Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Brokeback Fitz?

  • Cop shop: Thus spake U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald about the bodybuilding Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis, a former FBI chief, at a City Club of Chicago luncheon Thursday: "If Jody Weis were here, and he's not, you'd recognize him. He looks like he's wearing a bulletproof vest, even when he's not."
Wow. Get a room you two.

Did Fitz also mention J-Fed's pectoral muscles ripple like Lake Michigan after a spring storm? That his legs are like tree trunks standing firm against a Gulf hurricane? That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?

He should have.

Labels:

82 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do I think the Keesing Bandit will show up here?

5/26/2009 12:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my, the Keesing Bandit is going to have a field day with this one.

5/26/2009 12:38:00 AM  
Blogger Phil Schitz here said...

Ace Reporter Phil Schitz was at City Club during Fitz's speech. A lot of people shifted uncomfortably in their seats after he said that. Afterward, this reporter went home and took a shower.

5/26/2009 12:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SCC you also miss when Sneed writes about J-fed and Daley dining together at Rosebud and how they can turn the Cub game on when they leave!

BTW 12:31am post? Slacker!

5/26/2009 12:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How bout that his eyes can look in two different directions all at once?

5/26/2009 12:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Superintendand CORKY!! Franks and Beans!

5/26/2009 12:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fitz and J-Fed are the new "Butch Assidy And The Bundance Kid"

5/26/2009 12:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

are steroids a banned substance for CPD ?????

5/26/2009 12:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I tried renting that movie but when I got it home, the wrong dvd was in there. I ended up with "Bareback Mounting"!
Five Stars and two thumbs up!

5/26/2009 12:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jody Weis and Patrick Fitzgerald star in "Prances With Wolves".

5/26/2009 01:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bone-nanza!

5/26/2009 01:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Little Bathhouse On The Prairie

5/26/2009 01:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Legend Of The LONG RANGER

5/26/2009 01:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quickly Down Under

5/26/2009 01:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How The West Was Hung

5/26/2009 01:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Magnificent Seven Inches
or
Very Raw Hide

5/26/2009 01:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He Wore A Yellow Ribbon

5/26/2009 01:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald has voiced his approval of a same sex marriage bill in Illinois.
A beaming Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis, stood behind him at the news conference, smiling, eyes fluttering, as a blushing Fitzgerald reached around and gave him an up and down motion thumbs up. Rrters sh

5/26/2009 01:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In other news, the wives of U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald and Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis, a former FBI chief, have both filed for divorce.

5/26/2009 01:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Harrison Lifer said...

"That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?"

***********************************

How about some phrases of self-declaration and/or scripted-by-Shortshanks one-liners scripted horizontally across that vast expanse of a forehead? Suggestions as follows:

"I'm a $1,000,000 Puppet"

"Daley's Million Dollar Distraction"

"2009 - The Year Of Results"

"I Got Your Backs"

"There's No Morale Problem"

"Merit Promotions Will Be Transparent"

"We Have 13,000-plus Sworn Personnel"

"I Had No Part In Having Officer Cozzi Indicted"

Just a few that immediately came to mind...

5/26/2009 01:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watch it J-Fed. If Fitz gets his hands on you he's gonna climb you like a tree.

5/26/2009 01:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"If Jody Weis were here, and he's not, he's still in bed..."

5/26/2009 01:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fitz Joke: What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

JFed Joke: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

5/26/2009 01:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jake Gyllenhaal was asked about Fitz' comments.
He said, "Gross."

5/26/2009 01:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This explains the upside down tattoo on Jody's forehead, "Courtesy Parking, U.S. Atty"

5/26/2009 01:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought I saw those two holding hands at the Cubs game last week!

5/26/2009 01:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

J-well fed, can I get a little "Time On The END?"

5/26/2009 01:55:00 AM  
Anonymous John Belushi's SNL Skit said...

Is U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald trying to say da WEISel is "a manly man who does manly things in manly ways"?

Perhaps the dynamic duo should sail across Lake Michigan to Saugatuck together on the "Raging Queen".

5/26/2009 02:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Westside, Inside Do-Nothing said...

Did Fitz also mention J-Fed's pectoral muscles ripple like Lake Michigan after a spring storm? That his legs are like tree trunks standing firm against a Gulf hurricane? That J-Fed's forehead looks like a empty billboard looking for an advertisement?

