Introducing Nutraloaf
Discipline through food. Or not-quite-food:
- Inmates at Cook County Jail are allowed three privileges: television, books, and food. The staff has no compunction about denying its most difficult residents either of the first two, but under the Constitution, correctional facilities can’t withhold food. Nothing in the Eighth Amendment, however, says the food has to taste good. “This is not the Four Seasons,” says Tom Dart, the Cook County sheriff. “Inmates who are injuring people in jail will get their nutritional needs met, but we will not cater to their culinary desires.”
Nutraloaf, a thick orange lump of spite with the density and taste of a dumbbell, could only be the object of Beelzebub’s culinary desires. Packed with protein, fat, carbohydrates, and 1,110 calories, Nutraloaf contains everything from carrots and cabbage to kidney beans and potatoes, plus shadowy ingredients such as “dairy blend” and “mechanically separated poultry.” You purée everything into a paste, shape it into a loaf, and bake it for 50 to 70 minutes at 375 degrees. Eat two a day and, boom, all your daily nutrients, right there.
Aside from over-salting to introduce hypertension or over-sweetening to induce diabetes, this sounds like a happy medium. We almost feel like voting for Dart...if only he didn't have those ward connections to the Chicago Machine.
Labels: county
posted by SCC at 12:01 AM
39 Comments:
Did Joe Arpaio invent this?
I like this idea. Finally, something that makes me look forward to putting the urban animal in jail.
Dart is connected to the 19th ward in at best a minimal way. Until he went to work for Sheehan, he was on the outs. They didn't back his election or reelection to S'field, & he knows they'll dump him 1st chance they get. He's a PR hound, but otherways pretty decent.
Get rid of LINK with Nutraloaf!!!
Replacing LINK:
...:::Marketing announcer:::...
"Enjoy regular Nutraloaf or our NEW and EXCITING flavors-
BBQ-flavored Nutraloaf, Teriyaki Nutraloaf, and Chimy Changa Nutraloaf"
Can't be worse than the MRE.
All prisons should serve this.
minimum? you must eat nutraloaf?
Wouldn't it be funny if the shitheads stop committing crimes, not because of fear of being sent to prison or the death penalty but because they don't like the Nutraloaf?
Funny as hell.........
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Can't be worse than the MRE.
9/06/2010 01:38:00 AM
Oh yes it can and it is. Don't let Dart fool you,this is just another one of his bullshit ways of getting his face before the camera's.
According to some correctional officers I have spoken with, it is a very effective deterrent to non compliant behavior. This stuff makes MREs (Meals rejected by everybody) look like gourmet fare.
Even the mutts in super max tend to comply when put on a diet of nutraloaf.
They should make it required protein purchase if you have a link card. I was behind a guy in line at the store and he bought all kind of chips and stuff on the link card and then 2 cases of beer in case. This system is fucked up.
Get rid of LINK with Nutraloaf!!!
Not ma lank...how will eyes go bowlin?
Oh, and you guys omitted a popular
flavor of Nutraloaf, Flaming Hot.
Try Taking A S--t, After Eating Something Like That.
Anonymous said...
Can't be worse than the MRE.
9/06/2010 01:38:00 AM
MREs are pretty good,they are in their XXXI(31) evalution.
TO WHOEVER POSTED THIS:
Replacing LINK:
...:::Marketing announcer:::...
"Enjoy regular Nutraloaf or our NEW and EXCITING flavors-
BBQ-flavored Nutraloaf, Teriyaki Nutraloaf, and Chimy Changa Nutraloaf"
LMAO!!!! BRILLIANT! thanks fo the chuckle:)
Oh boy isn’t Dart a hero; he does one thing right out of a million mistakes. This will have no affect whatsoever, not as long as they allow the prisoners to purchase food in the jail and cook it on make-shift stoves in their cells. Yes you read that right, the animals will burn a toilet paper roll under their steel bunk bed, thereby turning it into a hot plate and they cook such things as tacos on them. Dart doesn’t run a jail he runs a circus, he should be wearing a hot instead of a police cap.
"I keep saying, “ People shouldn’t live better in jail than they do on the outside.” Here in my jails, they don’t. The jails are austere but humane. Inmates get a little sunlight every day, some TV like the weather channel, Disney, food network and C-span. They get two meals and 2900 calories a day – the food isn’t great, that is true but it’s cheap (13 to 20 cents per meal) because we get a lot of free or near free food from various vendors and we send inmates to agricultural fields to glean produce in order to drive down the cost of food. And I started chain gangs. We have three - a male and a female chain gang (the only one in the country, maybe even the world) which go out daily to perform free labor to the cities around this valley. And we have a juvenile chain gang as part of the jailhouse school curriculum."
