Thursday, January 09, 2020

Calling the Keesing Bandit

  • Are you a recent college graduate? Are you motivated to enter the job market? Can you drive a 27-foot-long hot dog on wheels?

    If the answer to those questions is "yes," "yes" and "I'll give it a shot!" (respectively), you’re exactly the type of candidate Oscar Mayer is looking for.

    The Chicago-based company is now officially accepting applications for its 2020 class of Wienermobile drivers -- aka “Hotdoggers” -- to drive the highways and byways of the United States, acting as a “brand spokesperson” for Oscar Mayer.

    “We’re eager to see who will cut the mustard in 2020 and travel the country on behalf of the Oscar Mayer brand,” said Matt Riezman, the associate director of Oscar Mayer, heard using a pun that Oscar Mayer employees almost certainly hear 10 times per shift.
The jokes write themselves, but you're welcome to try a few in the comment section.

Labels:

93 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I been hiding the hotdog for years! I’m beyond qualified!

1/09/2020 12:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All the trolley and double decker bus drivers are looking for work.
Or not.

1/09/2020 12:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wasn’t the “Weiner mobile” the nickname of our last Superintendent’s city vehicle?

1/09/2020 12:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The LT of unit 312 put in a EEOC beef because his legs can’t reach the Oscar Meyer wiener mobile petals.

1/09/2020 12:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Side cash for my 420 addiction

1/09/2020 12:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well hello....it's officially a sausage party!

1/09/2020 01:21:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Captain Escamerit is rumored to be calling the Hispanic political caucus to get their backing so he can drive around in one of those for some good public relations exposure. Lord knows he needs it.

Supposedly it's a toss up between him and Corky Calhoun's nephew. You know, the former cop that blew a male prisoner in custody at the hospital. Not sure what qualifications he believes he has to drive this magnificent automobile. Captain Escamerit Gets my vote!

1/09/2020 01:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

E-Mail Special Ed!!!
What a perfect ride for he and and his back-up, side piece to "fall asleep" in.

1/09/2020 01:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When SCC headlines a topic directly to a regular commenter, you know you’ve made it.

1/09/2020 01:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is a college degree required for driving around a Wienermobile?

1/09/2020 02:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1 thing you will learn in driving the wiener mobile is like driving any other car...you must keep BOTH hands on the FOOTLONG!!

1/09/2020 02:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is the wiener mobile "Stick Shift"?

1/09/2020 02:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The keesing bandit loves ball park franks way better than oscar mayer weiners, they plump up when you cook them.

1/09/2020 03:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an iconic part of the company, and for students of
business, an early example of 'Guerilla Marketing.'
Other examples: the Planter's Peanut Man and the
college kids driving around the inflatable can of Red Bull.
A consummate marketer, H.J. Heinz paid boys to drop
gold colored tags on the lower levels of the Columbian
Exposition at the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago directing
patrons to his sample booth on the second floor. And
last but not least, Mr. Pemberton of Coca Cola fame
invented the world's first coupon: a slip of paper which
entitled the holder to a free serving of his iconic
refreshment wherever it was sold, no time limits, no
expiration date. This marketing tactic was first used
in the United States, then in other countries as Coke
expanded its presence. Truly ingenious.

1/09/2020 04:15:00 AM  
Blogger Return 2 Passion said...

Great !!Chicago Marriage Counseling Therapist
Best Marriage Counseling Therapist

1/09/2020 04:26:00 AM  
Blogger Was that a SPEEDBUMP?! said...

I’m sure he’s up for a long, hard day.

1/09/2020 04:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A job to relish

1/09/2020 04:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great job for former superintendent Johnson.

1/09/2020 04:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The very first Weinermobile was manufactured by the
General Body Company in Chicago, Illinois.

1/09/2020 05:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! That's a lot of beef *gulp*

1/09/2020 05:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a guy in city called Johnson that is eminently qualified for this position. Heard he recently available. Good fit as long as there is two seats in vehicle, one for him and one for his sausage handler.

