Tuesday, September 27, 2016

The Onion

Great headline over at The Onion:
A whole lot of truth there - witness this weekend downtown.
  • Speaking with members of his staff in private Monday after receiving the most recent municipal crime statistics, Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel is said to have expressed his concern that the metropolitan area’s gun violence problem might soon spread to the parts of the city he actually gives a shit about, sources reported.

    “Listen, we’re at 3,000 shootings this year and counting—it’s only a matter of time before this violence migrates from the areas of the city I don’t give a fuck about into the areas that actually matter in my eyes,” the second-term mayor reportedly said, adding that it would be devastating to see such senseless shootings affect residents outside of the large swaths of Chicago he has written off entirely. “If we don’t do something soon to keep guns off the streets of those particular neighborhoods that I consider worthwhile, things could really spiral out of control. Enough is enough when it comes to the parts of this city that I choose to serve.”

    At press time, Emanuel was breathing a sigh of relief after learning that six Chicagoans killed overnight were shot dead in neighborhoods he couldn’t care less about.
Pretty much sums it up.

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32 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

He is right, the violence and killing is going to spread. It isn't going to be pretty either. Civilians need to get themselves a pistol or shotgun and start practicing.

9/27/2016 12:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know that it is meant as satire. But it sure sounds like Rahm will be looking for audio bug or the mind-reading device.

He can say whatever he wants about the violence problem. His actions (or lack of) show his real feelings.

9/27/2016 01:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know things are bad when reality and satire are indistinguishable.

9/27/2016 01:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pols and the race baiters won't give a shit about what happens to this nation, this state or to the population at large until what is wrong affects them personally. In this case concerning shootings, until the shootings touch them don't expect for the pols or race baiters to do anything but give lip service.

Arm yourselves. More and more police will be assigned to the crime ridden areas while leaving other areas of the city with a skeleton crew of cops. And where do you think the bad guys will go to commit some of their crimes? Where there aren't enough police to answer calls. It's coming, it's only a matter of time.

9/27/2016 01:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe some local reporter is moonlighting and sent the wrong story to the wrong editor. The CCIS (Clinton Computer Illiterate Syndrome) strikes again.

Coming up next, a doctor with a flashlight will explain City Hall's revenue and expenditure projections for FY2017 . . .

9/27/2016 05:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's already happening the shitheads know where there is no protection and they r on their way arm yourself people

9/27/2016 05:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"And where do you think the bad guys will go to commit some of their crimes? Where there aren't enough police to answer calls. It's coming, it's only a matter of time."

It's already here up in Wrigley/Lakeview/Lincoln Park. Thugs from the south side come up via the Red Line to terrorize, rob & beat the heavily taxed residents of these areas. We are sick of it and people are leaving.

9/27/2016 05:38:00 AM  
Blogger Mr. SouthSide said...

All satire is based on truth. This is the best example I have ever seen.

9/27/2016 06:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see it as an avalanche in slow motion. That snowflake hit the top of that mountain last year.

Now it's a snowball and it's starting to roll down that mountain.

I see it. Many coppers and people that are awake see it.

The everyday sheeple and triglypuffs don't see it.

SCC and many of us have been warning you for a long time. For many people it's instinctual and have left the city and the county.

That snowball is coming.

??? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ???

9/27/2016 07:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mayor Rahm at the city level and the President at the national level are to issue Executive Orders making looting no longer a crime but, "undocumented shopping", car theft, " unauthorized ride sharing". Why not decriminalized everything, bring on anarchy, collapse our current system and bring in the new utopia.

9/27/2016 08:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The funniest thing is that Rahm doesn't really give a shit about ANY part of the city.

9/27/2016 08:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's hard to make fun of Rahm when I feel the exact same way

9/27/2016 08:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Onion is a better news source than the Sun-Times or Tribune.

9/27/2016 08:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't care about these neighborhoods either!
Let them eat their young.

9/27/2016 08:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rahm has 718 in the ghoul pool, Lets go Chicago.

9/27/2016 08:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Offenders (burglars, thieves, etc) are like water. They will seek the path of least resistance.

9/27/2016 09:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Much in the way that there are ghost towns and abandoned cities throughout history and across the globe, people need to accept that American cities grow and shrink in the same way. Detroit and Baltimore have figured it out - don't artificially prop up areas of vast disinvestment and abandonment; demolish and allow the land to go fallow.

9/27/2016 09:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rahm'a a smart one. /sarcasm

9/27/2016 09:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, there really are people who don't understand satire. Maybe Malcom Gladwell was right?

Or maybe they don't care because they are bots programmed to post "arm yourself!" comments on blogs regardless of the post's content?

Either way they are dumb automatons...

9/27/2016 10:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've seen some real shitheads getting off the train at Harlem and heading north where there are relatively few businesses, no reason for them to be there........maybe we'll get a repeat of the real life Frogger when fuckhead ran onto the jfk after 016 interrupted the burglary he and his buddies were doing

9/27/2016 10:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish the Ghetto Warriors of the Softhead Hard Charger Elite would adopt that attitude.
Who really gives a crap when the thug gets killed or shoot at each other all day and night? The community is no help.
So why be on the receiving end of "Justice" when you catch joe with a gun?
If it's not your neighborhood, why get involved.
It's too bad when something happens in 016 there are few police available to respond quick enough to make a difference.
Our Ethics are about to be rewritten to satisfy the community and fault your intuitive actions.
You are not a paper airplane for Rahm Emanuels mentoring sham, more likely you're just a tattered plastic grocery bag (outlawed) blowing around aimlessly or flapping in the wind tangled on barbed wire fence of criminal justice reform.
Stay Fetal - Go with the Wind.

