Tuesday, January 15, 2019

One Way to Downgrade Crime

  • NBC New York described a January 9, 2019, alleged home invasion suspect whom a resident had to shoot as an “unwanted house visitor.

    Breitbart News reported that the home invasion suspect was allegedly armed when he attempted to enter the home and the resident wrestled away his gun and shot him with it. The suspect, 29-year-old Terrence Coulanges, died after being transported to a hospital.
It was only a matter of time:
  • illegal alien = undocumented worker
  • drug dealer = unlicensed pharmacist
  • bank robbery = improper withdrawal
Add your own in the comments!

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44 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

minor illegal alien = dreamer

1/15/2019 12:07:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cook County Courthouse = Abortion of Justice Clinic

1/15/2019 12:18:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicago Media Reporter - Rahm Butt kisser

1/15/2019 12:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carjacker= Unlicensed rental agent?

1/15/2019 01:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Surprise sex.

1/15/2019 01:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carjacker = Undocumented, independent Uber Driver

Murderer = Undocumented Horseman of the Apocalypse

Arsonist = Undocumented illumination specialist

1/15/2019 01:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

reporter-terrorist, sorry that would be accurate...more like...reporter-reporter

1/15/2019 01:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't kill that "unwanted house visitor" - I prematurely afforded him the opportunity to release the water, carbon, and other trace elements he was containing while existing on the earth. It's all just semantics!

1/15/2019 02:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carjackers a.k.a forceful car borrowers

1/15/2019 03:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last name just rolls right off your tongue

1/15/2019 03:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Give the man the key to the city, just like how Superman use get it back in the day. Hopefully a gun shop gives him a voucher for a gun and range time too

1/15/2019 03:09:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The word criminal will be replaced by "Legally Challenged"

1/15/2019 04:13:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Makes more since than downgrading charges or dropping them just to insure you get a conviction. This whole state is F-up. Right is left and up is down.

1/15/2019 04:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rapist = Mystery Date
Is he a dream or a dud?

1/15/2019 05:28:00 AM  
Blogger SpankDaddy said...

It's like a Democrat. Sanity challenged.

1/15/2019 06:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unwanted house visitor hahahahaha that is fucking great. Someone get this writer a Pulitzer. The unwanted house visitor became an unwanted storage unit for the projectile fired from the fully automatic military style assault pistol. Fucking morons these people. At least it’s a good laugh. Unwanted house guest...classic haha

1/15/2019 06:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did an improper withdrawal once and it cost $400 a month until he was 18yrs old

1/15/2019 06:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chikago; People's and Folk's Democrapic Socialist Republik of Free Shit for the Entitled and Aggreived

1/15/2019 06:50:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay.

SCC sets the table:


illegal alien = undocumented worker

drug dealer = unlicensed pharmacist

bank robbery = improper withdrawal

+ armed home invader = uninvited visitor


The Challenge:

What forms will our 2019 vintage Orwellian newspeak take next?


Well, we have already seen:

Aborted fetus = excess tissue removal

Muggings = just funnings

Violent assault & battery = just clowning

Forced Rape = a little rough lovin'

Forced Rape w/deadly weapon = kinky sex

Sexual Assault while victim unconcious = surprise sex

Sexual Abuse of Minor = birds do it, bees do it, even edumacated fleas do it.....

Stalking = soft & sweet & slim & lovely, the girl from ipso facto goes strollin' and when she passes, each time she passes, oh well......

Forced Rape + Robbery = sexual and economical emergency

Indicted democrat = reelected pillar of community

DUI = uninhibited motorist

Theft by Deception = I shall gladly pay you Tuesday......

Theft by Deception of Senior Citizen = premature inheritance. (also: she/he won't notice.....)

Felonious Rape of Non Human Creature(s) = pre tenderizing the meat before grilling.

2nd Degree Murder = Doh!!

1st Degree Murder = Murphy's Law violation

Arson for Profit = cashing out waning investment (alternate: cashing out while the market is hot)

Arson for Profit w/ Fatalities = wrong place, wrong time, wrong landlord


Domestic Violence = dat bitch/punk had it comin'!!!!

Domestic Violence w/injuries = most accidents occur in the home.....

Child Abuse, various = spare the rod, spoil the child.....