1/09/2020 05:34:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I was a college grad. I would relish that job.

1/09/2020 05:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now this is a side job i would do

1/09/2020 06:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony Weiner probably needs a job-

1/09/2020 06:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mister SCC and all the people, Hi, its Missy people, the former parking guru from 0o1 district. I been busy with my "uncle Tom" Byrne. He cannot find a decent job and after all the years he gave to city working for low wages at park district, streets and san deptt and a few other jobs as the head honcho.
Me and uNcle Tom would lovE to tour out country. He is a small gUy and fits the original mister Oscar driving that big dwang and giving ot hot dogs gum to kids. I rEtired two from the department as a Loutentant at 0o1, for some reason the commander wOuld not let me on the StReet to lead parking writers. Mister Daley ort super dupper old mayor loved all the revenue I gave him to Spend.
Hister SCC, can u help me and "Uncle T0M' get the hot dog driver jub.?
Love U all, Ps_ I gained a few pounds afTER years of walkING Wabash street. Now up to 230, aNkles gave way too.
MiSSy retired and missed much fromwhat people tEll me.

1/09/2020 06:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Free parking in the rear

1/09/2020 06:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never sausage an opportunity before, but it's not the wurst it could be. No beefing about it, I heard the hardest part is parallel porking. Bun there, done that.

1/09/2020 06:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never thought I could make a living riding a wiener

1/09/2020 06:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heard Ed needs a job. Now Johnson can get his Johnson serviced while driving a Johnson!

tHe REal pOlIcE

1/09/2020 06:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Idiot millennials who take this job will be texting and driving. Watch!

1/09/2020 06:30:00 AM  
Blogger The Keesing Bandit said...

Not only can I cut the mustard, but I can really cut the cheese. By the way, if they don't plump when you cook them, what good are they?

Now, kees me you fool!!!!

1/09/2020 06:39:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why is a college degree required for driving around a Wienermobile?

1/09/2020 02:15:00 AM

So some illegal or quota college attendee has a job? Or they can read the street signs? Or they think they can outsmart LEO's (good luck with that idea... our blue are brilliant, unless ding dong merits)

1/09/2020 06:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I’ll be frank. I never sausage a thing.

1/09/2020 07:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



remember when they built a fence around it to keep it from being stolen.

1/09/2020 07:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT speaking of hiring, anyone else notice the uptick of additional ACTUAL Americans working in service jobs? (I.e., fewer illegals around?)

1/09/2020 07:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was at a grocery store a few years ago (think it was Marianos in Oak Lawn) when the Oscar Meyer weiner mobele was there. There was over a 100 people in line to see the inside and get free hot dogs. Brilliant marketing scheme, but I don't think they were giving out the little hot dog whistles like many years ago. NO I did not stand in the line.

1/09/2020 07:24:00 AM  
Blogger I Fart In Your General Direction said...

The Keesing Bandit has agreed under the conditions Oscar Mayer’s fleet management installs a mustard canon on the tip and 55 gallon balls where the mustard will be pumped from.

1/09/2020 07:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like driving wieners.

1/09/2020 07:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard fat head Ed already got the job. With multiple ex wives and many side pies he needs it. The company knows he's not qualified but they like the publicity.

1/09/2020 07:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would take the job but all that driving would hurt my buns

1/09/2020 08:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Escamerit not need apply. Apparently if the wiener gets put in on the inside it will have to be renamed the Katelyn Jenner Mobile.

1/09/2020 08:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And sometimes, the Weinermobile driving through Hubbard's Cave is just the Weinermobile driving through Hubbard's Cave.

1/09/2020 08:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three CPD commanders meet for lunch a restaurant. They’re each handed a menu and are seated.

Moments later at a table nearby, a family is served their food. The dad says to his family, "Let’s pray before we eat."

