Your Replacements

Bring a lunch....going through Fata$$ might take a few hours.

Fun Week Ahead!

And just to make it more fun, keep this handy:

• Federal agencies make it easy to report the identity of someone who's in the US illegally, either online or over the phone. You're never required to identify yourself, but there are additional precautions you can take to ensure you're truly anonymous. This is especially important if you're reporting dangerous criminal activity and are worried about your safety, or the safety of your friends and family.
• Use the Homeland Security Investigations online tip form or call the ICE hotline at 866-347-2423 to report illegal immigrants to the US.
• Call 1-800-BE-ALERT to report illegal border crossings to US Customs and Border Protection (CBP).
• Contact local police if you have reason to believe the people who are undocumented are also violating state criminal law.

You can probably skip that last one. 

National Push to Kill SAFE-T

Restricting federal funding for states that support criminals? Sounds like what we voted for!

• Nearly two weeks after President Donald Trump issued executive orders directing the Justice Department to take steps toward eliminating cashless bail nationwide, Republican lawmakers are moving to codify those orders with new legislation.

  Sen. John Cornyn of Texas and Sen. Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee introduced two separate bills that would effectively punish states and cities with cashless bail laws by cutting off critical federal funding. The proposals, they argue, would “keep violent criminals off the streets” and restore public confidence in the justice system.

  Cornyn’s “Keep Violent Criminals Off Our Streets Act” would amend the Omnibus Crime Control and Safe Streets Act of 1968 to bar Edward Byrne Memorial Justice Assistance Grants from going to states or cities that restrict cash bail for certain offenses. Those grants are the leading source of federal criminal justice funding, supporting everything from police departments and drug treatment programs to mental health courts and crisis-intervention teams.

The odds of Conehead and Porkulous defending the wrong side of another 80-20 issue are nearly 100% at this point....because they're that stupid.

Turban Durbin Waffles

Even Dick "Turban" Durbin, who like to compare US troops to nazis says that federal troops "could make a difference" in Chicago:

• On Wednesday’s broadcast of “CNN News Central,” Senate Minority Whip Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) stated that the National Guard “certainly could” make a difference in Chicago, but federal involvement should be “in cooperation, with the initiative coming from the local officials asking for help.”

  Durbin said that putting the National Guard in Chicago “is an agenda to put troops on the ground for the mass deportation effort the president is trying to push through. That’s the real reason.”

Um, yeah. It's pesky 80-20 issue (closer to 73%-to-27%) that democrats are on the wrong side of. And if shit hits the fan, it'll be worse than that.

In the mean time, events are getting cancelled:

• El Grito Chicago, the city's official festival for Mexican Independence Day, has been postponed due to fears about immigration enforcement activity, officials announced Thursday.

  The festival was planned for Grant Park on Saturday, Sept. 13 and Sunday, Sept. 14.

  In a message posted to their social media, El Grito organizers wrote, "It was a painful decision, but holding El Grito Chicago at this time puts the safety of our community at stake – and that's a risk we are unwilling to take."

So they're admitting their community is here in violation of Federal Immigration Law? Amazing.

No word if the RDO cancellation Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon will be rescinded to save the associated overtime costs and if the exempt cancelling everyone else's day off will return from his planned vacation.

There might not even be enough ILLEGALS here to support the parade:

• Many Mexican nationals illegally living in Chicago are self-deporting even before President Donald Trump steps up enforcement in the Democrat-run city.

  “Hundreds of unauthorized immigrants and asylum-seekers in the Chicago area have turned to Julie Contreras, a Waukegan pastor and activist who runs the nonprofit United Giving Hope,” according to Crain’s Chicago Business. So far, “she has helped repatriate some 200 undocumented immigrants and asylum-seekers,” the report says.

  Foreign nationals are finding their incomes dwindling, customers for their shops and businesses thinning out, and family members worrying over the actions of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), Crain’s reported.

More likely than not, there won't be a single incident....unless the "progs," transtifa and Karens decide to back the criminal element. Again.

Treason? (UPDATE)

What do you call it when the City is in actual communication with people planning violence?

