NOT a Turkey Leg

Thank goodness that urban legend has been surpassed:

• A shooting that left two men dead at a Roseland restaurant Monday afternoon stemmed from an argument over what kind of cheese was being put on a customer’s sandwich, according to Chicago police.

  A staffer at Momty’s Grill in the first block of East 111th Street began arguing with a customer “who was upset over the type of cheese put on his sandwich,” around 4:10 p.m., according to police reports obtained by the Chicago Sun-Times.

  The employee then called her son because she was upset that the customer was yelling at her, according to the report. When her son got there, as well as a “group of guys,” at least one person hit her son and chased him out of the restaurant, officials said.

  Moments later, gunfire erupted and responding officers found Dexter Williams and Monte Potts on the ground with multiple gunshot wounds, police said.

Cheese. On a sandwich. Two dead.

During our career, we were on the scenes of a number of homicides with strange motives, but never over cheese.

Hiring Freeze

From our spies at the Academy:

• Hey SCC
  
  
  New recruit class of 60 started last Friday… Academy personnel were informed they will be the last ones hired, until September. All new recruit hiring is suspended.
  
  
  Instructors were told in no uncertain terms that deployments this summer will be plentiful and to plan accordingly.
  
  
  Why the hiring freeze? New exams are being held May 30th and 31st and they scraped the bottom of the [...] barrel hiring criminals, non-English speakers, wide bodies and females… oh, yeah and some budgetary savings.

These kids aren't graduating before November and we expect they're going to be deployed in some capacity on-and-off every weekend this summer, probably in Districts at the Desk.

Anyone from Personnel have the retirement numbers for May/June/July?

Consent Decrees Ending

At least the actual Federal ones, not the one here:

• The Justice Department moved Wednesday to cancel settlements with Minneapolis and Louisville that called for an overhaul of their police departments following the killings of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor that became the catalyst for nationwide racial injustice protests in the summer of 2020.

  The Trump administration also announced it was retracting the findings of Justice Department investigations into six other police departments that the Biden administration had accused of civil rights violations.

  The moves represent a dramatic about-face for a department that under Democratic President Joe Biden had aggressively pushed for federal oversight of local police forces it accused of widespread abuses. The Trump administration accused previous Justice Department leadership of using flawed legal theories to judge police departments and pursuing costly and burdensome court-enforced settlements known as consent decrees to address alleged problems it argues are better dealt with at the local level.

The main purpose of a "consent decree" is a drive toward a national police force similar to what Europe has. It's what Sparklefarts wanted like all demo-commies and socialists do. 

The second purpose is to get a boatload of Federal dollars to set up goofy training via crooked contracts and defray the cost of equipment that state and local taxpayers would have to foot the bill for.

Of course, everyone bitching about the "militarization" of policing would be shocked at what an actual national police force looks like and how it would operate. The only upside for us would have been being able to bid to Hawaii for the last two years of our careers.

For the Minneapolis decree, Floyd died of a proven drug overdose. In Louisville, Taylor's boyfriend shot first and the ensuing chaos still hasn't been sorted out to anyone's satisfaction. Neither case appears to rise to the level of systemic dysfunction that would necessitate a massive spending of Federal dollars.

But don't expect any changes here. The CPD "consent decree" is purely an invention of political convenience.

They Knew - 100% They Knew

The Senate released another report concerning the clot-shot, and guess what? The "conspiracy theorists" were correct again:

• U.S. health officials knew about the risks of myocarditis from COVID-19 vaccines but downplayed the concern and delayed informing the public about the risks of taking the jab — that is according to a new Senate report released by Sen. Ron Johnson Wednesday.
  

So everyone who got bullied into the jab was (and most likely remains) at higher risk of heart damage. 

So where do these people go to get their health back? Whom do they sue, especially if they suffered an adverse effect? No one is ever going to be held responsible?

We need trials and imprisonment for these crimes.

Sparklefart X

Interesting presentation:

• Sean “Diddy” Combs’ trial revealed the alleged extent of the rapper’s drug habits on Tuesday, with his former assistant testifying that the ex-mogul preferred his ecstasy pills in the shape of President Barack Obama’s face.

  Combs is on trial for sex trafficking, racketeering, and transportation to engage in prostitution charges, and has been behind bars awaiting his days in court since last September.

What other presidential dope is out there? Or closely associated family members? We remember "Billy Beer" after the elder Carter brother. Was "Hunter Crack" ever a thing? 

Bad Idea Inbound

And the restrictions in place are going to make it next-to-useless:

• A sharply divided City Council committee on Tuesday voted to give the Chicago Police Department a powerful tool to disperse “teen takeovers” just in time for Memorial Day weekend — which typically marks the start of the traditional summer surge of violent crime.

"powerful tool" they say.

• Public Safety Committee Chair Brian Hopkins (2nd) muscled through the ordinance he revised and championed, empowering Chicago’s police superintendent to declare three-hour-long “snap curfews” anywhere in the city to disperse groups of 20 or more after 30 minutes’ warning.