---------------------------------

Reliable sources have confirmed that the Keesing Bandit has been spanking it non-stop to the mental images he conjured-up after reading the aforementioned descriptions of J-Fed's physique.

Not to mention that "America's Favorite Pastime" is now also the KB's favorite pastime; it seems "Pujols" has a certain frequent contributor absolutely smitten.

5/26/2009 02:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Jerry Seinfeld said...

"Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

5/26/2009 02:26:00 AM  
Blogger 12GA. said...

Did he mention the reason he [Fitz] still has his job is that he's been bought and paid for?

That said, it also shouldn't be too surprising to see him stick up for a fellow Fed.

5/26/2009 02:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, SCC, when I read that 'quote' from Fitz in the Sneed column a couple of days ago, I thought I was alone in thinking that it was the silliest thing Fitz has ever been quoted as saying in public, and that it was about the most worthless piece of tripe Sneed herself had ever sent to print in her column.
It's good to know I wasn't alone in my assessment.
On the other hand, seeing what a dismal job Weis has done in his short time here, I guess people have to dig deep (VERY deep) to say anything positive about our overwhelmed leader.

5/26/2009 06:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa!

Too much info. I havn't had breakfast yet.

5/26/2009 06:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i smell a bro-mance in the making. or a village people band reunion in the works.

5/26/2009 07:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Hot Pursuit said...

He might be all that Fitz, but he's clueless on running the department let alone work on the street.

But he does know who to bow down to, or is that bendover for...?

5/26/2009 07:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO

5/26/2009 08:03:00 AM  
Anonymous AIRPLANE 1 said...

Perhaps they can watch SPARTACUS together...

5/26/2009 08:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did Fitz also mention J-Pud's:

* rock hard codpiece?

* steely Terminator-like jawline?

* WEISal-like beady eyes?

* ear and nasal hair billowing in the breeze like the wisping branches of a weeping willow tree?

.

5/26/2009 08:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said:

"He looks like he's wearing a bulletproof vest, even when he's not."

((((((((((((((((((( * )))))))))))))))))))


He also looks like he's wearing a riot helmet under a toupee, even when he's not.

5/26/2009 08:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that he can actually view two people standing on opposite sides of him and the same time with those eagle eyes, or should I say "Snake Eyes."

5/26/2009 08:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scc,

What the fuck was the point of this post? Get a grip.

5/26/2009 09:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about that his eyes, their shape and close proximity to one another bring the sound of the banjos from Deliverance?

"da-da-dum-da-dum-da-dum-da-dummmmmm...."

5/26/2009 09:28:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...or that his sphincter muscle puckers near Daley (daily) but no worry, shortshanks will ream him a new one in equal time.

5/26/2009 09:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO Keesing you there?

tried renting that movie but when I got it home, the wrong dvd was in there. I ended up with "Bareback Mounting"!
Five Stars and two thumbs up!

Thumbs up where?!?!?

5/26/2009 09:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't ask, don't tell

5/26/2009 09:35:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

too funny

5/26/2009 09:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is getting kind of mean.

5/26/2009 10:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Easy with the "SNAKE EYES" term. That nickname was always reserved for the all-mighty chief Dougan.

5/26/2009 10:44:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"FITZY" as his friends refer to him as, has always admired men of short stature. Hence, Shortshanks who he refuses to look into all his corrupted dealings. Once again the "Inside man" for the Feebs remains at untouchable.

5/26/2009 10:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He is a really good BANJO PLAYER 2

5/26/2009 10:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey Fitz,
time for you and Jody to head for the "Ponderosa" with the rest of the boys. Hop-Sing is preparing your bunkhouse now.. Time to rest up and then you 2 can go ride the range.

5/26/2009 11:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Under,Over,Dunn said...

Jody did u ever see a grown man naked...

5/26/2009 12:55:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

J-Rat still looks like the banjo playing boy from the movie Deliverance.....

5/26/2009 01:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lets not forget he's a manly 5'5" tall and has the brain size of a pea pod.

Keep those sst missions going, their are such a success. Notttt!

5/26/2009 03:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do you think jody oils up when going out with fitz

5/26/2009 03:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who names their male son Jody?
Good Lord.

5/26/2009 04:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

His head alone is a turn off.

5/26/2009 04:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jodi, good to see you. Now go home and get your banjo!

