It's An Alligator Epidemic!
- Chicago police found an alligator, several guns and drugs Monday during a search of an Albany Park home on the Northwest Side.
Officers raided the home about 9:40 p.m. in the 4000 block of North Troy Street and found the 3-foot gator along with the guns and drugs, Chicago police said. A spokesman for the police department said officers were conducting a search warrant at the home but declined to say what the warrant was for.
The alligator was turned over to animal control, police said. No one is in custody as Area North detectives investigate.
Not only are the gators invading residences, they're bringing dope and guns with them.
Damn these poverty stricken illegal immigrants.
What we need around here is a wall.
Damn these poverty stricken illegal immigrants.
What we need around here is a wall.
Labels: sarcasm AND silliness
posted by SCC at 12:03 AM
42 Comments:
Attack reptiles for the dope stash.
You put the high value dope inside titanium EDC
capsules, wrap them in raw chicken, and Whamo,
the cops never think of drugs. Days later the troglodyte
either takes a shit or becomes expendable.
(seen several feet long pet snakes in middle class
neighborhoods sunning themselves on the hot
sidewalks during the summers; owner standing nearby)
ext thing you know they will be running for Mayor...
Florida strikes again!
Can anyone confirm this 'gator was on vacation here in Chicago by way of central Florida?
https://pics.me.me/live-breaking-news-alligator-with-ar-15-at-disney-16-35-lets-2844790.png
Tourist alligators... Nothing but leathery skin trouble!
Alligator Americans deserve a presumption of innocence like all Americans. Yes, they may be green and scaly, but they make the finest leather goods if given a fair chance. Most A-A are fine upstanding reptiles, not criminals and Alligator Americans just want to hatch their families in peace.
"What we need around here is a wall."
Last time we had a wall, some assholes put a music fest on the other side and a bunch of punks breached that wall to get in.
I like the concept however... Lets put a wall around an area. Fill the inside zone with alligators and spread the rumor there are hot new bands playing a fest inside.
Wait for the shit head crews to breach the wall and then it's GATOR TIME!
Gator Jam 2019. The hot new bite of the Second City.
Wait until Guglielmi starts to post pictures of gator handbags, belts and fancy loafers on the Twitter feed...
Alligator Americans aren't the big problem.
The big danger is the South American Crocodile. They are known for their vicious and violent attacks against humans. They are not endemic to North America, but like their fellow invasive species, they are causing all kinds of trouble in Miami. Be glad they are not in Chicago, yet.
The Department tries with genuine effort to improve the city...
https://twitter.com/Chicago_Police/status/1158725863334191104
THEN WHAT?
Fucking alligators show up and undermine the whole affair! Those reptiles know how to sabotage social progress.
The whole matter seems to me to be awfully cold blooded from those vicious Reptilia!
There is a sliver lining to any seeming dark cloud:
Alligator burgers popular in the US
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_mQt3Fhjo
EAT UP! Bon Appétit!
Better keep on top of the invasion. Otherwise,
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fgslRiP6Um8
Great... Chicago now has an alligator problem.
We already have to deal with the existing Foxx problem...
The alligator claimed it was attacked by two men wearing MAGA hats who put a noose around it's snout... The men also were hauling a 55 gallon drum of bleach at the time (as one does).
The gator was on it's cell phone with it's manager during the assault. Phone records should clear everything up. A report has been filed.
Neither Subway restaurant or the CTA subway would be reached for comment.
Hope Gator Bradley is happy now. Seems like his crew 8s expanding their turf.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Alligator Americans aren't the big problem.
The big danger is the South American Crocodile. They are known for their vicious and violent attacks against humans. They are not endemic to North America, but like their fellow invasive species, they are causing all kinds of trouble in Miami. Be glad they are not in Chicago, yet.
8/07/2019 01:43:00 AM
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Speciesist!!! How dare you hate on those poor innocent crocodiles?
You are obviously an Alligator-Supremacist!
If Groot devoted 1/10th of the resources to fighting crime as she did the alligator we might actually prevent a shooting in this shitty City.
The place is a swamp, what did you expect?