  The final vote was 10-7, even after Mayor Brandon Johnson reiterated his opposition amid fear that the changes negotiated with the police department do not go far enough to prevent a costly court challenge.

Does this "snap curfew" have geographical limitations like the Gang Loitering Ordinance did? Sight and Sound was order back in the day after numerous court battles.

And thirty minutes warnings will just give the violators a chance to go mobile and reassemble somewhere else. CPD is going to be purely reactionary during this and the kids would be able to outmaneuver the current brain trust at 35th Street with ease, especially if you have this moron running things:

• If the full Council approves the ordinance, the police department’s Chief of Patrol Jon Hein has assured the Public Safety Committee that it will be enforced constitutionally, judiciously and only after assembled groups of young people ignore police orders to voluntarily disperse and after “children start attacking one another.”

Hey dumbass - if the "children" start attacking one another, they're battery offenders at the very least and subject to immediate arrest for Mob Action. 

But no one in the political arena is ever going to give that order. Hopefully, the "children" don't run into a Concealed Carrier during one of their wildings....but we can't say we wouldn't be amused if they did.

Meanwhile, the ACLU is salivating along with numerous connected law firms.

Panic Porn

You still don't hate the media enough.

Here's the headline of the Slum Times yesterday:

• New Trump vaccination policy limits access to COVID-19 shots - The Trump administration said Tuesday it will limit approval for seasonal COVID-19 shots to seniors and others at high risk pending more data on everyone else — raising questions about whether some people who want a vaccine this fall will be able to get one.

Oh no! Trump is limiting COVID shots for all the sheeple who want yet another useless clot shot!

Did you hear the actual story?

• FDA Pulls Recommendation for COVID Shots For Most Americans, Pulls Approval for Under 65s 

  Did you know that the FDA approval process for the COVID vaccines does not require that the shots be safe and effective?

  It doesn't, and never has. All that has been required is that the vaccines be proven to increase antibodies, which is a very low and atypical standard. 

  Vaccine approval for people over 65--those who face the greatest risk from COVID and who are most likely to have a favorable risk/reward profile--will remain the same as before, but for anybody under 65, the approval standard will be the more common and more stringent standard of proven clinical benefit.
  

See the difference? The FDA changed the guidelines and finally admits the vaccines were never judged to be "safe and effective" and that the data showed only the elderly and persons with significant comorbidities were ever in danger.

For this, the economy was shut down, businesses destroyed, families denied the opportunity to visit relatives, elderly persons dying alone, Civil Rights and bodily autonomy violated along with a massive spike in unexplained cardiac events among the healthy populations and emergence of so-called "turbo cancers" ravaging the young.

And the media continues to peddle the panic porn to the tiny brains still wearing masks in public.

This Inspires Confidence

We thought there were gates, bollards, barbed wire, tire-shredders and armed guards protecting the airport. Guess not:

• Another security scare hit O'Hare International Airport this weekend — this time involving a delivery driver who drove into unauthorized secured areas before someone caught on. His explanation might be a shock.

  Travelers at O'Hare are likely familiar with the sight of cars coming through to pick up and drop off passengers. Anyone caught stopping for too long is told to keep it moving. The tight ship run at pickup and drop-off makes what happened around noon Saturday highly confusing. A DoorDash driver drove through secured areas before someone realized he wasn't supposed to be there.

  A source told CBS News Chicago the delivery driver drove miles along the interior and restricted roads at O'Hare — potentially crossing runways — before someone spotted him from the air traffic control tower.

Hearing this just makes us wonder that there hasn't been an airport incursion by someone with motives more sinister than delivering a sandwich.

Lazy Media

How far the Slum Times has fallen:

• On Sunday, the Chicago Sun-Times published an advertorial summer reading list containing at least 10 fake books attributed to real authors, according to multiple reports on social media. The newspaper's uncredited "Summer reading list for 2025" supplement recommended titles including "Tidewater Dreams" by Isabel Allende and "The Last Algorithm" by Andy Weir—books that don't exist and were created out of thin air by an AI system.

  The creator of the list, Marco Buscaglia, confirmed to 404 Media that he used AI to generate the content. "I do use AI for background at times but always check out the material first. This time, I did not and I can't believe I missed it because it's so obvious. No excuses," Buscaglia said. "On me 100 percent and I'm completely embarrassed."

So instead of actually doing research, this mope gets A.I. to create a reading list of which ten of the fifteen titles were completely fabricated.

Par for the course actually. The media has been making up stories for decades now. The A.I. just lets them do it faster.

Conehead Deflects

When caught doing something stupid....or racist....accuse that the other guys of doing what you got caught doing:

• A defiant Mayor Brandon Johnson on Tuesday urged the U.S. Justice Department, which is now investigating his administration’s hiring practices, to launch a similar probe of what he said is the predominantly white administration of President Donald Trump.