 So in the past few weeks, without any effort whatsoever, Trump has gotten democrats to:

• fight for ILLEGAL ALIENS over citizens;
• advocate for high crime in blue shithole cities;
• defend tranny school shooters;
• and after the drone strike in the Caribbean, support dope smugglers. 

If there are records of City officials' communications with these "progressive groups" planning violence, we might actually see Conehead perp-walked into federal custody. You know there probably isn't a single City phone in Chicago that doesn't have a wiretap on it at this point and emails exist forever.

UPDATE: a number of comments point out "sedition" is the appropriate charge. 

Is the penalty still Execution? (hey, if the lefties can go full retard, might as well play along) 

Dumb Article

The Slum Times is exposing it's commie roots again. They're all on board with the "militarization" and "troop takeover" bullshit that Conehead and Fata$$ are trying to sell. And yesterday they published this tripe about how the use of Federal troops has made things worse in the past.

How far in the past? We weren't even alive for a single one of the cited instances:

• 1812 - the Fort Dearborn massacre;
• 1919 - race riots
• 1894 - Pullman strike
• 1951 - race riots in Cicero
• 1968 - MLK assassination
• 1863 - pro-Confederacy media shutdown  
• 1877 - railroad strike 

These instances are supposed to what? Make us angry?

So what about these numbers?

 

A reader who is particularly adept at using an A.I. program to scrape data from the HeyJackass.com site came up with this table. These totals dwarf anything that the Slum Times cited from decades or centuries ago. Does that make anyone in power angry? Or embarrassed?

The Slum Times doesn't dare to interview some of the "Turn Chicago Red" people because they're black, they're sick of crime, and they're advocating for Trump to send actual help, not useless platitudes and money that only seems to make it into the pockets of the connected. 

By the way, Conehead is well on his way to topping the 9.5 digit midget's first term total over the next two years. But hey, crime is down!

Murder Capital Politics

The Contrarian once again, with a pointed critique of the democrat "elites" tone-deafness:

• It would be somewhat amusing to watch Governor J.B. Pritzker and Mayor Brandon “6.6 percent” Johnson mount a defense of their record on crime — if it weren’t so tragic. In fact, it is nauseating to watch these two poor excuses for men, one a billionaire governor who cosplays as a regular guy, the other a flailing mayor whose approval rating barely registers, standing shoulder to shoulder at a press conference telling Chicagoans with straight faces that everything is just fine on crime. They would have us believe that the city known across America as the “Murder Capital” is actually on the mend. They would have us believe that our own National Guard, our own troops, are a bigger threat to us than the super-predators who shed our blood daily.

  The trouble for them is that the facts, those stubborn things, aren’t on their side, and Donald Trump is on the side of the people of Chicago.

As usual, go read it all and marvel at the stupidity of Illinois pols....and Illinois voters who elect them. 

6 and 12? Hahahahaha

We predicted six dead, twelve wounded, naively supposing cool weather and the desire for the non-demonized to be fully involved in a weekend worth of homework and perchance, enjoying the "Bike the Drive" event, might keep the numbers down. Well, when SCC misses, we miss bigly!

There are still twenty-nine hours or so to go this holiday weekend and HeyJackass.com has the totals so far:

• six dead, thirty-seven wounded

Even the national media has noticed something is going on in Chicago:

• At least five people have been killed and 30 others injured in shootings across Chicago over Labor Day weekend, including a drive-by attack that left seven victims wounded late Saturday night, according to police.

  The violent holiday weekend came as President Donald Trump renewed threats to send federal agents and National Guard troops to Chicago over the objections of Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker and Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson.

  Trump on Saturday sent a warning to the Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker in a post on his social media platform, referencing recent crime in Chicago and saying Pritzker "better straighten it out, FAST, or we're coming!"

Oh, and there wasn't one "mass shooting." There were two....including one just a block or two away from Headquarters:

• Seven people were wounded in a shooting late Saturday night in Bronzeillve less than a mile away from Chicago Police headquarters on the South Side.

  Around 11:10 p.m., a group of people were standing in the 3500 block of South State Street when a vehicle drove by and someone inside opened fire, Chicago police said.