ARIZONA SHERIFF
JOE ARPAIO
Did he get that recipe from my wife?
This is something that some prisons especially down south have been doing for years. I think Toupee Tommy Dart got this idea from the show "Lockup" where they talked about the loaf and showed how to make it.
In any case, its long overdue for Cook County. Finally an idea I can support.
Special Management Meal
Yield - Three Loaves
• 6 slices whole wheat bread, finely chopped
• 4 ounces imitation cheddar cheese, finely grated
• 4 ounces raw carrots, finely grated
• 12 ounces spinach, canned, drained
• 2 cups dried Great Northern Beans, soaked,
cooked and drained
• 4 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 6 ounces potato flakes, dehydrated
• 6 ounces tomato paste
• 8 ounces powdered skim milk
• 4 ounces raisins
Mix all ingredients in a 12-quart mixing bowl. Make sure all wet items are drained. Mix until stiff, just moist enough to spread. Form three loaves in glazed bread pans. Place loaf pans in the oven on a sheet pan filled with water, to keep the bottom of the loaves from burning. Bake at 325 degrees in a convection oven for approximately 45 minutes. The loaf will start to pull away from the sides of the bread pan when done.
Dont be fooled. That shits made of people!
"Dart is connected to the 19th ward in at best a minimal way. Until he went to work for Sheehan, he was on the outs. They didn't back his election or reelection to S'field, & he knows they'll dump him 1st chance they get. He's a PR hound, but otherways pretty decent."
WRONG - Kemosabe!
Tommy is and always will be the puppet for Tom H former 19th ward committeman. Tom H. and shortshanks are shall we say, kinda close. If you want to tell lies at least try to make them a bit believeable. Too Tah Too Too Too
It's about time someone decides to make imprisonment the punishment it was meant to be.
Who said that prison life was supposed to be more than "3 hots and a cot"!
Prison is like a vacation for some of these animals. They have friends there, they gang bang, have sex with men, TV, 3 meals and a gym.
I heard one homeless animal say he looks forward to being in jail for the upcoming winter.
Great idea. Who cares if he's connected to the machine, we're not getting rid of it so we might as well have someone with half a wit working "for" us.
Try C-rations boxed in 1947 and served to those of us in the infantry in 1965 in the Nam. My favorite was ham and lima beans. You might want nutraloaf after eating that!
Dart for Mayor.
The sworn employees of the Cook County Sheriff's Office thanks you for your support.
That is all.
serve it to all of these jagoffs...no commissary privileges...no flamin hots & red pop....
If we over salt or sweeten the Nutraloaf to induce the "High Bloods" or "Sugar", then we will have to pay for reggie's meds.
I thought dem chokes was bad enuf!
"...the animals will burn a toilet paper roll under their steel bunk bed, thereby turning it into a hot plate and they cook such things as tacos on them."
--9/06/2010 10:07:00 AM
Not toilet paper rolls, but flattened plastic-coated half-pint milk cartons. High fuel value. Burn very long and hot, with eye-closing fumes and sooty black smoke. Burning plastics are the worst. Talk about a toxic atmosphere. Let's put it this way -- firemen wear air packs to avoid breathing stuff like this.
CCJ = Hell On Earth. Many are bad, some are just poor and unlucky -- innocent, even, but trapped for lack of bond money.
When this doesn't work they should go to Soylent Green.
"If we over salt or sweeten the Nutraloaf to induce the "High Bloods" or "Sugar", then we will have to pay for reggie's meds."
Salt? Sugar? neither at all. Not even some hot sauce. Let them enjoy the true natural flavors of the nutraloaf. I vote for Nutraloaf to be standard prison fare statewide, at least for violent offenders. That could be one of Darts slogans. Behave or get nutraloafed.
Nutraloaf my ass, It's Soylent Green. What do you think they did withy all the people in the projects...
Puppy Dog Dart just read about ths somewhere and doesn't want to be left out; this'll give him something to talk about over cocktails at the next "correctional convention" we fly him to.
The real bad ones in there don't have to eat much jail "food" anyway; they can always extort flamin'-hots and whim-whams from the weak, the frightened, or the retarded on commissary day -- make them pay "rent."
The gang members put in charge of food distribution take care of their own; some bangers get a delivery of five fresh, icy-cold bagged lunches every day. "Now, that's automatic. It's just automatic," they say. They'll eat the chips and cookies and let the rest spoil before they'll give it to anyone else who might be hungry.
Take some vicious seventeen-year-old who pistol-whips women, beats them to the ground for their purses -- you're not going to scare him with some kind of "loaf."
Get real.
hey, what if link cards were only good for purchasing 'Nutraloaf'?
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