  With “only one Black person in his administration” and a U.S. Education secretary in Linda McMahon whose “background is wrestling,” Johnson said it’s clear that Trump is “aligned with the ultra-rich,” and has assembled a “country club” administration dominated by white people at the expense of “marginalized” groups.

The current administration has far more diversity than "one black person." 

But a national administration should be reflective of the nation as a whole, and in that case, representation should be in the neighborhood of 13% black, 19% Hispanic, 6% Asian and 58% white. 

Or you could just hire the most qualified people....that might make sense.

Everyone is Still Leaving

Eighty-four percent of Illinois communities shrank since 2020:

• Small towns in Illinois are getting smaller, suffering the bulk of population loss since the last census.

  Of Illinois’ 1,294 communities, 924 of them with fewer than 10,000 residents lost people since the April 2020 U.S. Census. All told, 84% of Illinois communities lost people, according to data released May 15 by the U.S. Census Bureau.

Guess what stopped it from being worse?

• Virtually all the increase in population last year was likely because of the arrival of international migrants. More than 96,000 international migrants arrived in the Chicago metropolitan area last year and nearly 240,000 have come since April 2020.

And of course, these were the best and brightest. All skilled college graduates with jobs lined up, and....

Oh wait....

This is why Illinois lost a Congressional seat and is on track to lose another in 2030.

When Did the Lies Begin?

We are not the president. We never had the ambition or desire. But we've been over 50 for a while now, and although we don't have anything like the Walter Reed Medical Center available to us, we know enough to get screened for assorted ailments in our advancing years.

Assorted doctors (including Rahm's brother Zeke who thinks we ought to be exterminating the elderly) have stated on the record that there is no way a prostate cancer like Vegetable Joe has could advance from July 2024's "healthiest president EVER!" to Stage 4 terminal cancer in just a year. 

Prostate cancer doesn't work like that. It is just about the slowest cancer in existence and has a nearly 100% survival rate if caught with early screening....which should be routine after age 50. 

Which means this corrupt thief probably had cancer back in 2020 when he ran for office, probably was getting some form of treatment which may have aggravated his senility, had all sorts of side effects, etc, etc.

And the dem machine, along with the assistance of the bought-and-paid for media, concealed it all from the nation. 

So who was running the country? Who was making all the big decisions? Who was mandating vaccinations, shutting down the economy, blacklisting certain media outlets, restricting social media, spying on school boards, investigating church-goers, etc.?

If you even think about ever voting for a democrat again, you're truly a moron.

DoJ Investigation

Another great job there by Conehead, triggering a Department of Justice investigation into hiring practices. And Exhibit A, front-and-center, is going to be his own speech the other day:

• The US Department of Justice on Monday announced an investigation into whether Mayor Brandon Johnson’s administration made hiring decisions based on race.

  At issue are comments the mayor made Sunday at the Apostolic Church of God in Woodlawn. Addressing the Black church, Johnson listed Black officials serving in is administration.

  [...] The comments set off a social media firestorm, catching the attention of conservative commentators and media, prompting justice officials to open an investigation into whether the Johnson administration may have violated Title 7 of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Quite frankly, a moron with a 6% approval rating isn't even carrying his own community at this point. They saw how he embraced the illegal alien invaders to the detriment of their neighborhoods, services and opportunities. And they didn't like it.

Some Changes

That list we posted a week or so ago....positions are being filled:

• Lt Tom Hanrahan to Cmdr 016
  
  Captain Beifeldt to Cmdr 018
  
  Lt R Rivera to Cmdr 014

Got to get fully staffed before the summer fun!

What is Conehead Smoking?

There's tone deafness....and then there's Conehead Tone Deafness:

• As Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson marks two years in office this week, he talked about his swings, his misses, and why he thinks his poll numbers will likely rebound.

  Currently, Mayor Johnson has strong crime numbers to boast about — a 24% drop in homicides since taking office. But his poll numbers are currently terrible, and some of his handpicked leaders in the City Council even say he is trending toward becoming a one-term mayor.

  Mayor Johnson is a big basketball fan, and his term is now at the equivalent of halftime of a game. He was asked if he is leading or trailing?

  "I think the people of Chicago are certainly winning," the mayor said. "You cannot argue about safety in this city as we drive violence down. You can't argue that we're not building affordable homes, because we're doing that."

Um....cities aren't supposed to build affordable housing. They can remove regulatory burdens, but government can't and never has built anything truly affordable, because it all ends up being funded by taxpayers AND no one ever gets held accountable for missed deadlines, shoddy construction and cost overruns.

That's why Chicago is broke, along with Cook County, Illinois and pretty much the entire country being $37 trillion in debt. 

And crime numbers fluctuate. Chicago was on the verge of truly lowering crime back in 2019/2020 until the plandemic blew everything up and numbers skyrocketed. We are merely returning to the trend line established in the 20-teens.