Can you believe that a governor in a blue state shithole with the homicide capital of the nation is turning down free help from the federal government? How much effort would it take to let the feds run around enforcing national laws regarding ILLEGAL ALIENS for two weeks (or even a full month) and then bask in the reflected glory of any reduction of crime? In the unlikely event that there is no measurable impact, then you can gloat and run for president. 

Conehead Panicking

Now he's making up "executive orders" which we aren't even sure are legal or authorized in the City Charter:

• Mayor Brandon Johnson signed an executive order Saturday afternoon aimed at holding federal law enforcement in the city to municipal rules on policing while also keeping tabs on new deployments and informing citizens of their rights.

  [...] The measure, signed Saturday afternoon in the mayor’s ceremonial office, says the Chicago Police Department would remain a city agency and requires federal law enforcement to abide by city laws on policing under threat of being taken to court. This includes barring officers from hiding their identities with masks, wearing active body cameras during engagements, and displaying identifying information such as badges and uniforms, and also stating CPD will not work with federal or military units in the city.

Um....supremacy clause anyone? Federal officials aren't bound by local rules.

This is why we're 100% certain that there isn't a single non-DEI lawyers working at Corp Counsel, because they probably would have pointed this out. Aldercreature Ray Lopez agrees with us:

• ....Ald. Ray Lopez (15th) said it “wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on” in a social media post. 

Feds aren't going to wear body cameras either, no matter what Conehead thinks.

• “This executive order makes it emphatically clear this president is not going to come in and deputize our police department,” Johnson said. “We do not want to see tanks in our streets. We do not want families ripped apart. ... And I don’t take orders from the federal government.”

No one is sending tanks. The only road capable of handling a tank is most likely I-290 which was built to Federal/military specifications as part of the National Highway System....and quite frankly, having tanks on the Ike would only be an improvement. Crime would fall over 25% alone putting tanks there.

And you'll do what you're told Conehead.

The CTU had to chime in, proving once again why Chicago students can't do math, read or recite simple history:

• The Chicago Teachers Union also praised the move, saying, “we know that safety does not come from federal forces invading our city.”

Really? These idiots are teaching children history?

• 1957 - the Little Rock Nine escorted to Central High in Arkansas by federal forces in the face of democrat opposition;
• 1965 - MLK escorted from Selma to Montgomery by federal forces in the face of democrat opposition;
• 1967 - Detroit riots stopped by federal forces when democrat politicians stood by;
• 1968 - nationwide deployment by federal forces to put down riots following the assassination of MLK by a democrat;
• 1980 - Cuban boat lift into Florida, federal forces deployed when democrat governor Bob Graham couldn't manage the issue;
• 1992 - LA Riots stopped by federal forces in the face of democrat incompetence;

Seems the only time safety and peace are achieved in blue state/city shitholes is when federal forces arrive to clean up democrat messes.

Trump Wins Again

Gee, all it takes is a threat from Washington DC, and suddenly, enforcement of local laws and ordinances is a priority?

• Chicago police and city workers on Thursday conducted what Ald. Bill Conway (34th) described as a “large-scale clean up” of Fulton River District viaducts, some of which have long been trouble spots for open-air drug markets.

  In an email to residents, Conway said that the operation focused on the Halsted Street viaduct at Kinzie Street, as well as viaducts under Jefferson and Hubbard Streets.

  "At both sites, several individuals were apprehended for suspected drug dealing, numerous abandoned tents were removed, and both sites were thoroughly cleaned,” he wrote.

Remember, there are already Ordinances in place that forbid camping on streets, sidewalks, under viaducts, even in the parks, not to mention blocking foot traffic, cooking in open spaces, shitting in buckets in public, along with the usual drinking, dope dealing and begging....many of which haven't been enforced - AND HAVE BEEN FORBIDDEN FROM BEING ENFORCED - for years.

Pedestrians can't walk downtown without being accosted by the homeless and illegal beggars. Kids can't play in the parks without navigating "tent cities" and dodging needles and fentanyl zombies. The Fire Department is responding to out-of-control fires in these encampments at least weekly. The rat and bedbug infestations are rampant and as we mentioned, the buckets of human waste, piles of garbage and discarded gas cylinders make Chicago look and smell like a Third World shithole.

The fact that enforcement is suddenly on the table makes it obvious the polling numbers are massively supportive of what's coming in the next week or so.

