPD. There's never been a shortage of bellies, male or female, me included. Grooming standards have always been lax, beards, long hair, long painted nails. Wrinkled shirts and pants, salt stains on shoes and pants. Lets not even mention gun cleanliness.
One thing I will say, when I came on job back in 96, we had a lot of old timers that weren't the picture of health, some alcoholics, many were Vietnam vets still hanging in there. Even at this late stage of their career they were answering calls, making arrests and backed you up in force. They had a sense humor and taught us alot of good police work. It's sad how this department has changed.
An inquizative and clever individual might be able to collect the info on the weight of every CPD sworn from their most recent physicals, calcute the sum thereof, and declare that xxx,xxx pounds of rambunctious law enforcers are currently vigorously serving the needs of our gracious, appreciative, gratefully supportive citizenry.
The math addicted would have orgasmic level events to rival the taylor swifties.
Does that article say anything about elected officials, like maybe Governors.
Asking for my precinct captain.
One thing I noticed over my lifetime (55 years) is how the portrayal of Coppers in media, music, and the public has changed.
Most portrayals of Cops from when I was a kid were of fat, bumbling, mustard-stained uniformed fools, who, despite their shortcomings , were ultimately good people who always caught the bad guy. Sure, they may have accidentally solved the crime through their bumble-headidness, but at the end, they were ultimately seen as a good person.
Now, Coppers are portrayed as fit, tattooed, militaristic killing machines who never follow the rules. They torture suspects, plant evidence and commit horrific atrocities on the public that would easily be discovered and be easily proved in federal court. Big difference now is that they ALWAYS get away with it.
When you look at many CPD coppers at roll call sorry to say many are a walking heart attack, come on brother and sister you want to collect pension money get in shape. A shape you say round is a shape! Many coppers are still getting that free food at fast food restaurants and eating that garbage. Looking at Larry don’t you want to look like him physically? But with CPD having no standards for fitness the force reflects the will of the management and many in management look like shit to be blunt and honest. Ok Larry your ball so far crime is rising the robbery crews way ahead “ come on man” do something! And where’s Fred with that big salary?
Hmm department gives nice raises probably don’t want you to collect so they allow you not to be required to get fit, so you collect less!
Hey I'm working on it.
Physical fitness is needed, and if you put more than 2 coppers together no matching uniforms, look sloppy beards long nails does your appearance command respect? Heck not even the so called bosses look professional. Larry your looking good, how about bringing back decorum and fitness a yearly fitness test, would help keep coppers working and not on medical and not dying early so as not to collect a pension check.
Came on the job in '96? Still a rookie.
Retired 10 years. Are there still the fatties wearing the vest cover like a poncho because they can’t stretch the straps any further?
I remember being in JG on Irving Pk. In '95 getting some uniform pants on sale and the tailor yelled at the 1st district footman. "How do you expect the sale price? Your waist is 57 inches by God." The man was about four inches taller standing than when lying on his side.
Now, Coppers are portrayed as fit, tattooed, militaristic killing machines who never follow the rules. They torture suspects, plant evidence and commit horrific atrocities on the public that would easily be discovered and be easily proved in federal court. Big difference now is that they ALWAYS get away with it.
11/28/2023 04:46:00 AM
But the tattooed part today is certainly correct. And it all started because celebrities and athletes began the trend. And sheep love to follow trends.
Steroid Larry says be a meritorious fit prick like me.
I just won another pie eating contest.
Unfortunately for as long as it’s been going on, it’s become routine and accepted. Just go to court and see what shows up. Wrinkled shirts, no name tags, no stars, pants or vest carriers that are faded and beat up badly. Your appearance says something and it also says something to the people you’re dealing with and that’s for normal citizen contacts AND criminals. Add in the weight problem and it just makes you shake your head.
Way back in time, every police station had a full length mirror, with the message "Does your appearance command respect? Our lard ass, unkempt, unshaven, overly made up, out of correct uniform boys and girls hardly make the grade.
why isn't Cpd enforcing grooming and uniform standards ?
Americans, in general, are fat and unhealthy af. Processed food, hours staring at a screen, little to no exercise. CPD definitely reflects the population it serves.
At least the coppers aren't anywhere near as fat as the firemen. They look like Pritzker when he goes off his diet and fitness routine.
In 1901, CPD WALKED the Beat, and a very few were Mounted. Walking is great exercise.
A revolver, a dozen extra rounds, baton, whistle, notebook ( with pencil and/or fountain pen), and a Call Box Key. Maybe some sort of wrist twist chain, as modern handcuffs (as we know them) had yet to be invented. Those were the days!
Without context, I doubt if most 2023 readers would know what the word "corpulence" means.
Fatty fatty 2x4, can't get through the bathroom door....
Anonymous said...
In 1901, CPD WALKED the Beat, and a very few were Mounted. Walking is great exercise.
A revolver, a dozen extra rounds, baton, whistle, notebook ( with pencil and/or fountain pen), and a Call Box Key. Maybe some sort of wrist twist chain, as modern handcuffs (as we know them) had yet to be invented. Those were the days!
11/28/2023 07:57:00 PM
You forgot the pint of whiskey in that list. Good times indeed.
Anonymous said...
why isn't Cpd enforcing grooming and uniform standards ?
11/28/2023 11:08:00 AM
great question but then again many of the so called clown club white shirts look like shit also!
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anonymous said...
In 1901, CPD WALKED the Beat, and a very few were Mounted. Walking is great exercise.
A revolver, a dozen extra rounds, baton, whistle, notebook ( with pencil and/or fountain pen), and a Call Box Key. Maybe some sort of wrist twist chain, as modern handcuffs (as we know them) had yet to be invented. Those were the days!
11/28/2023 07:57:00 PM
You forgot the pint of whiskey in that list. Good times indeed.
11/29/2023 01:17:00 AM
______
These days it's radio assignment to radio assignment with no breaks in between. I'd love it if the department said walk to your calls. I'd take ONE A DAY and be done. I wouldn't even need to be drunk to enjoy this job. Thanks to every asshole with a cellphone it's 15 codes and 2 cases or an arrest a day.
I shouldn’t have to pay the same price for uniform pants as Mags. Those who know what I’m talking about.
I shouldn’t have to pay the same price for uniform pants as Mags. Those who know what I’m talking about.
11/29/2023 07:05:00 PM
They had to kill more than a couple of them 80-20 animals to make one pair of MM's pantseses.
Like those four roly-poly Policewomen in that recent video trying to make an arrest?
Mags was a big boy.
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