Get Out Your Checklists
This article is from a few days ago. Here's the background:
- A South Side teenager allegedly shot and seriously wounded a video game buddy because he expressed no interest in joining a gang.
“I’m gonna do what I have to do,” Cook County prosecutors said River Williams proclaimed before shooting the 15-year-old victim six times in the chest, arms and legs.
“It’s over for you.”
The shooting occurred 27 November 2012. The offender was charged last week. But the interesting part to us is the last few sentences of the article. Read on:
- Marcus Morris said his son is a freshman at Harlan Community Academy High School.
Williams had to repeat the ninth grade because “he wouldn’t take his butt to school and was always getting in trouble,” Morris said in a telephone interview following his son’s bond hearing Friday.
Morris said his son was picked up for the shooting in December but then was released.
Although Morris described Williams as a good kid, he also said he and his friends are often “toting guns.”
When asked if his son was in gang, Morris said, “That’s not something I’d know about.”
Let's find our shooting template and see if this could have been predicted:
- offender's last name is not the same as "dad's" - Check!
- offender repeated a grade because "he wouldn't take his butt to school" - Check!
- offender described as a "good kid" - Check!
- "dad" knows the kid and his friends are "toting guns" - Check!
- sperm donor says offender gang ties isn't "something I'd know about" - Check!
But "dad" knew they carried guns? The crystal ball that we found in the trash at 35th Street after they cleaned out the Predictive Restaurant Seating Analysis Unit saw this one coming from miles away.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness