Dude, Where's Our Prisoner?
When you transport someone to Court, you should probably make sure they get there. Seems a southside wagon crew drove up to the prisoner drop off area at the Cook County Jail and discovered that their prisoner was MIA, having somehow jimmied the lock despite numerous safeguards in place to prevent such a thing and his current whereabouts are unknown.
On the bright side, the intrepid prisoner appears to be taking advantage of a new policy by Dart and Crimesha:
On the bright side, the intrepid prisoner appears to be taking advantage of a new policy by Dart and Crimesha:
- Self I-bonding
No more muss or fuss involving judges, just jump off a moving wagon with an implied promise to return later. Maybe.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:03 AM
58 Comments:
He flashed the new Apple Titanium card and self-bonded out.
Don't leave the wagon without it.
"On the bright side, the intrepid prisoner appears to be taking advantage of a new policy by Dart and Crimesha:
Self I-bonding"
Hahaha! Home Run, SCC!
rb
Man, cuffed and shackled... fuckin Houdini.
Cook county, IL version of ‘set it and forget it’
It robs, it rapes, it kills...
Then comes the arrest, processing, transport...
BUT WAIT, THERES MORE-just look at that folks(people)
I-BONDS FOR EVERYONE
Not as good as what happened in 014 last night.
Ooooops!
So... This is the same outcome as appearing before a Crook County judge. Saved time, saved paperwork and the mutt is back on the street as he would have been when the robed genius decided to not further punish this justice involved individual.
All is well which ends the same.
Prisoner "H. Houdini" was due to appear before the judge but mysteriously never arrived...
"...his current whereabouts are unknown"
Did you check the ceiling of the wagon? Sometimes they only appear to be gone but pull a Spiderman and stick to the top inside. Oldest trick in the book...
Prisoner transport is like fishing... Forever to be plagued with grand tales of the one which got away.
I would not worry. The escape artist will squander his self given 'second chance' and be in custody soon enough and most likely for the same offense that got him apprehended the first time.
The wagons get better miles per gallon when you don't have a heavy prisoner in the rear to lug about. This is all part of the Green New Deal. Same some fuel and lighten the load at the start of the journey.
Well... I know where he isn't! That is step one in narrowing it down.
I don't blame the guy for leaving. Shitting cell phone reception in those metal boxes on wheels. No data connectivity so you can't stream any good Youtube videos.
He did what was natural and just left. 5G will help but that will take some time.
Well... One less prisoner to search. Less patting of buttocks and inner thigh rubs is not a bad outcome technically.
"When you transport someone to Court, you should probably make sure they get there."
Why? So the judge can let them go? Cutting out the middle man makes sense in this day and age. Efficiency is the watchword.
Lost luggage on a flight... Lost cell phone signal when going into a tunnel...Lost letter you mailed a while back...Lost prisoner...
The inconveniences happen when traveling. Get over it, stop bitching.
The good news is the court did not miss him. Lightening the caseload is never viewed in a negative sense.
Accelerated Sixth Amendment: You have the right to a speedy trial and if you are fast enough, you can get speed away ahead of the trial!
Writ of Habeas Corpus self fulfilled. Hop free criminal bunny... You did well (but not good)
He'll be back...
Idiocracy - Prison Escape
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pibqo6Z4Cgo
The future is closer then you think...
A new low in fetal policing. Hope they get hammered for their neglect.
Quote
'When you transport someone to Court, you should probably make sure they get there. '
8 of 10 times is a passing score... Don't be a perfectionist.
The prisoner had to escape the wagon so he could spend more time with this son... Pick up the lad from school, having some bonding moments.
Don't want to be a deadbeat dad after all. Your kid might risk growing up and becoming a criminal if the father's parenting skills are not up to par.
Anonymous said...
A new low in fetal policing. Hope they get hammered for their neglect.
9/18/2019 02:44:00 AM
Spoken like a real soft head mommy fucker! How about knowing what happened before wishing ill on people dickhead
where's Trunk Monkey when you need him?
The good news is I found my keys while helping search for the escapee.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not as good as what happened in 014 last night.
9/18/2019 01:19:00 AM
Oh, you are such a tease.
This “community” member turned his life around.
He had the mobile I Bond App from Chase Bank and woooosh!
Damn you Doug Henning, Damn you!
"...Less patting of buttocks and inner thigh rubs is not a bad thing..."
Maybe in YOUR world, not mine.
Now, kees me you fool!!!!
Shaved was right. Dart is incompetent.
Yep. He was simply expediting Taxwinkle’s criminal justice reform.
Unfortunately the wagon crew will be taking a little unplanned time off without pay.
Not sure of the circumstances of this particular incident, but I do recall that there were a few incidents that the prisoner escaped from the wagon roof hatch.
Although visibly secured with a large pad lock, the hinge (opposite) side was only pop riveted into the roofs tender fiberglass body.
