J-Fed's New Year's Resolutions
Via our own little birdie network, someone was able to locate a paper entitled "My New Year's Resolutions - by Jody Weis" from an office wastebasket. This is truly an insight into the J-Fed mindset and it's kind of creepy:
- Buy a dog;
- Try to lose Masters at least twice a day (this guy is like a pimple on my ass!);
- Same for Ray Ray (two pimples!);
- See how much more shit I can make my "command staff" eat (24 days off without pay and not a single resignation yet - next year I'll make it 30! - no balls!)
- Attempt to grow a spine so I can stand on my own;
- Tell that short fucker to get stuffed as soon as the last check clears;
- Look up the word "insignificant" - I think I missed something there;
- Always remember, a scapegoat is as good as a solution.
There seem to be spaces for even more resolutions. This may have been a first draft. Anyone have any idea what the rest of the resolutions might be? Chime in in our comment section - keep it semi-clean.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:03 AM
43 Comments:
And get Lee-own palmed in!
Get some cosmetic surgery. See if they can do something about my head.
9. Get 42 Short (shanks) to give me another three year contract at $600,000.00
10. Pee in my pants if he does!
I can't keep it clean, so count me out of the comments.
BUY MYSELF A KNEW BANJO?????
Seek out the finest eye specialist and have my beaty eyes separated to appear as human as one can be!
Get a nice cushy job at the white house as director of homeland security because everyone knows I endorsed Obama while on duty and in full uniform in front of the news cameras and never got heat for it!
Quit wearing two left shoes
Why would you expect resignations from your illiterate command staff? Where could these morons make a healthy 100 grand a year. These people would barely qualify for waitresses and day laborers.
I promise to hire more ex federal agents for ANY available position within CPD.
yeah,heres one.oh,i fucked up and put an officer in prison after he already payed for a minor transgresion.guess i should'nt have done that.i'll try not to do that again.F R E E C O Z Z I.
ROFLMFAO...Oh God...I am thankful I wasn't drinking my morning coffee when I read this one....too funny. Thank you for the morning laugh SCC.
9 wean myself off of HGH.
Why would you expect resignations from your illiterate command staff? Where could these morons make a healthy 100 grand a year. These people would barely qualify for waitresses and day laborers.
1/02/2010 03:45:00 AM
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they could resign their gold star and go back to being captains and lieutenants. have you seen what lieutenant's are making lately in overtime because they're short 50 and shipping them all over creation?
there's a lieutenant in 011 who put together a chart showing how he makes more than a deputy chief and captains make even more than that and then he mailed it to the command staff. that's freaking funny.
Exempts are either ego driven or looking at those fat pensions. There is a problem though, there is not going to be a pension fund in 10 to 12 years. It will be broke.
old retired guy
New Year's Resolutions:
1. I will stop huffing my hair spray.
2. no more 'roid powder
3. (scratched out) no, no, doesn't work--
4. learn gang signals so I have rapport w/ mah task force.
5. tattoo w/ King Richard II--right cheek? other cheek? decide.
6. practice firm handshake (wipe hands first) while staring straight into the eyes of whoever I'm shaking with
7. send flowers more often
From cooter. Dont wear the police uniform,stop letting the FOP under the desk,buy new knee pads,get eyes fixed,buy catfood,and try to look like the real police.also move out of getto.
#10, try to make room for me and Leo Schmitz's ego to fit in the same room.
To expand my entourage to 20 dorks because i'm such a sissy and I cant drive around the safe streets of Chicago with one driver like every other superintendant!!
Play one of the "Jets" in the new Chicago musical "Sorry-ass Southside story"
Hang out with that Janet Napolitano, she could teach me a few things about speaking with the press.......
lt ja is the best
9. Remember Maters that my botox injections go in the forhead and steriod injections go in the buttox.
FREE WILLIAM COZZI
5. Attempt to grow a spine so I can stand on my own;
Why? He's got Daleys arm jammed so far up his ass, who needs a spine.
there's a lieutenant in 011 who put together a chart showing how he makes more than a deputy chief and captains make even more than that and then he mailed it to the command staff. that's freaking funny.
1/02/2010 07:06:00 AM
Funny: YES
A ltiile short-sighted: OH HELL YES!
You dont think ones of these sycopant exempts wont remember that little letter somewhere down the line?
"Try to crap RayRay's head out of my ass."
If your scared. Buy a dog.
Anonymous said...
Why would you expect resignations from your illiterate command staff? Where could these morons make a healthy 100 grand a year. These people would barely qualify for waitresses and day laborers.
1/02/2010 03:45:00 AM
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they could resign their gold star and go back to being captains and lieutenants. have you seen what lieutenant's are making lately in overtime because they're short 50 and shipping them all over creation?
there's a lieutenant in 011 who put together a chart showing how he makes more than a deputy chief and captains make even more than that and then he mailed it to the command staff. that's freaking funny.