The Tribune has an amusing editorial up that a bunch of people are quoting (sorry about the paywall):

• We’re halfway through Mayor Brandon Johnson’s term, and the city the mayor described in a series of recent interviews to mark the milestone hardly resembles what we see.

  We agree with the mayor that Chicago is a great American city, made so by the people who live, work, play and love here.

  But in many other respects — a transit system that continues to perform unacceptably, public schools that cost too much and do a poor job of teaching our children, violent crime levels well above peer American cities and a local economy needlessly deprived of the dynamism that produced our uniquely beautiful skyline — Chicago is ailing.

  For all the unfair shots ideologically motivated critics take at the city, Chicagoans who’ve grown up here and made adult lives here know something has gone wrong these last two years. They’ve seen what this city looks and feels like when things are going well. And, judging from Johnson’s rock-bottom public-approval numbers, many of them have concluded he’s a big part of the current problem.

And once the Bears leave town, that's going to be yet another check mark against any kind of positive legacy this moron is attempting to make.

Psychos Still Exist

Just be aware that these walk among us:

• A 25-year-old self-described “pro-mortalist” has been identified as the attacker who detonated a car bomb outside a fertility clinic in Palm Springs Saturday — killing himself and injuring four other people, according to sources.

  [...] Bartkus allegedly described his fanatical pro-death beliefs in written and recorded manifestos as being against bringing people into the world without their consent to spare them from future suffering, KCAL news reported.
  

Basically, he claims that since he didn't "consent to exist" then he was entitled to off himself (no issue here) but also he could blow up a fertility clinic that was also full of embryos that didn't give their consent either. 

His best friend convinced her roommate to kill her a couple weeks ago while she slept because she didn't consent to exist either. The roommate is currently facing charges.

Remember, just because it sounds completely batshit crazy, doesn't mean that someone somewhere doesn't believe it with all their being and won't hesitate to act on those beliefs.

Pope Chalkie?

This one made us laugh:

If there's a dime to be made, someone will find a way, and in this case, it supports the HeyJackass.com website. Hop over and check out the merchandise. 

(SCC is not associated with any sales made over there. This is our ONLY web presence. Nothing else on social media is us and never has been. The only thing we ever wanted credit for was inventing Chalkie.)

Wild Video

North side:

• “I don’t give a f*** who you is,” the masked man says as he records himself, throwing up a questionable hand gesture, and flashing a loaded pistol while riding around Riis Park, 6100 West Fullerton, on Wednesday evening.

  “This 20 got a switch on it,” he boasts, telling whoever might be watching that the Glock 20 he’s showing off is outfitted with an illegal after-market switch that allows it to generate automatic gunfire, like a machine gun.

  Suddenly, the video changes, cutting to a much different scene: Chicago cops piled atop the loud-mouthed gunman on the Riis Park football field. The scooter he had been riding lay on its side.

The gun was equipped with a "switch," and extended magazine was recovered, and the scooter turned out to be stolen. 

And then, a miracle as a Cook County judge actually ordered him to be held without bail....which will almost certainly be revised in a week or two.

CWB has videos and the full story.

Careening Toward the Cliff

The psychos at the CTU won reelection:

• Members of the Chicago Teachers Union reelected Stacy Davis Gates and her team Friday, continuing the 15-year-run of the leadership group credited with installing the city’s current mayor and for support of beyond-the-classroom social justice issues.

Never mind that kids can't read or do math or be equipped with the most basic skills to survive in an increasingly automated and technical society. 

The CTU wants to insert itself "beyond-the classroom" because they've failed at the most basic tenet of their jobs.

And more than any other union, they're the ones driving everyone into the ditch, over the cliff, ramming the iceberg.

Dart Looking for Headlines

And getting some:

• The Cook County Sheriff’s Police are expanding their patrol footprint by establishing a new satellite office in the South Loop. Ald. Bill Conway (34th) announced the development in his constituent newsletter this week.

  “This area has struggled with public safety challenges for decades and has long needed additional law enforcement presence,” Conway said. “My office has been working closely with the Sheriff’s Office and the Chicago Police Department’s 1st District to strengthen their response in the area.”

So....they'll be handling radio calls? No.

Perhaps writing some reports? Nope.

Traffic accidents? Domestics? Dope arrests? Anything to alleviate backlogs? Not likely.

• The sheriff’s spokesperson said officers assigned to the South Loop will “provide increased law enforcement presence in the area, build critical relationships with local residents and the business community, and support our partners in the Chicago Police Department.”

So pretty much just reminding people that they exist and are part of the reason taxes are tops in the nation in northeastern Illinois.

Bears Announcement Imminent?

It's here:

• The Bears on Friday alienated their biggest cheerleader in Springfield — and left their Chicago partner almost resigned to their departure — by signaling that the team may be giving up on Chicago in favor of building a domed stadium in Arlington Heights.

  A statement released by the Bears on Friday simply confirmed the obvious: that the team has made “significant progress” with the new political leadership in Arlington Heights and it looks forward to continuing to “work with state and local leaders on making a transformative economic development project for the region a reality.”