"Flying Blind"

Not a good look for people supposedly in charge of stuff:

• Chicago Police Supt. Larry Snelling said Thursday communication will be key to keeping the peace if and when President Donald Trump sends the National Guard to patrol the streets of Chicago, but the top cop hasn’t used his department’s close relationship with the feds to learn their intentions in advance.

  During a virtual briefing that included Mayor Brandon Johnson and members of his senior leadership team, Snelling also stressed that his officers won’t assist U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents who attempt to conduct raids, nor will Chicago cops ask for the immigration status of crime victims or anyone seeking help.

  Instead of dispatching “our officers alone” to respond to reports of immigration enforcement, police supervisors will be dispatched to the scene of ICE enforcement actions to “assess the situation,” the superintendent said.

  If the supervisors determine that it’s “only immigration enforcement,” Snelling said, Chicago cops will “not be in those areas assisting in any way.” But they won’t be “obstructing federal agents” either, Snelling added.

We'd bet actual dollars that the DoJ people aren't telling Conehead or Larritorious diddly-shit because they know they'll just tell Fata$$ and the rent-a-mob people to "spontaneously" protest. 

Nothing like having your mayor and police chief out-of-the-information-loop. It's a real good look. It might even provoke....a panic attack! 

Bad Timing by Demonized Yutes

Democrats tell the Administration to stay out of Chicago. After all, "crime is down."

Just ignore this: 

• A Chicago man who was arrested late last month after allegedly running from police with a gun is now accused of robbing and carjacking a man with a machine gun just three weeks later.

  [...] Melvin was charged with unlawful possession of a weapon and released from custody the following day.

  Exactly 20 days later, around noon on August 20, Melvin resurfaced in Countryside. Armed with another gun, this one fitted with a switch to make it fully automatic.

And pay no attention to this:

• It may still be August, but business people across Chicago are already planning for the Christmas shopping season. Those business people include the city’s ever-present shoplifting mobs, who need to stock up on high-end merchandise that will later be sold at a discount online.

  One such team went on an inventory supply run Sunday evening on the Magnificent Mile, hauling away up to $100,000 in designer handbags that will almost certainly appear on apps and Facebook Marketplace within days.

  At about 6:55 p.m., around 10 people raided the Louis Vuitton store inside Nordstrom, 55 East Grand, according to witnesses and Chicago police. After scooping up the store’s handbag collection, the crew fled in two or three vehicles that were waiting outside. A couple of bystanders recorded the getaway.

  [...] An officer who responded to the scene reported a preliminary loss estimate of $100,000. 

And for God's sake, stop looking at this!

• A 17-year-old boy has been charged with viciously attacking three people in River North early Saturday morning, just hours before video of the assaults spread widely across social media.

  According to a Chicago police spokesperson, the victims—a 30-year-old man, a 31-year-old man, and a 35-year-old woman—told officers they were walking in the 700 block of North LaSalle around 3:54 a.m. when a group of strangers came up from behind. The offenders began punching and kicking the victims, then ran away, according to CPD.

  All three victims were transported to Northwestern Memorial Hospital in fair condition, police said.

  The attacks gained wide attention Monday after video surfaced online showing one of the victims lying unconscious on the sidewalk as two passersby rummaged through his pockets. One of the pocket-pickers appeared to be a security guard.

If you want to see the video, there's a copy oat this link here - it's pretty messy.

Countdown Begins

How long until Fata$$ bends the knee (and needs to be helped up with a crane)?

• President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday aimed at ending no-cash bail nationwide, but advocates in Illinois argue he cannot force the state to abandon its policies.

  Illinois became the first state to eliminate cash bail nearly two years ago, following a push from state legislators to right a system they argued was inherently unfair to poor defendants.

  The Trump administration is now threatening federal funding for cities and states, like Illinois, that have eliminated cash bail.

And in typical leftist fashion, the usual commies are using some outdated arguments to claim this can't be done:

• “The President of the United States cannot commandeer state and local policy by threatening to cut off funds and abandon the federal government’s responsibility to fund state and local government,” Ed Yohnka of ACLU Illinois said Monday. “That is not the way the system works.”