The dad begins, “Dear God...”

Immediately all three commanders turn and respond simultaneously, “Yes???”

1/09/2020 08:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are these the new detectives cars!?

1/09/2020 08:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No ketchup allowed.

1/09/2020 08:30:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christina Anderson is full of scams. You have no idea. Cronyism. Undermining Lightfoot. Ignoring Beck. Godsel just sits there.

1/09/2020 08:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you a recent college graduate? Are you motivated to enter the job market? Can you drive a 27-foot-long hot dog on wheels?

The rumor of the day is if the Keesing Bandit gets the gig he may change the name to the Beef n' Buns mobile, all secret sauces extra...

1/09/2020 08:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Weinermobile! Better keep Supernitendo's mobile Hoover Girl away from it.
Hey, is that a Weinermobile you're driving, or are you just glad to see me?
Don't push, don't crowd, ladies and gents! I've got plenty of Weiner for everybody!
(Thanks, I'll be here all week, and remember to tip your server).

1/09/2020 08:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember in the 70s drugs were being sold out of a Good Humor truck?
Just saying that a local entrepreneur could ...

1/09/2020 08:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went to five years of college and incurred six figures of student loan debt and the only job I can get is driving a wienermobile.

The parents should be so proud!

1/09/2020 08:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The best so far...
Anonymous said...

Wasn’t the “Weiner mobile” the nickname of our last Superintendent’s city vehicle?

1/09/2020 12:07:00 AM


Since that time, every time I see the brand name 'Johnson & Johnson' it reminds me of baseball... "A double header!"

1/09/2020 09:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Only if it has ketchup on it. Screw Chicago-style hot dogs and all that crap they put on them.

1/09/2020 09:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My baloney has a first name it's E-D-D-I-E 🎵

1/09/2020 09:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last night I saw it rolling down Halsted in Boystown, music blaring from it like an ice cream truck:

Wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
That is what I truly want to be
'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me

1/09/2020 09:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did Oscar Meyer buy fired Supt. Johnsons company car? His personal johnson mobile?

1/09/2020 09:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

EJ didn't apply , but will take the job if offered .
one condition , he brings his side chick as a passenger to relieve the stress of driving .
side chick will be snacking on his Weiner

1/09/2020 09:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking of weiners.....is merit sergeant JH still have her task force

1/09/2020 09:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I miss little Oscar

1/09/2020 09:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just think of all the sausage parties you can go to if you get that job Kissing Bandit.

1/09/2020 09:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All the cheating scandal lieutenants qualify.

1/09/2020 09:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


last but not least, Mr. Pemberton of Coca Cola fame
invented the world's first coupon: a slip of paper which
entitled the holder to a free serving of his iconic
refreshment wherever it was sold, no time limits, no
expiration date. This marketing tactic was first used
in the United States, then in other countries as Coke
expanded its presence. Truly ingenious.

1/09/2020 04:15:00 AM

It's like the drug dealers of today the first taste is free. Remember cocaine was an ingredient in Coke-a-cola

1/09/2020 10:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT: Dan Webb's request for 1-year of Juicy Smellit's gocs from Google is misdirection.

He knows it will get hung up in court --- he wants to delay the report until after the SA primary, to give Cabrini Kim her best ...shot. Clever old man makes Smellit the story and slows things down.

Conway, pay attention.

1/09/2020 10:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT I have an Oscar Meyer wiener mobile whistle from my childhood, early 60's.

1/09/2020 10:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear Lewin is looking for a job. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

1/09/2020 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Civilian CPD Devotee said...

Gosh...I should apply for the job! As a civilian who adores our Chicago Officers, I'd always give free weenies to the Police considering Chicago Officers are all gifted in the Weenie Department!!!

1/09/2020 10:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was turned down for the job. Wiener skills lacking. Told to maybe try at one of the sausage companies or even city hall.