  But the Bears’ failure to even mention the possibility of remaining in Chicago — coupled with what they told Mayor Brandon Johnson — moved the ball closer to the site of the old Arlington International Racecourse that the team spent $197.2 million to purchase.

  “The Mayor spoke with executive leadership from the Chicago Bears, who indicated they intend to prioritize the development site located in the Village of Arlington Heights,” the mayor’s office said in a statement.

  But Johnson’s statement was quick to note that, “The door remains open in the city of Chicago.”

We got a picture of the door Conehead is talking about:

 

And speaking of doors, is anyone familiar with when the NFL usually announces the location of future Superbowl events? It's actually around the third week of May, which is just about here. 

The following locations have already been chosen (we'll spare everyone the Roman numerals):

• 2026 - Superbowl 60 @ Santa Clara, CA
• 2027 - Superbowl 61 @ Inglewood, CA
• 2028 - Superbowl 62 @ Atlanta, GA
  

Speculation for 2029 is Las Vegas and 2030 in Texas, though these are not written in stone.

It usually takes around two years for a stadium to be built and fully equipped. It also costs around $2 billion. The newest NFL stadium in Inglewood, CA opened in 2020 and hosted the Superbowl in 2022 and a second one upcoming. 

That means if the Bears announced a stadium deal this summer and broke ground immediately, there could be games in Arlington Heights by 2028 and a Superbowl shortly thereafter.

CPS Wilding Warning

Sorry, did we say "wilding"? We meant "teen takeover."

There was a letter sent out to all CPS families and a couple people forwarded it here:

• We are reaching out today because we have been notified of several potential teen-related trends that may materialize at our beaches this evening. The Chicago Police Department is continuing to ask for your partnership in encouraging our youth to be safe and responsible throughout the summer. As we have seen from past large gatherings involving teens and young adults, there is a risk of things becoming unruly, and in some instances, violent.
  
  We ask that you and your children please review these important reminders about Chicago’s beaches:

• Chicago’s beaches do not officially open until Friday, May 23
• No lifeguards are currently assigned to our city’s beaches.
• Alcohol is prohibited on all Chicago beaches.
• All beach visitors are subject to search.
• Citywide curfew laws apply on the beach just as they do throughout Chicago.


CPD’s goal is to ensure public safety while maintaining peace. Therefore, in instances of large gatherings, we will use de-escalation and dispersal techniques to encourage our young people to comply with the law. This will be particularly important in situations where young people are walking in roadways and/or obstructing the public way. Individuals who fail to voluntarily comply with lawful police orders may be subject to arrest.

Assuming all the parents got this letter (it came out after 1700 hours on Thursday) and they all read it and then they read it to their kids, we can safely assume that this weekend downtown will be all glitter and rainbows and maybe we'll all see a unicorn.

Drones

This report from the burbs:

• Drones are fast becoming the must-have tool in policing. Now, the next generation is rising up in the Chicago area with drones that answer 911 calls on their own and an experimental drone system designed to stop would-be mass shooters, [...].

  In suburban Oak Brook, the police department currently uses drones that are deployed and directed by humans. Oak Brook Police Chief Brian Strockis said the drones have been very effective especially when they are looking for crime suspects

But now they want to try something different:

• In north suburban Libertyville, several former Navy Seals and a business entrepreneur are working on the next aerial technological evolution. It's an indoor drone designed to detect and potentially stop a mass shooting on its own, before police arrive on the scene.

  [...] Equipping drones with firearms is illegal in the United States, so the system is designed to track the threat and then neutralize the weapon instead of the shooter, making it safer for bystanders.

  [...] The inventors do not want to reveal the trade secrets but explained that the drone can also lock in on a weapon and then strike the side of it, dispensing an adhesive substance that essentially jams the firearm's inner-workings. "It disrupts the bulk carrier group of AR style rifles, semi-automatic pistols, pump action, semi-automatic shotguns and those are 95% of the weapons utilized in an active shooter situation," Ross said.

Anyone know what a "bulk carrier group" is? Anyone want to tell the press that they're idiots again?

And does anyone want to tell them that former supernintendo David Brown did something similar to this in Texas where they rigged a robot to explode, killing a gunman who had murdered five police officers? And that the Ukraine has been using "suicide drones" for a couple years now? 

This isn't exactly a new idea. The only thing new is making it mostly useless.

Nice Ballpark Conehead

At least when people get shot in Wrigleyville, it's outside the stadium instead of inside:

• Chicago police have a suspect detained and a firearm recovered after a bystander was shot, possibly during a shootout between two gunmen, outside Wrigley Field on Thursday evening. A source told CWBChicago that Cubs security cameras, described as “world-class,” recorded the shooting.

  Witnesses told police that two groups of people in their teens or early 20s had a confrontation on the corner of Waveland and Sheffield around 6:56 p.m. According to preliminary information from witnesses, the altercation culminated with two males shooting at each other.