5/26/2009 04:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was Big Jim Thompson around?

Hellooooooooo!

5/26/2009 04:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Hey fitzy, have you ever seen a grown man naked"

5/26/2009 04:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"do you like movies about gladiators"

5/26/2009 04:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"have you ever been to a turkish prison"

5/26/2009 04:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
are steroids a banned substance for CPD ?????

5/26/2009 12:58:00 AM


Yes, and the department tests for them in cases of 'roid rage. With cause of corse.

5/26/2009 05:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said:

"He looks like he's wearing a bulletproof vest, even when he's not."

((((((((((((((((((( * )))))))))))))))))))


He also looks like he's wearing a riot helmet under a toupee, even when he's not.

5/26/2009 08:32:00 AM


He sometimes looks like a police officer and he's not.

5/26/2009 05:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Say what you like about Fitzgerald but while Daley, Burke, Weiss and every other pissant ejit Chicago/Cook/Illinois/CPD/CFD official is getting ferried around town with drivers and security....Fitzgerald, who has actually f*ucked with the Outfit, crooked pols and every other piece of crap in this city, walks or grabs an L to work. I know this to be true because I see him all the time. That, my friend, is a man with some balls and someone who deserves some respect.

5/26/2009 05:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fitz also neglected to point out the fact that the Weisineanderthal has a forehead that looks like a drive-in theater! Unibrows are hot! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

5/26/2009 07:45:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does everyone think the "G" ( meaning US attorneys officer) is legit? Also, why do you think the FBI is legitimate?

Read about Whitey Bulger and how his minions used politicians to move FBI agents and influence judges. The best was the convicted murder FBI supervisor john Connelly who was moved to Boston when he was with the FBI, Do you know who moved him? a guy named McCormick and for all you youngsters, he was only the speaker of the house in washington.
It is not legit.

5/26/2009 08:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does anyone know that Jody Weis bares a striking resemblalance to Captain Caveman!!

5/26/2009 08:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still say that this prick did in fact play the banjo in Deliverence. There is NO doubt in my mind that they do look a like .

5/26/2009 09:23:00 PM  
Blogger OLD*6970 said...

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING...
I HOPE THERE'S MORE FUNNY
PEOPLE, I DON'T WANT TO STOP
LAUGHING, IT FEELS SO GOOD...:)
THANKS...

5/26/2009 09:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it wrong for a man to love another man? Beefcake, anyone?

5/26/2009 11:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Who names their male son Jody?
Good Lord.

5/26/2009 04:01:00 PM

http://www.misfittoys.net/tvtime/familyaffair/pdfamily.jpg

You can even dress him! And his sister!

5/26/2009 11:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The point of the post you ask? We all heard it and then said to ourselves, "Oh no he di-int!!!" Lighten up Amos, if a copper had said that he'd be in tears right now from the verbal brutalization of his fellow officers. Do you think his former co-workers don't have a blog going right now?

5/27/2009 02:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please. More. Make me laugh.

5/27/2009 02:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is just great that Daley's much lauded pick for superintendent has turned into a punch-line for the biggest joke ever played on the CPD.

In this one move, Daley has done more to destroy the CPD than anyone ever has before. It's his department, he broke it, now he can pay for it.

5/27/2009 06:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Both are the mayors bitches. Some idiot wrote he has balls because he rides the L.

5/27/2009 07:25:00 AM  
Blogger SCC said...

To the unpublished:

Grow some thicker skin...if you can.

We aren't in the business of outing people who are closeted.

The point was to make some fun of an obviously dumb quote by Fitz that was quoted in a newspaper by Sneed and then relating it to popular culture.

5/27/2009 09:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reminds of the joke about the Irish "alternative lifestylers" - Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

5/27/2009 09:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was down at 35th street today and saw jfed in person and holy fuck that fore head is huge. You could use it at grant park as a back movie screen.

5/27/2009 12:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it wrong for two men to share beef kabobs and wine spritzers while sitting naked in a hot tub...I think not.

5/27/2009 02:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room. His reputation is expanding faster than the universe. He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels. His blood smells like cologne. He is..............J-Fed
......The most interesting man in the world. Stay thirsty my friends!

5/27/2009 10:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm responding late to this post. All I can say is that J-Fed looks like Bevis on steriods. Although some may argue that he looks more like Butt-Head.

6/04/2009 08:35:00 PM  

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