Crime-Free Zones
- Immediately upon Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s recent declaration of the entire city of Chicago as an official “crime-free zone,” every criminal in the city suddenly and miraculously left the urban area, according to a statement released by the city council.
“We declare every part of the city of Chicago a crime-free zone,” Emanuel announced in a Thursday appearance on CBS This Morning. “It is now physically impossible for any crime to be committed in our great city, because we declared it a zone of peace and harmony and criminals have no choice but to abide by our new rule.”
Emanuel claimed he didn’t want to resort to such extreme legislative measures, but as the crime situation in Chicago didn’t seem to be getting any better, his hand was forced.
“I finally decided to use the strongest weapon at our disposal: declaring things illegal,” he said.
Stunned onlookers claim the second the legislation banning any criminals from the city was signed into law, dangerous gangsters, conniving drug dealers, and thieving hooligans fled the city on foot, as though compelled by some kind of strange, alien force.
Property values promptly tripled in some of the harder hit areas of the "community" so all those lots Daley and Rahm sold for a dollar are worth.....three.
Labels: good news, sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:03 AM
103 Comments:
Is this article from the Onion?
Just like the Nuclear Free Zone signs at the city limits driving in on the expressways from a few decades ago. I wonder whatever happened to those signs? I’d like one for my bar.
He declared Chicago a Trump free zone but the Trump tower is still there.
He is one powerful man. And ladies, gentlemen and others, get ready to be overwhelmed with police in your respective areas. I saw an interview on channel 9 and Rahm said there will be hundreds of recruits coming on. I think he said 100 per month soon. Make sure you wear your deoderant. Its going to get crowded in here. If you think he performed a miracle this year by decreasing the increse, next year is going to be even better.
SCC said...
"Crime-Free Zones"
Oh yeah?
We thought The Onion
had pulled another funny.
Buried at the bottom of the page
when you scroll down after clicking
on the link...
"The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted
Source For Christian News Satire."
Nyuh-Huh...
Look.
Laugh.
Leave.
We got nothin' to add
to this one, so...
Police Like You Have No Friends.
Is this from the Onion?
The Evangelicals have taken up the
scalping knife of sarcasm & silliness?
The Leftists are all big on "People of the Book"
being too nice to fight them back on equal footing.
THAT worm, very likely has turned.
Rahm (& Co.) might have to take up wearing
a helmet 24/7 from now on...
It's ALL "Frontier Fort in the Badlands" now.
We may yet get to see Rahm poked from his hiding
place under the bed while dressed in women's clothing
at bayonet point by the Federales.
In Falsetto:
"No, no! I'm not Rahm Emanuel >POKE!<
YEEE-OUCH!"
>Furiously rubbing the sore spot
in the hind parts of them petticoats<
It’s all BS zone..
There is no longer a city council either.
Not even the 4200 block of N. Hermitage is a crime-free zone.
I guess when you have a completely stupid voter base you can get away with saying shit like this.
Good luck to all those murderers, rapists, robbers, thieves. It's been fun.
Somebody give this guy a drug test.
Premier Rham is obviously seeing the problem that chairmen Walter Ulbricht had while he was the leader of East Germany-- the best and brightest Germans said fuck communism- I am going to the west. In turn, the East Germans build the Berlin Wall to keep the best people from leaving. After awhile, the only asshole left in east Germany was a bunch of idiots, freeloader, and criminal.... does anyone see any similarities between Chicago, Detroit, and East Berlin? other than these places are all controlled by Democrats. After all, East germany known as the German Democratic Republic or the GDR; Deutsche Demokratische Republik
Oh my god, Rahm just saved me from moving to Texas--- or as my wife refers to it, Tejas. She grew up in Austin
Matt Lauer eating his heart out that he wasn't
there when Rahm broke the news
Perhaps our illustrious mayor misspoke......or was misunderstood....
What he means is that, being there are no effective methods to both hold criminal actors accountable for the crimes they commit AND inspire said criminal actors to get out the vote, for him, thus, all acts of a previously considered criminal nature shall, henceforth, be considered to be NOT crimes, thusly making our majestic citadel truly free of crime......
Except, of course, for the eternal crime of failing to pay those heavenly taxes.......
The wisdom of our blessed mayor, rahm the righteous, is unbound for all of creation to gaze at in trembling wonder......
rham will save chiraq.
president o. winfrey will save the world.
gosh golly we are saved.
So Rahm’s got that going for him....
Doe that mean the safe passage signs are coming down?!
rham must be smoking his kid's weed.
If there are no laws, then there is no crime...
He can start by making Chicago a Rahm-free zone.