So one of those "wrong place, wrong time" incidents.

Here's some interesting info from the CWB people:

• Wrigley Field has some of the highest-quality security systems in the entire city, according to a Chicago police source familiar with the ballpark’s operations. CPD frequently works with the Cubs to secure video for incidents in the neighborhood that don’t involve the ball club or Wrigley Field because the team’s video network is so extensive and of superior quality to anything the city may have.

So is MLB funding these cameras? And if so, why aren't there any at Sox Park? It would finally put to rest the question about how the gun got in, got fired, wounded two people, and wasn't actually a mile away.

Disengagment Time

The settlement well has run dry:

• The city of Chicago has already gone through the $82 million that Mayor Brandon Johnson set aside for settlements and judgments in 2025. Now the fund could soon be $62.4 million in the hole.

  That’s how much six new settlements on the agenda for Monday’s meeting of the City Council’s Finance Committee would end up costing taxpayers.

  That’s not counting a $15.5 million settlement to private investors who leased Chicago parking meters.

Now, if the City and the Corporation DEI Counsel  had elected to fight some of the previous cases that were obviously money-grabs, there might be tens of millions available. But the lawsuit grift and ensuing donations to politicians was just too good to an opportunity to pass up.

Thanks Groot!!!

It's a toss-up of who was a more useless mayor - Conehead or Groot. 

In Conehead's temporary favor, he's only been there two years. groot had four years to royally f#$% up Chicago....and she's still costing the taxpayers money:

• Taxpayers will spend $15.5 million to compensate the investment team that paid $1.16 billion to lease Chicago parking meters, thanks to a risky pandemic-era scheme authorized by former Mayor Lori Lightfoot.

  As bitter a pill as that is to swallow for Chicagoans who despise the 75-year parking meter deal, it could have been a whole lot worse.

  Private investors from as far away as Abu Dhabi, who long ago recouped their investment and raked in $150.9 million more in 2023 alone, started out by seeking $322 million. An arbitrator recommended $120.7 million.

  The fact that Mayor Brandon Johnson’s administration managed to persuade Chicago Parking Meters LLC to accept $15.5 million, or just 12.8% of its original demand was a victory, albeit a pyrrhic one.

That's the trouble with Contracts - they're usually drawn up by highly educated lawyers. And when the money numbers top one billion dollars, the Contracts are drafted by super-highly educated lawyers and then run by a committee of people who actually spend time writing Contract Law and teaching it to other lawyers.

So when you get a mayor who was thinks she's smarter than those lawyers (all while claiming to have a giant penis) and decides to violate the terms of a pretty much air-tight financial Contract, the above result is that taxpayers, once again, get screwed over.

The fact that they settled for $15.5 million instead of the recommended $120.7 million can only be described as a "mercy f#@$"

No, a Hundred Times, No

F#$% this guy:

• Former Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel openly flirted with a 2028 presidential candidacy Wednesday, telling a nationally televised talk show audience that he is “in training” for a White House bid.

  Emanuel’s remarks on ABC’s “The View” stopped short of an actual announcement that he intends to run for what constitutionally should be an open seat, given that President Donald Trump will have served two terms.

  But Emanuel did appear to move closer to that possibility by teasing at what he may have meant when he told the Economic Club of Chicago in March that he was “not done with public service.”

How about you try your nine-fingers at garbage collection instead? you'd actually provide a service instead of another grift. After what he did during the Clinton, Sparklefart and Drooling vegetable administrations, you'd think someone would learn what a toxic turd he is.

He's a hatchet-man. Always has been, always will be.

Where Were the School Officers?

Oh wait....they voted to get rid of them all:

• Chicago police are stepping up their presence at Mather High School after a student was shot during dismissal on Tuesday. The shooting appears to be linked to ongoing tensions between groups of students on the West Ridge campus.

  Video secured by Chicago Critter shows the altercation unfolding on the basketball courts at Mather Park, directly behind the school, around 3:15 p.m. CWB reported yesterday that 911 callers reported seeing a crowd of young people, some wearing masks, causing a disturbance on the courts.

  In the footage, about a half-dozen young people, some wearing masks, run toward a white car on the edge of the park. Four gunshots are heard once they reach the vehicle, and the group quickly runs back across the courts.

Of course, it's probably better the police weren't around because they might have been tempted to interfere with something and end up shooting one of these altar boys, and then who knows what would have happened.

UPDATE: 020 seems to be one of those Districts that, although CPS got rid of all police in schools and there are no School Resource Officers any more, the District manages to keep a "School Sergeant" on the sheets, Monday thru Friday, without any specific responsibilities.

In these manpower shortage and "Consent Decree" times, can Larritorious actually afford for Districts to be under-supervised while coddling a useless and outdated position? Isn't that what CAPS is for?