Actually, that's the way the systems works and has worked for years. The Federal Government forced states to comply with a national 55 MPH speed limit in the 70's with highway funds being withheld. We think we remember the same thing with the tobacco purchasing age to be raised from 18 to 21 a number of years ago. 

There are literally hundreds of other examples available. If you take Federal money, you follow Federal rules, and those rules depend on which party is in control at the time of issuance. It might be tied up in Court for a bit, but again, it's an 80-20 issue where voters will see that democrats are (again) favoring the criminal class over the working people.

Did They Even Read the Order?

So the President signed an Executive Order "banning the burning of the American flag."

OMG! It's fascism! The dictatorship is here! It's unconstitutional!

Did anyone actually read what was written?

• Trump emphasized that the Supreme Court, which protected flag burning under the First Amendment in the 1989 Texas v. Johnson case, has not ruled that burning the flag in a manner that can incite a riot or violence is constitutionally protected.

So, incitement to riot, which is already against the law, is the defining factor. And in fact, the E.O. acknowledges Freedom of Speech is still protected, so if you want to burn your own flag on your property, have at it!

But we'll predict that in short order, democrats and leftists will be burning every flag they can get their hands on....and once again, they're on the wrong side of a 80-20 or 70-30 issue with all the accompanying bad publicity.

UPDATE: As we were just reminded:

• Who was it again who was jailing American citizens for daring to burn rubber on "pride" flags painted on streets and crosswalks?

Oh yeah, that would be the "progressive" left. 

Get the Popcorn Ready!

 From the comments:

• Supe, Dana Omalley, Hein and Talley had to have an emergency meeting with the mayors chief of staff Saturday morning. Apparently trumps threat is starting to get real. They have to have a preliminary plan to give [t]o the mayor by Wednesday of how CPD will respond if the national guard is deployed, what cpds roll will be, how any federal arrests will potentially impact CPD and will cpd have to assist in any way if anyone is arrested for local and non federal charges etc etc. some are hinting this may happen in time for Mexican independence weekend. This will be a disaster.

Au contraire dear reader....this will not be a disaster. This will be entertainment of the highest order. 

We have contacts standing by at three different hospitals and a mole in Conehead's detail who have promised to let us know as soon as the motorcade diverts to Panic Attack Mode.

Here Come the Troops

Fata$$, Conehead, and all the usual suspects are up in arms about National Guardsmen being deployed in and around Chicago. They want a crisis to occur, something along the lines of Kent State back in 1970.

Here's the thing - the troops are (most likely) not going to be carrying live ammo and will probably going to be guarding federal property....that's it. No traffic stops, no checkpoints, merely freeing up more of those Officers (fbi, INS, Homeland Security, etc) already performing perfectly legal and authorized tasks.

• “The Department is a planning organization and is continuously working with other agency partners on plans to protect federal assets and personnel,” the spokesperson said in an emailed statement. 

So what does this mean?

• Mayor Brandon Johnson, in a statement Sunday, said he is working closely with county and state officials to prepare for “any potential unconstitutional military deployments to Chicago.”

  “The Governor, the Cook County Board President, and I are in complete alignment: Chicago is not calling for a military occupation of our city. We are currently evaluating all of our legal options to protect the people of Chicago from unconstitutional federal overreach,” Johnson said. 

Meaning....what? You're going to deploy Tact teams in turtle gear against the feds? Or you're going to hide behind Corp Counsel, pretty much an office of bottom-of-the-barrel DEI hires who settle every lawsuit that comes there way rather than fight to save taxpayers money? That last two times we were in Federal Court, the City subcontracted out our representation to suburban law firms because someone didn't trust Corp Counsel to actually know what they were doing.

Like we've said before, the Administration wins either way, especially when the dems stake out a position opposite what nearly 80% of voters already want.

What Could Go Wrong?

Once again, making ILLEGAL ALIENS the priority over American citizens:

• In 2013, Illinois led the country as one of the first states to issue temporary visitor driver’s licenses to help drivers who passed road tests regardless of immigration status. The 2024 law allowed undocumented immigrants to receive standard IDs without the large purple mark stating not valid for identification.

  House Bill 3125 will allow anyone with a TVDL for at least two years to teach driving courses. Sponsors said this change will help expand the people eligible to become driving instructors without reducing qualifications for the job.

