Tuesday, October 09, 2018

Quick - Switch to Plan B!

All Units - Mission compromised - switch to "Plan B" IMMEDIATELY:
  • A kayaker fishing for salmon off Waukegan Harbor on Monday morning found an unexpected animal in the water — a 4-foot-long American alligator.

    Chicago resident David Castaneda had been paddling for about four hours when around 9:30 a.m. he saw something floating in the water, he said. Thinking it was a dead salmon, he went closer to check.

    Instead, he saw an alligator head, Castaneda said.

    “I went closer to see if it was real,” he said. “I was just in shock. I wasn’t sure if it was a real alligator or a toy.”

    Castaneda called 911 to report the alligator, and Waukegan’s Animal Control responded.

    The animal, which had its mouth taped shut, “was definitely on borrowed time,” said Rob Carmichael, curator for the Wildlife Discovery Center in Lake Forest, where the alligator is being taken.
Secret Agent "Bitey Half Finger Midget" should be assumed to have been tortured and may have revealed further information. All agents are to destroy existing records and assume primary safehouses are compromised. We'll be in touch.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

He is One less resident in Illinois about to move to Florida

10/09/2018 12:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fresh water or salt water alligator? mouth tap ed where is PETA when you need them?

10/09/2018 12:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cruel. I wonder how many days the gator was starving?

10/09/2018 01:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are they sure it wasn't Rahm slithering around in the water, sure looks like him.

10/09/2018 02:11:00 AM  
Blogger stash the polski guy said...

it was my gator. i was headed to lake forest to feed it to some local bears who found their defense.

just reliving the past. the mid eighties was a lot saner.

10/09/2018 04:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The owner should’ve dumped the gator into the Jackson Park or Garfield Park Lagoon. The reptile needs a midnight snack to stay healthy...

10/09/2018 05:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chalk this one up to getting back in sync with your inner sarcastic and silly nature.

A warm up for things to come.

Alligators in the sewers........

10/09/2018 06:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Global warming strikes again

10/09/2018 07:04:00 AM  
Blogger SpankDaddy said...

Kayaking is very dangerous to Americans. It's much safer for Canadians because they don't tip.

10/09/2018 07:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a horrible thing to do to a wild animal with relatively no predators and then to leave it out there helpless, tortured to see all you can eat but unable to eat anything :(

10/09/2018 07:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could have been worse, might have been made into shoes.

10/09/2018 08:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All alligators are fresh water. Crocodiles are brackish or salt water.

With its mouth taped shut it would have starved to death before the cold winter would kill it.

10/09/2018 09:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What an uneducated kayaker!
Fried gator tail is tastier than salmon.

10/09/2018 09:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are they sure it wasn't Rahm slithering around in the water, sure looks like him.

10/09/2018 02:11:00 AM

The gator was taller and had all his fingers.

10/09/2018 09:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Google, Chicago Cop Saves Chicken gets PETA Award.

10/09/2018 10:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The chicken has flown the coop. Repeat, the chicken has flown the coop.

10/09/2018 11:17:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure it wasn’t a cougar??

10/09/2018 11:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A chatty Democrat alligator gone bad?
I recall one that was pulled out of bed at 6 a.m in its jammies ten years ago. Has a friend called J.B.
Let’s see....
1) mouth taped shut.
2) found in a body of water.
3) left for dead.
All the markings are there. Times up.

A message sent to the Mayors Detail.
Ever wonder why you never see ex-Detail folk?
Besides wedding apparel, there’s also pit in the Ravenswood Manor basement.
Never go against the family.

10/09/2018 12:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People suck.

Who the fuck does this to an animal besides another animal?

People suck.

10/09/2018 01:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shame it’s mouth was tapped.
Just think of the fun it would be coming onto say, North av beach??

10/09/2018 01:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Rham is a snake not a powerful hunter said...

Re: Are they sure it wasn't Rahm slithering around in the water, sure looks like him

That was hilarious! But an alligator is a wise hunter that uses stealth, surprise and brute force to conquer its prey. Rham looks more like a lazy snake who slithers from prey to prey but is more like a vulture, foreging off the hard work of others. No skill, no class, no power, just another in the parasite class.

10/09/2018 02:11:00 AM

10/09/2018 01:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I could have I would have liked to cut the tape on its jaws and let it go on its way.

As long as there is only one it won't breed.

10/09/2018 04:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny of a story to comment on.

10/09/2018 07:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As long as there is only one it won't breed.

10/09/2018 04:40:00 PM

1. There is never only one.

2. Was it a pregnant she? Alligators have yet to gender fluid.

3. Sans taped jaw, Alvin Alligator, finding self far, far, far, from native environs, went searching. Upon discovering an inlet exit from the vast wasteland of endless, shoreless vistas, Alvin wearily ventured up the familiar path, sided by shore, and, met true love, eventually. But that, children, is a tail for another day......

10/10/2018 12:01:00 AM  

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