I like the the name EL CHOMPO due to his suspected activity in the narcotics business.
according to the slum times:
The alligator was turned over to animal control, police said. No one is in custody as Area North detectives investigate.
so no arrests and the gator is in custody.
crimesha fucks up again.
Rumor of the day is the gator copped to the guns and drugs and was I-bonded after a deal was struck with another bottom feeder from the ASA's office...
Gators, gators everywhere! What are we to do?
Now, kees me you fool!!!!
You guys are plucking GOLDEN this morning. Dog just stopped chasing a squirrel because I’m laughing so hard.
Stupid squirrel didn’t know the fence is racist but at least it’s not ableist as the god is too dumb she can jump the fence. It’s like the squirrel actually has empathy for the dog.
I’m getting a pet gator tho.....gonna lay it out in the yard with an Ak, a bag of weed and a couple of those titanium EDC capsules, whatever that is (interweb geek stuff I imagine) and just wait for the greenbacks to roll in, or the newsies to film it. Then Feed that gator til it’s big enough for shoes, belt, a nice holster and a bbq.
CWB cracked me up when they gave it a name:
http://www.cwbchicago.com/2019/08/el-chompo-cops-seize-drugs-gunand-3.html
El Chompo. Nice one guys.
We obviously need more restrictive alligator control laws. If we don't nip this in the bud, people will be going to Indiana and Wisconsin and bringing back military grade assault alligators. We need to form an Alligator Task Force (ATF) and give them plenty of Gatorade to get the job done.
No one is in custody?!?
saw a clip listed of a youtube video, some idiot shopping in a pet store with their "pet" alligator.
Put the gators between the fences at Lollapalooza. Kind of a moat. She who jumps over. Than again I don't have to outrun the gator, i just have to outrun you.
Well at least we won’t need very high walls. I don’t think they can jump very high.
Time to ban alligators...... oh wait, we’ve already done that.
Did they happen to find tony Montana hiding in a closet?? Criminal heroes.
Gonna see more and more allegitor copycats
Say what...The Dept of GoogledHeinie doesn’t have a photo to post ?
The CAPS Sgt could be in hot water over this but then it was long after standard CAPS hours of operation.
Hmmmm...three foot alligator.
Wonder where his other foot went to?
No arrests, Alligator Bob notified, not on scene.
Suspended pending further investigative leads.
Dope, guns, gangs - we got bigger problems on the horizon.
Then this story starts getting picked up on the social media and news wires, Gullible Grootie will order taller fences around the city to keep the reptiles out, remove all Shortshanks wide spaces iron fencing and have her people replace everything with chain link.
On the other side some will complain that they’re keeping that alligator in a cage, separated from its family.
LightLoafer paid out $34,000 for the last gator removal...CPD did this one for nothing.
Reckoning will come for this attempt to embarrass the sitting toad mayor.
When alligators are outlawed, only outlaws will have alligators.
Al E. Gator and his cousin Croc O. Dile are tearing up Shitcago.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The alligator claimed it was attacked by two men wearing MAGA hats who put a noose around it's snout... The men also were hauling a 55 gallon drum of bleach at the time (as one does).
The gator was on it's cell phone with it's manager during the assault. Phone records should clear everything up. A report has been filed.
Neither Subway restaurant or the CTA subway would be reached for comment.
8/07/2019 02:04:00 AM
Kimmie refused all charges.
“Restorative Justice” and shit.
As a cop whose wife owns a business, we are IMMEDIATELY posting a “no concealed alligator “ sticker right next to our CCL holders are always WELCOME sign.
Dat Alligator dint du nuffins!..He wuz just visiting his Grandmama!
No more alligator stories, please
Anonymous Anonymous said...
As a cop whose wife owns a business, we are IMMEDIATELY posting a “no concealed alligator “ sticker right next to our CCL holders are always WELCOME sign.
8/07/2019 01:26:00 P
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Please don't be a speciesist bigot. Alligator Americans deserve the same civil rights as every American Born Reptile. Don't discriminate against them just because they are green and scaly.
is there a waiting period or background check for alligators or crocodiles??
Owning allegitors is ILLEGAL in Illinois and in Chicago
It’s okay. It’s a sanctuary lagoon. Free checkups at the vet. Animal control stay out.
How racist to hire a white alligator specialist.
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