1/09/2020 11:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can say Corkwy Calhoun's nephew blew tbis job. Hahaha

1/09/2020 11:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gives new meaning to riding the dog

1/09/2020 12:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Why is a college degree required for driving around a Wienermobile?

1/09/2020 02:15:00 AM

Racism!!!!

1/09/2020 12:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard the bandit removed the crystal ball from Charlie’s ...heard he attached it to the wiener mobile and was cruising up and down halsted.

1/09/2020 01:27:00 PM  
Blogger Vito said...

I knew the Bandit’s autograph would be in great demand some day!!

Vito

1/09/2020 01:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw Waller the other day, he was wearing his shoes on the wrong feet.

1/09/2020 02:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good job for a dick?

1/09/2020 02:20:00 PM  
Blogger Rich Rostrom said...

Just lately, I saw an episode of Jay's Chicago which had a very nice segment about the history of the Wienermobile.

Just A Civilian (who does not wish to be any kind of wiener)

1/09/2020 02:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Weinermobile drove down the street by my house back in the late 60's. The midget Little Oscar was throwing weiner-whistles out the window to all us kids.
A simpler time back then. If he did that now, Little Oscar would get the police called on him, accused of trying to scare children. It's a sign of the times.

1/09/2020 04:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oscar Mayer still has a Merit Program! I might cut the mustard based on all the buns I've kissed!

1/09/2020 05:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Collage degree needed because they assume that most candidates come from CPS background and a collage degree would at insure an 8th grade skill set. Maps are kind of hard to read.

1/09/2020 05:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ketchup on a hot dogs shows complete lack of class.

1/09/2020 05:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you please ketchup to me Let’s go.

1/09/2020 05:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw Waller the other day, he was wearing his shoes on the wrong feet.

1/09/2020 02:11:00 PM
Waller running the Dept,in over his head...beck here just to chop heads ,reorganize the shit piles ,left by previous CPD leaders

1/09/2020 05:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Does it pay more than VRI!!

1/09/2020 06:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well if the Keesing Bandit takes the job, I hope he doesn't blow it.

1/09/2020 07:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Only if it has ketchup on it. Screw Chicago-style hot dogs and all that crap they put on them.

1/09/2020 09:02:00 AM
.........................................

A true Chicago dog is mustard, onions, and sport peppers. Chicago style dogs and deep dish Chicago pizza are both gimmicks.

1/09/2020 07:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are they going to have the Oscar Meyer song on a loop? Maybe we can have our esteemed exempts drive around in them while on duty via a contract with the wiener company. Modern problems, my friends, require modern solutions

1/09/2020 07:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Juicy Smollet told interviewers that it's his dream job. He did his best to sell himself.

1/09/2020 08:02:00 PM  
Anonymous CppThis said...

I heard that, considering the risks inherent to operating these vehicles in rough neighborhoods, the Trojan company has offered to equip them with armored shells. After all, it's always a good idea to use protection.

1/09/2020 09:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has anyone seen the Harold’s Fried Chicken Cadillac lately? It used to be a fixture in Area One.

1/09/2020 10:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooooooo, it's so big!

1/09/2020 10:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Weiner whistles??? That’s good advertising in boys town... explains many promotions too.

1/09/2020 10:52:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Been told I do not drive the weiner too good, so I'll take a pass on the interview.

PO Veiner von Schlong

1/10/2020 12:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like you took up drinking also Missy!

1/12/2020 06:42:00 AM  
Blogger The Keesing Bandit said...

Who is the Kissing Bandit? If you like, I can show you the difference between a kiss and a kees.

Now, kees me you fool!!!!

1/12/2020 06:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Blogger The Keesing Bandit said...
Who is the Kissing Bandit? If you like, I can show you the difference between a kiss and a kees.

Now, kees me you fool!!!!


Sorry, autocorrect strikes again. But no kees for you.

1/12/2020 09:10:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Newer Posts.......................... ..........................Older Posts