1/02/2010 07:06:00 AM
true! And guys on burkes/daleys detail make more than a captain,+ he has (2) yep 2 commnaders for shortshanks!
j-fed wants to roll around in a squad for 8 hours all by himself and act like the "bad lieutenant"(x-rated) version.....
9. Look up the definition of "carpet bagger". I think that I missed something there (Or maybe everyone else has!)
How about resign since he said he would if the P.O's had no confidence in him. Guess what we still dont.
Take 2/3 less showers every day in your office. No shit! It's true! Recently J-fraud had to call in plumbers because he thought his roof was leaking. Turns out he told them he takes 4/5 showers each day. Seems the steam he generated permiated the bathroom roof and was dripping!
I guess you can't blame him for all the showers. After all he has to associate with a lot of ass kissing scumbags all day. MASTERS, MASTERS, MASTERS, MASTERS.
"I promise to practice my mantra every morning in the mirror-I am good enough, I am smart enough, and gosh darn-it, people like me!" I also look like a handsome devil in my Dress CPD Uniform and I deserve to wear it!
Give up on being a man, climb into the fetal position, and finally have a good cry. "Oh Jeebus, why do they hate me so???"
Get my bench up to 450 lbs. Squat 600 and become the Czar of the weight room. I got alot of chalk for X-mas so my hands won't slip.
To appear in a CPD hunk cops calender.
#9 - Continue to wear the CPD uniform.
#10 - Continue to ignore the rank and file every time I make an appearance in a district, instead directing an empty gaze at the floor upon the hasty retreat to my Ford Expedition. I promise to avert any eye contact which may be be misinterpreted as acknowledgement of the peons that are the backbone of the department, instead having my suckass driver direct a sheepish grin and uncomfortable shrug of his shoulders as a non-verbal explanation of my antisocial actions.
9. Public apology to Bill Cozzi and reinstate him with back pay.
10. Cyanide milk shakes thrice daily.
My New Years Resolution is to fuck over as many coppers as I can. SPARs, CRs, and terminations and I will wear the uniform while doing it. I will clean up this department in 2010.
Jody P. Weis
How about a real chief instead of a politician?
Check this out.
Yesterday: Milwaukee city council president calls for evaluation of police chase policy.
Today:
Police officers who pursued vehicles that killed three people in two separate crashes used proper judgment and followed department procedures, Milwaukee Police Chief Edward Flynn said Saturday.
In a statement released Saturday afternoon, Flynn blamed the deaths of three Milwaukee residents in their early 20s on "the reckless behavior of criminals" rather than improper actions by his department.
The choice of whether to pursue a suspect is at the discretion of officers "based on objective standards that balance the danger to the community represented by continuing to attempt to stop the vehicle versus the danger represented by the uncaptured fleeing person," Flynn said.
Flynn issued his statement a day after Common Council President Willie Hines called for a review of the department's chase procedures after the two fatal accidents in two days.
In his statement, Flynn said both accidents occurred "within minutes or even seconds" after the officers involved attempted to stop the vehicles.
Police have three suspects in custody in connection with the two crashes. The driver in the Thursday accident has been taken into custody as police search for other passengers who may have been in the fleeing vehicle at the time of the crash.
In addition, the 18-year-old driver of the stolen vehicle involved in the Friday crash is in custody facing two counts of homicide by intoxicated use of a motor vehicle, fleeing an officer and operating an automobile without the owner's consent. A 16-year-old passenger in the stolen vehicle has been referred to juvenile authorities, Flynn said.
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WTF? A chief with the stones to call out a poltician, call a criminal a criminal and promptly back his officers? You'd think that could only happen in a big city with a mayor who goes face to face with the thugs himself.
Start carrying my own piss. The other day I heard a copper say he wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.
JUSTICE said...
9. Public apology to Bill Cozzi and reinstate him with back pay.
10. Cyanide milk shakes thrice daily.
1/02/2010 06:36:00 PM
11. In a show of sincerity offer to trade places immediately with Officer Cozzi and to serve out the remainder of his sentence and to give him 100% salary plus benefits for life.
12. Drink the above mentioned milk shakes upon release.
Combine the WEISel's self-imposed regimen for cyanide milkshakes with mercuric acid enemas.
Absolutely brilliant! Increase the dosage.
I retired as a PO but I'd get an atty if they made me take 24 days AND deducted it from my pension regardless of rank. Especially because this is because they are allegedly broke and the city council crooks all got raises with that indicted Carouthers bastard still calling the shots and in charge of the police committee. I just threw up in my mouth. I wish I could french kiss j-fed right now.
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