Keesing Bandit's Lil Brother?
Last week, we figured it was Keesing who attempted to season a gentleman with spices and beat another with a sausage. Following strenuous denials and a DNA test, Keesing was cleared of any wrong doing (as a side note, the other alleged offender was set free also - no evidence. Rumor is an overzealous prosecutor thought the evidence was lunch). Now we get this from Nebraska:
- Beginning more than a year ago, some man has been skipping from one business to another at night, pressing his naked behind - sometimes his groin, sometimes both - on windows. Store owners, church workers and school janitors have had to wash lotion and petroleum jelly off the windows he selects.
"This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said police Chief Ben McBride.
Some residents of Valentine, a town of about 2,650 people, find some humor in the strange vandalism and have taken to calling the perpetrator the "Butt Bandit." But they also can't help but cringe when finding his marks.
Local authorities are not amused, but we're laughing.
Labels: we got nothing
posted by SCC at 12:01 AM
15 Comments:
It's Shavedlongcock, I can tell by the impressions that were left!
Can I collect the reward now?
Labels: we got nothing
Obviously, neither does he......
Retired in 2003.......and still enjoying the circus
Now that is funny! Could it be any realtion to luberman?
Nebraska should file the BAU 2 survey with the FBI at Quantico. We've had at least one butt bandit operating in my district for years.
DNA, pubic hair, seminal, penile and buttocks impression comparisons could well lead to the identification of one interstate serial perp.
Also contact John Walsh and AMW.
I have left a few facial make-up impressions on a few strangers' pillows in my life but to leave a manhood impression against a window? Now that is what us ladies call window shopping, if you get my drift!
haha the butt bandit....I want that to be my name!
Someone do a buccal and anal swab on J-Fed..Get Sgt Stripper to volunteer,she will do the swabbings..
Do you think the "butt bandit" and the "ass goblin" are one in the same?
Could this really all be the work of the"keesing bandit"?
You're laughing because you don't have to clean off lotion and petroleum jelly. But someday I'll find your house.
The Keesing Bandit says---
Again, I must declare that it is not me doing those things.
However, I am still willing to learn.
Now, kees me you fool!!!
New technology has just provided the FBI's BAU 2 with ABIS--Automated Buttocks Identification System.
The sheriff of Cherry County, Nebraska needs only obtain the buttocks impressions of all male residents of that profile for purposes of comparison.
However, he'd be well-advised to also obtain the impressions of all nubile, callipygian females. Several of our profilers believe it's actually a young woman Cornhusker now attending school in Lincoln.
It would be funny if the guy was a clinically diagnosed sleepwalker and had no idea what he was doing.
If this happened anywhere on North Halsted it wouldn't be news at all.
Too Many Dummies said...
You're laughing because you don't have to clean off lotion and petroleum jelly. But someday I'll find your house.
9/15/2008 05:58:00 AM
The poor guys from A&R cleaning crew clean that stuff everyday at the 5th floor on 35th street, and also stragely on the 5th floor at shity hall! HMM! Both on the fifth floors any signifcance?
Like fingerprints, anal pucker prints are unique to an individual.
A visionary CPD should initiate a mandatory national asshole database. Shortshanks and local Democratic politicians should be the first contributors.
RE
Anonymous said...
It's Shavedlongcock, I can tell by the impressions that were left!
Can I collect the reward now?
9/15/2008 12:20:00 AM
How big was that window?????????
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