The series will be on Netflix soon.
# Make Chicago Great Again
I wonder if Kennedy who is running for governor would take a shot at Rahm? Kennedy won’t win the governorship, but he certainly would whip the shit out of Rahm. It’s just a thought.
This past weekend, according to Heyjackass, 15 shot, 5 dead. Apparently some didn’t get Stubbyfingers message!
He needs to make up his mind, it's either a crime free city or a sanctuary city. He can't have both.
On the other hand, he knows it's all bullshit and just wants to blame someone else when his voters kill their next victim. It's the Republicans fault!
J.J.
Off-topic: there was much made about the list of personnel from HQ of not swiping in and out. But what wasn't mentioned is that list also had the amount of overtime registered and not paid. Not only does the system calculate the hours worked, it also calculates hours of overtime worked. The city is required by state law to compensate emoloyees when the city is aware of who worked overtime. No one has been compensated yet because it's a test run, but the law doesn't exclude test runs. There are many people in HQ owed overtime by the city.
Where do the illegal aliens fit in.
When is rahmie going to declare city hall crime free?
Maybe something like this would help to have more crime free zones;
Antifa member ordered to pay legal fees of Berkeley conservative over attempted restraining order
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/01/07/antifa-member-ordered-to-pay-legal-fees-berkeley-conservative-over-attempted-restraining-order.html
It is about time these agitators are held financially responsible for the trouble they caused, if the mayor had any kind of Ability to show he cares for the taxpayers he should do the same allow the police to do their jobs arrest the scum that does this and prosecute them in a civil court make them all pay watch out quickly all this nonsense would stop God bless the police
Rahmacide is a pathetic, desperate political loser. This guy is like the plague to the US democratic party - no one will touch him.
Thank You Rahm, I just looked out my window and saw a Unicorn under a Rainbow in my backyard. ♠️
That is like saying "We are a Clout Free Department" yeah. ok. Even the clouted don't believe it.
as much a crime free zone as it is a tax free zone
God Bless You CPD patients! You are truly sick due to your work! So sad. I thought being in jail was bad but after being able to easily make six figures and be able to watch MMA fights on television and up close in person by watching inmates throw down on commissary days I wouldn't trade places with you ever!
Imagine that, entire neighbourhoods full of empty houses just free for the taking. Schools with no students to teach.
How about a return of those high rise section 8 projects? Contain the crime and bad apples in "one" location. Possibly near the Indiana border.
Don't know if he ever heard of the 10 Commandments.
What an idiot!
And he isn't drug tested?
NOT ILLINOIS. NOT LAW.
I posted that 'article' to Facebook.
Somehow, I wound up with a couple of 'liberal' friends / relatives. We'll see if they bite :-)
btw, That's a cool website. I like their article on the Plaid Gibson guitar for Worship bands. Though most folks will not get the 'joke' regarding the song; Smoke On The Water & Guitar Center. That's real 'inside baseball' shit there. LOL.
president o. winfrey will save the world.
gosh golly we are saved.
And I bet she'll use that catch phase which can be heard in those commercials hawking her new food line......."O...THAT'S GOOD".
The "Crime Free Zone" does not include the city hall, the county building, nor the 5th floor at 35th & Michigan.
God Damn those lots are as good an investment as bitcoin
The monk of N. Hermitage,
he bought lunch
My brother, can you say the same?
I once built a railroad, made it run on time
Brother, can you spare a dime?
. . . dangerous gangsters, conniving drug dealers, and thieving hooligans fled the city . . .
Whereupon they were arrested and jailed by PEOPLE ACTUALLY DOING THEIR JOBS.
Good luck Chicago, you're tribe is about to join the Detroit Nation, a giant midwestern reservation for the lawless.
"In other news, rainbow-colored unicorns will begin patrolling Chicago's streets to maintain peace, harmony, and equality..."
As to the East Germany statements at 0111 hours...
"Hail, Hail, East Germany
Land of wine and grape.
Land where you'll regret
If you try to escape
No matter if you tunnel under or take a running jump at the wall,
Forget it, the guards will kill you, if the electrified fence doesn't first.
(Movie song, "Top Secret").
I've seen this before. Gun free zones, remember? Result should be the same.
Thoughts🤔. What’s this dude smoking?i love catchy liberal utopian bullshit slogans. I see a new episode of the walking dead...zombies stumbling around Chicago chanting “ crime free zones” and a few chanting” yes, we can and four more years”😮
Isn't it about time for Chicago and Cook county to be coruption free? Rahmie is one of the most corupt mayors Chicago has ever had. It appears the county and city governments are in competition to violate the tax payer in every way they can.