Info for Retirees

They're changing some aspects of the LEOSA act:

• The Law Enforcement Officers Safety Act (LEOSA), also known as HR 218, has long been a powerful tool for enhancing officer safety across the United States. Now, a new piece of legislation—the LEOSA Reform Act of 2025—aims to dramatically expand and clarify these protections. If you’re an active or retired law enforcement officer, this bill could significantly affect your rights to carry a concealed firearm, no matter where you live or travel.

  Whether you're on-duty, off-duty, or retired, understanding the potential impact of this legislation is crucial—not just for your legal protection, but for your personal safety and the safety of your community.

The changes are extensive and significant. Hop over to the link and read about it.

Officers Injured

Not their fault...but:

• Chicago police officers and two young children were among those injured in a car crash Wednesday evening on the city's South Side, sources told ABC7.

  The crash happened around 6:376 p.m. in the 5900 block of South Racine Avenue in Englewood, Chicago Police Department officials said.

  A vehicle driven by a 32-year-old woman was traveling in a turn lane on 59th Street when it struck a CPD squad car, with emergency lights on, that was traveling on Racine, police said.

It'll be determined to be "preventable." Guaranteed. 

Speedy recovery wished to all involved.

The Outfit Back in Business

No doubt palms have been greased:

• Weeks after the construction of the Bally’s Chicago casino was halted amid questions about the use of a reputed mob-connected garbage company, the Illinois Gaming Board is allowing work to resume.

  But the state government agency, which answers to Gov. JB Pritzker, was mum on details.

  The agency released a statement Wednesday saying:

  “Today the Illinois Gaming Board (IGB) lifted its May 1, 2025, Stop Work Order on construction of the permanent Bally’s Chicago Casino project. The IGB issued the Stop Work Order in connection with undisclosed vendors performing work on the project.”

It certainly sounds like the same waste disposal company will continue working on the casino site. Whatever "fines" or "penalties" assessed will be recouped at a later date in "unexpected" cost overruns.

Imaginary Money

CPS, following the lead of government agencies everywhere, is proposing an expanded budget that doesn't match up with revenue streams:

• Outgoing Chicago Public Schools CEO Pedro Martinez and his team are moving forward with a precarious budget for next school year that is based on $600 million that is not lined up — a move that could result in thousands of teacher and support staff layoffs this summer or even mid-year.

  The principals’ union and the mayor’s office blasted Martinez, saying that he is putting politics above the needs of students. Principals are expecting to get their school-level budgets on Thursday, but the Chicago Principals & Administrators Association called those budgets “false” and “magical.” School Board President Sean Harden also criticized Martinez last week for presenting the board with “unsatisfactory and incomplete” budget options. Harden called for Martinez, who has been terminated with an end date of June 19, to step aside immediately.

  The school-level budgets assume a best-case scenario in which the city gives CPS $300 million in surplus from special taxing districts called TIFs, and either the state or the city come up with an additional $300 million. Both the city and state are cash-strapped and are not planning any big boost in revenue for CPS. Last year, the city gave CPS a record $298 million in TIF surplus funds, but it was based on the premise that the school district would cover a $175 million municipal pension payment. Martinez rebuked the mayor’s demand that CPS pay it.

The well is dry morons. Stop spending money that doesn't exist. Chicago is broke, Illinois is broke, taxpayers are tapped out and leaving in droves. Start cutting spending instead and closing underutilized facilities.

More Police = Less Crime?

Who knew it was this simple?

• In the City of Chicago, good news regarding the capabilities, performance, or achievements of the Chicago Police Department (CPD) does not sell well. A city in which lawmakers and media are in thrall to the mercurial passions of progressive activists, CPD’s accomplishments are routinely ignored, dismissed as negligible, or otherwise undervalued to encourage the acceptance of alternatives to policing.

  On Sunday, March 9, as hundreds of teenagers gathered in Streeterville, an argument near the AMC River East movie theater resulted in gunfire and a tourist shot. Weeks later, on March 28, Streeterville residents were again forced to endure another chaotic weekend of teens creating a commotion. On the Saturday evening, as teens again ran amok through the neighborhood, gunfire was heard near 400 North Cityfront Plaza Drive. When Chicago Police arrived, they discovered a 15-year-old with a graze wound to his leg.

  With Streeterville propelled into successive maelstroms of teen takeovers in which two were injured by gunfire, City Council members summoned up the need to lower a city curfew in the area from 10 p.m. to 8 p.m. As lawmakers debated the value of altering the curfew, Streeterville residents braced for yet another weekend of unruly teens turning their neighborhood into an outdoor insane asylum.

But when it was all said and done, it wasn't pleas from politicians or vague threats of curfews or even the "interrupters" who never seem to be around when violence is breaking out. It was 200 additional cops flooding the zone and making sure shit didn't get stupid.

Unfortunately, CPD has strayed so far from being able to do that on a consistent basis without cancelling days off, restricting time due and generally f#$%ing up everyone's weekends. At the most basic, we used to have the old Area Task Forces, SOS, Gang Enforcement and TRU, entire units that could be assembled and deployed in short order. 

