Missed It By --><-- That Much

Downtown Ernie Brown wanted zeros across the board and he sent this letter to all the Deputy Chiefs telling them so:

• The weekend weather is expected to be warm. In light of that fact each of you should communicate very closely with your respective commanders and ensure that all avaialble intelligence is considered iin your weekend deployments. In those areas where there have been historic and chronic problems lock down those locations. Ensure that the troops are aggressive while being courteous and professional. Our goal for this weekend is to log no NEW homicides or aggravated batteries. In order to achieve that goal we must all be fully engaged with our troops, the citizens, the street and the intelligence information. We must also ensure that our commanders our engaged at the same level. It will be a proud moment to walk into your respective buildings on Monday morning and know that the magic number of ZERO (0) was achieved…..I look forward to us achieving that goal…….be safe and thank you all!!
  

Seeing as how the zero was not achieved, we expect to see each and every Deputy Chief arriving for work today dressed in ceremonial white shirts with their heads shaved. In the lobby of their respective commands, they will spread a sheet on the floor and ritually disembowel themselves before being beheaded by their drivers. Each head will be placed upon a viewing spike and transported to HQ for presentation to Ernie Brown who will then commit his own seppuku by throwing himself under a bus.

Wait a minute...what are we saying? This assumes that anyone in a command position has any sense of honor at all.

(Please note, we assume the letter was translated from the original Klingon into something resembling English).