Every time I take a shit I think of rahm.
Rahm the "godfather" has it covered! At least he is getting more humorous and delusional!
Baybon Bee is great.
The Onion jumped the shark when they were bought by Univision.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
He is one powerful man. And ladies, gentlemen and others, get ready to be overwhelmed with police in your respective areas. I saw an interview on channel 9 and Rahm said there will be hundreds of recruits coming on. I think he said 100 per month soon. Make sure you wear your deoderant. Its going to get crowded in here. If you think he performed a miracle this year by decreasing the increse, next year is going to be even better.
He had a photo opt on all TV stations celebrating the 53 new recruits that graduated and yesterday were deployed to EVERY DISTRICT in the city. Those extra 2 PPO’s in each district are sure to curb crime
Most Blue Shirt POs don't realize that no matter what happens at the scene, it is not a crime until if and when a Detective says it is and is approved by a supervision.
A crime free city?
Easy: 19 PAUL...covers it all.
All right absolute ruler Rahm that is telling them,bet they are packing up and moving out now! Was in darien with a copper friend the other day he told me the crime is rising all over,and look at all the homes in Hinsdale for sale because the kids are forced to attend public schools with former Chicago thugs! Also Naperville crime is rising with all the new residents that the elected there wanted a they opened more section 8 housing to criminals! Hope this is Rahms master plan lets help the criminals move out and the illegal invaders could also move the same people rahm boldly violates federal laws to protect!
Yes our mayor even uses scare taxpayers resources giving billions away to illegal criminals, as Tommy Toni and of course Kimmy freely let the cremains out to roam to cause more bloodshed and chaos city-county-statewide! Remember men and women the mayor even saw kit to remove CPD retirees health care then gave the money to criminal illegal criminals,and now the mayor and his hand picked girl Anna (city clerk) will be giving free identification cards to illegals and they will get discounts at city attractions and possibly transit as we struggle to pay our bills!
On the ID cards yes I will personally get 1, why shouldn't every taxpaying citizen go "deep state" use another name make up birth date,you can even pick your sex (keesing bandit hmm) lie apparently that is what the elected want,that and along with the illegals voting illegally correct elected? Where are the feds??
Great No more shoplfter's in 018 and 001.
Take away welfare and you will have the same result. And having a criminal justice system that isn't a complete joke would help. Still not one person in the media has called out prickwrinkle for her too many black and brown people in jail comment.
How about illegal all aliens ?
Ha, now the Mayor is a stand up comedian.
Oh thank you King Rahm. Now I will go buy that unicorn that farts rainbows that I always wanted.
You mean I don't have to carry my CCW or firearm in Chicago anymore cuz there's no crime! Problem is I got very comfortable carrying and I'm not sure I could be comfortable NOT carrying. I think I'll continue carrying just in case some bad guy didn't get the memo. Better safe than sorry.
according to Heyjackass, 5 dead, 16 wounded this past weekend. apparently these "active shooters" didn't get stubbyfingers memo!
Fuck Rham and his Alderthieves, and anybody else in the mix. Their time will come, guarantee it....He, He, He......
Liberal/Progressive Thinking, at Its Finest. Draw a Line Down The Street, Bike Zone. Except At The Intersections. At Intersections, Its "Every Man, or Women, For Themselves" Create "Affordable Housing" Everyone Will Live Together In Harmony. Rich, Poor, and Those Who Pay Nothing. I Have a Lot More, but What's The Use?
Have a Nice Day ?
... which is nice!
Romocide free city, county and state.
How about that?
if Chicago is a crime free zone. does that mean that all aldermen and the mayor must leave immediately? just how far is his head up his ass?
“...I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony.
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company...”
Signaling a surrender, an another apology tour and perhaps onset mental illness.
Now all this time I thought those block club signs we’re doing a fine job.
I smell an expensive new program brewing.
All talk, spend big, no action.
The temps will be rising this week and the feral urban predators will be out to settle some sub zeero scores.
Let’s see if everyone was informed of the All Inclusive Crime Free Zone, I’m sure they rebroadcast the interview periodically, at a more community oriented hour.
This fabulous initiative is going beyond Jugghead Special Ed’s “racism, community dispect and more gun laws” hogwash.
Is Rahm “sick’n tarred” with ineffectiveness of MC Swolledhead?
Big changes coming Friday?
Nonetheless, if his restorative justice stablemates PruneWrinkle and KimmJong weren’t at his side, I don’t see how the We Broke Cook County Community Adjustments System can react favorably to this fantasy, unless it just churns out more feral predators in a quicker fashion.