Child/Elderly Neglect = cultural differences

Murder by Strangulation = flawed application of Heimlick/CPR/baby, it's cold outside.....

Mob beatings of random tourists = 21st century Whack-A-Mole

Strong Armed Robbery = Always Be Closing

Terrorist Bombing = celebrate diversity!!!! With a bang.

Rioting = letting off a little steam

Embezzlement = equal pay adjustment

Forgery = absentee ballot casting

Massive Election Fraud = ballot harvesting + democrats standard practices

Malfesceance = wat dat????


Cashing dead momma's SS checks = mommy sure does wuv snuggums.....


Enough?



1/15/2019 07:03:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CPD high ranking officers -- clouted ass lickers

1/15/2019 07:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shoplifter - uninvited inventory control specialist

1/15/2019 07:11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was trying to put holes in that guys jacket when I shot my gun. Not my fault he was in it.

1/15/2019 07:19:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thieving rotten politician = Chicago democ"RAT"

1/15/2019 07:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lots of improperly licensed pharmacists on west side corners.

1/15/2019 07:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Undocumented Fire Arm

Elevated Rate of Travel

Excessive Round Discharge Within the City Limits

Apple Picking Out of Season

Failure to RSVP to the Judge

1/15/2019 07:59:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gang banger=social athletic club member

1/15/2019 08:53:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is what the “millennials” want today.
Everybody has to share in the fault. Have to establish the ratio between victim and offender.

1/15/2019 09:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

journalist = propaganda officer
college professor = commissar of re-education
aclu = punk-ass sjw's
democrat = bolshevik
street gang = democrat fundraising org.
democrat voters = useful idiots
community organizers = truly useful idiots
crook county = crook county
city council = politburo

I could go on and on

1/15/2019 09:08:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

rapist = unauthorized weiner inserter

1/15/2019 09:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Tape now is "unauthorized penetration".

1/15/2019 09:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Felony Retail thief- no longer shoplifter, Seattle actually is calling them Needy no-money shoppers
Drinking beer on the public way- Dehydrated Needy citizen
Sleeping/defecating on the public way- Unhoused Needy tenant

Evidently Seattle is on the way to making all kinds of laws un-enforceable. Calling them "Need Based Crimes" so they won't be prosecuted anymore......how did we get to this in such a short time here in America??? Un-believable.......


1/15/2019 09:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

"Surprise sex."

1/15/2019 01:15:00 AM


>Grin!<

Good one!

Right up there with
"negotiable affections."

1/15/2019 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger belmopan said...

Independent Pharmacuitical Sales Rep

1/15/2019 10:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Murder = unsanctioned post-term abortion

1/15/2019 11:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meth lab drug dealers = chemistry enthusiasts

Carjackers = youth in possession of stolen property

Extortionist = Ed Burke

Cop Hating She-Man = Toni Preckwinkle



1/15/2019 01:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Homeless = House Free American

1/15/2019 01:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

"Surprise sex."

1/15/2019 01:15:00 AM

Heh...

...What you THOUGHT you saw, is in LOUD, colorful
and vivid disagreement with what you're getting.

"Uhhh... Ok... No... Wait! STAAAH-HAAAAHHPP!"

1/15/2019 02:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Progressive democrat= commie lite

1/15/2019 04:09:00 PM  
Blogger karnage said...

Robbery = Economic Imbalance Adjustment

1/15/2019 04:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Rapist = Mystery Date
Is he a dream or a dud?

1/15/2019 05:28:00 AM


Depending on the amount of itching/burning/scratching
in/around whichever orifice(s) the rape tool was inserted?

Lol... Mystery Date...

He got eye holes cut through the brim
of that sky-piece alà Secret Squirrel?

1/15/2019 05:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lock and load the revolt is coming sooner than later.

1/15/2019 07:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Democrat = Corruptocrat

1/16/2019 07:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carjacker = Unlicensed Valet Service
Gang banger = Community Organizer
Wylding Teens = Market Research Group
Armed Robber = Leveraged Taxation Agent
Burglar = Home Safety Evaluation Expert
Drug Dealer = Recreational Activity Counselor

1/16/2019 02:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don’t think putting Chicago in front of democ-rat was necessary.

1/19/2019 12:25:00 PM  

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