Of course, back then we also had a pile of federal money, three Tact teams and two Gang teams per District and a full roster of cars - we worked the times of a dozen Rapids and two Wagons on weeknights. Today's Officers will never know those manpower numbers. 

In any event, check out The Contrarian article linked up top. Besides adequate manpower, you know what else works? Accountability for criminal actions (i.e. jail and/or prison.)

Openings

From the comment section:

• Hey SCC, Might be time for a promotion vacancy post? Here are the vacant spots for bosses:
  
  Chief IAD
  DC Area 3 Patrol
  DC Area 3 Detectives
  Commander Academy
  Commander 014
  Commander 016
  Commander Special Functions/SWAT
  Commander CPIC
  Captain 014
  Captain 017
  Captain 022
  Captain 024

So does nobody want the promotions? Is Conehead saving money by not filling spots? Or no one wants to work for this slow motion train wreck?

Steal This Idea Fata$$

This Newscum guy is definitely running for president:

• Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA) on Monday called on hundreds of cities and counties to ban homeless encampments on sidewalks, bike paths, and other public property, increasing pressure on local governments to follow the state‘s lead.

  His office released a model for a local ordinance that municipalities can adopt to make encampments illegal and clear existing ones.

  The template would prohibit camping for more than three days, creating a semipermanent shelter, or camping in a way that blocks sidewalks. It is a very different approach from the traditional liberal one, which has been to emphasize government housing and treatment but not criminalize homelessness.

We're sure you've all seen the dystopian hell hole that California has become, not to mention New York. Chicago is keeping pace thanks to lib-tarded policies and lack of any meaningful enforcement of ordinances.

Last year, California spent $24 billion on homelessness, most of which can't be accounted for. Not only that, but total California homelessness nearly doubled in the past ten years, so if they just tax everyone more, it'll be fixed in the next hundred years or so.

Rap World Mourns....Again

These two traveled twenty-eight-and-one-half-miles to meet their demise:

• The men murdered as they left a late-night bar and restaurant in Edgewater early Saturday were a purported leader of a notorious street gang and a fellow rapper, records show.

  Rachaun “Munna Duke” Vance, 31, and Derrell “YoungginFromDaJetz” Givens, 28, were killed in a targeted hit when at least two gunmen opened fire on them as they left Porkchop, 6331 North Broadway, around 1:20 a.m Saturday, officials said. A 36-year-old man was also shot, but survived.

Must not be any good eating in the hood?

And we'll guess that the only person that will pay any price for this is....the restaurant?

• The city has forced an Edgewater restaurant with a late-night liquor license to close following a weekend shooting that left two men dead and a third man injured outside the venue.

  Porkchop, 6341 North Broadway, and Meet & Whiskey, a business with the same address, were issued a summary closure on Sunday, Ald. Leni Manaa-Hoppenworth (48th) said.

The restaurant had been closed once before by the Department of Health for violations, but we don't see how the owners could have foreseen two gangster rappers would choose their hole-in-the-wall eatery to get killed while leaving. And in this still recovering economy, why not put another six or eight people out of work?

CWB also reports one of the dead had just had a Class X Armed Habitual charge dropped which almost assuredly led to rivals exacting some street justice. 

If only the system hadn't failed them....

Indiana Shooting Updates

First and most importantly - he be dead.

There's also video surfacing - nothing graphic - but CWB and SubXNews have it up on their sites. the dead $hithead had two guns. 

Still looks like a good shoot.

Recruit Cleared

And a CR filed by the FOP against IAD:

• Charges were abruptly dropped Monday against a Chicago police recruit who was arrested last month when he was allegedly found with crack cocaine during a simulated search at the police academy.

  The court record offers no indication why the felony drug charge was tossed out during his first hearing. But the recruit’s lawyer, Tim Grace, said the case was dropped after testing proved the alleged contraband wasn’t actually narcotics.

  On April 21, the 24-year-old recruit was acting as a crime suspect being searched for drugs when he was found with four baggies with green dollar signs that contained “suspect crack cocaine,” according to police reports. The recruit had been given phony heroin in a bag with blue stars.

  Asked what was in the four baggies found in his cargo pants, the recruit said, “That’s nothing, that’s just garbage.”

And it was. And apparently, IAD knew is was garbage, but recommended charges anyway?

• John Catanzara, president of the Chicago Fraternal Order of Police, said he has filed a disciplinary complaint against a Bureau of Internal Affairs investigator who he said was involved in that probe.

  “He has absolutely made it a crusade to criminally charge our officers before investigations are even complete,” Catanzara said in a video posted to YouTube. “Even when presented with clear, innocent-proving facts and documentation, he still has decided to go ahead and criminally charge our officers. He needs to be stopped.”

So what have we learned?

• IAD will do anything to boost their numbers, including half-assed investigations
• buy your own f#$%ing pants

Here endeth the lesson.

Mt Greenwood Big Foot?

Humorous post from the southside (click for larger version):

Sounds like some bored adults.