Stay Fetal - don’t fall for the Bullchit.
Oh we're all saved, they're announcing those 1,000 new cops again, isn't that like 5 years in a row now?
What an asshole!
Is there a realtor out there that the Blog can refer me to who knows where all these lots in 007 and 011 and maybe 15 who can help me buy these lots? I have about $47.50 so that should buy me about 12 lots. I don't know if being a M-2 is going to hinder my efforts but were a Crime Free city so I want to move my wife and kids to the 007th Dist. Please let me know.
Thanks Mayor 9.5
All we have to do is completely stop reporting crime which we have almost have done already.
All those murders by shooting will be now classified as Deaths by Naturally Expected Consequences of a Hazardous Lifestyle.
OT
The dept just lost one it’s smartest tech guys to the private sector. He had enough of seeing secretaries and drivers get “merit” promotions.
In addition, Rahm performed a genuine, honest-to-gosh-darned-goodness Christmas miracle in the bunker below City Hall!
Diane, would you roll the tape from Zone 4, camera 17? Thanks . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5UCH3fXLl8&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Along with this good news I saw today that Chicago is #3 in bed bug infestation in the country. If we just work a little harder I'm sure we can beat out #1 Baltimore. Get on it Rahmbo. It's good for tourism.
Property values tripled! What? Now my property tax is 3 times higher! Bring back the fukking criminals!
This is totally off topic
But this #me too with all these rich harlots is a bunch of bull. How about speaking up for the children that are abused by their daddy’s and uncles and mommas boyfriend...oh yes and their teachers. How many reports are made at the JIC for sexual assault on these mostly black and brown children without a voice....come on O...give them a voice ....why don’t we read their stories in the tribune on a daily basis....Where are you Kimmy Fox.... Rahm......are they not pretty enough, can’t repay you back....
Let’s put the stats out there for these sexually abused children
And isn’t the color RED what is the representation of the violence against women....I seem to remember the wooden cutouts in the lobby of 35th st....
Thank you SCC for giving me a platform
o have they pulled his security detail? Thought so!
How about a bed bug free zone?
https://patch.com/illinois/tinleypark/s/gbvjg/chicago-still-one-of-worst-bed-bug-cities?utm_source=alert-breakingnews&utm_medium=email&utm_term=weather&utm_campaign=alert
rahm is the anti-christ
So there is a PPO in 020 that has to be takes to a mosque everyday to pray during work. Who signs off on this shit?
Looks like the EPA is messing with Chicago, Sessions send in a wave of investigators to drain the Chicago, and Crook County swamp
He is such a moron. But he can say anything and then run away from the media because they dont have the courage to call him out for his lies and bullshit.
Anyone see the article about the FBI agent trying to arrest the fugitive who dragged the agent like a 1/4 of a mile after which the agent fired his weapon at the driver of the vehicle. But cars aren’t weapons right. Tell that to the agent I think he’s got a broken arm leg and pelvis. Sounds like he’s lucky to be alive. I’m sure COPA would say he should of just let the bad guy go.
This is off topic but ridiculous nonetheless. Yesterday in 025 my son was driving east on Fullerton in left hand lane approaching Cicero ave when car in right lane sideswiped him and kept going. My son starts following the car and dials 911. He gives dispatcher plate number and tells them car just hit him and kept going and he was now following the vehicle. Dispatcher tells him to stop following car and to pull over and wait for police. He sat for 20 minutes and no police ever showed up. I told him to drive to 025 and just file a police report. He walks into 025 and asks to file a police report. Female officer at desk asks him for license plate info of hit and run driver. He tells her he doesnt have it but that he called it in to the 911 dispatcher and they have the plate #. Female officer tells him that she can't get it from them that he needs to call hotline. He calls me and I call 911 and was able to obtain plate info for Honda civic involved in hit and run. I explained this to dispatcher and dispatcher says they are able to get info from 911 call center. Woman on phone says she will call 025 and give them info as well. Thanks to her for doing her job and going above and beyond. Why couldn't they do this at desk? My son said dispatcher did call 025 and was able to file a report. Stuff like this makes people want to move to the suburbs. Why screw with the victims of crime. The suburbs don't act like this.
Why can't the crook County Forest preserve district keep the bicycle and walking path that we pay taxes for, for the entire year cleared of snow and ice, so they can be used year round? They always have the money to pay for abortions free lunches and welfare for all the deadbeat freeloading welfare recipients and illegals that pile into this county and the city but I can't do the slightest things that are right that the taxpayers pay for , Year after year. All these crooked assholes do is by votes with our tax dollars, then forget all about us, year after year, decade after decade, with their communist bullshit. And if you're not politically connected you can't get a fucking thing fairly.
