EPA Warning
- Highlighting increasingly dangerous conditions within the city, a new study published Monday by Northwestern University’s Department of Environmental Studies revealed that approximately 75 percent of the air in Chicago is now composed of bullets.
“Far exceeding the levels of carbon dioxide, nitrogen, and even oxygen, bullets now constitute three-fourths of Chicago’s air supply,” said atmospheric scientist and study coauthor John Molina, stressing that the dense and widespread deposits of jacketed lead and copper in the air pose severe and potentially fatal health risks to all Chicago residents.
“According to our measurements, the proportion of bullets in Chicago’s overall air composition is significantly higher than that of other cities with comparable sizes and population densities. Frankly, if this trend continues—and there is unfortunately little evidence suggesting otherwise—living safely within the confines of Chicago will be almost impossible.” Molina went on to suggest that Chicago’s 2.7 million residents stay indoors whenever possible in order to minimize their exposure
The Onion strikes again.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:04 AM
14 Comments:
Chicago is still the brawny city, the jewel of the upper midwest. Life is good here if you live in the right part of town and we have an enlightened and progressive city government and leadership. Be happy. Nothing that a few good gun laws won't fix.
Yes - the new cause of death will be "died of lead poisoning".
Smart move to take the numbers off of the homicide list.
Fuck this guy and his "fatigue." If we were adequately staffed then elective time off wouldn't be an issue.
Hiliarious! I miss The Onion in print. Also 019 Dist Dog. We need laughs.
Im more concerned with the tons of sludge BP dumps into lake Michigan every day. That story kinda disappeared.
You can actually see where the waste is dumped on Google maps.
Radar shows a lead vortex out of the South and West Friday through Sunday night.
Periods of scattered hail of gunfire possible.
"Made it Ma, Top of the world!"
I wonder how Tiny Dancer feels after hearing about this. I would imagine that he is highly pissed. No progressive mayor who caters to the do nothing, taxpayer subsidized ne'er do wells wants to hear that his policies are destroying a once great major metropolitan city. Hopefully the silent majority will wake the hell up and vote these progressives out of office before it's too late. Or is it already too late?
http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/teen-convicted-in-beating-of-steve-utash-given-3-years-of-probation/26824410
Here's a real warning. There will be many more slaps on the hand until no punishment will ever be given...to certain people. See the future? I can. Wake up.
I saw an elephant fly off the sears tower last week....
Northwestern University can smell the bullets and lead. Why can't they smell the crap that our disgraceful politicians produce? Crap outta be banned too.
Nice job by the Onion. :)
And then there's another $940,000 going to the NRA from City of Chicago for legal fees.
(Benson v. City)
Add it to the $600k they already were on the hook for in McDonald and I think that makes Chicago the NRA's largest supporter.
Way to go! Be Proud!
http://www.nraila.org/news-issues/news-from-nra-ila/2014/7/city-of-chicago-ordered-to-pay-nras-legal-fees-again.aspx?s&st&ps
The Onion is the best.
Northwestern University- isn't that the same place that made up stuff about "innocent people" in jail for crimes they didn't commit, then sold it to the Trib? Also the same place that paid some chick or hooker to con a con into believing he was going to get sexual favors and/ or freedom, plus money, for er, uh- changing or "adjusting" his statement so that it would coincide with the Project's criteria, that all people are innocent, even AFTER they've already been proven guilty, in a court of law?
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