A few swift kicks from within and the hinged side popped open after the barely anchored hinge small pop rivets let loose.
Although there was a wagon recall to try and remedy the situation (after some threats to fat ass Harley Schinker, then Director of Motor maintenance) there may be a similar problem that still or again exists today.
Have FOP or the investigator look up the old CR# on the wagon crew that lost the initial prisoner. It was Unfounded.
On the bright side, the intrepid prisoner appears to be taking advantage of a new policy by Dart and Crimesha:
Self I-bonding
How'd he do that? Graffiti the inside of the wagon?
PO’s will probably get more time than he would have.
First read this and thought, has to be one of the many clowns I work with in 003. I mean, the missed guns on patdowns, lying about arrests at midnight, brassholes adultering with the district barbies. Low and behold I was spared the embarassment this time.
Did you ever consider this is the start of the end of times and he was the first person to go to heaven in the rapture?
Somebody gotta be first!
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Not as good as what happened in 014 last night.
Don’t keep us in suspense.
Not sure why he felt the need to escape? Did he forget he was entering the crook county justice system? It’s a sanctuary for criminals where crime pays. Kim fixx and her band of fools would have sent him free anyway.
Was his name Otis?
Ain’t nobody got time to sit in no bond court.
Once captured (maybe during the next big holiday roundup/flooding of a zone) he can expect the Jugghaid SpecialEd gun toter penalty to the Fullest Extent of the Law. In CookCo that’s bout 1 hour wait for an Community Affordable I-Bond.
It’s a shame someone (team) went to all that trouble to make an arrest, reports, notifications, canvassing, reviewing video, get a rare election cycle felony approval only to have him ex’cape.
Looking to the bright side and consulting TheTactGuy’s Success Guide to Making the Numbers, its the knowing where joe will pick up that gubmint entitlements check in about 10 days should reap another Merit Boss CB number and still make the 10th Period 3rd quarter GoofStat cycle !!!
Shit happens!
Watch him be a gs “victim” now, then family sues for ghetto lottery....should have not allow him to escape, blah, blah, blah.
O.K., that's another charge: willful escape from police.
He's a fugitive now!
So, NO Fucking Bail!
(When Will The Liberal Assholes Wake Up?)
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Was his name Otis?
9/18/2019 11:36:00 AM
otis campbell returns
The "box" on these wagons is made of fiberglass, sheet
metal and a few pop rivets to hold it all together...
We're actually surprised that some motivated vehicle-borne
shit heads have yet to pull a faster and furious-er
style escape escapade to free one of their homies
from Police custody.
When Dude REALLY wants to get in the wind?
Air
+
Opportunity
+
18 Inches
of daylight
=
"Where the fuck did he go?"
We recall when Dude got away from 011 Tact once...
Cuffed to the ol' iron ring in the wall
while the A/O's were busy putting the finishing
touches on the usual gloriously sandbaggy paper.
Cuffs swinging from the ring...
Dude was in the wind so hard his
coat-tails were horizontal...
But?
He left behind the zipper tab to his pants.
Shimmed those bracelets pretty as you please
and backed the ratchet out...
When it comes to Policing in Chicago?
Shit is NEVER secure as advertised.
Heh...
That's why when WE made riotous legal entry,
the hinge side of the door bore the brunt.
The best is when m/fers steal a steel door
from somewhere and would just hoist it up
and hang if from the resident rotten-assed
jamb in an effort to keep the Poleece and
competing shit-heads from up the block from
getting in...
We still get the giggles when we recall our
6'5" 300# "anchor" standing on the steel door
he just kicked down and the shithead we were chasing
was squashed flat as a dead doo-doo bug underneath.
>Sniffle...<
Good Times never to be seen again.
As for the wagon operators?
Hopefully they get out of this
with their skin at least mostly
intact.
Hurting them administratively
will serve no purpose if all the routine
safeguards and precautions were taken
and Dude made good his escape because
department equipment failed to contain
him.
Shit Cago must be a wonderful and safe place to live. sarc/off
Houdini spirit is alive and well in Chicago. For his next trick.......
Supermax wagon for him next time.
Not a copper but goddam do I love copper humor. As funny a comment thread as can remember.
Stay safe CPD, I need to keep LOLing from going completely ClownWorld crazy.
Bond who needs a bond, we don't need no stinking I bond.
DYI release, time off for great behavior. Transport time served, I am out of here.
"Prisoner" is such a strong word. Maybe we should change it to something kinder and gentler, like "guest" or "client" or something.
And why can't they just let themselves out, like "Otis the Drunk" on the Andy Griffith Show?
Oh, wait. "Drunk" is kind of a pejorative word too...nevertheless...
rb
Fuck'n Houdini!!!!!
No personal I bond needed. Maybe their entitled to a award or patch these proud union workers.
For sure they are not police but Peace officers. Can't make this shit up.
Put those shackles on these creeps! No shackles no
transport! They are not your friends .
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