9/27/2016 10:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rahm will be back in Washington D.C. By next September .

9/27/2016 11:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, the Onion has it completely wrong! The war zones will always be shit holes despite the fact the the decent neighborhoods are being robbed of police. Crime is rising in places it never existed and "slow" districts are running in skeleton crews. The taxpayer is getting fucked.

9/27/2016 01:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT: Anyone that worked in 19 in the late 80s thru late 90s, especially south end cars, recall the tiny, old woman who lived in the CHA senior housing building at Wrightwood and Sheffield? She was usually found walking to the nearby 7-11 at all hours of the day and night...I cant recall her name, she was probably all of 5 feet tall, 100 pounds soaking wet, a very, very nice woman who always blessed each of us as we left. She could talk your ear off, probably just very lonely. I remember she was the victim of a street robbery; she was knocked to the ground and banged up pretty badly. I was talking to some of the old guys from the district not too long ago and while we all remembered her, no one knew what became of her. Can anyone fill us in?

9/27/2016 02:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It actually seems like the opposite is true. The city sends the bulk of its resources to the neighborhoods that no one should care about. They don't care about themselves. Why should anyone else give a fuck what happens to them? Yet most of our police and social services are wasted in these criminal communities. Those who contribute the least get the most service. The only neighborhood Rahm actually cares about is his, and he has his own personal security detail, so he doesn't really need to worry... unless he wanders off to talk to his college counselor at night or something. Rahm cares about votes, and he knows his votes come from these communities, so they get the services. Meanwhile, those of us paying taxes to support these freeloaders get nothing.

9/27/2016 02:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It actually seems like the opposite is true. The city sends the bulk of its resources to the neighborhoods that no one should care about. They don't care about themselves. Why should anyone else give a fuck what happens to them? Yet most of our police and social services are wasted in these criminal communities. Those who contribute the least get the most service. The only neighborhood Rahm actually cares about is his, and he has his own personal security detail, so he doesn't really need to worry... unless he wanders off to talk to his college counselor at night or something. Rahm cares about votes, and he knows his votes come from these communities, so they get the services. Meanwhile, those of us paying taxes to support these freeloaders get nothing.

9/27/2016 02:54:00 PM
True cannot protect his family even with that "elite lol" valet security detail! Why are they getting the pensions of commander and sergeants! Come on lappe and hauser fire stopped the gold braid pension rip off are you guys getting paid to keep it? highest rank is lieutenant for pension purposes on fire side,can we the retirees who gave you that money allowed to vote on this? got balls?

9/27/2016 04:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT: Anyone that worked in 19 in the late 80s thru late 90s, especially south end cars, recall the tiny, old woman who lived in the CHA senior housing building at Wrightwood and Sheffield? She was usually found walking to the nearby 7-11 at all hours of the day and night...I cant recall her name, she was probably all of 5 feet tall, 100 pounds soaking wet, a very, very nice woman who always blessed each of us as we left. She could talk your ear off, probably just very lonely. I remember she was the victim of a street robbery; she was knocked to the ground and banged up pretty badly. I was talking to some of the old guys from the district not too long ago and while we all remembered her, no one knew what became of her. Can anyone fill us in?

9/27/2016 02:01:00 PM

If she was a little old last in the 80s,there's a pretty good chance she's dead now. You're welcome.

9/27/2016 05:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep a 50 cal at your residence! You need to protect yourself in mindless Chicago.

9/27/2016 06:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The savage is Loose thru ought the city. If you love your family then buy a good dog cause you cant be home all the time and even when you are you have to sleep. A dog however will never sleep thru a savage breaking in.

9/27/2016 06:52:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I've seen some real shitheads getting off the train at Harlem and heading north where there are relatively few businesses, no reason for them to be there."

9/27/2016 10:11:00 AM

Not like they're morbid "Chicago Crime" guidebook thrill-seekers, coming up to sit in Gacy's old booth at Mr. K's.

So that leaves...

9/27/2016 08:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...Anyone that worked in 19 in the late 80s thru late 90s, especially south end cars, recall the tiny, old woman who lived in the CHA senior housing building..."
- was it a mult-merit biddy, retired or sent to the glue factory around 2007?

9/27/2016 09:43:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read article about people heads chopped off and people burned alive in MEXICO by the cartel.

Last few day i have noticed alot of crispy people? Head in Lagoons?

Is it me or people being shot by the bean in the head in Downtown?

Do people actually take the REDLINE train everyday?

Special Ed better figure something out a bunch of slow witted new Detectives and recruits taught not to arrest will not solve a DAMN thing.

Throw in a penny tax on each ounce of soda is like pissing on my cornflakes!

9/27/2016 11:14:00 PM  

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