Platform Ideas

Since we won EXACTLY as many delegates as The Kackler won in her primary, we have recently announced our candidacy for President. 

And in an effort to pander to as many low-information disaffected democrats as possible, we've come up with a few ideas to further our candidacy:

• Pot in every chicken. This seems to be something a bunch of people want even though we consider chicken to be a pretty bland meal. Infusing every chicken with some of the Devil's Lettuce might make mealtime a lot more interesting;
• Voting for Life - and Beyond. We will take the time honored Chicago tradition and enact it into law - you can vote in up to twenty elections past the date of your earthly demise. Dems have been doing it for years already, we'll make it bipartisan;
• Secure the Border / Deport Illegals. It's a winning issue on both sides and as an added bonus, every deportee gets to take at least one democrat back with them to their third world $hithole. Bonus points if the demo-communist is a teacher.
• Politicians like to kiss babies - the Keesing Bandit likes to kees everyone. Our primary fundraiser will be a mobile Keesing Booth at various locations around the city, convention and Public Safety HQ.

We will also outlaw social media influencers, the Department of Education, the ATF, FBI and cut the EPA by two-thirds (keep out of our gas stoves, water heaters and automobiles.) 

Term limits for all politicians at all levels with a cap of twenty years in government. After that, you get a real job. Also, no pensions and anyone caught insider trading will be punished severely.

If you want an electric car, it has to be powered by a recharging bicycle you will pedal to fill the battery. Al Gore will be required to plant trees for the remainder of his life, on foot, with a garden trowel. This will offset his carbon hypocrisy and punish him for inventing the internet.

More suggestions can be posted in the comments.