I don't if it will be either riccio or staples but a word of advice to both remember what Michael Corleone said in the movie : godfather part II : " keep your friends close and your enemies even closer"
Anonymous Anonymous said...
He declared Chicago a Trump free zone but the Trump tower is still there.
1/08/2018 12:18:00 AM
Saw a photo of uit in a Chicago ad, no name on it. Taken before the name attached? or was it Photoshopped out?
Will those criminals exiting our fair city take Rahm (and the wedding dress) with them....don't forget to close the door and leave the key.
Dangerous gangsters, conniving drug dealers, and thieving hooligans filed suet.
Just like the movie "The Demolition Man". No more murder death kills, just harmony.
Isn't it about time for Chicago and Cook county to be coruption free? Rahmie is one of the most corupt mayors Chicago has ever had. It appears the county and city governments are in competition to violate the tax payer in every way they can.
1/08/2018 09:17:00 AM
Have we forgotten, so soon, the Mumbling Midget Mayor?
Anonymous said...
This is off topic but ridiculous nonetheless. Yesterday in 025 my son was driving east on Fullerton in left hand lane approaching Cicero ave when car in right lane sideswiped him and kept going. My son starts following the car and dials 911. He gives dispatcher plate number and tells them car just hit him and kept going and he was now following the vehicle. Dispatcher tells him to stop following car and to pull over and wait for police. He sat for 20 minutes and no police ever showed up. I told him to drive to 025 and just file a police report. He walks into 025 and asks to file a police report. Female officer at desk asks him for license plate info of hit and run driver. He tells her he doesnt have it but that he called it in to the 911 dispatcher and they have the plate #. Female officer tells him that she can't get it from them that he needs to call hotline. He calls me and I call 911 and was able to obtain plate info for Honda civic involved in hit and run. I explained this to dispatcher and dispatcher says they are able to get info from 911 call center. Woman on phone says she will call 025 and give them info as well. Thanks to her for doing her job and going above and beyond. Why couldn't they do this at desk? My son said dispatcher did call 025 and was able to file a report. Stuff like this makes people want to move to the suburbs. Why screw with the victims of crime. The suburbs don't act like this.
1/08/2018 05:08:00 PM
We don't but we get treated like this when we have issues in the city ESPECIALLY if we don't have numbers to call. A couple years ago my sister was driving my dad's car and it got totaled in a hit and run. He got on scene probably 25-30 mins later at least. None of the officers bothered to say much to him or so much as pick the offending vehicle's plate off the ground. Let it happen to you in one of our towns and see you probably get more courtesy from us than you own.
Don't tell me that's true about the ppo in 20 that has to pray everyday at a mosque.
I dont care if My partner prays ,I dont want a partner that goes shopping all day.
Now if only a politician free zone!
Next step is a citywide police free zone. Why would a sanctuary need police?
The only place in Chicago that's crime free is my living room, next to my shotgun.
Anonymous said...
OT
The dept just lost one it’s smartest tech guys to the private sector. He had enough of seeing secretaries and drivers get “merit” promotions.
1/08/2018 12:51:00 PM
A merit promotion should be given to good police officers with leadership skills. Not secretaries or drivers. They also shouldn't be given just because you're a smart "tech guy".
Thanks to her for doing her job and going above and beyond. Why couldn't they do this at desk? My son said dispatcher did call 025 and was able to file a report. Stuff like this makes people want to move to the suburbs. Why screw with the victims of crime.
So many great Police working inside these days but they get REALLY LAZY and screw walkins around. Come on before you all get defensive, admit it, we have all seen it. but I still don't get it, and don't like it.
A partner who prays or shops is bad but not that bad. Over 20 years ago I was working with a female PO who got out of the car, said she would only be a few minutes and walked into a nail salon. After about five minutes we got a call. I waited a couple more minutes then entered the shop. She was getting a manicure and a pedicure and thought there was nothing wrong with that.
>>>Anonymous said...
A partner who prays or shops is bad but not that bad. Over 20 years ago I was working with a female PO who got out of the car, said she would only be a few minutes and walked into a nail salon. After about five minutes we got a call. I waited a couple more minutes then entered the shop. She was getting a manicure and a pedicure and thought there was nothing wrong with that.
1/10/2018 03:02:00 AM<<<
Over forty years ago I remember the last row or two of pews in church had a brass plaque that read, "Reserved for Police and Fire". In the Old 15th District I had north end partners that took dancing lessons and practiced for Masonic rituals.
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