There weren't any Illinoisans looking for a job opportunity?

Oh well, we guess you get what you vote for. 

What's the worst that could happen? We mean, besides an illegal alien making an illegal u-turn across three lanes of traffic and killing a family of three....oh wait, that actually occurred in Florida this month.

Another Panic Attack Inbound

The entertainment value alone would be a wonder to behold:

• President Donald Trump Friday suggested that federal troops could be deployed to Chicago amid his efforts to crack down on crime, repeating a threat that both Gov. JB Pritzker and Mayor Brandon Johnson have said would be illegal.

  During a news conference Friday in the Oval Office, Trump said Chicago could be next to receive federal intervention, similar to Washington, D.C., where nearly 2,000 National Guard troops have been deployed to address what his administration has described as a surge in violent crime, even though D.C. officials say crime is falling in their city.

  “Chicago is a mess, you have an incompetent mayor, grossly incompetent, and we will straighten that one out next,” Trump said referring to Johnson. “That will be our next one after this, and it won’t even be tough.”

  In a statement Friday afternoon, Johnson said deploying federal troops to Chicago would be against the law and “undermine” the city’s progress in reducing crime.

"Progress" means under-reporting and misclassifying crime numbers. Yes, we're aware that shooting and homicide victims are down from recent highs. But property crimes and such are still out of control, and if you talk to citizens on the street, the perception is that crime and disorder are higher than what is considered "normal."

But this isn't the purpose of the Administration's statements and quite frankly, we're amazed the dumbocrats keep falling for it:

• this is an 80-20 issue - people want less crime, so they support efforts to stop crime, even if those efforts are nothing more than statements that have no chance of actually occurring; 
• Trump is on record supporting Law Enforcement efforts, he can actually do it in Washington DC by Law, the efforts are showing positive results, he gets good publicity;
• democrats in blue state shitholes make statements that are interpreted to the effect that they are supporting criminals over citizens who want less crime

And that's a bad look....which Conehead and Fata$$ are embracing.

It's Working

Bad news for democrats:

• The D.C. Police Union released new crime statistics on Monday, showing an 8% drop in overall crime in the nation’s capital following President Donald Trump’s announcement of a federal takeover of the Washington, D.C., police force last week.

  According to the union, which represents the Metropolitan Police Department’s 3,000 personnel, carjackings are down 83% since federal control was enacted, while robberies dropped 46%.

  Violent crime fell 22% in the seven days since federal law enforcement began patrolling D.C.’s streets, and car theft came down 21%. Assault with a deadly weapon and property crime are also each down 6%.

Those numbers cover seven days. Seven.

And democrats are screaming about it. If you watch the protest footage, it's all old white ex-hippies trying to recapture the heady days of the Sixties before they finally get involuntarily committed to retirement homes.

Guess who isn't protesting and are actually supporting the Law and Order efforts of the administration? 

Retirees Wanted

And the bonus money is impressive:

• Uncle Sam. Miami Vice. When it comes to recruiting new Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers, the Trump administration is getting creative.

  A social-media campaign launched late last month touted immigration enforcement as an opportunity for father-son bonding and to “deport illegals with your absolute boys,” a slang term for close friends. The Department of Homeland Security has invoked world-war-era imagery and touted 1990s Superman actor Dean Cain in an all-out blitz to persuade Americans they should join ICE’s ranks.

  The federal government also offered hefty incentives: up to $50,000 in signing bonuses and up to $60,000 in student loan forgiveness. No undergraduate degree is required. DHS also lifted the age cap for law-enforcement roles, opening a deportation officer position specifically for people over 40, and tried to woo back retired law-enforcement officials with a “return to mission” campaign.

  “America has been invaded by criminals and predators,” the agency says on its recruiting website. “We need YOU to get them out.”

No idea (yet) if you have to relocate or you can serve your time here, which would be hilarious seeing as how Conehead and Fata$$ have sworn to protect ILLEGAL ALIENS over citizens, but now you'd have Federal credentials. We imagine there will be a minimum time of service to qualify for the entire recruitment bonus.

So far, over 110,000 people have applied nationwide, many retired cops.